TOP FIVE DRAWBACKS A PARENT HAS WITH A THREE-ARMED BABY:
5. Risk of thumb-sucking increases by 50%.
4. Pattycake reduced to chaotic slapping frenzy.
3. Roger Ebert fears layoff because of three-thumbs-up competition, want kid rubbed out.
2. I hope you know how to sew, because there is no such thing as Freak Baby Gap.
1. You just know that his uncle’s going to teach him to give three fingers at once.
TOP FIVE BENEFITS OF HAVING A THREE-ARMED BABY:
5. Kid can count to 15 when others have to take off their shoes or pants to get to 11.
4. Pad, keyboard, and mouse… this kid’s going to be a Quake champ.
3. Putting him a freak show will be a big blow to his self-esteem, but college ain’t cheap, boy.
2. There’s no way Michael Jackson would want to pound his ass. No way in Hell.
1. If this turns out to be the return of Jesus Christ, they can nail him to a cross and he can still pull out a cell phone to call for help.
Wow.
Just wow, man.
Zaphod Beeblebrox comes to mind. Only one head though. So, whatever.
Kid looks healthy though. that extra arm looks fully formed and functional.
oops. didn’t read the article. Sounds like his arm may be the least of his problems.
Yeah Paleo, if you read the story, you know this kids got a tough road ahead. Sounds neurological. Pray for him. However I did like Drawback #1.
Freak Baby Gap?!? That’s SO bad!! LOL!!
I agree – Freak Baby Gap is brilliant. I’m just picturing it if it actually existed. The Quake thing is brilliant, too.
I guess I’m slightly pissed for the kid because- WHY do they automatically decide that removal is best? I mean, ignoring the keyboard/mouse economic benefit, the three-armed Zaphod bit has pretty nice sexual advantages (which is why Zaphod grew the third arm in the first place in the radio version).
One more thing – No Oblongs reference yet? We’re loosing our touch, people!
How do you call for help with a gun? I’m confused.
Hehe. I was wondering how long it would be before the resident Jewish guy came up with a Jesus-on-the-Cross joke!
Great list. I’m all about Top Tens.
From my blog entry about this here:
http://www.belch.com/~blog/2006/05/31/advantages-of-the-third-arm/
I say that Jie-Jie should keep his arm, as it will give him amazing abilities later in life. Among the new skills:
He can salt and pepper his steak while he is cutting it.
He can play impossible chords on the guitar.
Instead of making snow angels? Yep, Snow Starfish.
Its always more fun with three hand puppets!
He can applaud and finger-whistle at the same time.
Morning grooming is a snap. He can use two QTips and brush his teeth at the same time.
The Triple-Bird Flip would be the best picture on MySpace.
The one about pattycake…
Laughing…so hard…
You guys can make frun of this but obviously teh Chinese are breeding an army of three armed warriors that can fire a rifle and throw a grenade at one time. He might make one helluva drummer though!
You guys can make frun of this but obviously teh Chinese are breeding an army of three armed warriors that can fire a rifle and throw a grenade at one time. He might make one helluva drummer though!
I’d suggest that no one stand near Lawrence for the next few days… there might be a lightning strike in his near future… LOL
OK… OK, getting a Michael Jackson link in there was pretty damn good…
This was not a top 10 list. It was two top 5’s.
“1. If this turns out to be the return of Jesus Christ, they can nail him to a cross and he can still pull out a cell phone to call for help.”
Truly genius.
Hey, maybe if he’s Jewish, he can help when he’s circumcised by holding his penis with one hand and hold the Torah with the others, praying that he doesn’t suffer.
This is all ssssssooooooooo wrong that it’s right! LOL I’m crying I’m laughing so hard..
Remember, he was also born with only one kidney, which might literally piss him off!
i know huh