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September 23, 2008
Since there isn't really that much either party knows to do to make sure the economy becomes stable, this contest is probably going to come down to which candidate can BS the best. What McCain really needs to do is just say right-sounding stuff and say it confidently so as to keep people from panicking. Some suggestions:
"We can shore up capital by mortgaging stocks."
"A strong fiscal finance is all that's needed to for profitable currency."
"We'll stabilize the economy by reversing the polarity of the tachyon particles."
"All we need to remember is hibbilty gibber flibble floo."
Well, that's all the economic advice I have. Can we talk about guns again?
Yay! NRA Ads
New NRA ads:
Take that, you little America-hating fascist!
I don't trust anyone who doesn't understand why the 2nd Amendment is important because then that person doesn't have a good understanding of liberty in general. Someone who thinks banning guns for people's "own good" is an okay idea should never be given any power. Yeah, Obama says he won't do anything against guns now, but someone who lived in Chicago so long and never once spoke against those draconian laws has no love of freedom. Also, people who don't like guns are sissies, and so many heroes did not shed blood on foreign soil so this country can be run by a sissy.
Something to keep in mind.
Don't Freak Out and Increase the Government
Are you getting as afraid as me that we're going to end up making some sort of new New Deal thing and bloat the government even more? If you've been reading IMAO since the beginning, you may remember I was quite adamantly opposed to the original New Deal. I think a lot of my fears ended coming true there, and I'm not going to let that happen again.
Sleep easy tonight . . .
United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon met with Yakov Smirnoff yesterday at UN headquarters in New York to iron out that whole Middle East nuclear Armageddon thing.
Though I'm not really thrilled with SP meeting with Lex Luthor.
September 22, 2008
EXLUSIVE: Embarrassing Palin gaffe caught on film at Florida rally . . .
Via Rachel at pereiraville.com
No, it wasn't her sweating like a dyslexic on countdown (maybe SarahK wasn't just whining about the heat all those years) . . .
It was this . . .
Seven Hundred Billion Dollars
Seven hundred billion dollars.
That's like over two thousand dollars each. When we sold our house this year, we actually had to take out a loan to fully pay off the mortgage... and now I'm paying thousands more for other people who weren't paying their mortgages? Am I just a sucker or something to play by the rules? Are all of us who paid taxes suckers?
We shouldn't even be giving the government this money in the first place, but they get bitchy if you don't pay them. I mean, they send letters and then they start calling all the time. Eventually, they'll even call the police on you. Yeah, the police will come to your door and be like, "The federal government called with a complaint about you."
And you're like, "I didn't do anything illegal. The federal government is just being a bitch because it thinks I owe them money."
You might even have to go to the station to sort things out. It's a mess.
The government is irresponsible with it's money it takes from us, but I guess when you can just take money whenever you feel like it that doesn't really lead to responsibility. Anyway, just think of the much cooler things we could do than bailing out lenders and lendees if we, together as a society, decided to spend seven hundred billion dollars.
THINGS WE COULD DO WITH SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS
* Construct cyborg cops to police America.
* Create a new battlemech branch of the military.
* Put a base on one of the moons of Jupiter.
* Build a bridge from Key West to Nowhere in Alaska.
* Start construction of a Death Star.
* Build a cloaking device to keep America hidden from terrorists (and Mexicans).
* Construct a working Voltron.
* Build an array of space-based lasers to zap evil foreigners 24/7.
* Fund at least a year's worth of the usual pork projects.
Sixty thousand people turned out to see Sarah Palin in Florida, and SarahK and I happen to know two of them so it's almost like we got to see Palin.
Better Not Lick the Paint Job
So Hugo Chavez is buying Chinese combat planes. How is that like the opposite of threatening? I'm sure the Chinese combat planes are very reasonably prices, but we're all quite familiar with Chinese workmanship these days. I'm guessing if you're evil and can't afford old Russian surplus, China is the way to go.
Still, what if Chavez attacks the U.S. with his planes and they crash all over America? If they stay up long enough for us to shoot them down, do we have to worry about the lead in them getting airborne? Some things to worry about.
Fun at Other Websites
I'm guest posting at Right Wing News today, and I have a post up there that will hopefully cause conservatives to be introspective about their hatred for minorities.
Also, Whitler once again has another article at National Review Online. He's a great author, and I certainly hope this gives him a bigger audience.
Guten Tag meine Freunde . . .
Oktoberfest has started! The mayor of Munich kicked of the annual festivities by tapping the first keg . . .
In a sign that things might be changing for the better, they are even celebrating Oktoberfest in Fallujah this year . . .
So how do Iraqi beer wenches REALLY stack up against their German counterparts?
When we pull back the burkas we find that the desert isn't the only thing that's hot on the Arabian penninsula . . .
Note: After Oktoberfest, my favorite German word is schadenfreude.
September 21, 2008
Wordpress Move Update
I still have a few things to take care of, and I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle archives (I might just leave old posts as they are for now since that's easier), but here's what the new site is going to be like. Not only does it seem to load faster, but the center column with the posts actually loads first. Hopefully we'll be operating from their pretty soon. Once again, lots of thanks to Basil.
You're now part owner of thousands of condemned, derelict, abandoned, and foreclosed upon crack houses!
For the low, low, low price of $2,700.00 from every man, woman, and child, we have the privilege of bailing out dozens of incompetent, and often corrupt, mega-corporations. Of course, that $2,700.00 doesn't take into account that lots of people don't pay any tax at all (and therefore if you are an earner, your cost is much greater than $2,700.00) or the interest you'll be paying until the end of time, but heck what's another trillion dollars anyway. You could use that economic stimulus check you got to offset the cost, except that you probably used it up in increased fuel costs, and, in any event, that was just borrowed money too!
Will the corrupt lenders and government officials (on both sides of the aisle) who failed to foresee this problem and regulate against it pay any price? Not bloody likely! They'll just work out a trillion dollar bailout plan over a weekend and pass it within a week so no one has to deal with ugly little things like taking responsibility.
Am I saying that the government shouldn't push through the bailout? No. It's pretty clear we were headed for economic disaster of historic proportions if we let the market collapse. However, I don't have to like it.
Say hello to your new landlord. He'll loan you as much of your own money, obtained through selling you cheap products made with near-slave labor, as you need. Better brush up on your Mandarin comrade. 我们正在性交!
September 20, 2008
September 19, 2008
It's Time for Grand Gestures
Everybody's worried about all the financial... even though I'm still not quite sure how any of it affects me. Now, the presidential candidates are going to use this as a case for themselves, but President Bush really needs to make some grand gesture if he doesn't want to go out of his presidency on a super low note.
Here's my idea for Bush: Take over America in a military coup.
Yeah, I know, he's already in charge, but that's what will make this so much easier. He has unquestionable control of the military, so it won't take much to get a bunch of tanks to come into D.C. so Bush can come out and announce, "Because of this crisis, I am taking over America and declaring myself leader. I will also punish all of those who are responsible!"
Then he can say all the problems are because of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. He'll then put the two in a rocket and launch them into space as is the custom in American military coups. And now the weirdo goobers who think he stole the elections will have to finally recognize President Bush since his military coup will certainly be very legitimate. Or they will also be placed in rockets.
It all sounds like a good idea to me. There's only so much the government can do, so it's best just to keep people from panicking by taking charge with military force. The other idea for Bush is to flee in the middle of the night, but he can keep that as an option if the first idea doesn't work.
Another Questionable Obama Associate
We know Obama hangs out with racists, loons, unrepentant terrorists, and Democrats, but those aren't even his worst associates as you can see from this picture:
Barack Obama (right) attending a fund raising event with African-American Beard the Pirate (left).
So is Obama for raping, pillaging, and plundering? I've certainly never heard him speak out against plundering.
Michelle Malkin has the full story of how Palin's e-mail got hacked. Basically, the little goober exploited the forget your password feature of Yahoo mail which asked questions about Palin which were all common knowledge. Hopefully this exposure will get them to change their security.
Anywho, I like this quote from the "hacker":
I read though the emails… ALL OF THEM… before I posted, and what I concluded was anticlimactic, there was nothing there, nothing incriminating, nothing that would derail her campaign as I had hoped, all I saw was personal stuff, some clerical stuff from when she was governor…. And pictures of her family
Wow. Nothing incriminating. Maybe because you're actually the amoral scumbag and not her?
Anyway, look like the dork is the son of a Tennessee state rep (Democrat, of course).
So what should be done to him? Probably the smartest thing would be to really beat him up and throw him a dumpster. Then Palin can show her compassion by forgiving him and not pressing charges and leaving him to rest in his dumpster.
Aye, mateys, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which means you get to annoy yer coworkers since the gub'ment still refuses to make it an official holiday and give us the day off.
Eh, that's all the pirate talking I can do for one day.
Obama has finally hit on a campaign idea that just might work . . .
In Elko, Obama tried to anticipate his critics and called on the crowd of about 1,500 to sharpen their elbows, too.
"I need you to go out and talk to your friends and talk to your neighbors. I want you to talk to them whether they are independent or whether they are Republican. I want you to argue with them and get in their face," he said. "And if they tell you that, 'Well, we're not sure where he stands on guns.' I want you to say, 'He believes in the Second Amendment.' If they tell you, 'Well, he's going to raise your taxes,' you say, 'No, he's not, he's going lower them.' You are my ambassadors. You guys are the ones who can make the case."
September 18, 2008
Site Move Progress
Basil of Basil's Blog has made a theme for me, so hopefully I'll be ready to make the blog move to Wordpress this weekend. It's still crashing and not allowing comments a couple times a day... plus comments have always been a bit wonky. Sometime, I really vulgar troll gets his comment moved to junk but it's still published on the site -- just I don't get the comment e-mailed to me and only see everyone reacting to it. Recently, I saw a whole bunch of people got their e-mail junked by using the word "whore" (responding to a troll who used the word who apparently did get his comment published), and some might have even got automatically banned... though I have no idea how to check. It's very annoying. Harvey got banned a little while ago and I could never find out why and had to manually add his IP to a safe list.
Anyway, good times ahead when I move. Hopefully I can even get the site to load faster.
Michelle Obama: Don't withold vote because of "crazy eyes"
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) — Michelle Obama asked voters Thursday to make their choice on the issues, not to spite a candidate because his spouse is "annoying" or has "crazy eyes." The line won a big round of applause. Before it subsided, she interjected: "And I'm talking about me."
A spotlight loving RINO rears his ugly head . . .
I guessed from just the following headline, who the Benedict Arnold was . . .
GOP senator: A 'stretch' to say Palin is qualified
WASHINGTON – Nebraska Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel said his party's vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, lacks foreign policy experience and called it a "stretch" to say she's qualified to be president. "She doesn't have any foreign policy credentials," Hagel said in an interview published Thursday by the Omaha World-Herald. "You get a passport for the first time in your life last year? I mean, I don't know what you can say. You can't say anything."
Time to Better Police the Tubes
Palin's e-mail getting hacked is the perfect opportunity for McCain to seize control of an issue that affects all Americans. Obviously, current law has not been effective with the internet considering the amount of hackers and spammers and spyware. With the anonymity people get on the internet, they think they can do anything, and prosecuting a person or two every so often is just not slowing them down. It's time for new tactics. It's time to enter the twenty-first century. It's time for a secret police that is above the law and answers to no one.
McCain's first act of president should be to sign a bill to create the Internet Secret Police -- or ISP for short unless that acronym is already used on the internet. "After signing this bill," McCain will announce, "I will have no more control over these people. They are above the law, can use whatever tactics they want, and cannot be stopped. God help you weirdos on the internet."
When they find who broke into Palin's e-mail account, the ISP will burn down their houses and connect the hackers tiny gonads to car batteries -- and they will post video of it all on YouTube. Inevitably, there will be an outcry, to which McCain can reply, "Hey, there's nothing I can do about it. It's not out of my hands."
"But won't they go crazy with their power and commit even more horrific acts?" some will ask.
To which McCain will smile and say, "Inevitably."
Everyone will then get a final e-mail from spammers with pictures of them being flayed alive. Whole villages in Nigeria will be razed to the ground. People online will fear uttering l33t speak like wizards fear saying the name Voldemort.
When spam is destroyed and hackers are reduced to curling up in the corner of their parents' basements with fear, who will the ISP target next? Anonymous trolls, maybe? You may think it will be horrific what will happen to them and a violation of human rights and basic human decency, but you have to admit it will help the economy to be rid of a few more useless people.
So this should be what McCain will promise: A reduction of spam, a reduction of cyber-attacks, and a reduction of annoying little goober kids. We will have a new, cleaner, more efficient internet, and that's hope and change we can all believe in. As for anonymity on the internet, that's still fine. Just don't use it to annoy anyone, because then you die.
Sign o' the times: New KITT gets jacked in Toronto
I remember when the first Knight Rider came out--back in the day, Dukes of Hazzard ruled the redneck roost. Can you imagine if people came to school today with the General Lee with the Confederate flag on it? All hell would surely break loose. Anyway, before it came out, they had this marketing campaign comparing the capabilities of the General Lee to KITT, and they showed this scene where they throw a brick at KITT. The next day, this idiot kid (easily the stupidest kid in my class, and probably in the running for stupidest kid in school), came up to me and said "Did you see the new KITT car? ::yokle chuckle:: They threw a brick at the windshield at it and it BOUNCED OFF!" This was the same kid, who in third grade, when asked what "extinct" meant, said "smelly?". Not surprisingly, the poor guy got killed in an accident when he got sucked into some industrial machinery a couple years back. They never put "Most likely to die in an occupational accident" in yearbooks, but if they did, it would most definitely have been bestowed upon this guy. Ah, good times.
We Were Wrong
If you look at the poll averages, Obama is back ahead. The trolls were right: Palin has a liability for the ticket. McCain was a fool to ever nominate her. Now the Democrats are going to win because we had too much hubris to listen the trolls who visit here. Just think of their little troll laughter when Obama wins and how much we will deserve their mockery.
I guess the conservative movement will have to wait until 2012, but I think it's too optimistic to believe we'll have things together by then. 2016 is more likely... if America is still around in any form we still recognize. Me, I'm going to look for material to make my floating platform out in the sea that I shall name Frank J-istan. The military force of one shotgun should be enough to keep hippies off of it at least.
September 17, 2008
Fun Trivia: What do you get when you combine F.M. and N.O.W.?
The National Organization for Women and Feminist Majority announces their endorsement of Democratic Presidential candidate U.S. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) during a press conference September 16, 2008 in Washington, DC.
Bonus: What's the opposite of F.U.G.L.Y.?
Query: Should Aquaman be ritually beheaded according to Sharia law?
Mickey Mouse Is A Satanic Soldier Says Islamic Cleric
Mickey Mouse has been known to gather the odd adversary here and there in recent years but Sheikh Muhammad Munajid in Saudi Arabia has stated this week that lovable Mickey is undoubtedly "one of Satan's soldiers" It has been claimed also by the Sheikh that Mickey Mouse makes "everything he touches impure." Perhaps this statement is merely confirming the great divide between East and West, yet in this particular instance, it was not Western society taking a battering. Only Mr Mouse.
The cleric had also said that he believed that Mickey Mouse, and even Jerry in the Tom and Jerry cartoons, have led children to believe that the animal was lovable. The spokesperson, who also once been a diplomat at the Saudi embassy in Washington DC, also stated that under Sharia law, all mice, including household mice and even those found on screen, must be destroyed.
The thoughts of Mr Munajid became apparent when he featured on an Islamic TV channel talking about the laws on mice and how they are viewed in Islamic teachings. Through translation by the Middle East Media Research Institute, the statement read: "The mouse is one of Satan's soldiers and is steered by him. If a mouse falls into a pot of food – if the food is solid, you should chuck out the mouse and the food touching it, and if it is liquid – you should chuck out the whole thing, because the mouse is impure. According to Islamic law, the mouse is a repulsive, corrupting creature. How do you think children view mice today – after Tom and Jerry? Even creatures that are repulsive by nature, by logic, and according to Islamic law have become wonderful and are loved by children. Even mice. Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases."
I'm Not Going to Call Him a Traitor... But I'll Let My Commenters Do It
So, apparently Obama negotiated with Iraqis to not allow withdrawal of American troops, straight out undermining our country. So now his campaign strategy is to basically be a gremlin to America's interests and then claim to be able to fix everything he's screwed up if we elect him? So what else has he been doing? Drugging American athletes to try and keep us from winning medals at the Olympics? Finding people who are looking for jobs and talk them down to employers to keep them unemployed? Breaking levees in hopes of more flooding? Is he why giant lenders are failing?
The guy could be a supervillian -- Captain UnAmerican. We have to watch him. Hopefully Biden isn't doing things like this to, because I don't think you can pay anyone enough to keep an eye on him.
Obama Is Okay with Us
Look at what Obama said:
"The one thing that I want to insist on is that, as I travel around the country, the American people are a decent people. Now they get confused sometimes. You know, they listen to the wrong talk radio shows or watch the wrong TV networks, um, but they’re, they’re basically decent, they’re basically sound."
See, Obama doesn't hate America and Americans. It sounds like he downright tolerates us and our stupidity. Doesn't that make you feel warm inside? Let's give him the nuclear passcodes!
Menaces to Society
97% of kids play video games. This begs the question: What the hell is wrong with the other 3%? Are they not l33t enough? Do they play solitaire through the horribly inefficient deck of cards method? Do they not need to run around shooting people in video games because they do it in real life?
They sound dangerous. There should be a law that adults have to keep an eye on kids.
A Concerned Christian
As a concerned Christian who has voted Republican his entire life, I have to say that this year I plan to vote for McCain/Palin for much of the same reasons I usually vote Republican. Also, I am opposed to Obama for much of the same reasons I'm usually opposed to liberal Democrats.
September 16, 2008
I like the scowl . . .
It distracts from the horrific hair plugs and bad face lift . . .
Nice catch via Tony "Hey, he looks like that Walter puppet,from that
Coincidentally, Biden also frequently has a fist up his . . .
I'm guessing this isn't the optimal grip method . . .
Iraqi policeman points a gun at a man suspected to be a member of al-Qaida in a police station in Kirkuk, 290 kilometers (180 miles) north of Baghdad, Iraq, Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2008. Iraqi police detained four terrorist suspects and seized weapons, explosives and what are thought to be plans to attack security forces.
Ace is wondering if some of the concern trolls were getting -- the ones pretending to be Republicans -- are astroturfing and actually part of the Obama campaign. I checked some of the troll IPs, and there are a few from Chicago, Illinois. If this is true, that's pretty pathetic. They're doing a presidential campaign, and they're tasking people to annoy IMAO readers?
Then again, I guess they're paying more attention to me than McCain.
Opinion of a Concerned Progressive
People who read this blog know that I have been a leader in progressive causes for forty-three years and have been active in the Democratic Party all that time, but while I think Barack Obama seems like a nice person, I worry he could ultimatly hurt the Democrats and progressivism. The thing is, while he tries to be a liberal, I suspect he's not all that bright. That's why for the first time ever I'm considering voting Republican because of incidents like these:
BARACK OBAMA IS SUCH A DUMB LIBERAL THAT...
...he tried to pass a ban on semi-automatic salted weapons.
...the reason he pressed the "Present" button when voting so many times is because he thought then he'd get one.
...he's proposed abandoning Iraq and dividing the country between the Kurds and Whey.
...when he heard some abortion doctors needed new equipment, he got them shotguns to shoot down storks.
...he's claimed the government can afford all his proposals by raising taxes on people named "Rich."
...he's loudly complained about people confusing his name with Obama's.
...he tried to increase funding for St. Patrick's Day thinking it was a celebration of going green.
...when he realized he didn't know who the leaders of the terrorists are, he wrote his proposed surrender on the War on Terror "To Whom It May Concern."
...he gets angry at any foreign dignitaries who visits America and don't speak Spanish.
...trying to one up Hillary during the campaign, he proposed galactic health care.
...he says he's open to bisexual talks with North Korea.
...pandering to illegal immigrants he said, "Ich bin ein taco supreme!"
...when he first tried cocaine, he did it by sprinkling it on a donut.
...when trying to share in the culture when visiting an Islamic state, when about to pray he asked in what direction was Macaca.
...he feels guilty whenever he eats peanut butter on a Ritz since his church is always going on about how evil crackers are.
...when he heard his half-brother lives in a tiny hut in Kenya, he asked if it was the pizza kind.
...when he was told Republicans were engaged in an assault on "choice," he wrote a long letter in defense of Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors.
...when he heard Bill Ayers had planted bombs at the Pentagon, he thought it was to help the military grow more bombs.
...he proposed a gay marriage bill to allow lesbians and gay men to marry.
...he wondered aloud if Dumbo was based on him. When asked if he meant because of the ears, he replied, "No, because of the name."
All this, and I hear that whenever Obama's campaign has a policy meeting, they need to make sure there's no bucket on the floor near Obama or otherwise when he gets bored he'll get curious if his head will fit inside and inevitably get it stuck. Thus, despite the fact that I'm a long time progressive, I think I may have to vote this year for McCain and Palin. You other progressives should consider it to.
Did you hear what Obama was recently bragging about:
"If we're going to ask questions about, you know, who has been promulgating negative ads that are completely unrelated to the issues at hand, I think I win that contest pretty handily."
Obama is actually bragging about having substance free negative ads! The Democrats really picked a horrible person as their nominee. They should consider replacing him with a more serious choice like their previous vice presidential candidate Joe Lieberman.
September 15, 2008
I was thinking of a good strategy for President McCain. Anytime he needs to get something passed that the liberals will be in big opposition to (like anything useful for the war), he just needs to have Palin come out and give a televised speech. It can even just be here waving and saying, "Hi!" The left-wing nuts will all shriek and scream and fling poo in reaction and completely forget about whatever McCain is doing.
Site Move Progress
Just so you know, I've got Wordpress in place but now need to get a theme set up that resembles this one. I'll worry about all the post moving after that (actually transferring posts and comments shouldn't be too hard; that challenge sounds like keeping old links working).
BREAKING NEWS: Reeling Obama campaign seeks Clintons' advice
Today the Obama campaign, increasingly desperate to craft a coherent message, or at least avoid daily embarrassing gaffes that alienate voters, reached out to Bill and Hillary Clinton for advice. The Clintons, in the spirit of unity, suggested an immediate change in tact, and unveiled a new ad campaign that they suggest should be implemented immediately.
September 13, 2008
Is Time to Save This Blog or Destroy It
Before this blog fully collapses on me (it crashes to the point of not allowing comments a couple times a day now), I'm think I'm gong to go ahead and finally give into my wife's nagging and move it to Wordpress. Hopefully I can figure out to make the site load faster when I do so to. I'm now a web programmer, for pete's sake, and this site is just a horrid mess.
Anyway, if the site disappears forever, just know I tried. Also, if you know anything about a Wordpress move or know where to direct me, please comment (or e-mail if comments aren't working). Thanks.
September 12, 2008
Comment of the Day
Wouldn't McCain look a lot cooler if he talked in a pirate voice and carried a rusty cutlass around with him?
I totally agree. That would be awesome. Plus, since Colonel Tigh has a patch eye, it's easy to imagine what McCain would like as a pirate. I should remind him that Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming up in like a week, so it would be the perfect time for McCain to unveil his new image.
I think they spent months trying to figure out how they can position Obama as better qualified than McCain, and basically came up with the fact that Obama can type.
Why can't you guys be as clever as Ace's commenters?
The latest Obama ad portrays McCain as being old and out of touch, even making fun of how he can't send an e-mail. Jonah Goldberg looked it up, though, and the reason McCain can't send an e-mail isn't because he's old or out of touch but is actually because McCain can't use a keyboard because of beatings he received from the Vietcong.
Allahpundit found some anecdotes that suggest McCain can use a computer, but you have to wonder what gaggle of monkeys Obama has working for him to make attacks like this. If running a presidential campaign shows presidential experience, then if Obama becomes president he'll be in a race for the bottom with Carter.
Beware the power of the subconscious mind . . .
On Wednesday I sent SarahK the picture on the left, and two days later we get the picture on the right . . .
I'm frightened to find out what happens when Frank get's this photo . . .
* For liberals all depressed that Palin is stealing all of Obama's momentum, here's a way to commit suicide... if you're bad ass enough! (you're not)
* Our military needs more lasers. Not just lasers from planes and lasers from space, but also ground based lasers and hand held lasers. America's enemies should always be in fear of getting shot by a laser and have no idea where it will come from.
* Obama may be planning on getting more personal in his attacks on McCain because you know how well Obama will measure up to McCain character wise. Extremely vague policy talk may not be working out for you, Obama, but it's all you've got; stick with it.
* If Obama goes personal against Palin, she should just give him a wedgy and take his lunch money. What's he going to do? Complain he was bullied by a girl. He'll be laughed off the national stage.
* Is Biden campaigning now? I mean, is he going city to city attracting groups of four or five people and talking up Obama. What was his purpose again?
* What's the point of cats? I guess they used to kill mice for people. We don't have a mouse problem, so I asked my wife if I could take the cats and put them burlap sack and throw them in a bog. She said no.
* It almost looks like McCain has saved the Republican Party and conservatives with his pick of Palin. For a while, it was looking like we'd have to have Democrats in charge before we could regain our momentum, but now we're pumped and ready to kick ass. We might have to build a statue for McCain. Here's my idea: Make it a extremely regal statue, and while your standing around in admiration it suddenly kicks you in nuts for no reason. That's maverick action right there!
* Of course, conservatives will always win in the end. We have to fight for this country as we just don't have any other place to go. If liberals want to see their pansy-ass ideasl in action, they always have Europe, but America is the last bastion of freedom and conservative ideals, so if that all gets thrown to the wayside, the only option left is to put a flag on a floating platform out in the ocean and declare it "Frank J-istan."
Give Me Your Money
Palin merchandise seems to be a big seller these days, so I decided I should get some of that money. Thus, I added a few Palin designs to the IMAO Store.
You can buy them and then I will get your money. Everyone will be happy.
September 11, 2008
A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 39 - Cooperation
He was almost there; Ronove could feel it. A few more tests, and he knew he'd have the solution. Then once again the rules of the game would change, and they would be that much closer to freedom.
Ronove heard a noise. He recognized it as the fake clearing the throat sound humans would sometimes make as a signal to give them attention. It had a higher pitch to it, so it likely came from a female. Ronove turned around and confirmed there was a female human standing behind him on the entrance to the lab. She wore the staff uniform of his people, but the face of this one was unfamiliar. "I don't know you."
She made the loud, repetitive noise Ronove knew to be laughter. "That's because your looking with those crappy eyes you made."
Ronove was busy and did not want to waste time on whatever this was. Two of his people were assisting him in the lab -- men much larger than the woman -- so he turned to them and said, "Deal with her so I may work."
As they approached the woman, she lifted a hand towards them and said, "Abrakadabra-alakazam!" The two men fell to the floor. She looked to Ronove. "Come on, Ronove. Venture out of that bag of meat you made for a moment and gain some perspective."
There was no need. He now knew who this was. "They call you Elza now, I believe."
"The humans need to call me something." She walked around the lab, fiddling with random objects. "So why waste all that time making such a horrible excuse for a body when you could just possess a perfectly nice body like me? It's much easier now that we don't have that nasty Jesus to kick us out."
Ronove really didn't have time for this. "So you're embracing the human's fairytales?"
"It makes us more interesting." The edges of her mouth curled up, making the human facial expression of happiness or bemusement. "Evil demons fighting against the power that created the universe -- that's much more entertaining a notion than whatever narrative you made up for yourself... that you're some interdimensional alien or something."
"I'm not interested in stories. So how did you get your human body in here?"
She made the laughter sound again. "Oh, I am part of a little invasion force that's infiltrated your lab. You should hear gunfire and explosions soon."
This was why the others never dealt with Elza anymore. "I am doing important work here--"
"Oh, get over yourself. You get too concerned about what's happening in this world... like anything here matters. You really need to venture out of that little body of yours and get a look at the big picture once again. Everything in this universe is just so small and insignificant." She walked over to the cube in its current glass case. "Like the infinite barrier that used to imprison us. Here's it's just a little, metal--" Here eyes widened, an expression of surprise. "Hey, someone put cute little bunnies on it. That's neat."
"It didn't imprison us."
"Whatever you like to tell yourself, Ronove. I know Asmod is hoping he can use it in his silly little war. Speaking of which, I have something that you, me, and Mr. I'm Too Good for a Three-Dimensional Existence can all work on together."
"Yes." Elza reached into the case and pulled out the cube. "He's watching intently right now, wondering if he has anything to fear from the cube and its bunniness."
"I believe he's at war with me."
"No, Serpine is at war with Asmod -- none of us really care about that. Let them have their pointless little battle."
Circumstances seemed to have left Ronove no choice but to work with Elza. He just wished Asmod had a better handle on things to keep him from these distractions, but apparently his pure science going uninterrupted was too much to ask. "What's your game, Elza?"
"I'm here to help you, Ronove. I was thinking that the power of three gods combined should be enough to finally defeat one malnourished, imprisoned idiot."
Ronove really wished he had a better option than going along with this idiocy. "Don't belittle the work I'm doing. This could be a breakthrough equivalent to the War. How do you propose to help?"
"I've been watching your work, and I happen to have the missing element you need along with me." Elza turned here eyes to something unseen. "So, Loch, rumor has it you are so restrained by the other you actually have a human doing your bidding. How would you like to actually get your hands dirty, causing suffering to a human like you have never had the freedom to do before?"
The room darkened. Even limited to human senses, Ronove could feel the cold pleasure Loch was emanating. Figuring most of his experiments here were ruined, Ronove let himself move beyond his body and see the current situation as it truly was. He knew Elza had her motives, but she told the truth. The stage was now set. Ronove may not have had the controlled scientific study he wanted, but at least now he would his result: The complete destruction of human being.
Is Sarah Palin Putting LSD in Liberals' Water
Is Sarah Palin drugging liberals? I know, liberals often drug themselves, but they have been going completely insane as of late. I mean, we're talking worse than BDS. They're like cornered rats lashing out in any way they can. I guess they saw victory coming, and now have become violently angry now that it looks like it's being snatched away from them.
Look at this article by Deepak Chopra I found linked to in The Corner. My brain can't quite take it and the comments after it seriously and is still trying to process the think as some sort of elaborate joke. It's basically arguing everything about Palin is evil and everything about Obama is good (without getting into any specifics about him, of course). It's an argument a two-year-old would make dressed up in smarty-sounding psychology terms. Just look at one part of it:
She is the reverse of Barack Obama, in essence his shadow, deriding his idealism and exhorting people to obey their worst impulses. In psychological terms the shadow is that part of the psyche that hides out of sight, countering our aspirations, virtue, and vision with qualities we are ashamed to face: anger, fear, revenge, violence, selfishness, and suspicion of "the other." For millions of Americans, Obama triggers those feelings, but they don't want to express them. He is calling for us to reach for our higher selves, and frankly, that stirs up hidden reactions of an unsavory kind. (Just to be perfectly clear, I am not making a verbal play out of the fact that Sen. Obama is black. The shadow is a metaphor widely in use before his arrival on the scene.) I recognize that psychological analysis of politics is usually not welcome by the public, but I believe such a perspective can be helpful here to understand Palin's message. In her acceptance speech Gov. Palin sent a rousing call to those who want to celebrate their resistance to change and a higher vision.
How do you even write like that? Do you have to inject estrogen directly into your shriveled testicles every hour?
And apparently Roger Ebert had written a whole article criticizing Palin based on her glasses, but it looks like the effect of the LSD finally wore off and he took it down.
I was hoping the whole BDS stuff would fade away with a McCain presidency because he isn't anything like Bush no matter how much the liberals like to play pretend. It looks like we may reach whole new levels of derangement from the left with Palin, though. She so much of what's good about America that they like to think doesn't exist, so they need to destroy her.
I don't know what's left to say. There is a war going on, and most of us are back to our same silly selves seven years later. You can't separate this from the politics: Some people don't want a serious world with serious problems. They can't get in power in such a place. They needs us fighting global warming with recycling instead of taking on people bent on killing us. Still, if on 9/12 you told me we'd somehow make it seven years without another major attack on U.S. soil, I wouldn't have believed you. Perhaps we are better prepared now, but if we ever withdraw from the real problems in the world and think we're safe, it will happen again.
Well, those are my rambling thoughts. What say you?
Bush Is Trampling the Constitution and It Is Somewhat Overcast Today
On a poll of whether Supreme Court Justices should make ruling based on the Constitution or on their sense of fairness, only 29% of Barack Obama supporters think that decision should be based on the Constitution. I guess when all the liberal talk about Bush "trampling the Constitution", they're not complaining so much as making a dispassionate observation.
September 10, 2008
Lipstick on an Obama
I don't know about the McCain campaign making such a big deal about the "lipstick" comment. They already have an ad about, and I'm afraid of them looking thin-skinned. Palin should have just come out and said, "Yeah, Obama is a douche. What are you gonna do about it?" Or she could have come back with a joke of her own:
"What do you get when you put lipstick on an Obama? A damn ugly transvestite. I mean, have you seen that guy's ears? He looks like a Ferengi."
Now, many people think the "lipstick on a pig" was not meant as an insult directed toward Palin as it is a common colloquialism and Obama is kinda stupid. If you watch the video, Obama is lacking a teleprompter and sounds like his usual befuddled self. When he says the line and the audience, interpreting it as a an attack on Palin, start cheering wildly, Obama just has the childlike grin of non-comprehension on his face. He's just a little guy in a big campaign, so let's not be too harsh on him.
Improving World Relations
The world really seems to like Obama, so can't we just give him to them as a gesture of goodwill?
"You guys really like Obama, so here he is. He's all yours. That's just how nice America is: Were giving up our only Obama so you can enjoy him."
If they end up not liking Obama after they get him, they were the ones who asked for him so it isn't our fault. And we're not taking him back. If they checked the tag on Obama, they would have seen that it says, "No refunds or exchanges." Sorry, but that's just American policy.
September 09, 2008
I Was Watching FOX Today...
Did they bring back the X-Files?
A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 38 - Choosing Sides
Bryce and Lulu, hands still cuffed behind their backs, were led out of the transport to a landing platform atop the research center where a half dozen Protectors -- or at least people in Protector uniforms -- were waiting for the new arrivals.
"They're all fakes! Shoot them! Shoot them now!" Lulu yelled.
"Darius is here," one of them said, ignoring Lulu.
"We knew that," Lara responded.
Colette and her men looked surprised. "We?"
"You know your part in this; let us handle ours." Lara walked over to Bryce and Lulu but looked to the guards behind them. "Take Ronove new test subjects to their room."
"So what are you doing with us?" Bryce asked.
"Fun stuff, I assure you," Lara said with mild annoyance.
"Seriously, what the hell are you doing with them?" Colette asked.
"I don't answer to you anymore, Colette." Lara looked at Charlene. "You know your job?"
"It'll get done." Charlene turned to Bryce and Lulu. "Just don't be stupid. Your one advantage in the end is that no one really cares whether in the end you're alive or dead."
Lulu spat at her. "Don't even talk to us, you downward facing dog!"
Charlene headed inside with some of the Amazons in disguise. Bryce and Lulu were led to another entrance by two Amazons, one dressed as a Protector and another as staff. The area seemed empty and, they were soon led into what looked like an examination room. "Sit down and be quiet," they were ordered.
Bryce and Lulu complied, taking two small chairs at the back of the room.
The tall one in the Protector uniform took of the skull-like mask. "What's with these stupid helmets?"
"They're supposed to be intimidating," the other Amazon answered.
"Also, it conceals your ugly face!" Lulu turned to Bryce. "Zing! I got her good. Didn't I?"
"I thought that was just a boilerplate threat since we're hostages!" Lulu got back to her chair. "I didn't know you meant it seriously!" Lulu started crying. "And you didn't have to call me names! That's just being mean for no reason!"
The woman sighed. "How long are we supposed to wait here?"
"They'll give us a signal when we can move them further in without risk of notice," the other answered.
"You're my boyfriend today," Lulu whispered to Bryce. "You have to beat her up for being mean to me."
"I'm not your boyfriend, Tri-Lu... and I don't beat up women."
Lulu rolled her eyes. "So you're only for emotionally harming them?"
Bryce scoffed. "I don't respond to cheap shots like that."
"What are you two talking about?" the mean woman asked.
Lulu stood up. "We're plotting to kill you." She walked over to the enemy. "And it's going to be such a good plot, there will be nothing you can do to stop it!"
Bryce got up too. "Lu, let's not do this."
"You don't want to mess with me!" Lulu, her hands still cuffed behind her back, stood up threateningly to their two guards. "I'm very Asian! I could use all manner of kung fu on you!"
"You two better..." The mean woman was interrupted by Lulu's forehead slamming into her face. The other Amazon rushed to help, but Bryce slipped his hand out of the loosed cuffs and grabbed her in a chokehold. He held her tight until she went unconscious and gently brought her to the ground. Bryce then looked towards Lulu to see she had also removed her cuffs and was busy slamming a head repeatedly into a table.
"That doesn't look like kung fu." Bryce began finally removing the shiny Serpine uniform he had on.
"She wasn't worth kung fu." Lulu tossed the body to the ground. "So how long is yours going to be out?"
Bryce shrugged. "I really don't the science behind choking people." He finished getting off his uniform and straightened the suit he had on underneath.
"You could have just snapped her neck." Lulu started removing her uniform too.
"Is it really as simple as they make it look on TV?" Bryce took a pistol off the unconscious woman and placed it in the holster under his shirt jacket. "You just twist the head really hard or something and 'snap' the guy's dead?"
"I dunno. Ask Charlene." Lulu fixed the skirt of the business suit she had on and took a pair of glasses out of the breast pocket.
"I'm afraid she'd get overzealous in the instructions." Bryce took a transmitter out of his pocket and placed it in his ear. "The puppies got hugs."
"Any response?" Lulu took a pistol off of her victim.
"She's probably not in a position to talk... and you don't get to come up with code phrases anymore."
"Someone had to take charge and do it." Lulu hit a small button on the side of her glasses. "I think I know where we are. Just follow me."
They headed towards the exit to see that Colette was standing there watching. "You guys really like people underestimating you, don't you?"
"Glad you're here," Lulu said. "There was a big accident and--"
"I don't care what you care what you did to Elza's idiots. I'll probably kill a few myself before the day is over."
Bryce contemplated whether he could reach for his gun in a casual manner. "Uh... aren't they your allies."
Colette shrugged. "It's getting hard to keep track these days." She inspected the woman at Bryce's feet. "This one isn't dead." Colette picked the woman up by her neck with one hand, snapped it, and tossed the body aside without the slightest effort.
"Yes, a lot of duplicity going about. It's a shame." Bryce smiled, acting best he could that he hadn't seen anything at all that might be considered quite disturbing.
"I think we're up to like quinplicity at this point." Lulu turned to Colette with fierce determination on her face. "Anyhoo, you can try and kill us if you want, but people usually find that's a lot more trouble than it's worth. And if you're angry about me kicking you out a window, I just want you to know that was done totally in jest."
She chuckled. "I'm not here to kill you. Here's the situation, Hellbender, there's a huge conflict brewing, and Dammon's decided it's time to pick sides."
"So... you're picking Asmod or Serpine's side?" Bryce asked.
"Actually, we think they're both really just bystanders in this conflict." Collete said. "The side we're picking is yours."
Lulu gave her the thumbs up. "Smart choice." She then turned to Bryce and whispered, "We count as a side?"
In 4-3 decision, California justices rule that simians have fundamental 'right to marry'
SAN FRANCISCO -- -- The California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on simian marriage Thursday in a broadly worded decision that would invalidate virtually any law that discriminates on the basis of species. The 4-3 ruling declared that the state Constitution protects a fundamental "right to marry" that extends equally to simian couples. It tossed a highly emotional issue into the election year while opening the way for tens of thousands of simians to wed in California, starting as early as mid-September.
The majority opinion, by Chief Justice Ronald M. George, declared that any law that discriminates on the basis of species will from this point on be constitutionally suspect in California in the same way as laws that discriminate by race or gender, making the state's high court the first in the nation to adopt such a stringent standard. The decision was a bold surprise from a moderately conservative, Republican-dominated court that legal scholars have long dubbed "cautious," and experts said it was likely to influence other courts around the country.
But the scope of the court's decision could be thrown into question by an initiative already heading toward the November ballot. The initiative would amend the state Constitution to prohibit simian unions.
Conservative and religious-affiliated groups denounced the decision and pledged to bring enough voters to the polls in November to overturn it. Mathew Staver, founder of Liberty Counsel, called the decision "outrageous" and "nonsense." "No matter how you stretch California's Constitution, you cannot find anywhere in its text, its history or tradition that now, after so many years, it magically protects what most societies condemn," Staver said.
"What the court recognized today is that it's time for that historic prejudice to end and the state should no longer participate in it in any way," said Therese Stewart, a deputy city attorney who argued on behalf of the plaintiffs.
Conservative Concerns About Palin
I notice I've been getting a lot of comments on IMAO by conservatives who have reservations about John McCain's running mate, Governor Sarah Palin. I thought I might post some here and respond to them.
I am a conservative who is voting for McCain, but I am now concerned that he will lose because of he nominated the inexperienced Palin. We need to write letters to him to urge him to pick someone else.
I hear your concerns, but all the polling shows McCain having a huge boost since picking Palin. Also, Palin does quite well experience wise when compared to Obama which only highlights his lack of accomplishments when compared to how much Palin had done in a relatively short time.
I am a conservative who enjoys tax cuts and the shooting of the gun, but I can no longer support McCain now that he has taken the scandal ridden Palin as his running mate. The National Enquirer is going to expose her affair and sink her. This is of great concern to me since I am a conservative like you.
While it's nice to hear from a tax-cutting, NRA-supporting conservative like myself, I think you may be blowing things out of proportion. Palin has had some minor issues which don't count as scandals, and the National Enquirer has no evidence of an affair and has based its findings on pure speculation (unlike when they exposed John Edwards). This is nothing any conservative should worry about.
I am a conservative who likes NASCAR and racism and being a stoopid hillbilly. I love Palin because she's a religious extremist like me who wants to destroy science and teach creationism. She also hates condoms! She is greatest! Me conservative!
Palin only ever said she would support talking about creationism if a student brought it up in class, and I don't even know where the hates condoms idea comes from. You must be getting your information from places like the Daily Kos, which is an odd place for a conservative to go. You should be careful about place that deal in false information, as you could end up with some crazy views if you believe it.
I am a liberal who likes to pee on himself and loves Obama. I'm too stupid to notice he's never accomplished anything in his entire life and am going to vote for him because I'm an easily led cult follower. I like to eat my own poo. Once again, I am liberal and retarded.
We don't get many comments from liberals, but I appreciate your honesty and candor.
Hahahaha stupi d republicans! that Palin [expletive deleted] is going to sink you all! you right wing nut job are finally getting what's coming to you! [expletive deleted] you all, you [expletive deleted] religious nut jobs. your going to lose, you redneck [expletive deleted]. hahahahahahah!!
I thought I told you to stay away from my blog, Sullivan.
Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh . . .
More than 800 people arrested during Republican National Convention protests had their first opportunity on Monday to get their belongings — keys, wallets and cell phones — back from police, but some were stymied.
"This is the epitome of insult to injury," said Kris Hermes, a National Lawyers Guild legal observer at the St. Paul police impound lot, where people were sent to get their property. "There were a large number of people today who returned to homes across the country empty-handed." Hermes said most people were getting their property back, including those arrested on the first day of the Sept. 1-4 convention after having to wait a week.
But there were snafus.
Some were told police couldn't find their property, and some were missing things, including a man who said his prescription sunglasses were no longer in his bag, Hermes said. Others didn't have the identification needed to show police to get their property, because their IDs were with their impounded property, Hermes said. Some were told police would call them about their property, though their cell phones also were in police custody.
St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh said the "vast majority" of people were getting their property back Monday. He said he thought there were "very few" cases of property not being found. Normally, after a St. Paul officer arrests a person, he or she goes to the property room at police headquarters to retrieve belongings. But because of the number of RNC-related arrests, police designated the impound lot as an overflow site. Three men jailed last week filed a petition Thursday in Ramsey County District Court, saying their personal effects weren't returned when they were released. A judge dismissed the petition Friday, saying the attorney should have used a different legal action to recover the property. Walsh said Monday was the first day people could get property back, because a security perimeter had been set up around police headquarters and some of the property was there.
On Monday, many who went to the Grove Street headquarters were directed to the impound lot, off Concord Street on St. Paul's West Side. Nathan Barten, who said he was cited Thursday for presence at an unlawful assembly, couldn't drive because police had his car keys. When he found his property wasn't at headquarters, he biked over to the impound lot. It's about three miles by car, but Barten said he couldn't take a direct route because bikes aren't allowed on U.S. 52 At the impound lot, Barten said he was told he had to go back to headquarters to get his tracking number, needed to find his property. The number was supposed to be on a wristband given when he was arrested. He brought the band with him Monday, but the number wasn't there. "I'm pretty frustrated," said Barten, of Delano. "I didn't resist at all when I was arrested, I gave my full name, and now I don't have a (tracking) number they never gave me."
Nicole Armbruster, of Washington, D.C., got her property Monday but was trying to pick up belongings of two friends who had returned to work in Boston. Armbruster, who said she was cited for presence at an unlawful assembly, said they were told she could present photocopies of her friends' driver's licenses, along with signed notes saying she had permission to get their property. But on Monday, Armbruster said, police told her the notes needed to be notarized. She was trying to get her friends to fax the notarized copies to police. Because some people didn't give their names to police, sorting out their property was a problem. One woman who used the alias Jessie Sparkles, as did others, was trying to get her belongings. The woman, who didn't give her name to a reporter but said she was from Indiana, said she was told police had "thrown the stuff together" with that of others who hadn't given their names and that it could be two weeks before she got her property back. The woman said some people booked as John or Jane Doe had gotten their property back.
Walsh said if John or Jane Does identify themselves and their property, they'll get it back. He said he was unsure of the timeline. "People did what they could to obfuscate and confuse the issue," he said."They're trying to be held unaccountable for their actions and get their property back."
Michelle Gross, Communities United Against Police Brutality president, said she gave police her real name when cited for presence at an unlawful assembly Thursday night. But Gross, who lives in Minneapolis, said police had her property logged as belonging to Sara Faith Gross (she doesn't know where Sara came from; Faith is her middle name) and it took about 90 minutes to get her purse back Monday.
Matt Connell, of Minneapolis, said he had to go without his medication for a few days after his arrest Sept. 1. Connell said he was held for about six hours and released with a citation for presence at an unlawful assembly. He didn't have keys to get into his apartment or for a lockbox that holds prescription medication he takes daily. Connell said he had to break into the lockbox, at his girlfriend's home, to get the medicine. At the impound lot Monday, Connell said, police told him they couldn't find his property, but that it might be in the property room at headquarters. He checked; it wasn't there, and he went back to the impound lot, where Connell said he was eventually told his property was at the Bloomington police department, though he was arrested in St. Paul. He was heading to Bloomington late Monday afternoon. "I was so angry all week," Connell said earlier. "Now, I'm just tired."
Obama No Longer Losing the Election
Though there's a lot to laugh at about Obama's fortunes lately, I can't laugh too much. Obama was a completely frivolous choice by the Democrats in a time of war, and when they should be able to run away with this election they seemed set to lose it.
But now that's changed. Obama is no longer losing as much as McCain is winning. McCain isn't doing so well because Obama sucks (though he does suck) as much as people are looking forward to voting for him (well, vote for Palin -- but she was his idea!). It's starting to seem like if the Democrats had nominated a competent politician, McCain might still be winning.
So I can't laugh as much at the Democrats' silly choice, because it might not matter in the end.
September 08, 2008
Harvey will not be posting for the next couple weeks, so in his place I will have a sockpuppet of some kind. It will probably have a beard so as to make the transition easy.
You can gnash your teeth and stomp your feet in the comments here... if comments are working.
Top Ten Reasons Liberals Hate Palin
Every sensible person loves Palin, so why the visceral, misogynistic response from the left? I think I've stumbled upon ten reasons that happen to be in ranked, numbered order.
TOP TEN REASONS LIBERALS HATE PALIN
10. She's the quintessential American, and the one thing liberals hate most about America are Americans.
9. She's sworn that as soon as she gets to Washington, she's going to cut off the Democrats' balls and put them on eBay.
8. She's an anti-choice extremist who has had five babies and never thought of killing any of them.
7. They're physically intimidated by her husband.
6. They're physically intimidated by her.
5. They just know that whenever they're not looking at her, she's pointing and laughing at their penises.
4. She's murdered innocent moose and no one seems to care.
3. Hard working, blue-collar people are supposed to be anecdotes; they're not supposed to run for office.
2. Liberals are much more conscious of how shrill and annoying they are when they're around someone that knows how to use a gun.
And the number one reason liberals hate Palin...
It just seems unfair that someone can have the charisma of Obama with actual accomplishments to back it up.
The Post Where We All Praise Spacemonkey
IMAO has been having some site trouble, and once again the IMAO guardian angel spacemonkey has been busy at work. I think things are about under control, but if you have more comment trouble go ahead and e-mail me... unless you're a troll. I don't care if trolls can comment. I hope they choke on their Cheetos and die.
Anyway, since spacemonkey doesn't get enough credit for his behind the scenes work, I think we should use this post to all come and praise spacemonkey. As you are praising him, remember that that comment box is only functioning because of his hard work. And if it isn't working, then this could be the end of spacemonkey.
Who Are the Trolls?
Anyone know a way of hunting down the trolls we've been getting lately? I'm just really curious to find out who these people are. I assume they're either kids in high school or college to have the time to constantly scan blogs for key words and frantically write desperate posts based on crap they just read from some other idiot's diary on the Daily Kos. Still, I want to ask them what exactly is it they hope to accomplish? Or have they even thought things out that far? And why those talking points? Do they really have sub-70 point IQs and believe all that, or are they so scared of Palin that they just want to throw out anything they can think of.
Eh, they're probably just crazy angry little monkeys and not worth too much thought. Anyway, here's what Keith Olbermann says on what motivates him to go blog to blog and write idiotic comments:
Poor guy. I hear MSNBC is dropping him from the anchor chair.
Liberals and America
I like the whole controversy with the Democrats having thrown all their American flags into a dumpster. Of course, the Democrats said they weren't throwing the flags into a dumpster; that was a "respectful flag storage unit." They were just storing the flags there along with their used tissues and coffee grounds. What would you expect though if you give Democrats a bunch of flags? Sure, they'll wave it when the cameras are on them, but there hearts are not going to be in it. They don't really like America as its filled with Americans like Sarah Palin. In fact, it's the only country inflicted with such people. Too chicken to leave the country, they're only here because they're stuck here. So, after the cameras go away, how is the flag anything but trash?
September 07, 2008
This poll result is so great, I'm going to let the DailyKos report it. Their conclusion is that Americans finally realized that Obama is black and that they don't like black people.
And I bet if McCain dumps the scandal-ridden, obviously unqualified Palin who is weighting down his campaign, his numbers will go even higher!
Not that we should be getting cocky, but it's starting to look like that after this election Obama will be known as "Okakis". I guess that's better than being an Odale or Ogovern.
Straight from the horse's mouth . . .
An answer to the question "What is a community organizer" from community organizers themselves . . .
Community first: Organizers explain what they do
"A community organizer is everything from someone who brings people to meetings …[to someone who] reaches out to a large group of people by having conversations with them either door to door or in coffee meetings or where they work or where they live," Wolowitz said. "A community organizer then tries to harness all that information that they gather from listening to people’s stories and what they care about and what they want and what they need, then use that information to move toward change while building the leadership [skills] of others and not putting themselves first, and not taking the credit, but by giving other people opportunity to participate in helping their own community."
Chuck Repke, longtime executive director of the District 2 Community Council in St. Paul, said
"The big thing of a community organizer is empowering the citizens to be able to take control of their communities, to give a voice to people who normally are voiceless, to empower those people who tend not to have much power and to facilitate the development of leadership in the community. It's about making other people have power, not power for yourself," Repke explained.
Michelle Martin, executive director of Minneapolis's PEACE Foundation,
. . . a community organizer has to be able to write a budget, understand and make organizational flow charts, maintain good relationships with government officials, secure funding, speak publicly, manage personnel and volunteers, and much more.
Gary Bennett, a board member and past chair of the Kenwood Isles Area Association – a neighborhood group in southwest Minneapolis
His own organization is made up of volunteers "who want to take the time to serve the community, specifically their neighborhood. People doing this kind of work are what creates the fabric of a community."
Note that the only coherent explanation involved obtaining funding.
September 06, 2008
palin is stoopid heelbilly graahhhahah
you nominate dum stoopid heelbilly murrrgh
u loose now! u no win with palin because she dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jue! peeple no graahhhf
plain murgg grahh
u all lose an cri an grahhh
me no scared of palin! me laff cause you lose cause of palin! no one like stoopid heelbilly grahhh
i eet ur eyeballs! u loose and i eet graahh
i pee on self! graaahhh
More Severe Head Trauma
We still haven't gotten the Kwazy Kos Kids helmets, and now look at this front page post from the Daily Kos. Palin said she put the governor's plane on eBay and she did put the governor's plane on eBay but they say she LIED because the sale from eBay fell through and it was sold through more traditional means afterwards. You should see the retarded monkeys going wild in the comments convinced if they can get the word out on this, it will sink Palin. They've almost banged all the critical thinking out of their fragile skulls because we were too heartless to get them helmets.
And have you seen the concern trolls? Within minutes of putting up this post, I got tons of them. They all are like:
I am really a Republican and concerned for the party. I am worried about the Palin pick because [insert rumors that only someone who has been banging his head against the wall for hours could be dumb enough to believe or minor nitpicky point that only a loser wiener kid would care about]. Again, me real Republican.
One even signed his name and town like this was a letter to the editor. Is this organized? How panicked are these losers?
Bill Whittle at NRO
Bill Whittle has a new essay, but this time it's on NRO. It's about the enthusiasm we're all feeling about this election that I think some of us feared we wouldn't feel again.
Great read. I hope he get to write for them again.
September 05, 2008
Don't Make Fun of Community Organizers
Everyone seems to be making fun of community organizers, but I want you to take a look at a few communities that didn't have community organizers and see what happened to them:
* Sodom and Gomorrah: Smote by God.
* Chicago, 1871: Set on fire by a cow.
* Atlantis: So disorganized by lack of a community organizer that people even forgot where it is.
* Rome: What caused the fall of the Roman Empire? They got rid of their community organizer.
* The Ewok Village: Occupied by a rebel alliance and forced into a war that didn't concern them.
* Gotham City: Terrorized by a guy dressed like a clown and the only one to turn to is some wacko dressed like a bat.
If only these communities had an Al Sharpton, think how much better off they'd be.
Unintentionally amusing . . .
Ted Rall rears his ugly head . . .SARAH PALIN, QUEEN OF THE NOBODIES
[I'm not linking to it on purpose--google it if you want to increase his traffic]
SARAH PALIN, QUEEN OF THE NOBODIES
Experience is Overrated. What About IQ?
NEW YORK--Until four years ago, no one had heard of our current Democratic nominee. "Who is Barack Obama?" asked CBS News after he was picked to deliver the keynote address at the Dems' 2004 confab. "Not exactly a household name." Four years later, that speech remains his biggest achievement. No landmark legislation bears his name. His claim to fame is his gift of gab.
But Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's newly-minted fame makes Obama, saddled with a resume so thin he pads it with the entry "community organizer," look like an elder statesman. Governor of one of the nation's least populous states for a mere two years and the ex-mayor of a municipality that's home to 7000 souls, Palin is now positioned to be a proverbial heartbeat away from the ability to order ICBMs fired at Russia. (On January 20th McCain, a cancer survivor and hardly the picture of health, will be two years away from the average life expectancy for an American male.)
At least Obama went to law school. Along with a solid background in history, knowledge of the law is essential for a president.
Palin is a total unknown. A McCain adviser admits to The New York Times: "The campaign's polling on Mr. McCain's potential running mates was inconclusive on the selection of Ms. Palin--virtually no one had heard of her."
Welcome to the year of the nobody, when people you've never heard of can blog or reality-show or, in the case of the political class, schmooze their way to fame and fortune.
* * *
Lest I make myself misunderstood, I'm not claiming that experience is a reliable indicator of performance. The members of George W. Bush's cabinet had collectively spent more than a century of their lives serving in federal government. That didn't prevent them from bankrupting the treasury or standing by passively as a hurricane destroyed New Orleans. Nor am I impressed by fancy credentials. As many financial services workers can attest, few employees are more poorly prepared for real-world economics than those with MBAs. Journalism schools produce stenographers, not journalists.
Resume entries aside, history shows that certain personality traits--especially intelligence and open-mindedness--make for better presidents. Also helpful are a variety of life experiences, such as familiarity with other countries and cultures and overcoming tough times.
By most measures, Palin is a weird choice. Like Geena Davis in the 2005 TV series "Commander in Chief," she could wake up one morning to find that McCain has shuffled off to the great POW camp in the sky. We would probably be in trouble.
As far as we know, Sarah Palin faced her biggest personal challenge a year ago. According to official accounts, she learned that she was pregnant with a child with Down Syndrome. She decided to keep him. It has to be heart-breaking. Still, as a right-wing opponent of abortion rights, however, the decision not to abort had to have been simple to make. Also on the knocked-up front, she and McCain actively attempted to cover up the fact that her 17-year-old daughter has a bun in the oven. Icky, icky. Zero integrity points for sucking up to the Christianist Right.
Palin's teen daughter intends to carry the child to term--a decision one hopes she was able to make free of pressure from her ambitious mother.
More worrisome is an incurious intellect that dovetails regrettably with Palin's past as a beauty queen. "Ms. Palin appears to have traveled very little outside the United States," reported The Times. "In July 2007, she had to get a passport before she visited members of the Alaska National Guard stationed in Kuwait." Yet Anchorage is a major hub for flights to Japan, Korea and China. She never felt like checking out Canada?
Asked about rumors the Alaska governor was being considered as McCain's running mate, she told CNBC: "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position, especially for Alaskans and for the things that we're trying to accomplish up here for the rest of the U.S., before I can even start addressing that question."
"Working real hard"? Doesn't the University of Idaho require its graduates to learn English? Does she know that she isn't running for VP of Alaska? Or that the VP presides over the Senate? With the nation facing enormous economic, political and military challenges, do we need another numbnut in the White House?
At least Palin knows something many other Republicans don't. "We are a nation at war," she told Business Week, "and in many [ways] the reasons for war are fights over energy sources." Palin has grammar trouble. But she knows why we're in Iraq.
Two of Palin's opponents in the 2006 Alaska governor's race were baffled at Palin's lack of substance. "She wouldn't have articulated one coherent policy and people would just be fawning all over her," Republican-Independent Andrew Halcro told The Times. "[Democratic candidate Tony Knowles] and I looked at each other and it was, like, this isn't about policy or Alaska issues, this is about people's most basic instincts: 'I like you, and you make me feel good.'"
God bless America. We're going to need all the help we can get.
(Ted Rall is the author of the book "Silk Road to Ruin: Is Central Asia the New Middle East?," an in-depth prose and graphic novel analysis of America's next big foreign policy challenge.)
After the Real Enemy
So is Biden planning on prosecuting Bush? I am real worried about him and Cheney running lose after the new president is inaugurated. I'm glad we have such a serious opposition party who will focus on the real problems facing us.
I said we should get them helmets, but you guys didn't listen to me and now, after the Palin speech, they're banging their heads against things and getting head injuries at an alarming rate. Look what Kos posted yesterday:
Jesus was a community organizer and Pontius Pilate was a governor.
The retarded monkeys in the comments think this is a genius line and they need to spread it everywhere quick, with only two or three of them having the self-awareness to think that maybe it ain't such a great idea.
Hey, Jesus is omnipotent; you think He knows what a community organizer is and whether it counts as an actual job?
Jim Treacher says the memes already spread and suspects astroturfing. I'm thinking a legitimate groundswell of stupidity by panicked nutroots because I actually think the Obama campaign is smart enough to want to put a kibosh on this before it gets out of the loony circles. Yeah, they really want to focus on how the head of their ticket doesn't measure up to McCain's VP pick while adding some more Obama/Jesus comparisons. That's the path to victory!
Can You Believe Democrats Actually Thought We CARED about Obama's "Lack of Experience"?
Sorry, Losercrats, we didn't. That was just a handy catchphrase to pummel him with. A convenient comedic device that we're willing to defenestrate now that we can't use it without looking like douchebags.
Here's the truth.
What really matters to Conservatives about their candidates is their ability to make decisions under pressure, their ability to stand by those decisions, and their willingness to accept the consequences - however bad they may be - and also accept the responsibility of making new decisions to address those consequences, as necessary.
I don't know a lot about McCain's political career, but I *do* know that he was a Naval officer. Having served under my share of them (U.S. Navy, 85 to 91, USS Enterprise 87 to 91), I know that McCain's been trained in accountability.
While I don't know a lot about Palin, it seems she's done a good job staring down the forces of corruption in Alaskan gubernatorial politics. She's made hard calls and stood by them while facing down angry men.
The essence of a good Commander-in-Chief is that he can look some ass**** right in the eye, tell him to go f*** himself, and not blink while doing so, if that's what he honestly believes - to the best of his knowledge - is the right thing to do in order to further the goals of America's interests, whether domestically or overseas.
I don't think Obama has the stones to do that.
I KNOW McCain has them.
And I suspect that - while not technically stones - Palin's titanium ovaries are equally qualified.
Speaker Pelosi Founds Committee to Preserve White House Antiquities
AP (WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and House Appropriations Committee Chairman Dave Obey (D-WI) today announced the formation of a permanent Committee to Preserve White House Antiquities. Obey stated that "The committee will be charged with studying and implementing policies designed to preserve historical items used to decorate the White House." Although decorating decisions are ultimately made by the current President, Congress appropriates the money used to preserve and acquire historical items. According to Pelosi, the need for such a committee was underscored by the candidacy of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for Vice President. "Given Senator McCain's precarious health, he may not live out a first term if elected, and certainly cannot be expected to run for a second term. Thus, there is a real possibility that a retarded toddler may be loping through the halls of the West Wing in the very near future. As one of the country's leading public servants, it is my solemn duty to ensure that no lasting damage come to our nation's historical artifacts. There will be no: 'Sorry Dolley Madison, the portrait of George Washington you saved before the British burned down the White House has been defaced with permanent marker and paste,' or 'Sorry President Hayes, your State Dinner Service has been used as used as frisbees in the Rose Garden and is smashed in a million pieces,' or 'Sorry Abe Lincoln, a mongloid chewed the rosewood knobs off your guest bed.' Not on my watch." "It is also a matter of public safety," added Pelosi. "I could not live with myself if someone is killed or maimed by Trig using his unnatural strength to throw FDR's Steinway through a White House picture window. Trigg Palin is a public menace, and I demand that if his mother cannot be kept out of the White House, he at least be controlled while she is in it." Pelosi suggests that the committee look into the installation of an invisble fence, or at least a permanent enclosure. "I'm sure a nice 4x6 dog kennel or stainless steel chimpaneze cage would provide more than enough space for a young boy to safely stretch his legs."
September 04, 2008
Something seems to be crashing the script making the site, meaning the front page is often incomplete and the individual pages are missing (which means no commenting). Hopefully we'll figure it out soon, but until then you might want to consider appointing an online community organizer. Then you can more efficiently organize yourselves in the comments to lobby me to write more Hellbender or In My World™ or whatever it is you rabble want. Who knows; it could be a stepping stone to political office.
Community Organizer FAQ
Q. What's a community organizer?
Q. And communities need organizing?
Q. I've lived in plenty of communities, and I don't remember any organizers.
Q. Barack Obama seeks credit.
Q. I still don't understand what a community organizer is supposed to do.
Q. Like decide the layout plans of communities?
Q. So what is the community organizer organizing?
Q. To do what?
Q. Um... so does he alphabetize the community?
Q. And someone gets paid for this?
Q. I still don't understand what the hell it is.
Q. Or maybe because it's a BS job Barack Obama made up.
Community organizing is a process by which people are brought together to act in common self-interest. While organizing describes any activity involving people interacting with one another in a formal manner, much community organizing is in the pursuit of a common agenda. Many groups seek populist goals and the ideal of participatory democracy. Community organizers create social movements by building a base of concerned people, mobilizing these community members to act, and developing leadership from and relationships among the people involved.
Q. If it takes that many words to describe and it's still not clear what it is, I'm pretty sure it's a BS job.
Q. And who are the idiots paying these people salaries?
Q. I'm pretty sure we'll be fine organizing ourselves.
Q. It's a made up job.
Q. I'm pretty sure I will be laughing. I'll actually make a point of walking up to the community organizer and laughing at him because he wasn't able to get a real job.
Q. Mean and working an actual job I can explain to others.
Obama Campaign Struggles With Gerbil-Gate Scandal
WASHINGTON (AP) - Barack Obama today is reeling from accusations that the Democratic presidential hopeful habitually indulges in the peculiar fetish of dressing gerbils in lederhosen. Spokesmen for the campaign deny the accusation.
"This is the craziest thing I've ever heard," said Obama spokesman Bill Burton. "Mr. Obama is a respected Senator and has never - I repeat, NEVER - forced any domesticated rodent to don festive Bavarian attire."
In his book, "Dreams from My Father", Obama did admit to having once dressed a kitten in a tutu, but dismissed the incident as "youthful experimentation" which did not continue into his adult years.
Some, however, believe that Obama's forays into the seamy world of mammalian fashionalia was not put away with his childhood toys. David Freddoso noted in his book, "The Case Against Barack Obama", that many of Obama's adult associates were animal-dressers. "Unrepentant domestic terrorist William Ayers - ferrets in fezzes... Black liberation theologist Reverend Jeremiah Wright - white cats in Klan hats... Money-laundering political influence peddler Tony Rezko - badgers in burkas... with friends like these to help him feel 'normal', Obama's oft-disclaimed penchant for putting gerbils in lederhosen seemed a natural outlet for relieving the tension of the campaign trail."
Obama neighbor and dangerously crazed extreme right-wing cartoonist Chris Muir claims to be an eye-witness to Obama's bestial haberdashery. "I was rooting through Barack's garbage, hoping to find some old pizza crusts or something - web cartooning don't pay squat, and I was SO hungry - when this little rat-thing runs squeaking across the lawn like something out of the Stephen King version of 'The Sound of Music'. I got my camera and snapped a picture. I'll trade it to ya for some Ramen noodles. I'm SO hungry."
Burton claims the picture is a fake. "You call this proof? This isn't even a GOOD fake! Look at this thing! The lederhosen are DRAWN on! What kind of pathetically retarded moron would believe this is real?"
MoveOn.org spokesman Adam Green announced that his organization has started a petition to have Obama removed from the Democratic presidential ticket and replaced by Hillary Clinton. "We can't condone the forced costuming of subservient companion animals," said Green. "When Hillary used to make Bill dress up as Little Bo Peep, at least it was consensual."
Pass the Desitin, my butt is chapped
The condescension coming from the left and/or the media (it's hard to tell which is which) about Sarah Palin simply reading a speech has me ready to go shoot a moose and eat it tartare in response. That was the first thing Mort Kondracke said last night after she had delivered her zing-filled, zesty speech: that of course, she didn't write it, but she did a great job reading it. At least one other pundit on the Fox roundtable touched on her not writing the speech, before Brit Hume finally asked if that were fair to point out that she didn't write her speech. After all, he pointed out, all politicians have speech writers, and all politicians read the speeches that someone else wrote. I mean, Duh. Do you think Barack wrote his rhetoric-filled speech full of fluff? Right. Get back to me when Barack makes up a sentence composed of five words or more, and he can't have used the words hope or change anywhere in the sentence. I won't hold my breath.
Mark Halperin gives her an A+ on last night's speech. Then he condescends. "She read the teleprompter like a champ, with fine, varied pacing and conversational projection." Read the teleprompter like a champ? Cram it, loser. You wouldn't say such things if she were an old Washington insider or a man from the Ivy Leagues. You'd talk about what an amazing speech she gave, and no one would speak of teleprompters and the great ability to read something someone else wrote.
Quote of the Day
From Dilbert creator Scott Adams:
Yesterday I asked what role the government should have in fostering alternative energy breakthroughs. The people who think the government can help a lot with this sort of thing often cite two examples:
September 03, 2008
Former FEMA director Brown Demands Palin Fire Nanny
WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) -- Michael Brown, the former director of FEMA forced to resign in the wake of the Katrina disaster, has called on presumptive Republican Vice Presidential nomineee Sarah Palin to fire her nanny. "Every public relations debacle requires a fall guy," asserted Brown, "and the premarital pregnancy of Palin's underage daughter plainly calls for someone's head to roll. Why should I be fired for something outside of my control and others go unscathed." "It appears to me," said Brown, "that the most obvious person to take responsibility is the nanny that has been charged with raising Palin's five children since she assumed the office of governor of Alaska in 2006." Palin famously passed her youngest son Trigg off to a nanny to return to work three days after giving birth to him earlier this year. Recent photographs showing daughter Bristol caring for the baby may indicate that Palin has already had the INS deport her nanny back to Central America.
I'm working on it. I swear. I'm trying to force myself to do some non-blog writing each day (though not always on Hellbender). I really want to get it out of my head, so hopefully I can get some momentum and finish writing it all soon.
lolterizt! Part 62
Since the Democrat convention was last week and the internet is full of their pictures, next Tuesday (9-9) will be the long-awaited loldemcrt! version. Caption up your favorite pic of your least favorite liberal and submit to lolterizt-at-gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass 'em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don't be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
Two from DamnCat:
Two from Hart of That Hero:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won't end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and - if they aren't obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don't suck too terribly bad - I'll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Have you heard Obama's new argument about how he has more experience than Palin (yes, he's running against Palin now because McCain's too hard)? He's run a presidential campaign. That gives him the experience to be president.
It's a neat concept. If you run a really good campaign and get elected president, then you have the experience to be president. If you lose the election, then obviously you didn't have the needed experience. This means that we've gotten the best presidential choice in all our elections since the winner each time ran the best campaign. We have a perfect system!
Sarah Palin Speech Drinking Game
Palin's speech is coming tonight, and we conservative have a lot of hope that she'll hit it out of the park... and a lot of fear of what happens if she doesn't. To help us calm down, here's an idea for a fun drinking game to go with her speech.
SARAH PALIN SPEECH DRINKING GAME RULES
You don't have to wait until the speech starts to begin the game.
Comment of the Day
Comment of the day today is from Anglo:
I thought Fred Thompson sucked tonight. He seems kind of gay to me - like he is trying to be extra macho to cover up for the fact that he secretly wants to make out with a hot man like Barack Obama.
I thought the Fred Thompson speech was pretty good, but Anglo raises some valid points. Maybe the speech wasn't as good as I thought.
Waiting for Palin
Palin's big speech is tonight. Either she does well, or that's it for us. Conservatives will be forced to wander the land as ronin, righting wrongs and cutting taxes when we see them, but never having a nation of our own again.
You notice how we've gotten like Ron Paul quality trolls about Palin, just cutting and pasting things they saw elsewhere with limited actual comprehension. Anyway, new orders on trolls: Agree with them. And, the more retarded the comment, the more you act like it was extremely convincing and changed your mind.
You have your orders; follow them.
September 02, 2008
Kos Kids and the Palin Rumors
So, if you haven't been following the crazies at Kos, here's basically what they've been saying about Palin:
Palin faked that she was pregnant with Trig to cover up that her daughter Bristrol was actually pregnant. When the baby was born and they found out he was black, so she bleached his skin to further conceal the truth. When nosy reporters got close to her secret, she killed a hobo, put the corpse in a gorilla suit, and froze it to claim she had bigfoot and cause a big media distraction. The hobo had hobo friends, though, and they started asking questions, so Palin had to murder them too and bury them in the middle of nowhere. But then there was a proposal to build a bridge to nowhere so she had to oppose that to keep people away from her secret. Then she still wasn't able to conceal the truth, so she forced Bristol to get pregnant again and changed the medical records so that it looked like Bristol was pregnant when Trig was born so Trig couldn't be hers. Finally, she joined a radical Alaskan separatist group to prepare to secede Alaska from America to join with Russia and wipe out the U.S. to fully conceal the truth.
Anyway, a good deal of the Kos Kwazies believe all this, while other argue that it's good to put out these rumors even if they aren't true, not realizing there isn't anyone outside of the Daily Kos dumb to believe any of this. So, what should we do?
I say we make a fund raiser to buy them helmets.
The people at the Daily Kos are obviously so dumb they are in constant risk of head injury. You may say, "So what. I want those left-wing nuts to have head injuries." That's just putting politics above basic humanity, though. We shouldn't want anyone to hurt their heads. So it's incumbent upon us to buy the Kos Kids helmets. That way they can type away safely, diving under a table when they think they hear Rove with less risk of head trauma. Also, we'll be able to spot them at political rallies in their nice new helmets and can give them cookies and milk to help them calm down.
That's what compassionate conservatism is all about.
WEsistance Challenge: Operation WE Demand
I declare Operation Rumor Has It a success.
Or at least fun.
Now it's time for:
OPERATION WE DEMAND
The Premise: This was inspired by the most offensively petulant display of childish foot-stamping and breath-holding ever produced by someone who wasn't 5 and standing in the checkout lane with one hand on a Snickers bar - this WEtard commercial [hat tip - DamnCat]:
Please note the irony of deriding smokestacks that emit no soot as not being "clean".
Anyway, if WE can get whatever WE want by simply wishing really hard while glaring peevishly into a camera, why stop with the merely-precluded-by-the-laws-of-physics desire for perpetual motion machines and decreasing entropy?
WE need to demand MORE!
1) Brief mention of your love of WE.
2) Make some outrageous, yet only MARGINALLY insane (for a WEtard) demand. Try to walk the fine line between enthusiastic and demented, while leaning towards the vaguely plausible.
3) Sign off with some cliche lefty slogan and your hippie alias.
Feel free to leave in a few typos and misspellings, just for flavor.
As before, you don't HAVE to be a member of WE to participate in Operation Rumor Has it, but if you ARE signed up, it puts pressure on them to take you seriously, and there's nothing more pathetically funny than a conflicted liberal.
After you leave your suggestion with WE, send a copy of it to me at email@example.com. If I find your entry to be brief, subtle, and at least moderately amusing, I'll post it at IMAO so that others may enjoy it also.
In My World: Shoulda Listened to Admiral Akbar
The left wingers were scampering through the forest and soon saw their prey. "It's McCain's new VP pick Sarah Palin," one said. "Let's get her!"
Palin stood assuming in an open field, and the left wingers were soon upon her. "You're inexperienced!" one shouted.
"You've barely been in politics!" said another.
"It was irresponsible of McCain to pick someone as unexperienced as you as a running mate!" shrieked another.
"So it would be better for her to be at the top of ticket?" asked a familiar voice from behind.
"IT'S A TRAP!" one of the left wingers shouted, but it was too late. The ground gave out beneath them and they all fell into a pit.
"Now we're trapped!" a left-winger cried.
"And you brought me with you!" Barack Obama yelled angrily as he sat on the floor of the pit.
"Aww, how could we fall for such an obvious trap?" one left-winger whined.
"It must have been Rove!" one shouted. "I thought I heard him."
"You're 'The One'!" a left-winger said to Obama. "You can get us out of here!"
"I've never held a real job in my entire life!" Obama said. "I don't know how to do anything useful!"
"Muh ha ha ha!" laughed the hooded figure of Karl Rove who stared down at them from above.
"Could you throw down something to help us up?" Obama asked.
"Yessss," Rove hissed, "I can throw down some... FLESH EATING BEETLES!"
The group screamed as giant beetles rained upon them.
"What do we do!" one cried.
"I know!" said another. "We can yell misogynistic things at Palin! That's bound to help us!"
"Good idea," Obama said. "Let's do it quickly."
One of the left-wingers looked up. "Uh... she has a moose rifle... and I'm pretty sure she knows how to use it."
"Oh," Obama said. "Then let's wait on that."
John Hawkins Blackballed
Apparently, John Hawkins got blackballed from the Republican National Convention because he's been critical of McCain. So are they not going to let any conservatives in there?
Ay yi yi . . . jottings from the RNC
Is it over yet? I work a couple blocks from the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul and am a police reserve officer as well, so I have a few thoughts on this whole brouhaha.
First, why St. Paul? I love the Twin Cities--I've been here for almost 15 years, and would never move anywhere else (unless I win the lottery, in which case I'll be buying a condo on Santa Monica beach), but it is not by any stretch of the imagination an appropriate place for a convention. There is nothing to do here that would be of the remotest interst to people from around the country. The geography is boring, there are no landmarks to speak of, and there is little to do here. Sure, you can go out to the Mall of America, but, truth be told, it is simply a really, really, big mall. You can also go to the Guthrie Theater, but there are lots of comparable theaters all over the country. If I was FORCED to have it here, I would have it in Minneapolis, NOT St. Paul. Downtown St. Paul is shabby (I work there), and there are hardly any good restaurants to speak of. Most major businesses have moved over to Minneapolis. We have a skyway in both cities, and, while the Minneapolis one is largely thriving, the one in St. Paul is run down and and dying. Practically every other spot for a business is empty down here. Or at least it was. Interestingly, all these long deserted spots have been filled with temporary businesses. I'm not entirely sure if that is to take advantage of the increased foot traffic (which I'm not sure there really is any--there don't appear to be anymore people down there than there would be for a playoff sporting event), or whether St. Paul is trying to give the illusion that it isn't a backwater, dying midwestern city. I wouldn't be surprised if delegates and news personalities were abandoning the event for "hurricane" Gustav, simply because they don't want to waste a week in this ho-dunk place.
Second, speaking of farts in a hurricane, I can't believe how politicians fell over themselves to scale back events here and rush to the gulf coast for that non-event. It always amuses me how they fall over themselves to please people who will never vote for them anyway. I can see making preparations to cancel events if things go badly, but preemptively shooting oneself in the foot has become the GOP's favorite pasttime as of late.
Third, I worked several police reserve events this weekend, and there is almost no excitement in the air. The only thing people seem to be interested in, is how many smelly hippies get tear-gased. Maybe things will heat up this week. The majority of city council members in both cities are anti-police, so the cops are doing their best to keep order while be undermined by civic leaders who hate Republicans and both law enforcement and the enforcement of laws.
Fourth, Sarah Palin . . . yikes. This chick's middle name must be Samsonite, because she is carrying some heavy baggage. Hmmmmm . . . let's see -- she's from a far-removed state, has zero experience (even less than Obama if one can believe that!), and her family is a mess. She should gracefully bow out, go home to focus on getting some experience and spending time with her young baby. She might also do well to swing by the Safeway to pick up some cucumbers and a box of condoms and have a long talk with her kids. What's the point of preaching abstinence to your kids if you're not going to keep a close enough eye to assist them in managing those raging hormones? One might think that being from Minnesota this is just sour-grapes, but I think Tim Pawlenty would have been a lousy choice for VP. I've heard him speak a number of times, and he comes off as an empty suit (though his wife is wonderful). Don't even get me started on his "no new taxes pledge," and then imposing a tobacco tax that he described as a "fee" to save face. Don't pee on my shoe and tell me it's raining. Also, I think he would have been chewed up and spit out by Slow Joe, as I suspect Palin will be. What's wrong with Condeleeza Rice, or any number of other people that might actually have the experience to be President today, or next month? Does anyone really believe that if McCain is elected and drops dead in February that Palin is ready to be leader of the free world?
I'll walk around later and get some pictures up, though there's not much to look at.
September 01, 2008
Leave Andrew Sullivan Alone
I see a lot of right-wing blogs constantly piling on Andrew Sullivan lately, but the guy is suffering from AIDS-related dementia and it really makes us look pretty scummy to be hammering him like this.
Is this too much? I was hesitant on this post as I disagree with South Park about whether AIDS can be funny now, but the point more is that Andrew Sullivan is so out there now that we should all just ignore him. His blog was one of the first blogs I ever read and I used to really respect his punditry, and now he's beyond a joke and seems to have lost any moral or intellectual basis to his reasoning. He's cited only by Kos Kids and even they question his stability.
It's much more sad than funny.
Operation Rumor Has It - Part 6 (Final)
The last of the Operation Rumor Has It letters for your reading pleasure.
New mission on Tuesday morning.
Dear WE, thanks for leading the war (can I say war is that to neocon?) on climate abuse. I would like to share my idea on how we can solve the growing climate crisis. I have a four slice toaster, but I only like one piece of toast in the morning. So what I do is cook four pieces at a time and I eat the rest during the week. Sure the toast may be cold going down my stomach, but the warmth in my heart knowing I am doing something productive makes it worth it. I have shared my idea with some of my "Rethuglican" associates (These are only associates, not my friends) and they claim that they like their toast hot. Typical "Repukelican" response don't ya think. There was one time however that I did have to cook an extra piece of toast one week. When I tell you why I am sure you will understand. One morning as I was about to eat my piece of cold toast I noticed an image on the toast that looked remarkably like the best Vice President of all time Al Gore. Certainly I could not eat that piece of toast. I have it framed now and it looking at it gives me inspiration. I hope my idea inspires you all.
I'm so glad a group like yours is fighting the good fight aganst those who want to destroy this planet for their own profit. Speaking of which, I realised something today. The oil barons and the scum politicians in their pockets have fought every energy innovation for the last 100 years, and have even squashed a number of free energy technologies. So why, after all that, are they willing to investigate hydrogen technology? Of course anyone who perfects it will make a ton of money, but the same could be said for any of the other alternative power sources they've killed. And than it hit me. It's true that burning hydrogen is clean, as far as co2 and carcinogens go, and you don't have to drill or blast for it, and it's completely nontoxic. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make exhaust. It produces water vapor. But everyone thinks, hey, water vapor, that's harmless! This is wonderful! But think about this, water vapor is literally hundreds of times more powerful as a greenhouse gas than co2. And all of the hydrogen that is burned will become water vapor, while only a tiny fraction of gasoline becomes co2. So hydrogen technology will put hundreds of times more greenhouse gasses into the air, and that gas is hundreds of times more potent! That's why these earth killers like hydrogen! If everything that burns oil products right now is converted to burn hydrogen instead, it will make global warming thousands of times worse, thousands of times faster! And they have everyone fooled! Not to mention the fact that millions of extra tons of water in the air will cause unnaturally heavy rain and storms over populated areas. And those bastards know it! Because why would they support this and not support any of the other clean energy technologies that they could have made money from?
End mission. Recall all agents for new assignment.
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