Nuke the News: The Very Poor and Other Things Not to Care About

* So Romney won Florida. No surprises there. And by a big margin in pretty much every group you can think of, which is a little surprising. Also, this was a closed primary with only actual Republicans voting (which is why Ron Paul only got 7%).

Basil is technically right that it’s not over, but CW is that the only one who can defeat Romney now is Romney. Basically he has to make some huge mistake to lose. Like be caught with a dead hooker. That sort of thing.

Still, maybe Newt can pick up some Southern states and gain some momentum. The disadvantage of that is that then we’d might have Newt as a nominee. Just can’t trust that guy. Unlike Romney who…

What are we trying to accomplish again?

* Romney is already kind of stepping in it, though. “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” Not so bad in context, but these are the things people seize on. Other things he needs to avoid saying:

“Poverty is funny.”

“I like the sound poor people make when I run over them in my limo.”

“Shut up, you stupid poor people! No one wants to hear what comes out of your money-less mouths!”

Actually, if Romney gets challenged on his concern for the poor, a good response would be, “And exactly how many millions have you given to charity?”

* Of course, Obama isn’t exactly saying all the right things either. A woman confronted him the other day with how her husband couldn’t find a job, and Obama said he found her husband’s unemployment “interesting.”

Obama 2012: “I find your lack of a job intriguing.”

Hmm. He is a lot like Spock.

* Rick Santorum says that Newt Gingrich should stop pressuring rivals to drop out. Gingrich responded saying, “I will… when you drop out.”

If Santorum had dropped out before the Florida primary… Gingrich still would have lost. But if Ron Paul had also dropped out… Gingrich still would have lost because Ron Paul voters wouldn’t vote at all and would instead just stay home and put brand new tin foil coverings on their windows.

* The CBO is estimating another trillion plus deficit. But don’t worry, taxes should soon go up to help with that. Though that should also slow economic growth.

Obama 2012!

* Wisdom of the Day from Grover Norquist:

I want to cut Warren Buffett’s secretary’s taxes. Obama hopes she ignores her pain and focusses on his promises to raise Warren’s taxes.

* DC Comics has announced new Watchmen comics. Since Watchmen is considered to be one of the greatest comics of all time — nay, one of the greatest pieces of literature of all time — and nearly sacred, and since Alan Moore isn’t going to be involved with these new comics, expect fandom to scream like an abattoir full of retarded children. Actually, there’s no question Alan Moore wasn’t going to be involved as DC Comics burnt bridges with him (plus he’s a weirdo — a weirdo who takes all his characters seriously and write them three-dimensionally), but DC does own the rights to the Watchmen characters and this should be a pretty big deal. And they’re going to be prequels, which is good since *SPOILER* Rorschach was killed in the end (he gets all blowed up in one of the saddest scenes since Old Yeller). Who would care about new Watchmen comics with Rorschach?

Well, I guess DC is banking on some people caring, because they’re making 34 comics, but only four are going to be centered on Rorschach. I mean, they have a six issue miniseries on Ozymandias; who cares? I want nothing but comics of Rorschach’s nihilistic musings while being brutal to criminals. He’s like Batman if Batman were poor and much crazier. “None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with ME!”

If Rorschach were still alive today, though, I kind of get the feeling he’d be a Ron Paul supporter.

Random Thoughts

“I’m unfollowing you.”
“And I never followed you in the first place which makes me all the wiser.”

The Republican primary has crushed my soul. I don’t care if Ron Paul is the nominee; just end it.

Google News has given me an Ultimate badge in reading stories about politics, video games, and Nintendo BECAUSE I AM AN INFORMED READER!

I’m such a dedicated news reader that I have a gold badge in reading stories about the XBox and I don’t even own an XBox.

Fun Fact: People pay me for my opinions and no one even wants to hear yours.

Some readers have corrected me that the Arrested Development character Obama most resembles isn’t Gob Bluth but instead Tobias Funke.

As for the Arrested Development character I’m most like, I’d say Michael… but it’s probably George Michael. As for SarahK, she’s most like Rita because she’s very pretty.

I wonder if the Death Wish remake will be as right wing as the original.

Though I do like to annoy cats, gluten free bread is too expensive to waste on the breading meme.

I don’t know why I’m supposed to be so concerned by all this presidential election stuff; I don’t even work in government.

America is dying a slow death, and the best we can get is promises to make it an even slower death.

I don’t care about electability. I don’t care about nominating a true conservative. I just don’t like Obama. Also, I’m hugely tired of this primary.

We need something like the moon mission to get us out of our rut. My suggestion: national effort to build working lightsaber.

They need to come up with a summer version of curling for the Summer Olympics.

There really was a country named “Prussia”? Why would you name yourself like you’re a cheap Russia knockoff? That’s like having a country today named “Sturkey”.

We’ll stop pointing out liberal hypocrisy if they admit that at least 95% of everything they say is partisan BS.

They’re doing new Watchmen comics without Alan Moore? Expect to hear fandom scream like an abattoir full of retarded children.

Game over, man

It’s over.

Mitt Romney has wrapped it up. He won Florida yesterday, and that means there’s no chance for anyone else in the GOP race.

Newt Gingrich supporters? Hate to break it to you, but it’s time to pack it in.

Rick Santorum followers? The writing’s on the wall.

Ron Paul supporters? The nurse will be by shortly with your medications. And a fresh supply of tin foil.

The 2012 Republican primary season is done. There’s no way anyone can catch Mitt Romney. Just look:

Graph from The New York Times

See?

After the big win in Florida, Mitt Romney has 71 delegates. He only needs … let’s see, 1,144 to win, minus 71 already won, leaves 1,073 … Oh. My. Goodness. He only needs 1,073 more delegates to win.

Let’s look at the upcoming primary calendar, do the math, and see where things stand.

If Romney wins every delegate in every race, he would surpass the magic number of 1,144 as early as April 3.

What about Gingrich? If he were to somehow win every delegate in every state from here on out, he wouldn’t reach 1,144 until April 3.

Rick Santorum? Heck, if he won every delegate in every upcoming race, he wouldn’t hit 1,144 until April 3.

Ron Paul? Well, if he went on a winning streak and won every delegate in every primary and caucus, he wouldn’t pass 1,144 until April 3.

So, there you have it.

Romney can mathematically wrap this thing up in just over two months, on April 3, 2012. That’s a done deal.

Meanwhile, none of the the other three could lock it up until April 3, 2012. And that’s an impossible task.

Hey, don’t get angry with me. Numbers don’t lie.

Newscasters and party establishment will, but numbers won’t.