….handed his benchmade wingtips to his valet, saying “Brewster, be a chum and see if you can get the blood and bits of anus and rectum off of the right one…ankle-deep ass-kickings tend to get a bit messy.”
After the debate, Mitt Romney got together with a bunch of his cronies from Bain, strapped Obama’s dog BO to the roof of his gas-guzzling SUV and drove to Canada with a gay Jewish black dude dragging from the bumper, all the while singing the “Horst Wessel” song at the top of his lungs.
…pointed at the misshapen lump on the drop cloth he’d placed behind his oponent’s lectern during his debate prep, gave Jim Lehrer a steely look and said “Get that out of here.”
After the debate, Mitt Romney … pulled out a knife and cut the flesh from his arm revealing that he is, in fact, a Terminator; an indestructible half-man, half-cyborg sent back in time from a ruined future to save us from ourselves by stopping the man who would fully implement ObamaCare.
Asked the President if he enjoyed it, then offered him a cigarette…
……went and ate at Chick-fil-a
…heard the lamentations of their women.
…gave Obama a wedgie and a swirly.
…made way for a TSA employee to retrieve his shoe.
Did a little dance, made a little love, got down that night.
…blew his nose with that handkerchief and then shook hands with Mr. Oh Brother.
Went over to the smoldering embers of the person who was once Il Duce and warmed his hands on someone who was much poorer than he.
… Told obama to squeal like a piggy.
…kicked Obama’s dog.
Reserved that U-Haul for January.
…told Obama that when he went home to celebrate his 20th anniversary that Michelle would be thinking about him instead.
…said, “Gee, it’s true. Everything does taste better when eaten out of your enemy’s skull.”
borrowed John Travolta’s disco pants and hit the streets to strut!
After the debate, Mitt Romney… Mitt Romney… Mitt Romney… sobbed Obama in his sleep.
…had trouble getting the Obama-stank off his shoes.
…gave back Obama’s empty lunch bag.
…smoothed his hair, straightened his tie, and gave Obama a smile that said, “You been PWN3D biotch!”
Dohtimes says:
October 8th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
…made way for a TSA employee to retrieve his shoe.
Despite the rich potential for this straight line, I’m going to defer and just nominate the comment above for top spot. Priceless.
…washed the blood off his hands.
…asked Obama, “You ever been screwed like this on previous anniversaries?”
Dammit, John led off with what I was going to say. Comments 3 and 18 are awesome as well.
…told Obama, “You might wanna put some ice on that.”
…said to Obama sotto voce, “Th…uh…uh…uh…uh that’s all folks!”
. . . slapped his forehead and said to himself “I forgot to mention I would emancipate all dogs from the dinner menu!”
. . . sang “I was a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll!”.
. . . pinched himself to be sure he wasn’t dreaming.
. . . got a phone call from George Bush who said “Mr. President, you’re going to make them not miss me anymore.”
… Slapped Obama on the back and told him not to worry, he wasn’t the first guy who failed to perform on his 20th wedding anniversary*
* – Stolen from a caller to the Dennis Miller Show
….handed his benchmade wingtips to his valet, saying “Brewster, be a chum and see if you can get the blood and bits of anus and rectum off of the right one…ankle-deep ass-kickings tend to get a bit messy.”
… smoked a victory cigar and then went right back to work trying to save this country from itself.
After the debate, Mitt Romney walked over to his opponents lecturn to pick up a toothpick from the pile he just left on the floor.
After the debate, Mitt Romney had Chuck Norris pick the splinters out of his knuckles.
After the debate, Mitt Romney … was feeling dangerous, so he drank and entire Coke Zero while watching a PG-13 movie…
was hoping that Obumbles don’t also bounce.
[Lefty version] . . . skulked back to his cave to dream up even more outrageous lies with which to render the President speechless in Round II.
[Media version] . . . took some more acting lessons.
[The Onion version] . . . Bit the head off a live bat, sprayed the blood on Obama’s family, and ran out of the hall yelling, “Show me some public spending to hack with my sword!” http://www.theonion.com/articles/mitt-romney-adopts-new-ronnie-ferocious-persona-fo,29789/
…listened politely as Barry blamed his not doing well on his lunch not being de-wormed.
…saw how good Obama made him look and offered him the job of press secretary.
…Tossed his magic handkerchief at Barry and told him, “Clean yourself up!”
…Reloaded his double-barrel Junk-Musket
…Ate the lunch he told Barry to pack
… thanked the Golden Tablets for his great victory.
… gargled in the blood of his vanquished foe.
… plugged in his charging cable and went back into stasis – with a smile.
Thanked the ghost of Reagan and shook his hand.
. . . invited Toby Keith up to the platform to join him in singing “How Do You Like Me Now?”
After the debate, Mitt Romney…DIDN’T do that “Yee Haw” thing Howard Dean did…and therefore, is still running for office.
After the debate, Mitt Romney…called his son and once again told him how proud he is that he is serving in the military.
After the debate, Mitt Romney…asked “Now that rehearsal is over, when does the REAL debate start?”
After the debate, Mitt Romney got together with a bunch of his cronies from Bain, strapped Obama’s dog BO to the roof of his gas-guzzling SUV and drove to Canada with a gay Jewish black dude dragging from the bumper, all the while singing the “Horst Wessel” song at the top of his lungs.
Or so I heard from Rachel Maddow.
Handed Obama a box of Preperation H.
After the debate, Mitt Romney…proposed a ban on the use of teleprompters.
After the debate, Mitt Romney…requested they shut down Bain Capital and fly all employees to Washington to search for the president’s missing manhood.
… punched a hippie.
…shook hands with the empty chair.
Went home and f*cked the prom queen. (It’s better if you read it in Sean Connery’s voice. But then, what isn’t?)
…pointed at the misshapen lump on the drop cloth he’d placed behind his oponent’s lectern during his debate prep, gave Jim Lehrer a steely look and said “Get that out of here.”
After the debate, Mitt Romney … pulled out a knife and cut the flesh from his arm revealing that he is, in fact, a Terminator; an indestructible half-man, half-cyborg sent back in time from a ruined future to save us from ourselves by stopping the man who would fully implement ObamaCare.
…went home, read his scriptures, said his prayers, kissed his wife and went to sleep. Just like the majority of Americans.
thanked God and prayed for America.
…felt bad that in a battle of wits, he completely destroyed an unarmed man.
. . . saw that it was good, and there was evening and there was morning on the first day. On the second day he created Paul Ryan . . .
…put his clue bat away.
…smacked a medicare recipient and kicked a puppy, according to the obama campaign.
…applied first aid to Barry’s ass.
Ate southern-fried Big Bird.