CONSERVATIVES:  Stop spending.

Don’t be ridiculous.  That will harm people who depend on our spending.

CONSERVATIVES:  At least reduce spending.

You are evil.  

CONSERVATIVES:  At least spend judiciously.

Funny you should use that word.  Most judges are on our side.  The spending will continue.*

CONSERVATIVES:  From the spending, at least eliminate fraud.  And waste.

Don’t be ridiculous.  This is how we reward our loyalists.

CONSERVATIVES:  Limit spending to money already appropriated, like a normal person.

Don’t be ridiculous.

CONSERVATIVES:  Don’t increase taxes to pay for ever more wasteful and unwise corrupt programs.

*You haven’t been listening.  Oh, and criteria would be racist.