OH MAN Girlfriend draws up 17-page ‘contract’ for man she’s been dating TWO WEEKS… including that he pays for everything
The Sun, UK | 10 Sep 2021 | Martha CliffA GIRLFRIEND drew up a 17-page ‘relationship contract’ with her boyfriend just two weeks after they met on Tinder – demanding he pay for date nights, buy flowers twice a month and work out five times a week.
Annie Wright first met her boyfriend Michael Head in October last year and after deciding he was ‘her person’ they agreed to be exclusive soon after.
Determined to make the relationship work after having her ‘boundaries crossed’ in a previous toxic relationship, 21-year-old Annie joked they should write down their ‘terms and conditions’ for dating – and law student Michael eagerly agreed.
Shortly after Annie and Michael, 23, sat down and read out their own terms – including asking for ‘a romantic gesture once every two weeks’ and ‘working out at least five times a week alone’.
Other clauses included ‘no silent treatment’ and him paying for date nights.
Now Annie credits the lengthy 17-page contract as the key to their relationship success and even suggested they might give each other a ‘yearly review’ when they celebrate their one-year anniversary next month.
Annie, from Atlanta, in Georgia, said: “This has been a game changer. I’d recommend all couples have one. It’s the best thing ever.
…
“I was still partying and I’m a junior in college. He was top of his class, very organised.
“I was like ‘this is the dude I want to marry but our lives don’t correlate well’.
Wait . . . are we sure “Michael” is his first name?
Sanity clause.
Definitely a sanity clause.
You can’t fool me. There ain’t no Sanity Claus!
Sure thing, Chico.
Love, honor, and cherish until death us do part…
Then all bets are off…
LOL! This one got sent to moderation!
Right on right on.
Now that I read it again:
“Love, honor, and cherish until death us do part…”
What algorithm stroked its chin (-a?) and said: “Dangerous! Gotta moderate that!”
?
It’s an obvious threat, natch…
She makes sammiches, either for lunch or a late night snack, at least twice a week or the monthly flower requirement is null and void.
“When you ask me to pick where we’re going for dinner, my first choice is where we’re going.”
She makes all the important decisions, I decide what is important vs. not important.
A non-compete clause?
Was this person formerly known as “Sheldon”?
Violation of any of the rules results in forfeit of all rights to property, children, pets, etc. In other words, you can leave, but you leave with nothing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZ-w_IKGRFM
I get complete control of the thermostat settings.
Edit: Yes, this is a deal breaker.
She’s got to put out.
Tuna! I mean put out tuna for me!
Jeez, you people…
SECTION FOUR:
“All your baseness are belong to us.”
Her [halfway through the reading of the 17-page document]:
“Why do you ALWAYS get to be the party of the first part?”
…that the “Fixer” make it look like an accident.
A scene from an underrated ’70’s movie, “Serial,” starring Martin Mull.
[…From memory, as I couldn’t find the screenplay online.]:
Scene: A wedding reception. 2 guests are standing next to the newlyweds..
GUEST WIFE [to her husband}: I think it’s great how they solved all their problems.
GUEST HUSBAND [played by Bill Macy, aka Maude’s husband]: How’d they do that?
GUEST WIFE: They put it all down in writing.
GUEST HUSBAND: What do you mean?
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: We have a contract.
GUEST HUSBAND: A contract?
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: Yes. It spells out everything.
GUEST HUSBAND: What do you mean, like who takes out the garbage, that kind of everything?
GUEST WIFE: Oh, Sam!
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: Every kind of everything. Who starts it, when they start it, how often . . .
GUEST HUSBAND: You mean nookie?
NEWLYWED HUSBAND: Sexual responsibilities are covered, yes.
GUEST HUSBAND [turns to wife]: He Means Nookie!
GUEST WIFE [leaving]: Oh, Sam, don’t be so childish.
GUEST HUSBAND [calling after her]: Where do I sign up? [Arms wide] It’s got to be better than my present deal!!!
Annie, just a guess: your potty training was definitely rushed as A child.
Sign on the dotted line quick Michael, this one is a keeper!
Caveat Emptor
Initial thought: I woman who knows what she wants…AND TELLS YOU!? Jump at the opportunity!
Nanosecond later: My inner 5 decades of experience backhands me and reminds me that no woman knows what she wants. And if she did, she would NEVER tell you.