Poll: What is the most likely outcome of the Clinton emails found during the Anthony Weiner investigation?

What is the most likely outcome of the Clinton emails found during the Anthony Weiner investigation?

  • Weiner sends sex texts to a 15-year old girl and ends up screwing a 69-year-old woman. (47%, 119 Votes)
  • The FBI will conclude "not enough evidence" and Clinton will play the victim card, winning on November 8 (35%, 87 Votes)
  • Trump will hammer the issue and squeak to a win. (15%, 37 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (4%, 9 Votes)

Total Voters: 252

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Poll: With pre-election polls varying by nearly 20 points, do you trust polls?

With pre-election polls varying by nearly 20 points, do you trust polls?

  • You're asking in a poll what I think about polls? What are you, stupid? (62%, 145 Votes)
  • No, they are rigged. (33%, 78 Votes)
  • Yes, they are generally reliable. (3%, 7 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (2%, 5 Votes)

Total Voters: 235

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Poll: What song from the classic rock era best describes your reaction to the presidential election?

What song from the classic rock era best describes your reaction to the presidential election?

  • Why Don't We Get Drunk (Jimmy Buffett) (36%, 53 Votes)
  • Don't Fear the Reaper (Blue Öyster Cult) (31%, 45 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (20%, 29 Votes)
  • Ball of Confusion (The Temptations) (11%, 16 Votes)
  • Shades of Gray (The Monkees) (2%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 146

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Poll: What is the big WikiLeaks secret on Hillary?

What is the big WikiLeaks secret on Hillary?

  • She's an alien recovered from Roswell (35%, 55 Votes)
  • She authorized murder. (26%, 41 Votes)
  • Her health is worse than she admits. (14%, 22 Votes)
  • She made a deal with the DNC, Wasserman-Shultz, and Kaine to secure the nomination. (12%, 19 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (12%, 18 Votes)

Total Voters: 155

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Poll: What’s your favorite day that serves no actual purpose?

September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. No, there is no actual purpose to it, but it’s still a thing. So…

What's your favorite day that serves no actual purpose?

  • Election Day (37%, 110 Votes)
  • International Talk Like A Pirate Day (27%, 80 Votes)
  • Groundhog Day (17%, 51 Votes)
  • Star Wars Day (13%, 39 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (6%, 19 Votes)

Total Voters: 299

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Poll: What is your favorite Apple product?

This is the week of Apple’s big Autumn announcements of products and services. Many popular devices have been introduced over the last several years. Which brings us to this week’s poll:

What is your favorite Apple product?

  • Pie (40%, 113 Votes)
  • Cider (22%, 62 Votes)
  • Fritter (20%, 56 Votes)
  • iPad (6%, 17 Votes)
  • iPhone (5%, 15 Votes)
  • Sauce (5%, 15 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (3%, 8 Votes)
  • Watch (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 286

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Poll: Which super villain would be a better president than the current batch of candidates?

There is general dissatisfaction by Americans with the presidential candidates picked by Americans. Perhaps the problem isn’t that they are all awful, it’s that they aren’t awful enough. With that in mind…

Which super villain would be a better president than the current batch of candidates?

  • Lex Luthor (Superman) (48%, 82 Votes)
  • Magneto (X-Men) (19%, 33 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (11%, 18 Votes)
  • The Monarch (Venture Bros.) (9%, 16 Votes)
  • The Joker (Batman) (9%, 15 Votes)
  • The Riddler (Batman) (4%, 7 Votes)

Total Voters: 171

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Poll: Which meteor are you most looking forward to ending it all?

After looking over all the candidates for President, many have come to the conclusion that the best to hope for is a meteor to end it all. But even that’s not a simple choice to make. It turns out there are two major meteor candidates:

And that’s our poll question: Which meteor are you most looking forward to ending it all?

Which meteor are you most looking forward to ending it all?

  • Sweet Meteor of Death (78%, 144 Votes)
  • Giant Meteor (12%, 22 Votes)
  • Other (Provide details in the comments) (10%, 18 Votes)

Total Voters: 184

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Poll: Who do you support in the 2016 U.S. presidential election?

Who do you support in the 2016 U.S. presidential election?

  • Donald Trump (Republican Party) (50%, 163 Votes)
  • Giant Meteor (Crash The Party) (28%, 89 Votes)
  • Cthulhu (Old Ones Party) (12%, 39 Votes)
  • Gary Johnson (Libertarian Party) (5%, 16 Votes)
  • Other (provide your choice in the comments) (5%, 16 Votes)
  • Hillary Clinton (Democrat Party) (0%, 0 Votes)
  • Jill Stein (Green Party) (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 323

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Republican strategy to beat Obama

The good news for Republicans recently has been that polls have shown that a generic Republican beats Obama. The bad news is that when “generic Republican” is replaced with an actual Republican, Obama wins.

Not any more.

Latest polling shows that some actual Republicans beat, tie, or are within the poll’s margin of error, according to ABC News:

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney leads Obama by a 48 percent to 46 percent margin, while Texas Gov. Rick Perry ties the president at 47 percent. Obama bests Ron Paul by a 47-45 divide and Michele Bachmann by 48-44 split. All results are within a 4-point margin of error.

What does this mean?

I dunno. Does anyone know what Americans’ political thought processes are? I mean, a majority of voters actually elected Obama in 2008. So you can’t depend on most American voters to do anything that makes sense. So I’m not sure we can make any sense out of this poll.

But I’m not going to let that stop me from trying.

Maybe this means that Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!), and Michele Bachmann are actually generic Republicans.

All this time, I thought Tim Pawlenty was. But, since T-PAW decided to drop out of the race, theres an opening for a generic Republican. And, it’s being filled by fake conservative (but good-for-business) Mitt Romney, almost conservative (but plays one on TV) Rick Perry, speaks right when facts aren’t involved (John Wayne/John Wayne Gacy, Elvis’ birthday/death day) Michele Bachmann, or sh*t-house rat crazy Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!!!).

What about the other Republicans? For example, my guy, Herman Cain?

They didn’t ask. At least, when I read the full poll, I didn’t see where they paired up Cain and Obama. But, among Republicans, Cain and Perry has the smallest “unfavorable/strongly unfavorable” totals. As for favorable, Cain and Romney came in second in “favorable/strongly favorable” to Rudy Guiliani, who’s not running.

What all this means is that a lot of Republicans can beat Obama. Maybe even more than they poll.

This shows what the Republican strategy for 2012 will be: don’t be Obama.

Which sort of screws it up for Huntsman, who worked for the guy. But maybe not. Remember Romneycare and Obamacare? Mostly a matter of scale. But Romney beats Obama. So, maybe not even Jon “Obama’s a remarkable leader” Huntsman should be counted out.

Still, not being Obama looks like a winning strategy. Particularly since Obama appears to be still blaming Bush for everything.

“I’m not Obama” beats “I’m not Bush” hands down.