After I led the invasion of Normandy, I flew to the Philippines and returned, just like I had promised.
My only regret was that my son Beau was killed at Pearl Harbor.
There was that tequila infused week in Reno with Misses Welch, Monroe, Munro and Cates. Although if it was fictitous how does one explain the multiple annulment papers?
I got out of the Vietnam war after being shot in the buttocks while carrying my Lt. and most of my platoon to safety. After I showed my scar to the President, I hooked up with Jenny, a lot, and it was BEFORE she got VD.
I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own two hands.
Okay, I admit, it was my own two hands and a hatchet. Kind of hard to fell trees with just your own two hands, even if you are a master of kung fu, like I was at the time. But it was a really rusty hatchet that- wait a second, does saying it was a rusty hatchet make it sound like I am not good at taking care of my tools? Okay, scratch that, it was a hatchet that I forged myself using only a corn-cob pipe and a couple of rocks.
Finished the job just as my mother started going into labor. Of course, there wasn’t a doctor in those parts at the time, so I ended up having to be my own midwife, but that’s a story for another time.
“I was born a poor, black child…”
“I am Spartacus!”
“I knew something about Hillary, and I’m still alive…”
“Elmo tickled me once, and I’m still seeing a therapist…”
“I will beat Donald Reagan again this September. You can take that to the Post Office.”
“They drew first blood!”
“I employed a team of fact-checkers to scour this book for accuracy, and stamp it out wherever it occurred!”
Or maybe just
“I employed a team of fact-checkers to scour this book for accuracy. There were no survivors.”
I can’t decide.
If You Had To Create a Fictitious Autobiography Like Biden, What Would You Throw In?
I paid for my College Education by starring in pr0n.
My flight to the planet Mongo to fight the evil Ming the Merciless one of the most evil Republican operatives to ever threaten our galaxy.
After I led the invasion of Normandy, I flew to the Philippines and returned, just like I had promised.
My only regret was that my son Beau was killed at Pearl Harbor.
There was that tequila infused week in Reno with Misses Welch, Monroe, Munro and Cates. Although if it was fictitous how does one explain the multiple annulment papers?
For many years I was the head coach for the Swedish National Women’s Volley Ball Team.
I got out of the Vietnam war after being shot in the buttocks while carrying my Lt. and most of my platoon to safety. After I showed my scar to the President, I hooked up with Jenny, a lot, and it was BEFORE she got VD.
Even though Bubba told him time and again that Jenny is a Hoe.
I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own two hands.
Okay, I admit, it was my own two hands and a hatchet. Kind of hard to fell trees with just your own two hands, even if you are a master of kung fu, like I was at the time. But it was a really rusty hatchet that- wait a second, does saying it was a rusty hatchet make it sound like I am not good at taking care of my tools? Okay, scratch that, it was a hatchet that I forged myself using only a corn-cob pipe and a couple of rocks.
Finished the job just as my mother started going into labor. Of course, there wasn’t a doctor in those parts at the time, so I ended up having to be my own midwife, but that’s a story for another time.
I would throw in nothing but blank pages and title it “Truths I Have Told”