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July 31, 2002
Do We Really Expect the French to Fend for Themselves?
Posted by Frank J. at 07:00 PM | Email This

The latest attack on Israel was at a university and seven were killed of which it looks like three (possibly four) were Americans. I wonder if this will prompt the administration to use less of a double standard with Israeli terrorism. But any terrorism against an ally, whether Americans were killed or not, is terrorism against us and should be met with our just vengeance. Maybe its easier to look the other way with Israel since they actually aren't a bunch of nancy-boys and can fight back. But what if some sissy European country got attacked? They don't remember how to fend for themselves anymore, which is why its up to us to set things right in the world. That's also why we'll always be the final target of any evil out there.

Incidentally, it looks like this bomb was planted, a terrorist finally realizing he didn't have to die in the blast. Them bastards are finally getting smarter. Better wipe 'em out soon.

Rating: 2.0/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (2)
July 30, 2002
Equal Gun Laws
Posted by Frank J. at 05:41 PM | Email This

Kopel and Racansky has an interesting idea: make all gun control laws be applied equally to citizens and law enforcement. Gun-control dumbasses always have this whacko idea that an average citizen gets a gun he's going to start shooting everyone, but they never apply that thinking to cops as if getting a badge makes one a magical creature beyond the failings of mortal man.

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

Back to the Beach
Posted by Frank J. at 05:36 PM | Email This

I'm sorry, but this is pretty funny in a morbid way. Fifty-five whales get beached Monday and there's a heroic effort to save them, but, they all returned today, beached once more, and the verdict is, "Screw it." There's no helping some marine life.

Rating: 2.6/5 (23 votes cast)

July 28, 2002
He Still Around
Posted by Frank J. at 06:06 PM | Email This

Clinton is whinning in another attempt to try and save his "legacy." He's just like France; he can't cope with how irrelevant he is.

Rating: 2.4/5 (32 votes cast)

Next They'll Try to Destroy the Sun
Posted by Frank J. at 05:58 PM | Email This

Like any evil supervillian, China is working on controlling the weather.

Rating: 2.2/5 (26 votes cast)

Comments (1)
July 25, 2002
Al Gore Should Try Inventing a Financial Calculator
Posted by Frank J. at 08:21 PM | Email This

Gore is arguing that the tax cut caused the economic sluggishness. How the hell would a tax cut slow an economy? Have the Democrats stopped operating in the realm of reality, or are they just banking on the fact that their base is dumb enough to buy that line.

Rating: 2.7/5 (27 votes cast)

He'd Get Lots of Press if He'd OD
Posted by Frank J. at 08:15 PM | Email This

Bill Clinton says stuff again, trying to be relevant and get attention. Can't the current president have him quietly disappeared?

Rating: 2.1/5 (25 votes cast)

I Wonder if He Kicks Puppies Too
Posted by Frank J. at 08:08 PM | Email This

I just heard on the O'Reilly Factor that Fritz Hollings, the eternal junior senator from South Carolina, isn't letting the widow of the captain of flight 175, which crashed into the south tower of the World Trade Center, testify about guns in the cockpit. Like I said before, Hollings is an ass.

Rating: 2.5/5 (28 votes cast)

Comments (2)
July 24, 2002
If You Can't Suck the Brains Out of a Child's Skull, What Rights Will Women Have Left?
Posted by Frank J. at 10:08 PM | Email This

A bill banning partial-birth abortion has passed the house, and, since Bush is in the White House, looks like this one will become law once it gets past the Senate. Abortions lovers hate this issue coming up, because abortion always becomes harder to defend when you can actually see the child and not just dismiss him or her as a mass of tissue. And its fun to see abortion boosters squirm as they try to explain why a few inches separate a fetus from a child. Nah, they'll still probably just shout the word "choice" over and over until you learn to stop trying to argue with them.

Rating: 2.6/5 (27 votes cast)

Comments (1)
More Destructive than Communism
Posted by Frank J. at 09:54 PM | Email This

A 1.2 mile wide asteroid could strike earth in 2019, but I know there are still some hippies around that don't want us to have any nukes. Well you can't destroy an earth shattering mass of iron ore with flower power.

Rating: 2.5/5 (25 votes cast)

Comments (1)
If They Close Down Taco Bell...
Posted by Frank J. at 09:34 PM | Email This

Fat people are suing fast food for being too yummy. Sometimes I think maybe these lawyers aren't just taking these cases for the money, but maybe instead some Satan fueled desire to destroy all that's good in the world. Could it be possible to make filing really frivolous lawsuits punishable by death? I'll have to have some lawyers look at that one.

Rating: 2.7/5 (22 votes cast)

Comments (1)
July 23, 2002
Did I Mention I Don't Like the Chinese Government?
Posted by Frank J. at 06:45 PM | Email This

China claims they don't have any forced abortions (or, as the feminists call it, "mandatory choice"). Of course, we know this is bull and cut funding to a U.N. group that might help China along in this crime against humanity. I'd go a step further and force abort their leadership.

Rating: 2.7/5 (34 votes cast)

Comments (40)
Israel's Missile Strike
Posted by Frank J. at 06:37 PM | Email This

I'm usually for bombing everyone, and I think that killing every member of Hamas would be a happy thing, but killing 14 to get one Hamas leader seem a more than a bit excessive no matter how important he is. Of course, the Palestinians make it as hard as they can to sympathize with, immediately calling for the killing of Israeli children (and I'll bitch slap anyone who doesn't see the difference between what Israel did and actually targeting children). I wonder, though, if the Palestinian defenders will ask us to stop being so critical and understand the Israelis' rage.

Rating: 2.4/5 (27 votes cast)

China Thinks They Can Nuke Us
Posted by Frank J. at 06:20 PM | Email This

China is making missiles that can defeat missile defense, i.e., to hit America. When are these mo'fo's going to catch the beat-down? The longer we play patty cake with them, the more powerful they'll be when we finally are forced to confront them.

Rating: 2.7/5 (26 votes cast)

Comments (5)
Shut Up About the Second Amendment or I'll Shoot You
Posted by Frank J. at 06:15 PM | Email This

A New York Times article talks about people reacting to the Bush's administration position that the 2nd Amendment refers to an individual right to bear arms. What's wrong with these people? Everyone who's not some whacky-ass intellectual always assumed that was the government's position. I mean, how convoluted does your reasoning have to be to read the amendment and think its a collective right? There are no such thing as collective rights!

Rating: 2.8/5 (25 votes cast)

Comments (4)
July 16, 2002
It's Wrong to be French
Posted by Frank J. at 09:44 PM | Email This

Jonah Goldberg has his annual column celebrating Bastille day. Definitely worth a read.

Rating: 2.8/5 (32 votes cast)

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Posted by Frank J. at 09:37 PM | Email This

A report says that "constructive engagement" has only allowed the evil government of China to become more powerful (they can now nuke Mississippi). Lesson is, don't be nice to evil governments; they'll use that to their evil advantage. I hope the current administration will learn and take a harder stance towards China and maybe bomb them now and then until they learn to play nice. But, seeing how they like to play buddy buddy with the Saudis, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Rating: 2.5/5 (28 votes cast)

July 15, 2002
Hackers of the World Unite
Posted by Frank J. at 10:00 PM | Email This

Hackers are using their powers for good instead of annoyingness by helping circumvent China's internet censorship. I'd love to be an idealist, but I bet most people, instead of joining in on dissident websites, will be downloading porn.

Vive la revolution!

Rating: 2.5/5 (25 votes cast)

Comments (15)
He Ain't Dead Until We Kill Him
Posted by Frank J. at 09:56 PM | Email This

They say ole' Usama is still around. I think that's good, because ID'ing his corpse long after the fact just won't be satisfying to Americans. We need him captured alive and then have a video tape of a live grenade being put in his mouth and the pin pulled. Sure, ACLU and France might complain, but we have plenty more grenades.

Rating: 2.5/5 (23 votes cast)

Communist Yahoos
Posted by Frank J. at 09:42 PM | Email This

Yahoo! has agreed to censor themselves according to wishes of the evil Chinese government. I'd criticize them, but I'm still hoping they'll list my site.

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

Deroy Explains it All
Posted by Frank J. at 09:37 PM | Email This

Deroy Murdoch explains why all the arguments against arming pilots are idiotic. BTW, if your against arming pilots, you're and idiot.

Rating: 2.2/5 (25 votes cast)

July 14, 2002
Get Frenchie
Posted by Frank J. at 06:29 PM | Email This

An emotionally disturbed neo-nazi tried to assassinate the French president. Due to the assailants poor mental health, France is not sure whether they'll be able to surrender to him.

Rating: 2.6/5 (36 votes cast)

| Best of IMAO 2002
They Should Blame Al Gore for All the Trouble
Posted by Frank J. at 06:25 PM | Email This

China is cracking down on Internet cafes. I really don't get how a country that big can keep acting like a silly little pissant country. Don't they have grander, eviler things to work on than keeping teens off of eBay?

Rating: 2.5/5 (25 votes cast)

July 13, 2002
The Only Good Commie is a Resigned Commie
Posted by Frank J. at 10:45 PM | Email This

It may be trouble getting "President" Jiang to step down in China so his successor can take his place. Maybe, in a gesture of goodwill, the U.S. can assassinate Jiang to help move things along.

Rating: 2.7/5 (25 votes cast)

Is it Piloted by Aibo?
Posted by Frank J. at 07:37 PM | Email This

Robot planes! Probably work well for the Air Force until they inevitably turn on us and try to kill all humans. I assume they have good protection from hackers...

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Keystone Spooks
Posted by Frank J. at 03:47 PM | Email This

I saw on FOX News that the FBI warned Pasadena, California of a possible terrorist attack on an oil refinery. Then, upon realizing there are no oil refineries in Pasadena, California, warned Pasadena, Texas. That's all fine and good, but I wonder how long it took them to make that correction. I've only just driven through Pasadena, California once, and I could have told that there are absolutely no oil refineries there, unless one is hidden in a CalTech lab.

Rating: 2.3/5 (26 votes cast)

"Not to shatter your ego, but this isn't the first time we've had a nuclear missle pointed at us."
Posted by Frank J. at 11:30 AM | Email This

China has at least twenty nuclear missiles capable of reaching the states, and is working on building more. Now, since we're the defenders of freedom, anyone who would point missiles at us is insanely evil, thus we really have to start moving towards a solution with China that involves the execution of all their leaders. If we attacked now, I bet their missiles couldn't reach past California; something to think about.

Rating: 2.8/5 (23 votes cast)

July 12, 2002
The Greater Threat
Posted by Frank J. at 05:30 PM | Email This

Just because we're fighting terrorists, don't forget our old threat of Communism. China's still moving towards invading Taiwan, and the furthering spread of a Commie state is more of a threat to us than the delusional wackos were dealing with now. Better start taking a tougher line with China if we want their Communism to end with a whimper like the Soviets instead of a bang.

And while were talking about Communism, why is Castro still alive?

Rating: 2.3/5 (26 votes cast)

Watch Your Neighbors
Posted by Frank J. at 05:01 PM | Email This

5000 people linked to Usama and Al Qaeda are thought to be in the U.S. Another reason for carrying a gun.

Rating: 2.6/5 (24 votes cast)

Commie Carps
Posted by Frank J. at 04:58 PM | Email This

Maryland has been invaded by Chinese super fish. They have voracious appetites and can live outside of water. One reason for carrying a gun.

Rating: 2.8/5 (26 votes cast)

Guns Make People Stupid
Posted by Frank J. at 11:56 AM | Email This

I was reading this article on people's reaction to arming pilots, and it's a good illustration of how some people turn into complete retards when guns are part of the issue. The first guy worries that, when terrorists are on the plane trying to kill everyone, that the pilot might miss. Oh no, can't keep everyone from being killed because someone might get killed. Later in the article, a woman wonders what happens if the pilots are drinking. Does she feel safe flying with unarmed, drunk pilots? A pilot can already crash the plane and kill everyone, so giving him a gun doesn't make him (or her, for you feminists out there) any more of a danger to the passengers. Just to the terrorists.

Rating: 2.4/5 (22 votes cast)

July 11, 2002
Under God
Posted by Frank J. at 09:45 PM | Email This

I just saw O'Riley interview the atheist guy who brought the pledge, and it seems like every atheist spokesperson I see on TV is really nervous looking and fast talking. But, you have to be pretty messed up to be an atheist. That's an irrational faith (because you can't prove it) in that there is no God and that no matter what life you live you are doomed to eternal nothingness. Why would you choose to have a faith like that (and it has to be a choice, because you can't be inspired to that view unless there's an atheist god to inspire you, which doesn't make any sense)? Anyway, I just hate this argument that the government taking a position that there is a God is forcing the view on everyone. The government also takes the position that racism is wrong and that the earth is round, but people in the U.S. are still allowed to have racist beliefs and belive the world is flat. And, just like the atheist, they're dumbasses.

Rating: 2.4/5 (27 votes cast)

Barbara's Got a Gun
Posted by Frank J. at 08:39 PM | Email This

I was for arming pilots as soon as I heard about it, but now that Sen. Barbara Boxer is for it, I wonder if it's some sort of trick. Think! Think! Can arming pilots be used for evil instead of good...

Rating: 2.2/5 (26 votes cast)

Taiwan Stands Alone
Posted by Frank J. at 07:04 PM | Email This

I was looking through the CIA World Factbook, laughing at how pathetic all other countries are compared to the U.S., and I noticed something odd. The first entry under 'T' is "Taiwan entry follows Zimbabwe". You scroll down, and there sits the link for Taiwan all alone, outside of the alphabetical listing. I thought at first maybe this is because Taiwan was the only "non-country" on the listing, but their were other listing within the alphabetical lists that weren't really countries like Hong Kong, the World, and France. It just seemed odd that Taiwan was singled out from everyone else like that. Maybe its just to make sure China doesn't think we believe Taiwan to be separate country, but maybe I'm just reading too much into this.

Rating: 2.4/5 (28 votes cast)

Brave Stance
Posted by Frank J. at 06:22 PM | Email This

Amensty International finally came out today against Palestian murder-suicide bombings (that's what I call 'em). Is there actually some universe where these people have credibility. I guess they were too busy complaining about child murderers being excuted in the U.S. to complain about the children being murdered. Support for the bombings remains nearly 70% in Palestine. I don't even care what Israel is doing to them; if these people don't understand that it is wrong to target and blow up a nine-year-old girl, then they aren't being oppressed enough in my book. Obviously, they can't be reasoned with like adults, so I say Israel should treat them like children. They should force all the Palestians to sit in the corner for a couple hours thinking about why what they have been supporting is wrong. After that, they must all write one hundred word essays on why murder is bad. All answers will then be graded on a bell curve. The top five percent of scorers will be leaders of the new goverment, the middle ninety percent will be set back to their business, and the bottom five percent immediately executed. Finally, in celebration of the new government, Arafat will be shot out of a cannon.

Rating: 2.7/5 (27 votes cast)

Flight School
Posted by Frank J. at 07:36 AM | Email This

I'm in Florida and I've just started seeing ads for flying lesson on TV which I hadn't seen before. I hope its a sting operation.

Rating: 2.7/5 (25 votes cast)

July 10, 2002
Do You Know What Kind of Powder is in George Washington's Wig?
Posted by Frank J. at 10:45 PM | Email This

Most money has trace amounts of cocaine on it, according to snopes.com. Maybe money can make you happy.

Rating: 2.2/5 (26 votes cast)

Comments (1)
What Rhymes with Literate?
Posted by Frank J. at 10:19 PM | Email This

The nations teachers should applaud Jesse Jackson for his calling President Bush "unliterate." If they ever need to explain irony to their students, they'll never find another example so succinct.

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Old Man Toumai
Posted by Frank J. at 10:11 PM | Email This

A fossil skull, between, six and seven million years of age has been found with human and apes characteristics. Sounds a bit like the missing link to me. I know a lot of people don't believe in evolution, but I just don't buy it that God would make people suddenly appear out of nothing. That seems lazy. The digits of pi go on forever, which shows God tried really hard to make this universe fit together in a sensible way, so I don't think He would skimp on giving people a backstory.

Rating: 2.2/5 (27 votes cast)

Sexy Position
Posted by Frank J. at 09:54 PM | Email This

I'm watching the model Kathy Ireland on Hannity and Colmes, and she just said, "There is one issue I'm very liberal on; I'm very liberal on protecting the rights of the unborn." That turned me on more than if she came out wearing a bikini.

Rating: 2.3/5 (21 votes cast)

Comments (14)
National Public Retards
Posted by Frank J. at 09:48 PM | Email This

NPR has apologized for saying a Christian group might be responsible for the anthrax attacks. I guess for the fantasy world these liberals live in to not implode on itself, they needed Christian terrorists to counter-balance the Islamic ones. Why does our tax dollars go for crap like this and PBS? If we're going to have public broadcasting, it should show case stuff our government does do right, like live feed of terrorists getting shot. Then people might actually watch it, too.

Rating: 1.7/5 (24 votes cast)

Police Brutality
Posted by Frank J. at 09:32 PM | Email This

I'm sure you've heard by now about the alleged police brutality in Inglewood, CA. Now both sides have put out their stories, and I'm sure we're not going to hear the end of this for a while. What I don't understand is why it seems like every started freaking out about this before much details were. The "victim" is a teenager, for pete's sake, and anyone who's ever encounter a teenager knows that they all have done at least something deserving a whomping.

Rating: 2.4/5 (27 votes cast)

Pilots Should be Packing
Posted by Frank J. at 05:41 PM | Email This

The bill to arm pilots has just passed the house, which is good because all the arguments against arming pilots were idiotic. I mean, you have a situation where terrorists are trying to kill everybody and F-16's are going to shoot the plane out of the sky and people are worried that the pilot might then put a tiny hole in the plane or graze a stewardess? Sen. Fritz Hollings, who's an ass, is probably going to keep this from a vote in the Senate, though. If only the pilots had guns I bet he wouldn't dis' them like that.

Rating: 2.4/5 (24 votes cast)

July 09, 2002
War Games
Posted by Frank J. at 09:55 PM | Email This

The U.S. Army is now making computer games for free download. The military was always the only part of the federal government I didn't mind my tax money going to because they kill evil foreigners, but now I get video games out of the deal. Kick ass!

Rating: 2.9/5 (31 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Earth Smackdown
Posted by Frank J. at 08:31 PM | Email This

Have you heard about how the WWF has come out and said that we only have until 2050 before we use up the earth's resources? I haven't watched the WWF for a while, so I have no clue where this comes from, but my bet is that their science is as phony as their wrestling. I'd find out more, but the best parts of their study is only on pay perview.

Rating: 2.3/5 (26 votes cast)

Peace or Pothole
Posted by Frank J. at 08:22 PM | Email This

First off, I don't like the way the current administration is pussyfooting in the Middle East. If Reagan were still around, right now there would either be peace in the Middle East or it would be one giant smoldering pothole. And then it would be done with. Instead we play buddy-buddy with a bunch of dictators who, in a true and just world, should be hanging from trees. At least, it seems, Bush has completely cut off all ties with Arafat. I think we could have cut off ties with him a lot more forcefully, though. Instead of Bush coming out and saying, "You should elect someone other than Arafat because we don't like him," just so the Palestinians could defy us, we should first have had a sniper take him out and then say, "I think you should elect someone other than Arafat because he's dead now." Then the Palestinians would have to concede to our simple logic or elect a dead man. They'd probably elect a dead man, but sometimes people surprise you.

Rating: 2.4/5 (36 votes cast)

Comments (1) | Best of IMAO 2002
New Blog
Posted by Frank J. at 07:42 PM | Email This

Hooray! A new blog! There's lots of stuff I felt like spouting off about, so here I am. Just as a warning, everything written here is in the most unrefined form and should not be used as an actual opinion.

Rating: 2.2/5 (30 votes cast)

Comments (3)

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