Straight Line of the Day: Priorities! The Next Thing Congress Should Vote On…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Priorities! The next thing congress should vote on

30 Comments

  1. The following resolution:

    We, the People’s Front of the Media, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, the middle class, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.

    Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the British imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viniculture and any other Brits contributing to the welfare of Americans of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed, on behalf of the P. F. M. , etc. . . And we’d just like to add, on a personal note, our own admiration for what you’re doing for us, middle class, on what must be, after all, for you a very difficult time.

    • That was John McKay, in his role as the first coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who lost all fourteen games in 1976 (that’s how long the season was back then), and then the first twelve in 1977. John McKay was a great college head coach at USC, an okay NFL head coach, and a man who knew when he shouldn’t take himself too seriously. While at USC, he coached O.J. Simpson, back in the days when O.J. carried a football instead of killing people. A sportswriter asked John why he had O.J. carry the ball so often. His response was, “Well, it isn’t very heavy and he doesn’t belong to a union.” I miss John McKay.

  2. Priorities! The next thing congress should vote on…

    a safe space for all liberals, to be in an undisclosed location for safety purposes and preferably somewhere in the South Atlantic.

  3. Whether to force life insurance companies to sell policies that cover people who have already died, and car insurance companies to sell policies that cover cars that have already been in an accident. (And not be expected to raise rates, of course.)

  4. Priorities! The next thing congress should vote on…

    The Muslim Refugees’ Housing in Tent Cities on the Lawns of Federal Judges Who Refuse To Do Their Duty By Supporting The Ban Act of 2017.

    The Congressional Minimum IQ Act, which should suffice for term limits for Jackson-Lee, Waters, Pelosi, Schumer, McCain, etc.

    Pay raises for themselves, of course.

  5. Priorities! The next thing congress should vote on…

    a bill entitled “Spend a Summer with ISIS” giving all SJW’s an all expenses paid internship with the Islamic group of our choosing. Just so they can compare how poorly they are treated in the USA.

  6. …the one bathroom two votes bill.

    …free bag coverage for Kathy Griffen.

    …making their blank checks out of paper recycled from the blank checks of the previous session.

  7. creating a special study commission to craft a proposal to create a federal agency to advise congress regarding feelings, notions, considerations and musings on “who we are”.

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