Archive of entries posted on 2nd September 2009

They Call Me, Mr. Right

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Greetings and salutations, fellow IMAOans!

As you may or may not know, IMAO’s Great and Benevolent Dictator for Life, Frank J., has decided to take a leave of absence so that he might retreat from the stresses of every day life and pursue his lifelong dream of hunting unsuspecting hippies through the streets of San Francisco with Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin. You can rest assured that I have been informed by IMAO’s lawyers that no actual human beings will be harmed during these pursuits (only hippies), but I do ask all of you to please join me in praying that the Imperial Dark Lord Cheney does not send any stray bullets in Frank’s general direction.

While he is gone, Frank has graciously asked me to contribute a few posts here at IMAO, a truly awesome and most daunting responsibility which I hope I am up to.

As someone who has spent the last five years poking brutal fun at all things Leftist and insane (but I repeat myself), I was particularly dumbfounded by his request, because, quite frankly, I always thought Frank considered himself to be the reincarnation of a Chinese Communist icon. I can now assure you, however – after thorough research into the matter – that the name of the blog is not intended to be read as “I, MAO”. Being a good conservative, one can never be too careful about whom one gets oneself involved with these days.

Anyway, I hope to keep you all entertained and distracted from the horrific continuing destruction of our great republic for the next week. Oh, and since Frank suggested “pimping” my blog(s) while I was here, be sure to check out America is an Obamanation! sometime, where I “preach” the “good news” of our “Lord and Savior” Barack Hussein 0bamachrist as “Rev.” Right (among other noms-de-guerre) along with an occasional contribution from some other rather clever folks. You can also see some of my earlier work at The Right Place, where I really ought to clean out the cobwebs and start posting again every now and then.

I’ll be back again soon! (You have been warned.)

Who can take a rainbow…

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A friend of mine passed this my way. I hadn’t seen it before. Now, it may be my age showing, but I remember when “The Candyman” was a new song.

Enjoy…

[Direct YouTube link]

Frank Advice for Life

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There is no scientific evidence that souls exist, but I’d still avoid looking into a cat’s eyes in case they might steal it.

How a Special Election in Massachusetts Works

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One of the hazards of running a radio talk show is that sometimes the staff grabs the wrong audio clip.

On the bright side, sometimes it works better that way:

[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/fred-thompson-select-kennedy.mp3]

[Fred Thompson Show 8-27-09 – 13 sec, 214k]

How to Fight the Earth’s Terrorism

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Dude, the earth is going to kill us! It’s like a terrorist times a million!

So how can you defend yourself against the earth? I have a few tips:

* Install hardwood floors. This puts a stronger barrier between you and the earth when in the home.

* Don’t wear earth tones. Those are the earth’s gang colors and could cause it to attack you.

* If the earth starts shaking, fire a shotgun into it. This lets it know you means business.

* If you see Al Gore, strangle him before he can spy on you. He’s a traitor who has sided with the earth.

* The earth and the moon seem to be close friends. If all else fails, we can get the earth to play along by threatening to nuke the moon.

* Every day use a Foucault pendulum to check the rotation of the earth. If it’s changed, the earth is up to something.

* If needed, get help from Mercury. Mercury is our friend and he loves all of us except for the Irish.

* Try reporting the earth to the sun. The sun may take action, but it has a lot of bureaucracy to go through so I wouldn’t expect that to happen soon.

Study those tips well. You know what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent the earth from… doing stuff… we don’t like.”

Obama Signals Willingness to Negotiate With Wildfires

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WASHINGTON (AP) – In response to reports of deaths and widespread property damage allegedly caused by so-called “wildfires” in California, President Obama said that he wanted to the let the more moderate and peace-loving flames know that “America is willing to negotiate without pre-conditions”.

Flames – why do they heat us?

“First,” said Obama, “let’s dispense with the reckless, insulting terminology of the previous administration. There is no ‘war on fire‘. There is only a ‘California Contingency Operation‘. While we still seek the defeat of the radical combustionist faction, Al Qindle, we also believe that we can seek common ground with other, less conflagrationist elements on a reasonable degree of self-sustaining oxidation that all sides can agree to.”

During an recent interview on Fox News, former Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed Obama’s call for peace as “the pussified wee-wee-uppings of a limp-wristed man-girl” and defended the Bush administration’s use of “enhanced extinguishing techniques”, saying that “if you pour a little water on these burning bastards, they’ll give it up faster than a drunken cheerleader on prom night.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs dismissed Cheney’s criticism as “the senile ramblings of a skin-scalped goblin whose hobbies include shooting his friends in the face for fun”, and insisted that any criticism of the President’s position indicated racial bias.

“These radical right-wing ‘fire-haters’ are disparaging areas of our country where a lot of things are now black. You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out why they REALLY hate that part of the country.”

Random Thoughts

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If we just checked the tire pressure of our hands, we could save countless tonsils.

No joke, though: Wash your hands with soap and water. If water not available, use some other clear liquid like gasoline.

They should do a new version of Outbreak where the crisis is solved by the president instructing everybody to wash their hands. I never saw that movie, though, so maybe it did end that way.

Eventually we’ll have a dictatorship where if you don’t look both ways before crossing the street, Obama’s secret police will disappear you. Also, you could get hit by a car.

The Holocaust and waterboarding KSM are exactly the same since they’re both mean things someone bad did.

Obama so far is the only president brave enough to tell us to wash our hands and take on the pro-flu lobby.

More bad news direct from Google: No one will ever truly love you.

Gmail crashing makes me think we should just go back to being hunters/gatherers. I’ll hunt, you gather; gathering sounds boring.

Fair? Balanced? Does it matter?

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I’ve mentioned before — I’m sure I have — that years ago, I used to do news for a small south Georgia radio station. Not that I was any good. But I did give it my best shot. That fact that I’m not doing that for a living today says something about just how good I was. Or wasn’t.

Still, I learned that you try to do the news straight. There’s news. And there’s opinion. Sports has a bit of both. Weather, too, to be honest. But news? Just the facts. Leave opinion out of it. And try to play it straight.

You don’t see that anymore. Not much, anyway.

But is it fair to criticize a news reporter for his story? Or her story? After all, they’re human. They have opinions. But, they shouldn’t let their opinions interfere with their jobs.

Do they? Yes, some do. Actually, a lot do. It’s rare that reporters don’t. At least, on the national level.

But is the criticism fair? If a reporter files a story on a topic about which you have strong feelings, are you going to say the reporter is playing it straight if the reports seems to support your opinion? Or will you say the reporter is biased if the story contradicts your opinion?

Is the bias in the eye of the beholder?

I believe that sometimes it is. But, I also believe that often, the reporter isn’t reporting, but editorializing.

Let’s conduct a little experiment, shall we?

Look at my recent post on a DNC-sponsored rally in Columbus, Georgia. [EDIT: Yes, it was uploaded as “private.” My bad. It’s public now.] The rally was organized by a DNC-sponsored group that calls itself a grassroots organization. Yeah, I wrote my opinion of that earlier.

But, take three minutes and look at my report.

Ignore the poor quality of the video and the audio. I have an old, hand-held JVC camcorder, not some fancy camera like the local TV stations have. And, I have that south Georgia accent. Plus, built-in microphone on an overtaxed MacBook.

The quality of the audio and video aside, look at the content. Did I report it straight? Heck, compare it against a report I did on a July 4th Tea Party rally. Did I favor one side or the other?

If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you may have picked up how I personally feel. But, looking just at the reports, did I report it fairly? Was it balanced?

If I didn’t report it straight, then it shows just how hard it is to keep personal bias out. Keep that in mind when you watch a real reporter. (Here’s an example of what I see as a fairly balanced report from an actual reporter.)

But… if I did report it straight, that brings up the question: why can’t others do it, if some old, fat, gray-haired loudmouth white guy (me, not Ted Kennedy) can?

Then again, does it matter? At least, does it matter whether or not I report something fair and balanced? I mean, I’m a blogger. And if you read this blog for news, then something is seriously wrong with you. Or something is seriously wrong with the state of traditional news reporting. One or the other.