- Take hostages, then release them. Repeat.
- Require Digital ID to view any page — or to press any key on your keyboard — or to turn on or off your computer, because Digital IDs are tight.
- Require captchas to view any captcha. Endless loop!
- AI. Lots of AI. In fact, too much AI. Like oregano. A little goes a long way.
- Bitcoin. Lots of Bitcoin. For the virtual vending machines.
- Replace Oppo with Appo. Might save money and do something.
- ???
- Profit!
- Judge intern applicants on their accomplishments (just kidding).
- Get liberal Bionic Woman to stop teaching kids about the “Gulf of Mexico.”
- Start teaching the Bionic Woman about Long Circuits.
- Do not submerge Bionic Woman in water. (Does this apply to any fluid? Unclear.)
- She may be bipolar; she’s on lithium (heh).
- Cease using the following technology to post weekly Hootenanny to those within earshot:
- As Trump shows, avoid earshot.
- Eliminating turntables will give interns who were hired as “subtle lifters” more free time.
Martinizing
1 Hour!
Guaranteed or double the price!
Looks like I picked a bad week to start taking hallucinogens again…
The couches must be of Corinthian Leather.
Moth eaten and retro are not necessarily synonymous.
Move to Europe. They’re hours ahead of us, a whole year come Jan 1st.
Tell Lawrence Welk to tone it down a bit, the overly peppy music is leading to snapping fingers occasionally hitting the thumb up button.
Dial “9” for an outside line…
Two words : Tupperware…
Keep your car fobs right by the front door, so that home invaders don’t have to beat you…
Judge intern applicants on their accomplishments (just kidding).
We already do. I mean all our Interns have a great pair of accomplishments IYKWIMAITYD.
Get one of those VIP customer scanner systems like the grocery stores. I’m not sure what you’d do with it, but my key chain has room.
Stocked with New Coke and Pepsi Clear.
Self-Checkout SLOTDs. I mean, I won’t get any bacon, but that’s par for the course anyways.
Self-Checkout Sl*ts. I mean, I won’t get any action, but that’s par for the course anyways.
CBD vending machines. You can convert the unemployed cigarette machines from 1981.
Switch from incandescent to LED.
Instrumental background music that changes appropriately to the evolving commenting moods.
What, the “Girl from Ipanema” ain’t good enough for you?
Maybe you could rotate in Theme from a Summer Place once in a while.
Radical.
I was thinking “The Crazy World of Arthur Brown”, and such, (instrumental of course) would be seriously considered.
I was going to say Take Five but it’s a little too NPR.