Straight Line of the Day: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, but does anybody expect the contact tracers?
Tens of Thousands of Americans Apply for Contact Tracing Jobs: 5 Things To Know
Becker’s Hospital Review | May 19, 2020 | Kelly GoochAs the U.S. aims to reduce the spread of COVID-19, tens of thousands of Americans have applied for contact tracer roles to help track cases and exposure, according to The New York Times.
Five things to know about these workers:1. At least 11,142 contact tracers are working now in the U.S., according to a survey conducted in late April by NPR. The number may be higher since figures for all states in the late April survey have not been updated.
2. Estimates of how many contact tracers are needed nationwide range from 100,000 to 300,000, according to NPR and the Times.
3. States and cities have already made efforts to boost contact tracing staffing. California announced a partnership with the University of California, San Francisco for contact tracing training and aims to ultimately have 20,000 contact tracers, according to NPR. And New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio announced May 8 a city test and trace corps that will comprise 2,500 public health experts who will “lead the way in creating testing and tracing.” Mr. de Blasio expects the test and trace corps to eventually consist of between 5,000 and 10,000 people.
4. Contact tracers cold-call people who may have been exposed to the coronavirus, the Times reported. They work full time or part time.
5. Pay for contact tracers, who are largely recruited by state and local governments, is often $17 to $25 per hour, according to the Times. Some contact tracers also receive benefits.
Other things to know about them:
6. The best thing to tell them is that you just shook hands with Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff.
7. Their names.
The contact tracers assigned to Joe Biden are gonna be working overtime.
No???
Yess???
Maybe???
I didn’t expect this…
No one ever does.
To contract contact tracers, text to 303303, and ask for Joe…
Do contact tracers use contact paper or tracing paper to trace contacts?
The new stasi…Gatestapo
Let me introduce you to my old pal “Skip” Tracer…
God, please don’t let Kevin Bacon get the corona.
“You wanna know who I’ve had contact with? Your mama.”
That would explain the rash. Get your mind out of the gutter. She’s allergic to cats.
That doesn’t explain why I got a rash.
I was gonna… but the line was too long.
Nobody expects those meddling kids either, but we got ‘em…
How many contacts can a tracer trace, when a tracer contacts contacts?
Ask for ID. They’re all named Karen.
Contract tracers? Last time I saw one, he was running around at a WW I aerodrome, monitoring crews starting up Sopwith Camels…
Answer like Emily Litella: “Contacts? I don’t have contacts. I wear glasses.”
Trace this.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, but does anybody expect the contact tracers?
Only the infected.
Besides the infected also the….injected, inspected, detected, neglected and selected can expect the contact tracers.
“I’ve been fear-injected and inspected
Needlessly my needs neglected
I’ve been rolling hankies and covered up till I’m blind.
I’ve been screened and scanned
As if it’s all planned
That’s the plan they’d use … well, never mind.”
“Only the infected”
—
“Only Corona-free
Only Corona-free can play”
Mention you’re an illegal alien. You and your contacts will become invisible.
man….where were these guys when i was younger and single….could have saved myself a whole lot of awkward phone calls.
Here we come
Walking down the street
Get defensive looks from
Everyone we meet.
Hey, hey, Contact Tracers,
People say we’re nosing around.
But we’re too busy signaling
To write anybody down.
We’re just trying to be sentries
Come and watch us in Detroit
We’re the Obama generation,
And we’ve got something to exploit
Hey, hey, Contract Tracers
You never know where we’ll be found.
So you’d better get ready,
We may be comin’ to your town.
Just like with cold call telemarketers, that ought to present opportunities for entertainment.
“Hello? This is Karen Slobotnik, with the Waffen Tracing Bureau. Is Reltney McFee there?”
(me) “So, what is your relationship with the late Mr. Mcfee?”
“…uh…nothing..?”
(me) “Really? So how did you get the decedent’s phone number? How do you spell ‘Slobotnik’?”
“…Uh, why do you need to know that?”
“Lookit, missy! Either you start answering some questions, or you’ll get a chance to explain to the judge why you are interfering with a police homicide investigation!”
and, so it begins!
Take this contact form and shove it.
I ain’t playing your game no more.