So Clara comes up to the feed trough the other day with her mean girls following in her wake, and she says oooh Bessie, you heifer, are you showing? And the other girls all snickered because they knew I hadn’t attracted the new stud bull’s attention. Well of course I couldn’t think of anything smart to say so I just pretended to chew my cud and ignore them. But it ate at me all day, you know? I can’t help that I’m a little wide around the middle. I’m a cow for crissake. So I got to thinking, Bessie, I said to myself, Bessie, You’re going to show those twats exactly what a magnificent bovine you are. And so I put on my best at- tire, rallied all other other sisters that they dumped on, and stampeded those hoochies like a Mack Truck.
Does this tire make my ass look fat?
Cowboys: Big belt buckles.
Cows: Big belts.
Steel belted, no less.
“I said DON’T tread on me.”
I hate when I can’t get the cap off the milk.
The University of Wisconsin tests a new method for weaning calves.
“Don’t worry, mama. Ain’t nobody gettin’ my milk for free.”
Could someone pleeeeeze scratch my balls!?
“I ain’t no ways tired…”
N matter how hard she tried, Bessie could not get rid of her “spare tire”.
“Not tonight. I’m tired.”
Beef-yonce’s new hit: If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.
No, Bessie, that’s not what we meant by a cattle drive.
I don’t subscribe to the cow/bull normative binary. I identify as a John Deere and my pronouns are vroom and skirt skirt.
Power steering…
Don’t judge me. This is just how I roll.
LOL, didn’t see your comment.
Tractor? I don’t even know her.
Right after the cow said, “Hold my oats, and watch this!”
So Clara comes up to the feed trough the other day with her mean girls following in her wake, and she says oooh Bessie, you heifer, are you showing? And the other girls all snickered because they knew I hadn’t attracted the new stud bull’s attention. Well of course I couldn’t think of anything smart to say so I just pretended to chew my cud and ignore them. But it ate at me all day, you know? I can’t help that I’m a little wide around the middle. I’m a cow for crissake. So I got to thinking, Bessie, I said to myself, Bessie, You’re going to show those twats exactly what a magnificent bovine you are. And so I put on my best at- tire, rallied all other other sisters that they dumped on, and stampeded those hoochies like a Mack Truck.
“You girls are jealous but that’s how I roll…”
Looks like a woman I used to date*
They say too much red meat gives a man a spare tire. What the heck have they been feeding this cow?
The Michigan State University – Agricultural College has experimented with making Holstein cows from two half stein cows.
No, I said head for the tire store, not heifer the tire store.
What tire?
… udderly ridiculous..
… where the udder meets the road. …
The wheel on the cow goes round and round.
The HereFord Motor Company’s latest offering.
Michigan State Agricultural College has experimented with making Holstein cows from two half stein cows.
Home for retired cows
retreaded cows.
Dear Diary…” ..this did not produce more hole milk as the co-op asked for”..
Don’t blame the hormones, I’ve always wanted to be a ballerina.
My Dad always said, “Never name a cow.” (As then you’d be too attached to have them butchered.)
But, I think we can safely name this one, “Goodrich.”
As tractor tire engineers go, Elsie was considered to be outstanding in her field.
Hey babe, ya wanna roll in the hay?
That “jump over the moon” trick was definitely getting old.