[Submitted by Larry Gene E (High Praise!)]
“Obama still specializes in telling us what’s wrong with us when we don’t do what he wants. And he still specializes in lame-brained, juvenile, passive-aggressive rhetoric.
To me, he always sounds like a con man addressing a classroom of 5th-graders, trying to con them out of their lollipops.”
[From Glenda T. Goode (who has a blog)(High Praise!)]
Having carried for years in the past I know that responsible people who are armed within a crowd, who otherwise are unknown to an assailant, can be the greatest deterrent to an event such as what happened in Pittsburgh Saturday. If any individual who is contemplating a violent act upon an unsuspecting congregation knew that it was highly likely that some people present are in fact, ARMED, they would be less inclined to conduct their attack
What the public, the left mostly, does not understand is that a person carrying a sidearm is the same as anyone else in a crowd. In fact, the crowd is safer for their being there. Responsible armed citizens are a tacit bulwark against acts of violence. The people on the left who are against the legal carry of firearms are around people who do so all the time and yet, they have no idea that they are around these people. They suffer no risk in these situations and actually benefit from the implied safety that having a armed individual provides by their presence.
The left considers any firearm dangerous even the ones held by law enforcement and private citizens. This exaggeration defies logic. In almost all cases, it is some deranged lunatic who is more likely to be aligned with the left’s agenda who shoots at a crowd of innocent and unsuspecting people.
If the media stopped aggrandizing every mass shooting in an effort to exploit the deaths of innocents for their political agenda, I believe most of these events would stop happening. I am quite convinced that the promise of notoriety that these events garner for the shooter is the motivating factor for many of them.
[High Praise! to Les of Nuking Politics]
Fake Mail Bomb-a (to the tune of “La Bamba” by Ritchie Valens)
To send a fake mail bomb-a,
To send a fake mail bomb-a,
We need a bit of tape, oh yes, we do.
A bit of tape and postage due.
Now, turn up the drama,
Lame ol’ con job,
For that we’ll be, for that we’ll be for Hillary.
I’m not an agitator,
I’m not a progressive, I’m Republican.
I’m Re-pub-li-can, I’m Re-pub-li-can.
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Trump’s the problem,
When they go low, we kick them.
To make a fake mail bomb-a,
To make a fake mail bomb-a,
We need an ISIS flag, oh yes, we do –
An ISIS flag and Elmer’s glue.
Now come on, Obama,
We await your comment,
For you we’ll be, for you we’ll be
putting Trump in the pillory.
Fake mail bomb-a,
Milk the trauma…
[From Richard (High Praise!)]
Channel surfing the other day and ran across a news station with the healine reading “Kavanaugh Witch Hunt”. Also on screen was a picture of DiFi. All I could think was Kav had a successful hunt.
[From Richard (High Praise!)]
When the thermometers in my car, in front of the banks, in front of the pharmacy, on the news, on the weather channel, and on the internet government weather site all report different temperatures, why should I suddenly believe the average temp has increased half of a degree in the last twenty years?
[Submitted by walruskkkch (High Praise!)]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #61,652)
Aladdin reboot, #MeToo version
[Submitted by zzyzx (High Praise!)]
4) Give us more government or everyone dies
3) Vote for Democrats or everyone dies
2) Impeach Trump or everyone dies
1) Stop the fear mongering or everyone dies
[Submitted by Oppo (High Praise!)]
Liberals Be Like:
“WE’RE DRESSING IN THESE HANDMAIDEN COSTUMES BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT!”
“No, we don’t. We don’t want you to dress like that.”
“AH-HA! YOU DON’T WANT US TO DRESS LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT SHOWS HOW YOU WANT US TO DRESS!”
“We don’t want you to dress like that.”
“YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOU DO! JUST LIKE OUR PINK HATS! YOU DIDN’T WANT US TO WEAR THEM EITHER!”
“Right.”
“BUT WE WORE THEM BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT TO BE SEEN THAT WAY!”
“We don’t want to see you that way, either!”
“THEN WE ACHIEVED OUR GOAL! BUT THEN WE DECIDED THEY WERE TRANSPHOBIC!’
“Pretty stupid . . . ”
“RACIST!”
” . . . tomfoolery . . . ”
“SEXIST PLUS RACIST!”
” . . . if you want to engender discussion.”
” ‘ENGENDER’? TRANSPHOBIC!”
“I didn’t use ‘engender’ that way.”
“YOU’RE A FLUID DRUID!’
“That’s not even a thing.”
“IT IS NOW! AND YOU’RE AGAINST IT!”
“Your reasoning is poor.”
“ELITISM! PRIVILEGE! NOW YOU’RE TRYING TO DISS THE POOR!’
” ‘Diss’?”
“IT’S SHORTHAND FOR ‘DISRESPECT’! IT SPEEDS UP ARGUMENTS, BECAUSE THE ‘RESPECT’ IS REMOVED!”
“Sounds about right.”
[A Guest Post by Todd Persuad]
We often find ourselves wrapped up in fascism, so cleverly hidden or disguised, it can already be surveiling us. Privacy is dead. No matter what Incognito mode in Google tells you. NSA could be spying on us through Skype!
Anyone could conceivably go to jail for crimes they don’t even realize they’re committing. And we all commit crimes everyday even if we don’t know it; I’m talking to you Bill. How, then, can you avoid the slammer?
1) Get a job – Live a regimented schedule. THE MAN runs that system. Her name might be Cheryl but she’s still, THE MAN.
2) Get married – Make sure the person is extra clingy to keep you EXTRA busy.
3) Have lots of children – Nothing ties you down better than being saddled with more responsibilities that you can handle.
4) Buy a house – And pay that off for the rest of your life. Intertwined with job and marriage, this makes a perfect trifecta of support. Plus, they keep you locked into one location, which makes you easier to spy on, duh!
5) Learn to not live in obscene excess – Uncle Sam will love you for it. We can see history repeating itself with inflation and hyperinflation. Yes, I’m talking to you, Argentina!
6) Sever ties with everyone – Anyone could implicate you, so why bother? Stick with those in government. Anyone in a soldier suit is your friend, police and armed service personnel included. Besides, they have big guns! You wouldn’t want them angry.
7) Don’t talk about the government – The government is behaving just like a government. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t criticize anybody. It could lead to unwanted attention from authorities.
8) No drugs that aren’t prescribed by a doctor – Read my lips: state-sanctioned drugs only. They’re adding some to your water to keep you docile anyway. Why mess with greatness?
9) Study all types of crime so you know what not to commit – Read “How to Make Money in Your Spare Time”, “The Debt Resistors’ Operations Manual”, and “Narconomics: How to Run a Drug Cartel”.
These are all subject to serious testing and experimentation. When in doubt, turn the phone off and hide in your room. Just make sure you remove the SIM card. That’s how they track you!
[Ed. – This is Todd’s first submission. Give him encouragement or just huck tofu at his head. Whichever you feel he deserves]
The other day, IMAO reader commenter CLIFF suggested a straight line. But, I’m not all that good at the Straight Lines. Harvey is. Keln is. But Harvey’s busy and Keln’s busy. Or slacking off. So, you got me. Sorry.
Anyway, I liked the suggestion, which was actually presented as a question. I like the question as is. So, here it is:
How would the Founding Fathers have used Twitter?
So, what do you think?
There’s a Wonder Woman movie out. I suppose you nerds and geeks all know that already, and have probably seen it.
I haven’t. Because I’d have to go to the theater to see it. Nearest theater playing it wants $11.24 cents for a ticket to see it. At least, when I go to The Fandango, that’s what the price is. I’m not driving that far just to check out movie prices. If I have to run by the JC Penney store, I might wander over when I’m done. But I ain’t got no reason to run by the JC Penney store.
Anyway, Frank J. saw it and liked it and wrote about it the other day. But one of the comments, was pure gold. So, we want make sure you saw it.
Similarities between Hillary Clinton and Wonder Woman
1) Interested in killing some sort of God
2) Won’t give you privacy when you’re in the bath
3) Attempts to steal the treasures of her nation
4) Unfamiliar with British culture, American culture, Belgian culture…
5) Probably couldn’t sail to London unassisted
6) Must be dissuaded from snatching away the babies of strangers
7) Thinks secretaries and slaves are basically the same thing
8) Unimpressed when she meets soldiers
9) Wears the outfit of an entitled wealthy woman when she goes to parties
10) Never under fire from a Bosnian sniper
Thank you, cayleygraph2015 — if that is your real name — for this gem.
[left in the comments to this post by Oppo [High Praise!]
(To the tune of “American Pie“)
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that rhetoric used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those puppets dance,
And maybe they’d be “Hope”-y for a while.
But fibbing always made me shiver,
With every State of the Union I’d deliver;
Bad news? Do the four-step.
I’d try to take one more step
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about Benghazi brides
But something touched me deep inside
The day momentum died.
So buy, buy this Obamacare lie
Drove my Chevy to Doc Levy
But they levied a fine;
The good ol’ boys’ network wouldn’t say why
This is why my legacy died;
This is why my legacy died.
So, did you read the bill at all?
And do you have faith in God or Baal?
Is the Bible Belt a so-and-so?
Now, do you believe in Iraq and coal?
Can Pelosi save a Protean soul?
And can you teach me how to jam real slow?
Well, I know that you’re in love with raves,
‘Cause I saw you dancin’ on their graves.
You and Michelle kicked off your shoes;
Man, I dig those blacks-versus-blues!
I was a moany teenage Barackin’ buck
Hated Nascar Nation and pickup trucks
But I knew I was out of luck
The day that healthcare died.
So buy, buy this Obamacare lie
Drove my Chevy to Doc Levy
But they levied a fine;
The good ol’ boys’ network wouldn’t say why
This is why my legacy died;
This is why my legacy died
Now for eight years we’ve been on our own
Fake rapes reported in Rolling Stone
But that’s not how it used to be;
When Lester interviewed the king and queen
After fawning over Paula Dean
In a voice that came from NBC…
Oh, and Burwell v. King was going down
Protesters donned their thorny crown
Roberts’ courtroom was adjourned
Faux verdict was returned
Don Lemon straight out of the book of Marx
The Five reacted with a lark
And kept the public in the dark
The day the the news biz died.
We were singing buy, buy this Obamacare lie
Drove my Chevy to Doc Levy
But they levied a fine;
The good ol’ boys’ network wouldn’t say why
This is why my legacy died;
This is why my legacy died.
Holder, Coulter, too much to shoulder
The ‘burbs tuned into something colder
Eight hours a day of news, and growing fast;
“Outland” followed by some grass
The players gave Obama a pass
With a call for “Mo’ Lester” — what a gas!
Now half the time crimes came down to drugs
While police sergeants fought emboldened thugs
We all had immunity!
Oh, but the cops acted stupidly.
‘Cause the players tried to take the House
The Senate too, but we refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day amusement died?
We started singing bye, bye to this Obamacare lie
Drove my Chevy to Doc Levy
But they levied a fine;
The good ol’ boys’ network wouldn’t say why
This’ll be the way liberty dies;
This’ll be the way liberty dies.
Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation who watch “Lost in Space”
With no time left to start a purge.
So come on, Donald be nimble, Donald be quick
You’re near the flashpoint with a matchstick
‘Cause “You’re Fired!” may be the devil’s only cure.
Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
Illegal immigration’s born in Hell
Let’s break that Satan’s spell
And as the votes climbed high into the night
Delighting the sacrificial “alt-right”
I saw Satan leave the limelight
The day Dem usage died.
He was singing “Bye, bye, Miss I’m-Begging-For-Bail
Want Deplorables to deliver but they read your email
If I were in charge, you would now be in jail
This’ll be the day that you fail.”
Now, Hillary’s a woman who rides in Rolls
And I asked about the glowing polls
But she just smiled and fainted quite away
I went down to the boozes store
I’d heard accusers use before
But the man there said the ruses wouldn’t play.
And in the streets, a child named Sonia
Shook hands with a women who had pneumonia
But not a word was spoken
Journalists’ rules all were broken
And the two men I admire most
Washington, and the Holy Ghost
Felt the pain, and felt it most
The day the country died.
And they were singing “By-and-by must America rise
It’s things like this by which democracy dies;
I know we’re a republic, but Republicans cry
Singin’ this’ll be the way that it dies
This’ll be the way that it dies.
[left in the comments to this post by Oppo [High Praise!]
(To the tune of “Don’t Know Much About History“)
Don’t know much about her story
Don’t know much criminology
Don’t know much about séance books
Don’t know much about defense she took
But we do know that we loathe you
And we know that if you left us too
What a wonderful world it would be.
Don’t consider I’m a useless breather,
Don’t know much about triggers, either.
Don’t know much about Al-Jazeera.
Don’t know what a sliding scale is, Kira.
But I thought that one and one is two,
And if this one could be without you,
What a wonderful world this would be.
I don’t claim to be an AA student,
But I’d like to be.
For maybe by being an AA student or baby,
It’s a win-win, gov., for me.
[left in the comments to this post by Oppo [High Praise!]
(To the tune of “Dream On“)
Every time I look in the mirror
All these lies and my fakes getting clearer
The past is gone
Giving up my desk to Don
Isn’t that the way?
Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay
Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where a leak come from or what it shows
I know Hillary’s sins
She’s got to lose, when I always knew how to win
Have my life’s in books’ written pages
Lived and learned from fools, and outrageous
You know, it’s “true”
All the chickens come back to you.
Sing “I’m With Her,” not for four years
Sing for the left, and sing for their tears
Sink with me, just for nine days
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take him away
Ream Don, ream Don, ream Don,
Dreamers want their dreams to come true
Ream Don, ream Don, ream Don,
And ream until you’re a drama queen too
Ream Don [7x, in increasing shrillness]
[From Oppo, on this post (the picture in which you’ll need for reference)]
(To the tune of 19th Nervous Breakdown)
You’re the kind of person you meet at certain liberal, dull affairs
Center of a crowd, talking much too loud, running up and down the stairs
Well, it seems to me that you have schemed too much in too few years
And though you’ve tried you just can’t hide your rage behind your tears
You better stop, look around
Hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes
Here comes your ’16 nervous breakdown
When you were a child you were a treated kind
But you were never brought up right
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cry all night
Those mothers who elected you owe a billion dollars tax
And your followers still perfecting ways of faking and concealing facts
You better stop, look around
Hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes
Here comes your ’16 nervous breakdown
Oh, Hill’s to blame, that girl’s just insane
Well, nothing she do don’t seem to work
She only seemed to make the matters worse. Oh, please!
You were still in school you acted the fool and it really messed your mind
And after that you turned your back on treating people kind
In your first term we tried so hard to rearrange your mind
But after awhile we realized you were just the raging kind
You better stop, look around
Hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes, hair it comes
Here comes your ’16 nervous breakdown
