- Take hostages, then release them. Repeat.
- Require Digital ID to view any page — or to press any key on your keyboard — or to turn on or off your computer, because Digital IDs are tight.
- Require captchas to view any captcha. Endless loop!
- AI. Lots of AI. In fact, too much AI. Like oregano. A little goes a long way.
- Bitcoin. Lots of Bitcoin. For the virtual vending machines.
- Replace Oppo with Appo. Might save money and do something.
- ???
- Profit!
- Judge intern applicants on their accomplishments (just kidding).
- Get liberal Bionic Woman to stop teaching kids about the “Gulf of Mexico.”
- Start teaching the Bionic Woman about Long Circuits.
- Do not submerge Bionic Woman in water. (Does this apply to any fluid? Unclear.)
- She may be bipolar; she’s on lithium (heh).
- Cease using the following technology to post weekly Hootenanny to those within earshot:
- As Trump shows, avoid earshot.
- Eliminating turntables will give interns who were hired as “subtle lifters” more free time.
