I can get Amazon PrimeNow at my office. I wield power that even the greatest kings never had.

What boots did Nancy Sinatra have before she got ones made for walking? Rocket boots made for flying? Much more interesting to sing about.

Hillary Clinton is going to run for president again? Cool. Last time, a charismatic empty suit dashed her dreams, but she’s not deterred.

Hillary is pretty old, but I’d kinda prefer a president who would just sleep most of the day. 2nd best thing to another Coolidge.

I’m a little afraid that if Hillary fell down and couldn’t get up, she might mistake the nuclear football for her medical alert bracelet.

Republicans act a little too scared of Hillary. How bad can someone be who has a whole house made out of candy in the middle of the woods?

“My emojis aren’t tolerant enough.” Man, I’m hoping we’ve finally reached peak asininity.

So is the idea that in 2008 we just weren’t ready for Hillary? We did not complete the requisite Hillary prep?

“In 2008, there was still some hope left. But now… we’re ready for Hillary!”

One thing I’ll say about the new Daredevil show: That’s the tiniest font for opening credits I’ve ever seen.

No way anyone would try font that small in a pre-HD era. #Daredevil

“I can’t win this without your support.” -Hillary Clinton to her walker

You don’t have a soul if you don’t feel at least a little sympathy for the people pretending to be excited by a Hillary candidacy.

Maybe Hansel and Gretel tricked her into her oven. #WhyHillarysAnnouncementIsLate

“Hello. 40 years ago I was married to an extremely lecherous president when the economy was good. Please elect me president, too.”

Democrats rejected her 8 years ago as not exciting enough, but now that’s she even older and less relevant… there are no better choices.

This is going to be boring presidential campaign. I already wore myself out on making fun of Hillary 20 years ago.

If we get the right rich person to push people around with the right laws, everything will be good.

So when will get to the point that Democrat presidential candidates can stop pretending to be Christian?

The big question for 2016 will be how much as a country have we just plain given up.

This is a bit like if the GOP went for younger, more interesting candidate than Dole in 1996 then acted all excited for him 8 years later.

Then again, the young people who didn’t want Hillary in 2008 are now 7 years older and had the hope beaten out of them. #ReadyForHillary