I once was an U.S. Ambassador to Bosnia and dodged sniper fire while flying over war torn areas…with bombs bursting in the air and the rocket’s red glare.
If anyone needs a real accomplishment to go with the fakes, Time’s Person of the Year for 1966, 1969, 1975 and 2006 were respectively: Baby Boomers, Middle Americans, American Women and “You”. I’d say we have some multiple winners here.
Ten years ago, I challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, and from there was going to bring evidence against Hillary to a grand jury. (Forget reading the rest of my resume, I reportedly committed suicide in my hospital bed ten years ago.)
I once was an U.S. Ambassador to Bosnia and dodged sniper fire while flying over war torn areas…with bombs bursting in the air and the rocket’s red glare.
Honorary Doctorate in Navel-gazing
Certified Finder-of-Lost-Things
Master of Emu Eluding
Holder of several Anonymiss Cookie Awards
I miss Anonymiss bacon cookie. They definitely should make a comeback.
I invented the internet. Al Gore plagiarized my work!
Kicked Cujo’s ass.
I once had a threesome with Raquel and Claudia,
One would think being a sentient walnut would be enough of a resume-enhancer.
Have you ever noticed how a shelled walnut looks very similar to a brain?
Yes, I have, and it gave me pause before eating it.
You know shelled can mean both with or without a shell.
Especially in an active war zone…
2025 – Present: Unanimously elected chairmen of the board of superfluous achievement
We only have a Fluous department.
Meh-Fluous at best.
If anyone needs a real accomplishment to go with the fakes, Time’s Person of the Year for 1966, 1969, 1975 and 2006 were respectively: Baby Boomers, Middle Americans, American Women and “You”. I’d say we have some multiple winners here.
American women stay away from me / let me be.
That’s why you have such a problem with Mika…
I have no problems with Mika. She has problems with me.
Oops! I spilled ink on her picture.
I successfully threw a surprise party for a psychic.
Every October, I send out reminders that April is Procrastination Awareness Month. Here you go!
Ten years ago, I challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, and from there was going to bring evidence against Hillary to a grand jury. (Forget reading the rest of my resume, I reportedly committed suicide in my hospital bed ten years ago.)
“I helped Walrus forget his computer frustration.”
“Up, down, up/down. That computer gets more attention than me.”
My Resume is so full I can pad it no further.
“When I was 12, I ate an entire outboard motor.”
“I once bit a bowling ball in half.”
(Both borrowed. The accompaniments, not the ball and motor)
Made 40 million dollars with my “Tell Me Where Biden Touched You” Mrs. Potato Head toy.