[Submitted by Slapout (High Praise!)]
1) How many New Car dealerships are there in Cuba?
2) What’s the best video game console to be developed in a socialist country?
3) If walls are immoral and socialism is just, why did the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics build the Berlin Wall?
4) The “Green New Deal” wants to eliminate cows. How are you going to get countries like India, where cows are sacred, to agree to this?
5) Where’s the best all-you-can-eat buffet in Venezuela?
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Pure Indoctrination (to the tune of “Pure Imagination” by Gene Wilder)
Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of
Pure indoctrination
Take a look
And you’ll see
How Barack would like our nation
We’ll begin
With all spin
Traveling in
The world of lie-creation
What we’ll see
Will defy
Explanation
If you want to throw a pair of dice
Simply look at how Dems blew it
And the thing is, you can’t undo it
Want to Detroit the world?
There’s nothing
To it
There are no
Lies I know
To compare with
Pure infatuation
College, care,
Will be free
If you truly wish them to be
If you want to screw paradise
Simply book on The View some git
Who says
Anything you want to, do it
Want to charge the rich?
There’s nothing
To it
There is no
Life I know
Or liberty, in
Purging MAGA Nation
Living there
In B.C.
If you truly
Wish to be
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Tapped at by My Fingers (to the tune of “Wrapped Around Your Finger” by The Police)
You would kick me off of “The Apprentice”
A phenom non compos mentis
I’d be ostracized by youth with extreme vigor
If not staring at The View to learn my trigger
I have not come here seeking knowledge
This is what they taught me most in college.
I can see democracy is sold
Turned over to a tiny band so old
I’ll be rapt, around your fingers,
I’ll give crap to bitter clingers
Ol’ Methuselah is not your name
I know that you’re up there just the same
I will lust the most for free tuition
Won’t hear of the costs to its provisions.
I’ll be hip, just like a singer
Democrats sound like Jerry Springer
Revel in the deep blue states behind me
Banish from the air the right, so fine me
I will take my turn, defame those bastards
Idiots, not savants, are our masters
You’ll be tapped at by my fingers
You’ll be tapped at by my fingers
You’ll be tapped at by my fingers
YOLO…
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Homebound (to the tune of “Homeward Bound” by Simon and Garfunkel)
I’m sittin in my parents’ basement
No particular destination
Mmm-mm-mm
Games and porn on my night-stand
Cheetoes and guitar in hand
And PhotoShop is on demand
For a know-it-all and one-man band
Home-bound
I wish I was
Underground
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Incel-ently, like me
Every day’s an endless stream
Of sybarites and YouTube queens
Mmm-mm-mm
And each blog looks the same to me
The movies and their backstories
And every stranger’s post I see
Reminds me that I’m twenty-three
Home-bound
I wish I was in
Homer’s town
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Xi-centric, rent-free
Tonight I’ll ping my songs again
I’ll play the games and pretend
But the outer world comes back to me
In shades of mediocrity
And emptiness, and finally
I need someone to come feed me
Home-bound
I wish I was
Fun to be around
Home, where my ‘rents are paying
Home, where my music’s playing
Home, where my love-life’s failing
Mentally — like me.
[High Praise! to Oppo]
The Slightest Crime (to the tune of “The Longest Time” by Billy Joel)
Whoa, oh, oh
For the longest time
If you said goodbye to us tonight
There would still be someone to indict
What else could we do?
We all conspired to prove
That something happened — for the longest time
Once presumption of innocence is gone
How the show and entrapments can go on
That’s why you find us
Trying to put our harms behind us
(But Biden’s been there for the longest time)
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
For the wronged, it’s time
Whoa, oh, oh
For the jaundiced —
We’re that voice you’re hearing on your phone
And the only principle we’ve shown
Is how we hate you
And how you baited us to
That hasn’t happened for the slightest crime
Maybe this won’t last very long
But it felt so right
Spies can’t be be wrong
Maybe we’ve been hoping too hard
But we’ve gone this far
And it’s more than we hoped for
Who knows how much further we’ll go on?
Maybe we’ll be sorry when you’re gone . . .
Nah, we’ll take our chances
We all get our book advances
Life hasn’t been fair for the longest time
We had second thoughts once before
We said to ourselves
Go on, two years more
Now we know the fighter that you are
Like Underdog so far
And Joe got what he’s groped for.
We don’t care what consequence it brings
We have Fall Guy Mueller for such things
We wanted so bad
We think you ought to know that
We intend to hound you for the longest time
Whoa, oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Whoa, oh, oh
For the longest time
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Jailhouse Vote (to the tune of “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley)
Democratic party at the county jail
Prison ban was lifted ’cause of Bernie’s wail
That shark needed jumpin’: “Killers shouldn’t swing —
We need to have their votes on everything!”
Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody who passed phony notes
Should pass laws with the jailhouse vote
Lizzie Warren said they’re solid citizens
Crazy Joe said they just need Ritalin
The former guy from Illinois just talked for hours:
“We’ve met the inmate and he is ours!”
Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody should be in the same boat
Beholden to the jailhouse vote
Number Forty-Five said to Forty-Four
“You’d make the cutest jailbird; and you can have the floor.
They sure would be delighted with your company
And those inside could even vote for me!”
Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody “Busting-Rock the Vote”
Ted Danson, something to promote.
Hill-a-Sack sittin’ next to Roger Stone
Biden in the corner veepin’ all alone
Warren said, “Hey, buddy, don’t you be no square
For a debate partner, use a wooden chair.”
Let’s vote
Everybody, let’s vote
Everybody’s needs a good scapegoat
Let’s scrape the bottom of the vote
Shiff said of illegal bugs “For heaven’s sake
No one was lookin’, it was make or break.”
But the buggers turned on Shiff just like Nixon
“I want a vote inside so I can get a fix in.”
Let’s vote
Let’s let everybody vote
Everybody: don’t just steal a coat
Steal elections with a jailhouse vote
I sent the following to my nephew, the auto mechanic:
Saw an article that said idling your car to warm up your engine gently is a superstition left over from the days of carburetors. Says it’s actually less wear on your engine to just get in your car and go when it’s cold.
Your opinion?
And he gave his opinion. I’m posting it here, with his permission, to settle – or possibly start – a lot of bickering on the internet over this issue:
I mostly agree with the article. The only time I let my cars warm up now is if they are actually carbureted or if I just don’t want to deal with the cold interior.
My opinion:
For fuel injected vehicles, the extra idle time ends up being more hours of run time. All industrial engines use hours of operation to determine service intervals. Cars aren’t that much different. The biggest difference is that a car engine has to perform well over a very wide RPM range while an industrial engine only has to perform well in a very narrow RPM range. Either way, time running & all the parts rubbing up against each other is what causes long term wear. The computer easily handles tailoring the fuel mixture for actual engine temperature & incoming air temperature so excess gasoline isn’t a problem. This is why high mileage cars generally don’t scare me… You can get a vehicle that was driven by grandma exclusively around town or one that was used by a long distance commuter. The hours of operation on the 2 engines are probably very similar but with potentially a 3:1 or 4:1 difference in miles. The long distance commuter’s car actually has an advantage here because it probably has fewer starts and the transmission has shifted fewer times. Just like the clutch on a manual transmission, every time the car shifts gears the friction plates in an automatic transmission wear a little. Also, starting the car is about the worst case scenario for an engine… There is no pressurized oil keeping the moving parts from making actual contact while the starter is cranking.
For carbureted vehicles, warming up is a more a matter of safety for me. Because it is a purely mechanical system, there is no way effectively tailor the fuel mixture for ambient conditions. They can get close, but not great. In order to guarantee that the engine runs properly when starting cold, the choke linkage keeps the throttle partway open until either the operator adjusts it (manual choke) or the choke has warmed up sufficiently (automatic choke). Driving around with the choke (either type) even partially engaged for proper engine operation makes the engine run at a higher RPM. This is the equivalent of driving your fuel injected vehicle around with the gas pedal depressed 5-10% at all times even when attempting to stop the vehicle. Not a good mix for safe stopping distances. There is also the problem of excess fuel. On any engine, they will tolerate a mild excess of fuel way better than a mild excess of air. Carburetors tend to run on the rich side when everything is cold and while the fuel does vaporize, it does not vaporize well at lower temperatures. Because of the proximity of a fuel injector to the intake valve, a the gas being squirted into a fuel injected engine does not have time to re-condense before entering the combustion chamber and being burned. On a carbureted engine, the vaporized fuel has to travel all the way through the intake manifold and the cold temperatures tend to re-condense the gasoline. This can lead to raw liquid gasoline entering the combustion chamber which, as the article states, washes down the cylinder walls and removes protective oils from the surfaces.
If you want low hours of operation and a pleasant interior temperature faster, install a block heater on your fuel injected vehicle
[High Praise! to Oppo]
(A parody of “The Road Not Taken“)
Tourette’s emerged in a yell — or would,
And, sorry I could not stifle oaths,
H-2B travelers, long have stood
Looked down upon unfairly, although they’re good.
Compared to illegals in the undergrowth,
The illegal others — unjust, unfair, —
Having by definition a lesser claim.
Because de Blasio wanted fame and Cher,
(Though as for that, the press don’t care
It’s boring and really about the same),
And both, conforming, jobs displaced
And found lives do matter — but only black.
A precept: the former should have their pay
(Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubt if the latter will ever go back).
We shall be all telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two types emerged as our country died —
We embraced the ones less civilized
And that has made all the difference.
[Submitted by Oppo (High Praise!)]
“Political speech is protected.
And is no different from action.
Speech and action can be expected
To be violent among our faction.
“By the transitive property alone
Application of logic will teach
That violence is awfully well shown
To be protected speech.
“But Republicans can’t have political speech
Since that is the same as violence.
Violence is awful, and doesn’t belong
In the wrong hands. Logic. Silence.”
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Sufferin’ USA (to the tune of “Surfin’ USA” by The Beach Boys)
If everybody had odd notions
Across the U.S.A.
Then everybody’d be sufferin’
Like California
You’d seem ’em banning their Baggies
Sriracha, candles too
Bushes, bullets, blonde hairdos
Sufferin’ U.S.A.
You’d have ’em sufferin’ at WalMart
In the check-out line
Santa Claus would be verboten
As well as Valentines
All over Manhattan
— What did I just say?
They’re already sufferin’
Sufferin’ U.S.A.
We’ll all be planning lawsuits
We’ll all be plaintiffs soon
Our movement’s waxing and whining
We’ll tax texting in June
We’ll all be goin’ for the jugular
And what’s unsafe we will say
Bug or feature, we’re sufferin’
Sufferin’ U.S.A.
Häagen-Dazs and Huggies,
Pacifiers, Air!
Sombreros and Snuggies
Except the ones we wear
All of your household trash
Even succotash
Everybody’ll be sufferin’
Sufferin’ U.S.A.
[Submitted by Ace Reporter Oppo (High Praise!)]
“Lori Loughlin Found Very Pretty By Grand Jury”
“Comey: No Single Prosecutor Would Indict That”
“Biden: Let Her Go”
“Chicago DA: Charges Should Be Dropped, ‘Juss Cuz'”
“Biden: Let Her Go”
“Angry Groups Rallying at Courthouse, Awaiting Printed Signs To Clarify Positions”
“Biden: Let Her Go”
“Loughlin Considering Running For Presidency. Already Guaranteed Admission to DNC Debates”
“Needs Comfort and Support From An Ex-Vice-President; Needs To Stay On Massage,” Says Source Overly Familiar With Women In Politics”
“REUTERS (AP) – Embattled questionably-legitimate President Donald Trump has ‘badly mishandled the Loughlin situation due to his well-known misogyny,’ said an unnamed source familiar with the word misogyny. Sources close to the reporter cited Trump’s reputation for distancing himself from attractive women.”
[High Praise! to Oppo]
A parody of anti-Trumpers in the style of “The Raven“)
Once upon a midnight dreary, watching pundits weakened, bleary,
Spew vain and furious volumes of what was not
While they yammered – merely yappers – suddenly there came Jake Tapper,
Who, as if gently hammered, clamored for a chamber pot.
“‘Tis some idiot,” I muttered, “clogging up my Channel Four –
Only this, and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly I remember, 2016, in November,
As each separate crying temper tantrum threw them almost to the floor.
Eagerly I now relive it; – better than a large Glenlivet –
Vainly had they tried to pivot – give it to She-Tossed-Through-The-Door
She who voters should ignore, of whom the angels said No More –
Shameless then and evermore.
…
“Profit!” said they, “Thing of evil! – Profit is well earned by devils! –
Whether Tempter-sent, or tempest-tossed, wither on our shores!”
Democrats raved and ranted, thus deserted, massed and chanted –
On and on a story planted – and sedition got a bump;
Is it like the Iliad? – This Odyssey – this endless dump?
Quoth the raving: “NeverTrump.”
…
“Be that word our sign of parting, Bernie fiends!” I shrieked, upstarting –
“Get thee back into the tempest and the night’s Pelosian shore!
Leave no white guilt as a token of the lies thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my freeborn rights unbroken! – Quit my land forevermore!
Take thy candidates off the stump! Cease to treat me like a chump!”
Quoth the raving, “NeverTrump.”
[High Praise! to Oppo]
Addicted to Gov (to the tune of “Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer)
{Roll video of AOC dancing on rooftop, which was released no doubt to boost her image}
Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your mind is not your own
You wear sweats, your body shakes
Another diss is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you like sheep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
A little press is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to distaff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to Gov
You see the signs, but you can’t read
You’re runnin’ at a different speed
Your heart beats in double time
A little press and you’ll be mine, a one-track mind
You can’t be saved
A Venezuela’s all you crave
If there’s some Left for you
You don’t mind what you do
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to Gestapo yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you’re addicted to Gov
(a Guest Post by Cayleygraph2015)
10. Nonplussed by a burly man collecting jewelry
9. Keeps falling back into patterns established in the ’70s.
8. Aids zealots who want to destroy law enforcement
7. Insists you thank him for destroying half your economy
6. Invisible while there’s work to do, then shows up at the end and claims to be behind the whole thing
5. Ends up using Nazi ideas when soul-searching
4. Equally at home with computers as with ancient mysticism
3. Antagonizes weapons manufacturers
2. A lot of his power requires the American Entertainment Industry
1. Will kill his own daughter if his plans require it
[Bacon to walruskkkch and David Thompson for inspirational assistance]
