In a recent poll, 87% said they think English should be America’s official language. That’s a lot of people. 9% disagreed, and 4% answered “Qué?”
Right now, we like unofficially have an official language of English. So when people are trying to pander on amnesty, they’re always like, “We’ll make sure they have to learn English first.” Why? It’s not the official language. It’s just the language the Declaration of Independence and Constitution were written in and the language anyone with aspirations beyond dishwasher learns. Other countries learn English just because it’s the language we speak and thus the language of success, so it’s pretty silly we ever even act like people can come to this country and not learn it.
Of course, there are some people afraid that if we make English the official language, then people are going to then beat people up who don’t speak English. That’s ridiculous. We’re just going to beat up hippies, regardless of what language they speak. In fact, when we can understand them, it only makes us angrier.
It could be worse, though: We could have two official languages like Quebec. There everything written in English also has to be repeated in unintelligible monkey jibber. That’s just unworkable. Think if when we have dinosaurs with rocket launchers and the law required that they have to respond to multiple languages so as not to be discriminatory. Can dinosaurs even learn that many languages? I don’t know because there hasn’t been good studies on dinosaur intelligence since most of our knowledge comes from the dumb ones who fell in tar.
One more thing: If we make English our official language, we should change its name to “American.” It’s our language now; we own it!
I got news for ‘ya, unintelligible monkey jibber is the only official language of Quebec. I was there once I tried to speak English and they looked at me like I had asked for directions to the nearest Church of Satan. They refused to speak in English and instead responded in unintelligible monkey jibber. Since I’m really bilingual, unlike those unintelligle monkey jibber speakers, I then responded to them in Spanish just to mess with them. The look on their monkey faces was priceless.
“Qué?”
Our language is too different to be anything but “American”. Even our insults are different! If I called someone a nasty spotted prancer, they’d just stare at me.
I could care less about Spanish. French we must ban. What does Quebec produce for society beyond good hockey goaltenders and Mario Lemieux?
Can dinosaurs even learn that many languages? I don’t know because there hasn’t been good studies on dinosaur intelligence since most of our knowledge comes from the dumb ones who fell in tar.
You obviously haven’t read Dr. Rick Marshall’s book, “Matt Lauer Can Suck It“.
Apparently, T-rex’s have brains the size of walnuts.
Really, really, really big walnuts.
So I’d guess they can learn more languages, but they don’t wanna.
And really, who’s gonna tell a T-Rex he has to learn some furrin language?
It is amazing how when you point a gun at a human they immediately can process language much better than the moment before gun was pointed at them…. maybe a gun is like a secret decoder! And if a gun works imagine having a rocket pointed at you? Therefore, I dont believe teaching a dinosaur anything other than English would be beneficial, and would waste valuable training time that could be spent rocket shooting, claw sharpening, etc. etc.
If I was a T-Rex, and if I had rocket launchers I would make everyone learn to speak T-Rex.
Whatever you do, don’t speak English when telling a Quebeci cab driver where you need to go. They get all fuzzy when you use uncommon English phrases, such as “Train Station.” Then, they drive you all over creation until the meter has run out of digits. But it’s kinda O.K. because then you pay them with that Monopoly money that they use in Canada.
I have it good authority that dinosaurs love to eat people who speak in unintelligible monkey jibber. That’s why you won’t see any dinosaurs, with or without rocket launchers in Quebec. We should send them some.
Were I an evil villain, and I wanted to keep a group of people down, I’d make sure they didn’t speak the same language that the other 98% of the country speaks.
Burmashve, I was quite lucky I didn’t have to take a taxi anywhere during my visit to Quebec. I had a rental car and a map of Montreal in English. I bet if the unintelligible monkey jibber speakers knew I had a map of Montreal in English they would have spoken to me in loud, angry sounding unintelligle monkey jibber. Then I would have just cursed them out in Spanish. Spanish is a very good cussing language.
One minor correction: It’s all of Canada, not just Quebec, that has two official languages. The whole country has signs in English and charabia absurde singe.
Amen and pass the ammunition.
Infidel, I’m sure it’s a fine cussing language, but can it beat German for angry language?
Bilingual dinosaurs would lead to disaster. I mean, c’mon, French commands? If your T-Rex looked at you for permission to fire a missile, and you answered yes in French, he would just urinate instead. No one wants to be around a urinating dinosaur. Missile firing dinosaurs are much more fun.
Deutch? They can sound angry saying hello….. but the absolute best cursers I have ever met have been the Russians…..
In a war between Spain and France, the French would kick Spanish butt. Same with Mexico and Quebec. I mean c’mon, WWII? The French at least pretended to fight the Nazis, whereas the Spanish said, “yeah, go ahead bomb us with your bombers. I know, you should try bombing Guernica. I hate those people there.” Not only that, but the Spanish will probably have to be bailed out by the French in the next year. Plus, Spanish is a dirty language. Even “guapo” the Spanish for “handsome” sounds ugly and dirty. French at least sounds nice. And you are mistaken regarding Quebec having two official languages. A long time ago, Quebec passed Law 101, which declared French to be the official language in Quebec, and eliminated English from government entities and street signs. They even went so far as to legislate that if a private business wants English on their signs, it has to be below the French, and in a smaller font. Also, in workplaces above 12 people, the language of the workplace has to be French. If I wasn’t such an anti-socialist, I would support the same sorts of laws for our country.
Making English the official language would be racist. Because a lot of black people have trouble speaking English.
Let’s compromise. Let’s all learn Ebonics.
Marko, I don’t think it comes close to being as angry as German. About the only language I think comes close is Russian. My son married a Russian girl and once I heard her mother yelling angrily at her in Russian and I started shaking in my boots. Scared me half to death!
Italian, on the other hand, can’t sound angry to me at all. When I was in Italy a couple of years ago I saw a couple of shopkeppers arguing angrily over something and it was hard for me not to laugh, what with all the wild gestures and what nots. I figure they were angry ’cause their pizza didn’t have enough garlic or something.
The Quebec issue is even more stupid. The granola chewing, birkenstock wearing hippies in our parliament joined forces with the cheese eating surrender monkeys to pass a law through our lower house which would require all our supreme court judges to be bilingual.
Hey, Paul m, if French Canadians are “cheese-eating surrender monkeys”, then why were they over in Europe fighting the Nazis three years before Americans lifted a little finger? Has anybody forgotten that the U.S. decided to stay neutral for the first three years of the war?
Dave, by and large, it is because the French Canadians were conscripted and forced to go to war by Ottawa. There were anti-conscription RIOTS in Montreal in the lead-up to WWII.