About IMAO
Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy! Buy funniest book ever!
IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World
Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery
Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
August 31, 2005
George Bush is Stealing My Oil!
Posted by Harvey at 06:19 PM
|
Email
This
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment) According to modern leftist dogma, the whole reason we went to Iraq is to steal oil. Yet oil's going for nearly $70 a barrel these days. Since it's obvious that he didn't sell it on the open market, what did W do with all that stolen oil? My theories: * Fixed that sticky door hinge on Air Force One. * Needed supplies for the "Oil-Wrestle Condi" contest. * Keeps it in his personal refinery so that he has enough gas to drive his International CXT across town if he wants to. * Dumped it in Boston Harbor as a protest against England's "Texas Tea Tax". * He's reverse-engineering it to make an army of dinosaurs. * Sea otters have become tragically non-flammable in recent years. Trend now reversed. * It's still sitting in Iraq, because Bush is having trouble getting blood for it. * Bush hopes that if he keeps enough oil for himself, his monkey-faced daughters will grow up to be as pretty as Elly May. * It's even possible that he didn't steal the oil. Maybe it's just that there are no barrels left to put the oil in because Bush had them made into steelpan drums which he's giving away to boost his poll numbers in the Caribbean-American community. * However, based on recently acquired satellite images, I'd have to say that it's pretty obvious that he's just hiding it in and around the White House. BONUS FUN GAME: How many barrels of George Bush's stolen oil can you find in this picture? |