New Party

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Newt Gingrich was talking about the possible need for forming a new party. As we all know, third parties are for crackpots and nut cases and crazy people and the insane and people who live in their parents basement and the socially inept and goobers and hippies and people who turn their skin blue and rejects and freaks and owners of ferrets and weirdos and your mom, but at some point we may have to consider it… or at least consider a name! Here are my ideas:

FRANK IDEAS FOR NEW POLITICAL PARTY NAMES

* Freedomitaritans

* Bitter Clingers

* The Super Awesomes

* American Ronin

* Crat Cutters

* The Anti-Tax, Gun-Loving, Terrorist-Killing Super Fun Group

* Liberty Ninjas

* Cyborg Dino Freedom-Lovers

* Hippie Punchers

62 Comments

  3. I don’t care what the formal name is, whether it’s “Constitution Party” or “Conservative Party” or whatever. Every party has a nickname, and that’s what’s important. Republicans are “the GOP;” Greens are “the environutjobs;” the Peace and Freedom Party is “those commies,” a nickname they share with the Democrats. The new party’s nickname has to be the Browncoats, and the first commenter really should have caught that.

    Then we can punch the gorram hippies.

    Reply to this comment

  4. FREEDOM ISN’T FREE,IT’S PLAIN TO SEE,
    BUT ALAS IT’S FLEETING FROM THEE AND ME,
    THE GREAT UNWASHED IN ALL THEIR GLORY,
    DEVOURS IT’S CORPSE OH SO GORY,
    UPON DEAF EARS WILL FALL OUR PLEA.

    THE DECK IT IS STACKED, DON’T YOU KNOW,
    DEWEY AND HIS BOYS PLANNED IT FROM THE GITGO,
    BRAINWASH THE YOUNG, AND THE TRAP IS SPRUNG,
    THEY WILL GROW UP LOVING MAO TSE TUNG,
    THE CHAINS OF SOCIALISM THEY HOPE TO BESTOW.

    NOT TO BE OUTDONE BY THE PEDAGOGUES EXTANT,
    WE ARE CONSTANTLY BOMBARDED BY MEDIA CANT,
    THE TRUTH TO THEM, IT IS A STRANGER,
    FREEDOM AND CAPITALISM THEY PERCEIVE AS DANGER,
    THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THEIR LEFTIST RANT.

    NOT TO BE LAST TO THIS CLUSTER FOXTROT,
    THE POLITICAL WHORES ARE HOT TO BE BOUGHT,
    THESE SPINELESS EUNUCHS ARE ALL A TWITTER,
    PRANCING AROUND IN ALL THEIR GLITTER,
    NARY A ONE IS WORTH A BUCKET OF SNOT.

    morons

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  8. Conservative Gun Toters – “Conserving ammo by shooting straighter”
    Money Keepers of America – “Get your hands out of my pocket or I’ll cut ya”
    The Achievement Party – “Shut up and maybe we will keep feeding you… maybe”
    Anti-Global Support Party – “We’ve had enough of the rest of the world taking our money”

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  15. I completely agree, the republican party has been so tarnished by RINOs we might as well be liberals.

    but for the name

    supersonironifonicans
    funscott
    monday tuesday wendsday thursday friday saturday sunday

    or my favorite “THE RESISTY!”

    the first group was from ATHF, and the second, from Invader zim.

    or my own idea:

    WOLVERINES! (damnit, i just checked again if anybody beat me to it….oh well ONE MORE VOTE FOR WOLVERINES!)

    Reply to this comment

  22. I only hope Newt, the conservative ideal, virtuous, righteous, steadfast, loyal and true will be there to lead us to the promised land.

    Newt campain rally song:

    I’m a cheater, I’m your leader
    Hey I’m white, that makes it right
    The women I choose, I abuse
    But vote for me Newt, so I too can loot
    The nations wealth, with cunning and stealth
    I’ll stop greenhouse gases, by selling you passes
    Restore white pride, take my fantasy ride
    Make America stronger, and diddle longer
    So Vote Newt now, I’ll show you how.
    An American hero, like Bill and Zero
    A new day, a new tomorrow, Newt wipes away all your sorrow.

    Campaing themes:

    Newt, the best that America has to offer.
    Contract on America
    Cheaters always win and smilers always lose
    Want O to turn your stomach or me?

    Reply to this comment

  33. I don’t know, the ‘Sons of Fred’ sounds like some kind of ultra right-wing paramilitary force established to punch hippies and secure the borders.

    When did you say the meetings were held?

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  39. “I am all too afraid that a historian, a hundred years from now, will footnote America as a historical curiosity where people once enjoyed private property rights and limited government but it all returned to mankind’s normal state of affairs – arbitrary abuse and control by the powerful elite.”
    – Walter Williams, A Minority View (column) 4/2/09

    Au-thor-i-tar-i-an (a thor ‘i tar e an) adj. Blind submission and absolute, unquestioned obedience to authority. authoritorian n. authoritative adj.

    The Anti-Authoritarian Party.

    Reply to this comment

  40. island girl, you forgot the guns

    how can we incorporate james bond and batman into all this? they didn’t take no stuff from no one.

    #11 shawn…good call, gotta bring back the 1911 logo…LONG LIVE THE UNDERGROUND!

    HEY! What if we are the Mole Party, you know, the underground dwellers?

    Reply to this comment

  41. The Neofederalist Party
    Conjures up comparisons to the parties of the founding fathers’ day.
    Indicates a primary objective: Re-assert Constitutional limits on the scope of the federal .gov’s duties.
    Guns. Lots of guns.
    Sounds a bit like New Federalism which was a Nixon talking point. Any invocation of Richard Nixon will instantly make hippies’ brains melt.

    We should have propaganda featuring Liberty and Justice making out.

    Reply to this comment

  43. As we all know, third parties are for crackpots and nut cases and crazy people and the insane

    So what is the Republican Party for? Buncha little kittens with balls of yarn.

    I agree with 27. Son of Bob (h/t) despite your comment. But if you insist on cool names, then let’s dig back into history for our founding principles, and re-launch the FEDERALIST PARTY. National problems do not generally require Federal solutions.

    Reply to this comment

  48. How about the Ty Cobb party!!!
    Or maybe the Anti baby scraping,automatic weapon carrying,Man woman marraige loving,SUV driving,let failing company fail agreeing,no daddy= no more babies preaching,my kid IS better than you kid,teleprompter smashing,no I am not paying for your house and car bitch,taxes are for pussys,1000 mile fence with gun towers building,Tim Giethner imprisoning,Nancy Pelosi bitch slapping,Great American take back OUR country PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Or just the New Patriot Warrior party.
    Problem is ,no one has the balls to step up.

    Reply to this comment

  56. So far we have 4 votes for Wolverines,
    3 votes for Sons of Fred,
    3 votes for American Ronin,
    3 votes for The NeoFederalist Party,
    2 votes for The Individualist Party,

    and 1 vote each for everything else suggested.

    That’s the problem with rugged indivdualism; we’re all a ‘Party of One’. Organizing Conservatives is going to be like herding cats. The libs (ptui) have it easier. Their core constituancy WANTS to be led. We just want to be left the h*ll alone.

    The Leave Us The H*ll Alone Party.

    Reply to this comment

  60. Thanks to Joel Leggett for leaving Southern Appeal. My votes on your party names:

    Warrior Cowboy Party ***

    Gunfighter Freedom Party *****

    Comanche Ninja Party **

    American Samurai Party **

    Ass Kicking Super Warrior Party *****

    Freedom Loving Fighter’s Party ***

    Jacksonian Party (for Andrew Jackson ****

    Reply to this comment

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