Despite the fact that the Pope has been in the news a lot lately because of his recent health problems, most people don’t know much about him. He remains shrouded in mystery like Austin Powers or the true meaning of the letters “IMAO”.
It’s time to lift the veil of secrecy surrouding the Catholic Church’s most powerful figure, even though doing so will probably cause me to be sentenced to that special circle of Hell reserved for blasphemers and journalists. Regardless, some things are more important than the disposition of my immortal soul. Therefore I have plumbed the darkest depths of Google and otherwise just made things up in order to present to you (in the extended entry) these:

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President Bush finished up his trip to Belgium, where he spent the last several days doing the diplomatic equivalent of Frank J’s Happy Dance and making the Europeans look like the terrorist-coddling schmucks that they are.
Sadly, though, in a recent survey of American adults, 90% of respondents could NOT find Belgium on a map of Europe (50% selected France, and 40% chose Rand-McNally).
Even worse, when asked “What is Belgium?”, 75% picked “The University of Wisconsin – Madison football team“.
Here at IMAO, we believe that the only way to fight such appalling ignorance is with MORE appalling ignorance, and thus present these:

• Belgium is a small European country whose main exports include chocolate, waffles, and socialism.
• Belgium is one of the oldest countries in Europe, richly steeped in culture and tradition which has hardly changed from its quaint, 14th century beginnings. Mostly because all the innovators left for America centuries ago, leaving nothing behind but “short bus” people.
• Not all Belgians are socialists, but all socialists are Belgians.
• Wait… I was thinking of rectangles and squares. Nevermind.
  #5 The official language of Belgium is German, which was adopted in 1939 on the theory that it’s always best to embrace the inevitable.
• On a related note, no one in Belgium has ever bothered to learn French.
• But you Belgiuminians might want to start learning English (see tidbit #5)
• Get some oil for us to steal, first, though.
• Heh. I said “first”.
• The capital of Belgium is Brussels, which was named after the brussel sprout because – like the vegetable – the city is disgusting and smells like urine.
• Belgium covers approximately 30,000 square miles – about the size of Michael Moore’s breakfast spread.
  *Belgians are normally friendly, good-natured creatures, but have been known to savagely attack humans if provoked by, for example, making sudden movements or invading Iraq.
• The headquarters of the European Union is in Brussels because socialists are disgusting and enjoy the smell of urine.
• The national pasttime of Belgium is “Commie-Ball”, a game where each team tries to steal the other team’s equipment and re-distribute it to the spectators.
• In America, this game is known as “Congress-Ball”.
• In Texas, they play a version called “Get-Offa-My-Land-Afore-I-Blows-Yer-Head-Off-Ball”
• Here in Wisconsin, we just drink beer & eat cheese, but we’d watch Commie-Ball if one of the players were named Favre.
• Despite being traitorous, back-stabbing terrorist-coddlers, Belgium is NOT part of the Axis of Weasels. However it may get tapped to fill the opening once we nuke France.
• Oh yeah, Froggie, you’re on the list.

I hope you found that as enlightening as I did. I didn’t know HALF this stuff until I just now made it up. If you have any appalling ignorance you’d like to add, please feel free to do so in the comments.
IMAO – Fighting ignorance, one fact(ish) at a time.