[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

Here’s a partial list. Click here for more.
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• Super Nanny State
• Everybody Loves Ramadan
• The B Team
• That 70’s Economy
• Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Donor
• Two And A Half Men, A Transgendered Lesbian, An Abortion Clinic, And A Solar Panel Factory
• Project Runaway Deficit
• Survivor Abortion Clinic
• Chicago Dope
• Malcolm In The Middle East
• How I Met Your Mother, impregnated her and went back to Kenya
• Who Wants To Tax A Millionaire
• Orange County Flopper
• Dog The IRS Agent
• Law & Order: Criminal in Tent #occupy

[Originally posted at Nuking Politics]

You know, there is just something about people in the Arab world that just doesn’t square right. I mean, they keep on taunting, like, the most powerful nation in the world ever…it just doesn’t make sense. What could they be missing?

Oh, I know…a healthy respect for the consequences of an unhealthy dose of radiation.

Take two of these, and call us in the morning…

See, they kind of remind me of a rather psychotic people about 70 years ago or so…the Japanese Empire. Back then, the Japanese didn’t make video games, and cool robots, and stupid cartoons. They made ridiculously effective war machines, and they coupled that with fanaticism, much like the Islamic fanaticism we see today out of Arab nutjobs.

They were a tough enemy to beat; far more dangerous than your average Al Qaeda member. But they shared that whole fanaticism thing, if not the inability to actually produce stuff thing. As in, Islamists are about as useless at making anything of value as a sloth with a left-handed hammer. They just can’t do much besides hate people and suck oil out of the ground.

So the Japanese Imperialists were more dangerous, because they weren’t only as moonbat crazy as Islamists are, they were also crazy good engineers, and extremely dedicated workers.

So you might wonder how we conquered such a nation? Simple: we nuked the noodles out of ’em. And in that process, we taught them about the consequential effects of radiation. Since then, they have turned their industrious nature towards more friendly (and profitable!) pursuits, such as making cool robots and video games and stuff. Lesson learned!

So, I think this lesson could possibly be applied to the Middle East. See, they have the whole fanaticism thing down pat, even if they can’t really be much of a threat above the annoyance level. I mean, in the geopolitical neighborhood, the Middle East and those terrorist fellows are like the stupid neighbor that won’t cut their grass.

So, it is time for the Homeowner’s Association to step in, headed of course by the United States. How do we get them to clean up their act? Simple…teach them about the dangers of radiation. By dropping several nuclear bombs on them. We don’t even need to drop them on cities or anything: we aren’t going for death tolls like they do. We just want to teach them to have a healthy respect for our power by giving them some examples of what these weapons, that they clearly don’t understand, can actually do. And more importantly, that, yes, America is willing to use them.

I mean, really…this is like the only thing we haven’t tried. At this point, there is really nothing left for us to do except start bombing the ever-living daylights out of them. They just won’t understand who they are messing with until we use the very weapons that made us the country you don’t mess with.

If it can work for an aggressive Japanese Empire, it can work for some bozos still living in the the 7th century.

So, the Muslim Brotherhood has a Twitter account. Who knew, right? And, to save face and all of that, they sent a ‘lil tweet at the Cairo Embassy (who also has a Twitter account, apparently) saying they were happy that nobody got hurt in Cairo. That was their English tweet anyway…

Muslim Brotherhood: @khairatAlshater: We r relieved none of @USEmbassyCairo staff were harmed & hope US-Eg relations will sustain turbulence of Tuesday’s events

U.S. Embassy Cairo: @Ikhwanweb Thanks. By the way, have you checked out your own Arabic feeds? I hope you know we read those too.

Apparently, the Arabic version of the Muslim Brotherhood Twitter account was praising the attacks.

Do these people actually think that nobody in the United States, much less diplomatic agents in Arabic-speaking countries, can read and understand Arabic?

Really?

Just a post to remind you I’m still away, but I will be back to regular blogging next week.

Oh, and buy my book.

[High Praise! to Stephen]

New York democratic senator Charles “Chucky will eat anything” Schumer was on the warpath recently, taking a page from the New York City mayor’s book on banning things, to push for a ban on laundry detergent “pods” that apparently look like candy to kids. Well, Schumer took it a bit further and claimed he thought they looked delicious, and saw one on a staffer’s desk and immediately wanted to eat it.

Mmmm…delicious…?

Aside from the fact that this might show some self-control issues on the part of Schumer (better hide your candy!), and the question of “what is a laundry detergent pod doing on a staffer’s desk?”, it does bring up a rather important topic: how to make your house safer for children, and especially for Chuck Schumer.

How to Schumer-proof Your House
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* Hide wallets and purses, coins, checkbooks, and anything else related to money. You know democrats…they just can’t resist other people’s money.

* Make sure there are no cups or glasses that can hold greater than 16 ounces, just in case Chuck has a hankering for a soda, and accidentally pours more than the law allows.

* No big popcorn bowls either.

* Ensure there are no poisonous plants that look edible in your home. Chuck just loves his greens.

* Use electrical outlet plug safety covers. Politicians love power, and Schumer just can’t help but stick his finger into an outlet if it is uncovered.

* Make sure you separate out the head and tail of a batch of ‘shine to prevent methanol poisoning.

* Oh wait, that is a step in “100-proofing your house”.

* If you can still get a hold of them, try to use only incandescent bulbs. The CFL ones look kind of like a McDonald’s ice cream cone, and Schumer can’t help but take a nice crunchy, toxic bite.

* Actually, Schumer thinks incandescent bulbs look tasty too. Go without lighting. Use torches.

* Remove shaving cream from the bathroom. Chuck likes his coffee Irish, with whipped cream…and he sometimes gets Cool Whip and Barbasol confused.

* Remove any copies, likenesses, references to, or books about the U.S. Constitution. They cause Chucky to burst into flames.
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Now, doesn’t your house feel safer already?