Straight Line of the Day: If other famous people had Biden’s gift for words: …
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… they would still be famous, but not for a respectable reason.
The Gettysburg Address would make a whole lot less sense.
4 scores and 7 goals ago, our poor fathers brought forth on this, you know, the thing.
C’mon, man!
If other famous people had Biden’s gift for words: …
“To be or, that other thing. You know?”
Gift?…gift?
“Gift” is the German word for poison…
Nicely played…
The gift that keeps on giving for opponents
Tara Reade, a date that will live in my imagery …
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this, you know, the thing.
…FDR might have said: We have nothing to fear but fear of dog-faced pony soldiers.
…Vince Lombardi: Hair sniffing isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.
I have a dream, that someday I will be referred to as articulate and bright and clean . . . I mean, that’s a storybook, man.
It wouldn’t necessarily be all bad, maybe FDR would have said, “Okay fat” to Stalin or Teddy Roosevelt might have challenged the king of Spain to an arm wrestling match instead of charging up San Juan Hill.
You had me at “OK fat.”
Not a good idea…Trotsky once said “OK fat” to Stalin and we all know what happened to Trotsky now don’t we?
If Other Famous People Had Biden’s Gift For Words:
“I have a dream that my kids will be judged not because they hem haw you know, the thing.”
I am a jelly donut.
Ich bin ein cruller!
“Veni, vidi, res singularis”
If the introduction guy at the 1940 Dem convention had had Biden’s ‘gift’.
“C’mon Franklin Delano, stand up and take a bow!”
“Give me liberty,
Or give me … uuh … something else … or whatever … ya know?
Ich bin ein late for dinner
If you don’t know to vote for me you ain’t no Socialist!
Oh, I really like how this one went.
I may have to repeaty this one some time.
Straight Line of the Day: If other famous people had Biden’s gift for words: Gabby Biden sees the sheriff riding into town]
Gabby Biden: Hey! The sheriff’s a nig…
[clock bell chimes]
Charlemagne Da God: What did he say?
Jill Biden: He said the sheriff’s near.
Joe Biden: No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff is a nig…
[clock bell chimes again, Biden selects Stacey Abrams as his running mate]
Joe Biden: [on grandstand to the townspeople] Excuse me while I whip this out.
[reaches into waistline as crowd gasps and screams; Biden pulls out penis, they sigh with relief]
Howard Johnson: Think of it, gentlemen. Foot in mouth disease a thing of the past.
Olson Johnson: Never mind that s**t! Here comes Biden!!
[while Biden is boring the hell out of a auditorium full of Democrats, Trump walks in, dressed as a messenger boy and carrying a box]
Trump: Candy gram for Biden! Candy gram for Biden!
Biden: Me Biden.
Trump: Sign, please.
[Biden grabs the paper and makes some rough scratches on it]
Trump: Thank you.
[he gives Biden the box and walks out of the bar, putting his fingers in his ears]
Biden: Biden like candy.
[he opens the box – boom!]
Joe Biden & Charlemagne Da God talking …
JB: Are we … black?
CDG: I’m considering voting for Trump.
JB: Then you ain’t black.
CDG: Hey where the white women at?
JB: Let me shake your hand on that one. Hey how many times have I told you to wash up after a weekly cross burning, c’mon man.
CDG: I am black, you idiot.
JB: Prove it. Sing De Camptown Ladies.
CDG: De Camptown Ladies?
JB: Okay, so you don’t know that one, and I don’t know my own name. What’s your limit on the thing, you know, schnitzengruben?
CDG: 15.
JB: Wow good answer, man. Are you a god?
CDG: Wrong movie. But your campaign is toast.
JB: Boy are you strict!
CDG: You just lost the black vote, and you don’t want the Irish, what’s left for you?
JB: My Democrat base, simpletons, people in Bernie dreamland, the common clay of societal uselessness, you know, morons.
CDG: So your campaign is basically over.
JB: Yes, the electoral college loses me right after this Archie Bunker scene.
CDG: To my audience, I’d say you’ve had enough …
Well done.
Bravo! (as cows walk through the theater…)
Bart: Well, Joe, since you are my guest and I am your host, what’s your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Joe: Oh, I don’t know. Run for President of the United States of America….screw…
Bart: [quickly] Well, let’s play chess.
Goldfinger: No, Mr. Black Voter, I expect you to vote for me.
Chris Cuomo: My friends call me Psycho, not… you know, the thing. Anybody calls me…
Trump: Lighten up, Fredo.
If Other Famous People Had Biden’s Gift For Words:
I imagine that iconic scene in “Downfall”, source for so many “HItler finds out….” memes, but without the subtitles and fewer uniforms.
Otherwise, pretty much the same.