(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Michael Moore is being sued for $85 million by a wounded soldier who was justifiably irked by Moore’s unauthorized – and deliberately misleading – use of an interview he did with NBC. The way Moore made it look, you’d think the soldier was just another monkey-faced anti-war zealot, when nothing could be further from the truth.
If there’s any justice in the world, Mikey’s going to lose the suit. I mean, is it really too much to ask for America’s deep-pocket-hating juries to accidentally do the right thing just this once?
Well, if they do, then that raises the question of where Moore is going to get $85 million, since everyone knows he’s squandered all his movie royalties building a 300-foot, solid gold statue of a Twinkie, toward which he bows down to pray five times daily.
Surely, though, there MUST be someone in the Democratic party willing to hire a Goebbels-quality propagandist such as Moore to do a little creative cinematography?
I envision something like the following…

The screening of the new film ended. The houselights came up.
Michael Moore sat next to Hillary Clinton, nervously chewing his lower lip.
“Tastes like chicken,” he thought.
Followed by, “I wonder if Hillary’s lip tastes like chicken?… ”
“Nah,” he decided, “probably more of a strangled-kitten flavor.”
At last Michael broke the uncomfortable silence.
“So…” Moore queried Hillary, “How’d ya like it?”
With eerie, ninja-like speed, Hillary grabbed Moore’s collar and pulled his terrified face within an inch own rage-distorted countenance.
“This film,” seethed Hillary, “was FIVE… HOURS… LONG!”
“To create a full-bodied artistic…”
“It shows me beating Chelsea with a coathanger!”
“Mild exaggerations were…”
“It shows me accepting a wheelbarrow full of cash – clearly marked “BRIBE MONEY” – from Jack Abramoff!”
“It was sort of allegorical…”
“It shows me smoking crack with Marion Barry while dressed in nothing but fishnet stockings and a steel-studded black leather teddy!”
“Some directorial license was necessarily…”
“IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A 30-SECOND SPOT FOR MY 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN!” shrieked Hillary, as she landed a vicious right cross that broke Moore’s nose and then hurled him to the floor.
“Wait!” wheezed Moore, as Hillary stormed towards the exit, “I’m still getting my $85 million, right?”
Hillary paused… turned… considered… “Sure,” she grinned, “you’ll get what’s coming to you.”
“BRUNO!” Hillary called to her Secret Service agent, “Pay the man… Give him 85 million… in PAIN! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Is that some sort of Chinese currency?” asked Moore hopefully.
“Yeah,” said Bruno, “it’s Chinese… just like these here brass knuckles I’m wearin’… Here, have a closer look…”
Bruno paid the man.

Well, I don’t know if Hillary ever got her campaign commercial, but I did see an interesting item on eBay recently:
(click to enlarge)

Anyone wanna go in on it with me?