Awesome Is Hard These Days
As I mentioned in a post yesterday, it’s a lot harder getting cool stuff done in Obama’s America. It used to be I’d just go to the president and it would be like:
ME: I want to nuke the moon.
BUSH: Sounds good. Go do it.
ME: Don’t you want to know why?
BUSH: I don’t have time for that. Just take this form, fill out what you want nuked, and hand it in to the nearest general.
With Obama, it’s all about reason. So I have to be more creative:
ME: Let’s nuke the moon to… uh… get water out of rocks.
OBAMA: You can get water from rocks with nukes?
ME: Yes. Smart people know that.
OBAMA: I’m smart! I know that!
Man, I’ll have to work on a good reason to get him to approve my idea of a giant robot with gatling guns for arms. With Bush, “robots are cool” would be enough of a reason, but it will be trickier with Obama:
ME: I want to make a giant robot with gatling guns for arms.
OBAMA: That sounds awful; I’m peeing my pants just thinking about it. What possible purpose could it be other than to provoke other nations?
ME: It’s for… um… a death panel on your new health care plan.
OBAMA: Oh. Well, we’ll have to call it something else because apparently the public doesn’t like the phrase “death panel.”
ME: We can call it an “Health Care Administrating Executive.”
OBAMA: Excellent! Now can you help me get this bucket off my head? It’s stuck.
It’s hard work, but I’ll do it because I love America. And giant robots.
(29 votes, average: 4.76 out of 5)
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September 18th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
“ME: We can call it an “Health Care Administrating Executive.”
Jeez Frank. You forgot to add Ted Kennedy in there. Now if only you’d called it the “Kennedizer” or maybe the “Tedinator” you wouldn’t be on bucket duty.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
You should have called it a zero pollution automatic bucket remover. Ted Kennedy would have wanted it that way.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
now if you could just find a way to make him fire pelosi, reid, dodd, frank, and all the other liberals and get him and biden to quit too.
September 18th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
You’d better eat a helping of Michelle’s Tuscan kale to get the gray matter firing appropriately.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/09/17/AR2009091703679.html
Maybe the Robot could be spun as an “Organic Crop Herbicide/Pesticide Applicator and Harvester.”
September 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I’ll do it because I love America
With Obama, keep that little nugget of info on the down-low, lest the deal’s off
September 18th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Giant robots that can kill Pelosi would be awesome!
Eastern Europe just got wimpier:
http://www.powderroomgraffiti.com/shout-it/obama-blows-off-eastern-europe.html
September 18th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Hey MoogieP, was that death in the background of that picture?
September 18th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
(A massive “Independence Day” spaceship hovers over the White House)
OBAMA: Space aliens! From space! Aggh! Aaah!
CRUSTY: Let’s give them amnesty.
OBAMA: You mean, make them citizens? Good heavens, man! Why?
CRUSTY: Then they can’t say aliens destroyed us. It was just Americans destroying Americans.
OBAMA: You want to be my new Green Czar? I got an opening you know.
CRUSTY: Screw you, in 3 years you’ll be bumming me for a job.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
FIFY, Frank.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Chicks dig giant robots!
September 18th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Btw, SNL Weekend Update totally stole your bucket joke last night. Of course they thought it was funnier with Bush getting his foot stuck in a bucket. Eh, I know they’re very smart, but Frank might be funnier.
September 18th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
THERE ARE NO DEATH PANELS!!!!
they’re called end of life panels!
geez
September 18th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Our next president should be a staunch giant robot advocate.
September 19th, 2009 at 12:33 am
Why would you involve Obama or any government agency in the construction of your robot? If they helped out, not only would it take to long to build and cost way too much, but it would probably end up being gay.
September 19th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Saying Obama had a bucket stuck on his head is racist! What you should have said is that what was stuck on his head was a pail. Jimmy Carter told me that.