The K in Kerry Stands for Dumbass

I’m on John Kerry’s e-mail list for some reason, and I got an e-mail from him titled this yesterday:

“The R in Rand Stands for Radical”

And I was dumbstruck. I don’t get how a grown man would write that thinking it’s clever. It’s like what Data would come up with if you tasked him to make a clever statement belittling someone. It’s an imitation of being clever while completely missing the concept.

Basically, the statement is a failed attempt to say “Rand and Radical Both Start with an R” in a clever way, which wasn’t really a worthwhile observation to begin with. Now, if Rand Paul’s name were “Bob R. Paul” and Kerry said, “The R in Bob R. Paul Stand for Radical”, that would be clever… for a four year old. As it is, Kerry just completely missed the clever boat. Let me point out the obvious: The R doesn’t stand for anything because Rand’s name is not an acronym. It’s just the first letter of his name. Kerry’s statement makes only slightly more sense than “The N in Rand Stands for Not Someone You Should Elect”… except that is so overly awkward and wooden that it’s actually a little funny (much like John Kerry himself).

During 2004, John Kerry demonstrated he had trouble with relating with normal human beings, and he really shouldn’t try. His e-mail would have been just fine titled “Rand is a Radical”, but instead he attempted and failed at something humorous. And humor is about making an intellectual connection with your audience saying, “I think like you.” But if from Kerry’s humor you recognize he thinks like a moron, then his message is “You’re a drooling idiot like me and would think this is clever.” So his humor is actually insulting. And thus who would want to read his stupid e-mail after that?

This isn’t just my opinion. This is the opinion of a political humor expert… who is me. And some politician really shouldn’t play with humor without an expert watching.

24 Comments

  1. I thought kerry was delegated to hillary’s shoeshine boy after his dismal attempt of becoming anything more than Frankenstin’s joke.

    Didn’t he poke fun of algore’s girlfriend too? Must be all that global warming.

  2. Most politicians can’t play with humor; it’s a trait that runs on a dominant gene.

    But I do agree that the remaining politicians shouldn’t attempt to play with humor without adult supervision. They could strain something.

  3. Thr K in Kerry stands for Klan whom his buddy Byrd was a member of.

    To demonstrate how out of touch and stupid liberals are, over on DU there is thread about cable tv being a conspiracy of the “man”. They have a battle cry of “Cut the cable111!1” Some of them believe that is literal, and want to know if it is a problem to pruning shear their neighbor”s cable lines. How in the h@ll did these idiots get into office?

  4. R for Radical, man, those D for Demonic, Deceitful, Disgusting, Deranged, Delusional and Despicable Democrats sure are real clever at turning a phrase. How us hick dumbass conservatives can ever compete with those sharp as a tack liberals I’ll never know. Remember, Kerry was in Vietnam, and doesn’t he wish he was French or something like that?

    Marko’s right, let’s get back to this you being on Kerry’s e-mail list. Lucy, err, I mean Frank, you got some ‘splaining to do!

  5. Did you mean to use the possessive “you’re” in “you’re a drooling idiot,” or did you mean, “your”? Because that would be one of the most unfortunate misspellings ever considering the context.

    I still love you, though.

  6. It’s actually worse than that. Kerry (actually the taxpayers of his state) undoubtedly pays someone a salary who’s job includes writing those emails and making up “clever” subject lines, which means that Kerry considers this guy to be better at it than he is…so, you can imagine how much worse it actually could have been if Kerry had attempted humor himself. As it is, the fact that he signed off on it offers the visual of the knee-slapping and ROFLMAOing that most likely took place in the Kerry office when this little “gem” was unveiled for approval, as in their warped little world it was probably deemed “hilarious”.

  7. As a one time wretched refugee from Massachusetts, I can tell you that Kerry’s lack of a sense of humor is pretty much endemic up there. Nothing funny or remotely amusing has ever happened in “the Bay State”. The entire population has lost the ability to smile due to the lack of anything to smile about. From the Salem witch burnings to the Kennedy dynasty, there has been no joy in Massachusetts.

    When I was a kid, one of the governors tried to give the state back to the Wampanoag Indians, but they sued him in federal court and got to keep the beads and trinkets they had received in 1625.

  8. K ” stands for “Strike Out” in a baseball score book, and the
    the 2004 Presidential election.

    As in: John F. StrikeOut-erry
    (Who, BTW served in Viet Nam).

    The Dem candidate for KY (Ooo , another K word!) Senate must be really unelectable,
    I havent ever heard his/her name.

  9. His premarital name was John Dillweed Dumbass Kerry la Dingus. But Heinz didn’t like the last name associated with her products so he dropped it. I know. You’re thinking, “I did not know that!!”

  10. “The entire population has lost the ability to smile due to the lack of anything to smile about. From the Salem witch burnings to the Kennedy dynasty, there has been no joy in Massachusetts. ”

    What about the Red Sox winning a couple of World Series a few years ago after not winning one since the fall of the Roman Empire? Plus the Patriots won a few Superbowls. Well, I guess that can’t make up for having to put up with the Kennedys, Kerry and Bawney Fwank. Those 3 are proof that Massachusetts really, really hates America.

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