I have a special ring which shows I’m a member of the patriarchy. Or maybe it’s just my wedding ring.

The Republican who can beat Hillary is whichever one can successfully summon a Patronus.

Why are we acting like it’s bad Harry Reid was beaten up by the mob. Would we rather he was good friends with the mob?

How many more decades of this until we admit the War on Stars has failed?

His hair isn’t gray because Wookies live for centuries, people! How do you not know this? What do they teach in schools?

Is my novel better than Star Wars? Well, it’s at least better than the Star Wars novelizations. Of which I only read The Phantom Menace.

With these Star Wars sequels, will we finally get the answer about what ultimately happened to Jar Jar Binks?

Actually, I am legitimately curious in what happened to Naboo after everything. Maybe they used it for beta testing the Death Star.

“They elect teenage girls as queens? That’s stupid. Warm up the Death Star lasers.”

You think midichlorians are going to get mentioned in the new Star Wars movies, or are we all on board with pretending that never happened?

“The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. My sister has it. Anyone who bought midichorlian supplements at GNC has it.”

“I’m the good guy, Anakin. I’m the one who cares and can help save your wife. Now force choke this puppy to prove your loyalty.”
“Okay.”

Great, all this new Star Wars trailer is doing is reminding me how awful the prequels were.

Having watched the leaked trailer, I was surprised to find myself instantly siding with Ben Affleck Batman over that stuck up Superman.

We need some government PSAs about not taking video in portrait mode.

I’ll never forget where I was when Kennedy was shot: In the grassy knoll framing Lee Harvey Oswald.

The two things people despise the most these days are racism and white people.

Smart, self-driving vehicles used to be the most common mode of transportation, but people got tired of stepping in horse poop.

Wow. Five 12 hour days of shooting was pretty tiring. Can’t imagine what it’s like doing a feature. Well, one day…

My 4yo daughter had her first tee-ball game today. I lost count of the unforced errors.

Billy Joel is right: We didn’t start the fire. Other people did all that stuff in his song. This is all their fault.