* I don't know about this Wesley Clark and how he was all Republican crazy just like eight minutes before he decided to run for the Democrat nomination. In a way, he's like Arianna Huffington if she were a man and a general and had white hair and didn't talk funny and actually had a chance of being elected and... well, you know what I mean.

* From the polls, which are always accurate, it looks like Arnold has a lock on the governorship. Little known fact is that when a governor is recalled in California, the replacement governor needs to pick up the old one in the air and then snap him in two while shouting, "Dah!". That's why few are as qualified as a recall candidate as Arnold.

* A gorilla escaped in Boston and injured two people. It took police a while to take action because at first they just though it was Ted Kennedy having a night on the town. When will people learn that monkeys and people can't live side by side? As soon as we turn our backs on them for a second, they'll rampage like Kennedys.

* In more monkey news, scientists say that orangutans could go extinct in 20 years because of habitat destruction by illegal loggers. And you were against illegal loggers.

* And don't someone e-mail me to tell me apes aren't monkeys. They're all monkeys to me. Monkey monkey monkey!

* What's this about a CIA leak from the Whitehouse. I've been busy being sick so I haven't paid attention. So, are like the Democrats suddenly concerned with national security all of sudden. How odd.

* I still can't believe people are actually thinking of electing a Democrat to the presidency. Do you really think a Democrat could handle things if we got attacked by terrorists again or if ninjas ambushed us? No, they'd just cry and hide under table as say, "Please, Republicans, save us; you're big an tough!" And maybe we'll be like, "Screw you guys; you're on your own. Should have stocked up on guns like me."

* When interviewed by Hannity, Arnold said his political inspiration was Ronald Reagan. Can a Republican candidate be viable if he answers in any other way?

* When interviewed, Bustamante identified his political inspiration as “Mayor McCheese”.

* Okay, Bustamante isn’t really fat enough to pull that joke off. So sue me.

* I hear all this argument about getting the Iraqis a constitution. Why not just photocopy ours and replace the word "people" with "Iraqis"?

* What?