Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve dispensed any travel advice, but in light of recent events I thought I’d do a little comparison shopping for you:
PRICE:
Space: Very expensive.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
AVAILABILITY:
Space: Nearly impossible to get to.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
HEALTH CARE ACCESS:
Space: Nearly all crew are well-versed in First Aid and medical procedures, trained on simulators and have a direct line to physicians planetside.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you. Then, the ambulances will arrive late. Finally, the doctors will try to finish you off. Worst of all, none of it will be covered by your insurance carrier.
SIGHTSEEING:
Space: A unique panoramic view of Earth from orbit.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
LODGING:
Space: Cramped quarters in vehicle and in space station.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
TRIP PREPARATION:
Space: Extensive background check, fitness screening.
Egypt: A few shots, some bribes for customs officials, and – oh, I almost forgot – Muslims will try to kill you.
GRAVITY:
Space: None. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Uh oh. barf
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
SHOPPING:
Space: Okay, so there aren’t any Gucci or Prada stores in orbit. Yet.
Egypt: After ripping you off with cheap knock-offs made in China, Muslims will try to kill you.
DINING:
Space: All food is vacuum-sealed, but water is machine-fresh.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.
ATMOSPHERE:
Space: Outside, none. Inside, lots. Stay inside.
Egypt: Filled with blood, shrapnel, and body parts. Some of which may be your own. Why? Because Muslims will try to kill you.
WINNER:
If you can afford it, Space.
And there you have it. Next week, I will compare Disneyland and Mecca.
We shouldn’t let Muslims in space or they’ll totally ruin it by trying to kill us.
when i went to Egypt, no Muslims tried to kill me. that was only 11 years ago, and i’m sure nothing has changed since then.
Indeed. We should conquer space immediately.
And create satellites that shoot giant ceramic/tungsten spears at parts of the Earth we don’t like.
We could fund the operation by promising to engrave (with nukes) on the moon’s surface the corporate logo of the highest bidder.
I think we should move Mecca to outer space. Then the Muslims would have to pray standing up.
SAND:
Space: None – it tends to mess up the filters.
Egypt: As much as you can eat! Oh, and Muslims will try to kill you.
I like the idea of engraving the moon with nukes. Wouldn’t be cool if just one nuke could engrave a pattern?
The Chinese should start using their nukes as part of their fireworks industry. Imagine impressing your friends on the Fourth with a nuke morter.
Ooo… Ahhh…
AHHHHHH! IT BURNS!!! […SCREAMING…]
or, maybe not…
Well, it would certainly help them out with their pesky overpopulation problem….
With attitudes like this, it’s no wonder other countries hate the U.S.
By the way, I’m a conservative Christian, so this isn’t a hippie pinko commie run-by blogging.
Feel free to email me for intelligent discussion.
=Gandalf=
(Yes, that’s my real name.)
Gandalf,
I’m a conservative Christian as well, and if I thought any of the IMAO bloggers were serious about what they posted here, I would be very sad for the image they give of America, too. Actually, some of the commenters may be serious, but generally, flamers and radical idiots are too stupid to be as funny as Frank J.
P.S. I might e-mail you, but I don’t know how. You probably typed your address into the e-mail address field when commenting, didn’t you? Yeah, I don’t know where that e-mail address info goes, but it certainly isn’t into one’s comment.
IMAO my dear Gandalf is not to be taken seriously. There are many, many serious sites on the web, but here at IMAO one is safe to indulge in humor.
Now your brand of humor and mine may be totally different, but I would fight to the death for your right to be as funny or unfunny as you see fit.
It’s all part of that whole liberty, freedom, choice and accountability thing. It is also something that totalitarian regimes will never understand. I thank God every day for the opportunity to live where I have a choice, and I grieve for those who don’t. But sometimes I make humorous post on this site because it’s better to laugh than to cry.
Gandalf is your real name? Your parents must have hated you.
Hey Gandolf..
Whew….glad to hear your not a hippie pinko commie run-by blogger. Things could get ugly pretty quickly if you were. But being a level headed Conservative Christian, I am sure you will realize that most peolpe around here don’t seem to take themselves to seriously..
btw.. I don’t think Muslims are headed to space any time soon. They have not been able to develop a space helmet big enough to accomodate the turban. And the beards.. well that is whole other problem, and it is near impossible to keep the prayer rug pointed towards mecca in zero gravity.
how come “thoseshirts” aren’t shipping overseas? I want a couple of them shirts! darnit!
Here’s the funny thing. Practicing Islam in Space. I find the tart remark “Your question is hypothetical, and a person should not be preoccupied with hypothetical issues which are far from becoming reality.” both amusing and telling of the nature of the culture (what, no one told him about decades of space travel?). I also find the name of the group “Malaysian Astronomy and Islamic Law Association” both amusing and scary. I hope they say “nope – can’t take a cultural backwater off planet – gotta stay here.”
You know, I read in Milton Friedman’s book, the Lexus and the Olive Tree, that some airplanes that tend to have lots of Muslims on them have TV screens with maps pointing to where Mecca is so they can do their whole prayer thing. Crazy, I know. A waste of good TV time normally occupied by filthy, debauchery-infested American media.
Psssst.Someone tell Frank to turn the channel to Fox News once in a while.