Tuesday Night Open Thread

Huh. I didn’t do an Open Thread post last night. Oops!

Sometimes things happen and interfere with other things.

Next thing you know, Harvey will end up being delayed and not making it back until Friday.

Oh, and Harvey won’t make it back until Friday.

Right now, though, it’s Tuesday Night Open Thread. And, since you’ve been saving up since Sunday Night’s Open Thread, you should be getting a major release right now.

I’m debating on rewriting that last sentence. But, as you can tell, I decided to ignore it and just go on.

So, jokes, words of wisdom, getting something off your mind, whatever you want, now is the time and this is the place.

Who wants to start?

Promoted Comment of the Day: Founding Fathers and Twitter

The other day, IMAO reader commenter CLIFF suggested a straight line. But, I’m not all that good at the Straight Lines. Harvey is. Keln is. But Harvey’s busy and Keln’s busy. Or slacking off. So, you got me. Sorry.

Anyway, I liked the suggestion, which was actually presented as a question. I like the question as is. So, here it is:

How would the Founding Fathers have used Twitter?

So, what do you think?

15 Fun Facts About Independence Day

caption here

Independence Day is a holiday where patriots celebrate the founding of a free nation and should not be confused with any insipid, 2-hour long Jeff Goldblum commercials for Apple computers.

(Reposted from 2012)

1) The first Independence Day in America was celebrated on July 4th, 1776, the day the Continental Congress approved the document that declared our independence from Great Britain. The war that followed lasted until 1783, so basically less messy than most divorces.

2) The major objection to being ruled by Britain was pithily summed up as “taxation without representation”. Minor objections included “Brit hookers aren’t lookers” and “your tea tastes like pee”.

3) Thomas Jefferson presented the first draft of the Declaration of Independence to Congress on June 28th, 1776, but it wasn’t passed, so no one ever found out what was in it.

4) Betsy Ross actually sewed the first American flag two months before Independence Day, a case of premature embroideration.

5) The first public Independence Day event at the White House occurred in 1804 during the Jefferson administration and was attended mainly by hippies accusing the President of waging war to steal oil from the Barbary pirates.

6) Before cars ruled the roadway, Independence Day was traditionally the most miserable day of the year for horses, tormented by kids who threw firecrackers at them. Think of it as a primitive version of “Angry Birds”.

7) Lewis and Clark celebrated the first Independence Day west of the Mississippi at Independence Creek near Atchison, Kansas. The main festivity consisted of throwing firecrackers at cyclones, resulting in the death of over 100 Munchkins and the Good Witch of the South.

8) Both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on Independence Day, 1826. Jefferson, however, managed to outlive Adams by a few minutes, thus fulfilling the tontine and securing for himself the front of both the nickel and the two dollar bill.

9) The names of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were withheld from the public for more than six months to protect the signers from being prosecuted for treason. Not sure what Jane Fonda did to dodge that bullet.

10) In 1941, Congress declared Independence Day a federal legal holiday. It is one of the few federal holidays that has not been moved to the nearest Friday or Monday, due mostly to the fact that bills proposing the move are always introduced too close to the Memorial Day weekend to get acted upon.

11) Over 100 other nations besides America celebrate their own Independence Day. All of whom, ironically, are completely dependent on America to protect them militarily.

12) A large percentage of Americans also celebrate Dependence Day. Usually around the 1st of the month when the check from Uncle Sam hits the ol’ mailbox.

13) The traditional form of celebration on Independence Day is setting off illegal fireworks. If some killjoy cop tries to bust you for it, play “Angry Birds” with him.

14) Also traditional, yet less popular in modern times – writing long, bilious letters to monarchs That include random Capitalization and ftarting “s” words with the letter “f”.

15) To be safe on Independence Day, never carry fireworks in your pocket or shoot them off in metal or glass containers. To have fun on Independence Day, always light your fireworks with a burning sheet of safety tips.


Have a happy Independence Day, and remember – an Independence Day parade ain’t an Independence Day parade unless it includes at least one tarred and feathered Redcoat.

Independence Day (2017)

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

  • He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
  • He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
  • He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
  • He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
  • He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
  • He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
  • He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
  • He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
  • He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
  • He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
  • He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
  • He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
  • He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
    • For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
    • For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
    • For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
    • For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
    • For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
    • For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
    • For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
    • For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
    • For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
  • He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
  • He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
  • He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
  • He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
  • He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.