IMAO Somewhat Less Than Proudly Presents — The Top 5* Excuses for Joe Biden’s bloody eye during Last Thursday Night’s CNN Climate Change Town Hall…

*IMAO’s Top 5 Lists are guaranteed to have 1/2 the calories of other blog’s Top 10 lists, but with all the flavor of a full 10 items!

#5 – Commercial tie-in with Visine gone hopelessly awry.

#4 – He got poked in the eye by a spiteful Barrack 0bama, who has the power to turn himself invisible by uttering the magic phrase, “Let me be clear.”

#3 – Joe was promoting a new movie he’s just been signed to star in: A spin-off of Stephen King’s “IT” in which Joe plays Pennywise the Clown’s long-lost cousin, Pound-Foolish.

#2 – That wasn’t really blood, like everything else the Democrats touch, Joe’s eye was filling up with red ink!

#1 – Booked a seat home on the “redeye” after the show, thought he needed it to get on the plane.

It’s been a rough couple of months for Progressives, but now there’s reason to celebrate!

Five long years in the making, billions of taxpayer dollars appropriated, now, at long last, you can finally sing along to a brand new batch of Non-Denominational Gender-Fluid Gluten-Free Winter Solstice Seasonal Favorites like these…

I’m Gettin’ Trumpkin for Christmas (Middle America is Mad!)

Grandma Got Run Over by a Basket of Deplorables

…And many, many more!

And be sure to check out our previous editions…

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Occupy Santa Claus Lane (2011)

Undocumented Immigrant Operators are standing by, so help save the Planet by ordering right now!

(Additional Carol ideas, as always, are welcome in the comments!)

Long time blogger and good Internet buddy V the K recently had a domain renewal issue for his site and had to change to a new one due to a bureaucratic snafu with no chance of letting any of his readers know how to find him again.

To do what little I can to right that wrong, here is a link to V the K’s new and improved Caption This for anyone that may be looking for it. If you’ve never been there before, check it out sometime, weird pictures, silly captions — it might be right up your alley.

[WARNING: Rated PG-13, May be NSFW]

Madonna reportedly told an audience at a recent charity concert in Miami that she was “ashamed to be an American”.

Surprisingly enough, I find myself in full agreement — I’m ashamed she’s an American, too!

BREAKING NEWS…

Angry over the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States, dead voters in many Democrat strongholds across the country are demanding to be dug up and re-buried in Canada.

“I can’t possibly be expected to rest here in peace after this,” said Pearl E. Gates (1919 – 1998) of Shadyview Haven, Cook County, IL. “Not with such a vulgar misogynist in the White House! Why did I even bother to vote this year? Don’t just stand there, get me a shovel and a bus ticket to Winnipeg!”

Earl E. Graves (1926 – 1962) of Eternal Slumbers, Broward County, FL, added, “I have voted Democrat in every election since the day I died and I’ll be da… uh, dog-gonned if I’m going to be interred beneath some foul-mouthed punk billionaire with with a lousy comb-over for the next 4 years! Now, somebody dig me up and haul my bones to Ottawa!”

On a related note, when asked why dead voters all seem to vote exclusively for Democrats, renowned Psychologist Dr. Ernest Lee Frank replied, “It’s quite simple, really — their brains have ceased to function.”

Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes could not be reached for comment on the recent wave of dead people on the move.

Yes, that’s right I’m going to ruin it all, right here and now by giving away the biggest secrets the new Star Wars movie has to offer (even though I haven’t seen it yet)!

*WARNING: Do not venture beyond the break if you don’t wish to have these secrets revealed to you!
Continue reading ‘STAR WARS SPOILERS*’ »

0bama comes from “Hawaii”… which explains why his usual greeting is “Aloha Akbar!”

Just thought IMAO readers should have a place to pay tribute to the late great Fred Thompson, the former Senator from Tennessee, Presidential candidate, actor, and friend of the blog who passed away Sunday at the age of 73. His great sense of humor and his deep love of this country and its traditional values will be sorely missed. Love and prayers to his family and friends. Godspeed, sir, and thank you for everything!

[High Praise to Best of Cain]

An excerpt…

Click here for more! It gets even better!

President Obama just issued the following apology for the misunderstanding over his repeated statement that, “If you like your health care plan, you can keep it. Period.”

“Let me be clear. What I meant to say was, ‘If you like your health care plan, you can keep it. Asterisk.’ To be completely fair, I think you’ll all agree that ‘.’ and ‘*’ are pretty hard to differentiate on a TelePrompter. Thank you, good night, and God Da… er, uh, Bless America.”

[Direct Link]

BREAKING: According to sources at the White House steno pool, the now shelved plan was to have Ndamukong Suh throw an illegal chop block at Bashar al-Assad’s knees.

If that had fallen through, the backup plan apparently involved Clint Bowyer intentionally spinning himself out to deny Syria a spot in the Chase for the Sprint Cup.

More details as they become available…