I’m not excited about tonight’s show. I love Rod Stewart (yes, I think you’re sexy), but this lot is the most disappointing lot of contestants we’ve had. Plus, it’s standards under the guidance of Rod Stewart (standards are my favorite kind of songs, but no one does them well on American Idol), not Rod Stewart songs. Seriously, I’m more excited about separating my handful of Nerds candies by color before I eat them than I am about this top 7. Blah.

Oh wow, look at that cute baby that Rod Stewart fathered! Wow, what a precious baby!
Uh oh. They’re putting Chris in the dreaded #1 spot.
IDOLS 01… Chris is breaking away from rock and doing “What a Wonderful World”. sigh That was the last dance at our wedding reception, so it’s going to be hard to beat this even before he opens his mouth. He’s singing absolutely beautifully. Simon’s going to say he hated it, because Chris should have stuck with rock. Watch and see. Wow, that was lovely, he’s renewing my faith in the show, I’m most definitely voting for him. WHOA! SIMON IS CLAPPING FOR CHRIS! Ok, I’m eating my words here. Thank goodness, Chris got rid of the eyeliner, and Ryan noticed. Ryan, I appreciate that you read my stuff. I’ll stop making gay jokes about you (you know I meant those in good fun, right? My good fun, if not ours). BTW, Chris, if you’re coloring in your eyebrows, please stop. Loved the outfit, even the tuxish vest with the rock pants and wallet chain.
IDOLS 02… Paris is singing “These Foolish Things”. This is a good song for her. She’s dressed very grown-up tonight, and I’m so happy she’s not wearing pleather. A’ight, that was out of tune in a few spots. It was ok but boring, and at the end I thought she was going to bring it home and make me love it, but the whole song was a little too demure. I know standards are practically demure by definition, but that wasn’t a stage performance. Randy says it was perfectly on pitch, but I don’t think he’ll say that when he watches it back. Paula loved it, Simon loved it. We were kinda “eh” on it, even Frank, and he almost always loves Paris.
IDOLS 03… Taylor is singing “You Send Me”. Rod Stewart just said grab the audience by the balls, and AI bleeped him. Taylor is reminding me of Elvis more every week, and that is not a good thing in my book. Ok, the first half was Elvisy, but the second half was fantastic.
Before the break, Ryan mentions that up next we have two people who look like a prom date standing there. Pan over to Elliott and Kellie. Yeah, Ryan, that dress has way too much cloth to be Kellie’s prom dress.
IDOLS 04… Elliott is doing “It Had to Be You”, which is the song Frank and I walked out of the chapel to after the ceremony. Kris did such a great job on piano. Elliott looks good in jeans and tux jacket. There was one pitchy phrase, but I really liked it. It was a great song for him, he should do standards all the time. Paula’s right, he did actually remind me of Harry Connick Jr., so much that I kept waiting for him to bust out like Harry Connick on the “Some others I’ve seen might never be mean…” part.
[STILL WAITING FOR MONKEYS TO FLY OUT OF WAYNE CAMPBELL’S BUTT]… Kellie is doing “Bewitched, ButcheredBothered, and Bewildered”. Rod keeps mentioning her personality and not her vocals. “Well, you took a load off my chest.” ROFL, she’s wearing a saLmon-colored dress. The first half was actually very good, and I was all ready to give her props. Then she sang the second half, and it was as horrible as Paula’s seal-clap after happy hour. Even Kellie says she butchered it, and hey, at least she told the truth. LOL, Paula just said she can’t wait for Kellie’s acting career to start. That makes me laugh. Anyway, Simon says it was just bewildered and that it wasn’t great. Paula, of course, just says Kellie looks great, which means the vocals were bad. Honestly, it was only the second half that was bad. When she went up into that nasal twang near the end, I shrieked in pain.
ROFLMPTO!! Kevin sent me the following graphic, and I got the email before Kellie performed but just now opened it.

IDOLS 06… Ace borrowed a suit from Ryan and slicked his hair back and put it in… IS THAT A BUN IN HIS HAIR? I CAN’T EVEN LISTEN TO HIS SINGING TO TELL Y’ALL IF IT SUCKS, BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE AN AU PAIR WITH THAT BUN. He may officially be replacing Kellie as my AI muse. Anyway, we’re rewinding to hear it, because I wasn’t listening the first time. He’s singing “That’s All”. Don’t you know you can’t sing an ironically-titled song on AI, or you’ll always get the boot? Ouch, there’s some nose-singing. And there’s the falsetto, but I actually think it’s good here and not overdone. There are Paula and Randy saying that his falsetto is his money. I disagree, but I can’t complain about it tonight.
IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “Someone to Watch Over Me”, which is a perfect song for her. I just hope she doesn’t go boring with it. She’s born to sing standards, so this should be good. Is she wearing Paris’s earrings? She looks pretty good. Her voice is so well-trained. She added some flair, didn’t go safe and boring, I’m happy. This was beautiful. High praise from the judges, too. Finally.
I’d like everyone to note: Kellie is the only one that all three judges went negative on. Here’s the thing about standards: vocals are always very exposed when you sing a standard. So if you can’t carry a tune in a bucket, it will show. They should have standards night every year to weed out the awfuls.
And I’ll say: tonight was so much better than the previous few weeks. Maybe there’s hope yet.
So, the order, vocally, tonight…
Katharine**
Chris**
Taylor**
Elliott**
Ace
Paris
Kellie
So the bottom 3 will be Elliott, Paris, Kellie (I know I’m hoping against hope here, but come onnnnn.). I actually think Ace will be safe this week, and Elliott will be in the bottom 3 even though he shouldn’t be. Paris was forgettable. Kellie started good then got awful, and even the judges couldn’t praise it. Kellie should go but will probably stick around another week or two. Who goes home? This is a hard one, because Ace wasn’t bad. I’m gonna say Paris goes.