Saw these posted on a discussion thread about one of those perennial scientific studies, and they gave me a chuckle.
W.C. Fields is definitely not for everyone — usually you like him or hate him (doubtful if anyone loved him) — but I got him. He dissociated from society.
Woman: What would your father say if he knew you were drinking a bottle of liquor every day?
WC Fields: He’d call me a sissy.
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“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
— Johnny Carson
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Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman’s stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.
— Mark Twain
I’m reminded of the story of the old man who went for his annual checkup:
Doctor: “You know, you really should think about giving up drinking and smoking.”
Old Man: “At my age? Don’t you think it’s kinda late?”
Doctor: “No, no – it’s never too late!”
Old Man: “Well good. Then there’s no hurry.”
Ahh, alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Doctors are always tellin’ me that i better start slowin’ it down, but there’s more old drunks than there are old doctors, so it’s time to fire up another round.
I highly recommend a Bloody Mary (world’s best) in New Orleans at the corner of something and something in the French Quarter.
Hey! I’ve been there!
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Transexual Babesleaga should be an Olympic Sport and make the cover of Sports Illustrated.
Be careful what you wish for.