Can We Help Islam Mean Peace?

So the American born Yemeni cleric Anwar al-Awlaki sent out a 45-minute video explaining to Muslims why they should kill American civilians. A lot of people are convinced Islam is about peace, but this guy seemed to have studied Islam pretty well and he’s like, “No, randomly murdering people is totally cool with Allah and a good idea.” I think that’s a problem a lot of Americans have with Islam; while we all would like to think Islam is a peaceful religion, the terrorists have studied it much more than us and have reached completely different conclusions. Like I could tell you why Jesus is against murdering people, but I don’t actually know the arguments for when Muhammad is against killing people as he did kill people sometimes.

So what’s the solution? Do we all need to study Islam more and figure out exactly what its tenets are? I hope not, because I’m still studying Christianity and don’t really have the time for that. Let’s let Muslims debate whether their religion is peaceful or not and help out in a different way: Find whoever thinks Islam says its okay to murder people, and shoot them in the face. Nothing personal, but that religious belief system is incompatible with American society. And by shooting all the pro-murder people in the face, we will help make sure the anti-murder side of Islam wins the debate regardless of the merits of their arguments. I know what you’re thinking, though: Isn’t shooting people in the face one of those things Jesus is against? Correct, so that’s why we have atheists do it. It’s a logical solution like Spock would come up with, don’t you think?

25 Comments

  1. New “Top 10 Democrat Party Slogans” Tee arrived! Yeah!

    And, your Spock logic is sound and straightforward, Grasshopper Frnack, but that’s the problem. Liberals aren’t trained in linear thinking. To liberals, politics is immensely complex, no easy answers, etc. etc…so at some point, the anti-gun crowd will have to be squarely confronted. Mark my words, as Mayors Bloomberg & Daley are my witnesses, they’ll start squealing about how shooting pro-murder Islamists is directly responsible for guns going to criminals like the Mexican cartels.

  2. Hey, pro-murder Muslims! You’re not gonna believe this, but I’m praying for you right now. This very instant, I’m praying for you. I’m praying to my vastly superior (and real) God for your salvation.

    You know what else? There’s nothing you can do to stop me from praying for you.

    When you convert, we can draw Muhammad cartoons together!

  3. Frank, didn’t you learn anything from the Lost finale?

    It doesn’t matter how many people a Muslim (Siad) kills he still gets to go to heaven while non-Muslims (Ben) have to stay out.

  4. It’s the religion of pieces. Anwar needs a Fred Thompson hippie face-punch. He looks, and smells, like a hippie.

    Our current government can’t even say Islam, or even radical Islam, is the source of all these troubles.

    There’s a democrats protecting Anwar (Alaskan or Islamic) joke in here somewhere.

    A bunch of sand goons worship a tome written by an eleventh century(?) plunderer and rapistripping off the Bible to excuse his actiions and bring followers to himself. What could possibly go wrong?

  5. Dear God,

    Please help us save the pro-murder Muslims so we don’t have to waste ammo on them. Ammo is pricey these days.

    Thanks.

    It took ten seconds just to write that, Cilla. Ten seconds!

  6. logic and faith have little to do with each other. These ideas run in strangely parallel courses–never crossing, always spread apart by an ethereal crowbar. The chaotic ramblings of Muslim extremists rely on westerners believing that Islam means peace, when in fact it means “submission”. As in “Do what Allah and Mohammed say, or we’ll F***ing kill you”.

    Shooting Muslims and punching hippies–these are basic freedoms that no one but the Almighty God can circumvent.

    Like He would.

  7. I’m with Marko. Only God can change the hearts of the peaceful Muslim or the murderous Muslim. However, our government needs to recognize that both factions exist in the Muslim world.

  8. We have confirmation that the “new” shirt has been sold…. so now when do the “old” shirt come back? Like, for instance….. I dont know…..maybe a …… NUKE THE MOON?

    This took me four hours to write so dont laugh…….really, dont laugh…… it snot funny……

  9. If you ever wondered why hollow point bullets have a hollow point, it’s so you have a place to stuff a little dab of bacon grease. Then when you shoot a jihadi, it has the same effect as a silver bullet has on a werewolf.

  10. => #20

    ten·et (tnt)
    n.
    An opinion, doctrine, or principle held as being true by a person or especially by an organization. See Synonyms at doctrine.

    Main Entry: 1ten·ant
    Pronunciation: \ˈte-nənt\
    Function: noun
    Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from present participle of tenir to hold
    Date: 14th century

    1 a : one who holds or possesses real estate or sometimes personal property (as a security) by any kind of right b : one who has the occupation or temporary possession of lands or tenements of another; specifically : one who rents or leases (as a house) from a landlord
    2 : occupant, dweller

    Frank wins!

  11. I’m pretty sure it’s okay with Jesus to empty a mag or three into a mob of lunatic slavers bent on dominating the world.

    “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8)

    So, no worries if you end up in a fighting position next to this particular atheist. Peace through submission to tyranny is not a true peace.

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