[High Praise! to A Trainwreck in Maxwell]
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This is a repeat from 9/17, Harvey. But you prolly know that.
Ya know, I *thought* I’d posted this one before, but I couldn’t remember when.
I’m gettin’ fuzzy-brained in my old age.
Pffft. Harvey, you’re still a youngster in your 40’s somewhere. 45? 46?
* Old age is when you can’t remember where you set your coffee down.
* Or your sunglasses.
* Or your pocket razor knife.
(All three of these have happened to me today!)
* I have a sign above my bathroom mirror that says, “Genuine Antique Person. Been There, Done That, Got Lost.”
* And a cup that says, “Genuine Antique Person. Been There, Done That, Can’t Remember.”
* I can’t remember how the bathroom sign got there… that’s BAD, BAD!
(Nah, ladies, really, I’m still “middle aged.” Stay the course. Call my late night radio show and I’ll prove it.)
You know you’re getting old when …
… you wake up in the morning and the joints that didn’t used to be stiff are, and the one joint that used to be stiff isn’t.
… pain hurts more and wounds take longer to heal.
… you hear yourself saying, “I remember when that only cost …”
… you forget what your toes looked like.
… heck, you forget what your waist looked like.
… you tell your wife, “not tonight dear. I’ve got a headache.”
… you talk about Richard Nixon, and a college student says, “Who?”
… you put dishes in the fridge and milk in the cabinet.
… you sometimes refer to the refrigerator as an “ice box”.
Ogrrre, you’re inspiring!!
Let’s invite all the old guys and gals here to contribute to this!
You know you’re getting old when…
… you start putting your keys in the wrong pocket and then can’t find them.
… you put the cereal box in the fridge and walk away.
… later, you open the fridge, see the cereal box and can’t remember putting it there.
… you’ve got something in both hands and have to think about which to put down first.
… there are certain words you used to remember how to spell and now can’t.
… you use Dictionary.com to look-up those words and can’t remember their spelling next time.
… you realize that most of your ‘bucket list’ is a waste of precious time.
… you continue to use 19th Century expressions taught to you by your cotton-picking parents and grandparents and young people think you’re nuts.
… you realize the promise of “I’ll NEVER get old!” that you made to yourself when you were young was a procrastinating delusion.
“… you start putting your keys in the wrong pocket and then can’t find them.”
No problem, Jimmy. I keep a set of keys in both pockets so when I lock a set in my car it won’t cost me $50 to get my car unlocked.
“… you’ve got something in both hands and have to thing about which to put down first.”
Or you’ve got something in each hand, and can’t remember why you have the objects.
… you walk into a room and can’t remember why you went in there. So, you go back to the room you just left to try to remember what you wanted in the other room.
… you forget a word or a name and can’t remember it for the life of you … until 2:30 am, when you sit bolt upright in bed and say the word or name.
Yes, Ogrrre!! You are correct, sir!
You know you’re getting old when…
“… you walk into a room and can’t remember why you went in there.” (yours) Perplexed, you turn around to walk out and realize your coffee is missing but that wasn’t the reason you went into the room! So you start searching for your coffee and then forget you even went into that room. Turns out, your coffee is in there. Later, when you find it, you suddenly remember you went into that room to find a pair of pliers to pull staples out of lumber.
… you have a project on the road. You load everything you’ll need into many paper bags, line them up by the door and proceed to take of all the bags but one. And, you had stared right at that last one and reminded yourself not to forget it. That one bag you left behind anyway will contain the most important tool for the project.
… you want to light your pipe for a nice smoke in the evening. So you load your pipe with fine tobacco and can’t find your lighter. You then walk around the house looking for it. Your son is visiting, and he asks, “What are you looking for?” You reply, “Can’t find my lighter.” He smiles and says, “It’s in your right hand, Dad!!”
… you buy groceries and put them in the trunk of your car (which is not normal procedure for you). Several days later, you notice an odd smell in your car and search for a pest in the trunk. It’s the hamburger (or chicken!).
Jimmy, I think Harvey is sitting back reading this stuff and either laughing his ass off at the two forgetful old geezers or going down the list saying, “done that, did that yesterday, did that today…”
“Let’s invite all the old guys and gals here to contribute to this!”
Jimmy, I’m beginning to think that we are the only two old people reading this blog. Either that, or the only two honest old people reading this blog.
I’d have contributed too, but I couldn’t remember what I was going to say.