Prescription Strength Firearms

Constitution Arms is making a 9mm pistol for the elderly and those with arthritis (it fires using the thumb) and apparently they’ve gotten it classified as a medical device which means a doctor will be able to prescribe it and then medicare or private insurance should pay for it.

DOCTOR: What’s the matter?

PATIENT: I have a cough and I keep getting mugged.

DOCTOR: (writing prescriptions) Here’s something for the cough and here’s something for the muggers. Take the cough medicine once daily. As for the muggers, just apply this directly to their face. Persist until symptoms subside.

And this could also mean a new setup for action movies:

DOCTOR: You seem angry. It’s adversely affecting your blood pressure.

PATIENT: Punks killed my family.

DOCTOR: I recommend vengeance, then. I’m going to write you up a prescription for two guns… oh and something for your joints so you can leap through the air while firing them.

11 Comments

  1. I can see that one getting its sphinchter all in a wad over prescription firearms.
    Communist health care is paying for what? Wheres daschel, why is he allowing any health care to the elderly.

  2. I agree that it shouldn’t be classified as a medical device and covered by insurance… until it has a magazine capacity of 6 or more and a caliber of at least .45. One shot? What’s a geezer to do? Stuff a bunch of them in his fanny pack next to his nitroglycerin pills? We demand higher cap medical devices!

  3. I wonder how this would affect me? I shoot my .357 left-handed, because my right hand/wrist/arm have broken and been screwed back together too many times to handle the kick. I’d love to have something light enough and with a thumb-operated hair trigger (my thumb is the only finger I can depend on) that even with only 30% use of the hand/arm I could come out with gunS blazing. Problem is that lighter firearm usually equals stronger kick if you want any stopping power.

    Or, should I just get the 70% useless part removed (as the doctor has been trying to convince me would be the best option for 7 years now) and replaced by some sort of awesome piece of machinery whereby I could screw on the grenade launcher, rifle, shotgun, pistol, revolver, baseball bat, atomic wedgie machine, spatula, whisk, cat litter scooper – basically, whatever the situation called for?

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