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November 30, 2005
A Review of Cindy Sheehan's New Book
Posted by Harvey at 04:15 PM | Email This

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)



Before I dive into the review, a note about Amazon.com. When I first posted the PGH assignment at Alliance HQ on November 24th, I noticed several 1-star reviews of Sheehan's book.

When I returned today, I noticed that all the 1-star reviews prior to November 29th had been removed. ALL of them. Even though 5-star reviews from as far back at Nov 17th are still there.

Anyway, here's a link to the list of reviews, lowest first. Currently there are 5 1-star reviews dated Nov 29 (you have to click the "next" link to get to where the 5th one is listed). If you guys could keep an eye on that and let me know if they start disappearing, I'd appreciate it.

UPDATE: When I started writing this post, there were 6 1-star reviews dated Nov 30. Now there are 5.

Just freakin' CREEPY...



Look, I *really* tried to read Cindy's book before posting this review, but I was too busy buying pants for British soldiers. Nevertheless, I managed to compile a few reviews from other noteworthy Americans, on the assumption that you'll be able to trust their judgment when it comes to choosing your reading material.

What could possibly go wrong?



Martin Sheen - "I love this book! In fact, I even sleep with it. Not in... you know... the Biblical sense... ok, maybe once. But I swear it was consensual!"

Michael Moore - "Great book. I ate a copy with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

Joan Baez - "Best. Book. Ever. I mean, if it weren't for this book, I wouldn't have my picture posted at Amazon.com?



Oh... THAT'S what.

Fine. Let's just cut to the chase. If Cindy's book were a dog, it'd be this one:

uglydog.jpg

Meanwhile, I'll quote you one last Amazon review:

After reading this book everyone should be able to realize how painful it is for a mother to live without her son, how oainful it for a wife to live without husband who is killed in war.

Of course, I'm sure some people don't need a book to realize that...

Not One More Mother's Child, indeed.

Rating: 2.0/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (15) | Precision Guided Humor Assignments
"Hey Ethel, When Did We Switch to Chocolate Water?"
Posted by spacemonkey at 11:34 AM | Email This

We've the replaced the fine water normally served in this area with dark rich sparkling sewer contamination. Let's watch!

Imagine the water you drink, cook with and bathe in is contaminated with raw sewage. Those of you living in the Dogwood Dell subdivision in Baldwin County's Marlow- Fish Riverarea [in Alabama] don't have to imagine it.

The cause?
It is a water supply that was contaminated when a sewer line, installed in mid-July for a camper in the area, was apparently improperly installed by the privately-owned Baldwin County Sewer Service.

WHAT!?! Mid July? That's over three full months of drinking, pisscrapwater!

Top fictional quotes from locals.

"Hey waiter, I didn't want my water chunky style!"

"This sweet tea tastes like an entirely different letter of the alphabet!"

"This driinking water.isfullofcrap." -Laurence Simon

Final thought.
How will any them ever kiss each other again?

Rating: 2.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (12)
O Bloggers, Where Art Thou?
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:51 AM | Email This

Except for Laurence Simon who arguably has no life, all the other IMAO bloggers are MIA (thats Missing or InActive in this context).

Where are they?

My thoughts:

Harvey, after eating a delicious hot bowlfull of ABC's and 123's soup in his jacuzzi, got his entire body stuck in his ginormous beard. Don't worry Harv, somebody will be along to shave you!

RightWingDuck is being detained at Taco Bell where he allegedly 'dropped the chalupa' in the middle of the dining room. TBBP (Taco Bell Border Patrol) officials are holding him until they setltle on who will do the dna testing on the 'beans'.

Cadet happy sadly, is dead. He photoshopped the wrong guy/gal to look funny-sweet-shoes/tramptacular this time. He paid the ultimate price for his art. Good ridda-um...I mean goodbye dear friend.

Sarahk is somewhere in a bridal boutique trying to find the perfect wedding... something or other. (I'm a guy, it's ALL something or other)

Frank J is waiting in the car for Sarahk at the bridal boutique, unconscious from lack of food and water OR worse, he's INSIDE the boutique with sarahk, contemplating chewing off the arm of the hand she's holding.

What are YOUR thoughts on the whereabouts of the missing IMAO bloggers?

Update: Frank J is allegedly at work.

Rating: 2.9/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (7)
Announcements
Posted by Frank J. at 10:29 AM | Email This

First off, I'm really really busy (must write this quick so I can get back to work). Too bad, because there's a lot happening in the news that would make great fodder. Anyway, as many of you know, I'm getting married next week followed soon by a two-week honeymoon. Until then, I'm dealing with a project at work where everything keeps changing except the deadline. So, until Janurary, I'll chime in when I can, but the blog will be mainly in the hands of the fit and capable co-bloggers (one of whom should hopefully be able to liveblog the wedding). Next year, I hope to come back gangbusters with more of what you love and some brand new things. Also, the constantly retooled podcast should become a weekly thing once again.

As always, be honorable, ronin.

Rating: 2.6/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (5)
... but where's his blender?
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:12 AM | Email This

Jerry Garcia's appliances will be auctioned off to benefit The Sophia Foundation.

Sorry, Glenn, but no blenders appear to be up for auction. However, I hear that Rodney Dangerfield's estate might have a puppy-sized food processor hitting the market soon.

Rating: 2.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (1)
November 29, 2005
Carnival Of Comedy Reminder
Posted by spacemonkey at 01:55 PM | Email This

Submissions are due tomorrow night! The (not so) Daily Me will be hosting. 'Daily Me', sounds like a some sort of blog name or something.

Schedule:
Dec 1 - The (not so) Daily Me
Dec 8 - Blonde Sagacity
Dec 15 - Right Wing Testimonial
Dec 22 - Cadet Happy

Rating: 2.6/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (1) | Why Me Laugh?
Spacemonkey Totally Digs It!
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:27 AM | Email This

IMAudiO listeners willl know why I think that this google map utility is really handy.

Update: It's a utility for seeing where that hole you are wanting to dig straight through the Earth would exit (on the other side).

holethruearth.JPG


You dig?

Rating: 2.5/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11)
Doesn't She Have a Blog Now?
Posted by Frank J. at 09:46 AM | Email This

John Hawkins has a new interview with Michelle Malkin.

Rating: 1.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (2)
Pandas
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:40 AM | Email This

I have no desire to know the spawning habits of celebrities or pandas

But I hate pandas more. I really hate pandas.

The cloning of a dog meriting Time's top invention of the year is bogus.

Let me know when scientists can clone a panda so headlines like this are a thing of the past.

"Hey, a baby panda just passed its first medical tests!"
"Who cares... we have a whole factory full of panda embryos growing."
"Oh. Okay. Wanna go get a pandaburger?"
"Nah. I'm in the mood for panda fajitas."

Because I hate headlines about pandas as much as I hate the pandas themselves.

Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (13)
November 28, 2005
Saddam's Defense
Posted by Frank J. at 01:07 PM | Email This

Former Attorney General Ramsey Clark has now joined Saddam's defense team. Apparently, he only defends people who are responsible for a minimum of one thousand deaths. But what could be the possible defense for Saddam Hussein? Here are a few of my ideas:

DEFENSES FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN

Read More...


Rating: 1.7/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (24)
shooting is fun!!
Posted by sarahk at 11:44 AM | Email This

Frank J. and i went shooting this weekend. i have a recap (with pictures of our targets) up over at mountaineer musings. so please, follow my shameless self-linkage and see how i did one-handed! (and how Frank shamed me with the Colt Anaconda.)

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4)
Another Endorsement
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:09 AM | Email This

You know what we live for at IMAO?

Take a guess!

No - Besides money.

No- besides watching Michael Moore walk onstage with half a chicken clinging to his beard.

No - besides having Howard Dean say anything - which usually gives us weeks of material!

That's RIGHT. We want glory - and praise.

Which leads us to our next topic -

THE WEBLOG AWARDS.

They should be starting up soon so start getting ready to click on those voting buttons.

For today, let me share this quote with you by LaShawn Barber...


LaShawn listens to the podcast? Can't you just imagine her laughing so hard she falls off her stack of bibles?

Best Podcast — IMAO: Funny stuff! Frank J. and his group of podcast buddies — fiancée SarahK, fellow PM blogger Laurence Simon, spacemonkey, Right Wing Duck, and Harvey — put together a very funny, very non-PC show that’s too short and too infrequent for me, the mark of great entertainment. If you’re not into podcasting, let the IMAO podcast be your first foray into the latest online adventure.

Not only is that a great endorsement -(Thanks LaShawn) we also got to learn how to spell 'foray'.

It goes to show you - that if a good, big hearted, Christian like LaShawn listens to the show - then it must be good and good for you.

So get that voting finger ready - no, not that finger - the clicking finger - and vote for us when the time comes.

P.S. On that podcast thing - we are keeping it because it's fun and fun to do. However, we'll have to wait a few weeks for the next one since FrankJ and SarahK think it's more "important" to organize a wedding than to edit sound into my bit called "Fun Ways to Use the Word Poopie"

Rating: 1.9/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
No Good Deed...
Posted by Frank J. at 08:38 AM | Email This

I've written another short story in my attempt at (somewhat) serious writing. It's entitled "No Good Deed..." and is a lot more lighthearted than Superego (and a ton shorter than that was in toto). So, there's a lot of humor in it, but I hope it also makes a good action tale (it's a western... of sorts).

It's at Baen's Bar (of Bane.com) in the "Baen's Universe Slush" section under "No Good Deed..." (putting it there makes it a submission for the new e-zine they're making). Comments go in the "Baen's Universe Slush Comments" section where a "No Good Deed..." topic has already been setup.

I'm most worried about the middle section bogging it down too much and would like lots of opinions. There best put in the comments section, because that shows people are reading the story and bring it to the attention of the editors.

There, maybe that will have gotten the writing bug out of me for a little bit.

Rating: 2.4/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (4)
Carnival Of Comedy #30 Comedy Pearls
Posted by spacemonkey at 01:43 AM | Email This

Did everybody go check out the the Carnival of Comedy over at Immature With No Conscience on Thursday (Thanksgiving)?

No? Then get over there!

Of course you didn't. None of my cobloggers linked it. What a buncha slackers.

Rating: 2.7/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (2) | Why Me Laugh?
November 27, 2005
Know Thy Enemy: Cats
Posted by Laurence Simon at 07:00 PM | Email This

Well, it's time for The Carnival of the Cats, but what do you really know about that furry little beast that you leave in your home unsupervised for nine to twelve hours a day while you slave away at a keyboard earning barely enough money to pay for their food, vet bills, and toys they ignore while still having to clean up after them?

That doesn't sound like domesticated household pet or friendly companion. It sounds more like a cruel, domineering master who has enslaved you in its claws. So, I had my crack research team find all they can about cats…

FUN FACTS ABOUT CATS

Read More...


Rating: 2.8/5 (24 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Know Thy Enemy
Jesus the Mean Capitalist
Posted by Frank J. at 05:08 PM | Email This

I've heard this allegory before, but I still have a little trouble with it. If I understand it right, Jesus is saying how great it is to increase profits, and that money should be taken away from the poor and given to the rich who will make better use of it.

Matthew 25:14-30 (King James Version):

14 For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. 15 And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. 16 Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. 17 And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. 18 But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord's money. 19 After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. 20 And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. 21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. 22 He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. 23 His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. 24 Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: 25 And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. 26 His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: 27 Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. 28 Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. 29 For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. 30 And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Any other interpretations? Discuss!

Rating: 3.4/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (31)
November 25, 2005
The Cruelty of Glenn Reynolds
Posted by Harvey at 08:49 PM | Email This

(A Filthy Lie)

Recently someone asked me, "Hey Harv, how come you're always picking on Glenn Reynolds? You nursing some kind of grudge for something he's done to you?"

So what else could I do but answer him?...

...With a song...(see extended entry)

Read More...


Rating: 3.2/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (46) | Filthy Lies
Amazing Beliefs Part 2
Posted by Frank J. at 12:00 PM | Email This

Once again too lazy to blog myself, here is more amazing beliefs about guns from author Michael Z. Williamson:

* * * *

AMAZING BELIEFS PART 2

(Part 1)

Read More...


Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
happy thanksgiving!
Posted by Guest Blogger Damian G. at 10:57 AM | Email This

Rating: 2.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (22)
Friday Catblogging
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:30 AM | Email This

Since it's Friday, I thought I'd spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka "I-MEOW").

Today, it's Piper the Rat checking out a Thanksgiving feast.

If you're not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that "political humor" thing, it doesn't. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Piper is... um...

Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.

(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats will be at IMAO this upcoming Sunday, so send your catblogging links to submissions @ carnivalofthecats.com.)

Rating: 2.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5) | Friday Cat-Blogging
November 24, 2005
Question of the day
Posted by Laurence Simon at 08:25 AM | Email This

Is turkey Kosher?

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (26)
November 23, 2005
Holiday Recipes
Posted by RightWingDuck at 10:53 PM | Email This

I was visiting Michelle Malkin's site when I noticed she had listed her recipe for Pumpkin Chocolate Crunch Pie. Hmmm. Crunch.

Anyway, I'm not much of a cook, but I'd thought I'd share a traditional Holiday Meal Recipe with you.

RWD's Old Family Recipe File: Holiday Water

Ingredients: Water

Directions: Take a pitcher and fill it with water. Make sure the water goes in the pitcher. Put the pitcher on the table or someplace where people can see it.

Recipe Variation: Add Ice.

Another Recipe Variation: Use a clean pitcher.

**

THis is a special time of year when we gather to celebrate and give thanks for what we have.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope that you and your family enjoy this very special time together: Or as I call it - Dinner.

Rating: 2.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Maybe They're NOT Crazy... Oh, Wait... Yes They Are
Posted by Harvey at 09:30 PM | Email This

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

So I keep hearing Democrats claiming that Bush lied about the reasons for going to war in Iraq - because he said that he knew that Saddam had WMD.

But then I find out that these same Democrats - or possibly others... I can't tell, they all look alike to me - were saying that THEY knew that Saddam had WMD.

Maybe they're crazy.

But then again, maybe there's another explanation... Let's see...



* Yes, they said those things a few years ago, but now they have amnesia because they fell down the stairs after fainting when their husband found out that they were pregnant by their ex-husband because they made love while being held prisoner on an island by an international terrorist, but only because they thought they were going to die and they turned to each other for comfort.

* Don't look at me like that - it happened on Days Of Our Lives.

* Latest talking points memo from the Abilene Kinko's was in a hard-to-read font - confusion ensued.

* Memo may have sustained water damage from riding in a car with Ted Kennedy.

* Ditto Ted Kennedy's memory.

* Of course, that might have been the gin.

* Or the Scotch

* Possibly the Sterno

* Clinton's quotes contain the word "is", so there's no way to tell what he really meant.

* They only said those things in the first place because President Bush drove up to their houses with a huge truck full of cash & hookers. Haven't we ALL had a moment of weakness?

* What the Democrats said doesn't count because they had their fingers crossed.

* They didn't say "Saddam has WMD", they said "Saddam has WMB", as in "Saddam has Wondrous Man Booty".

* Democrats are hypocritical weasels who will do or say ANYTHING to regain political power, regardless of any negative repercussions on the troops in the field.


Eh. I'm sure ONE of those is the right answer.

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Drunk Saudi Arabian Q&A
Posted by Laurence Simon at 06:42 PM | Email This

Q: Why was a Saudi Arabian sentenced by a Massachusetts court to only one year in a bed and breakfast prison on Martha's Vineyard for killing someone with his car while drunk?

Read More...


Rating: 2.5/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Amazing Beliefs Part 1
Posted by Frank J. at 01:36 PM | Email This

I've been quite busy lately, and now with Thanksgiving and the wedding coming, I have little time to blog. So, to have some content, I thought I'd share this piece about people's beliefs on guns from author Michael Z. Williamson which I found to be pretty good. It's long, so I'll put it up in parts.

Williamson, BTW, was the one who introduced me to a writing group which helped turn my serious fiction writing skills from "abhorrent" to "tolerable"... leading me on the path to one day being "publishable." Also, he's sending me a copy of The Weapon, his first solo effort published in hardcover, and I like free stuff.

* * * *

AMAZING BELIEFS PART 1

Read More...


Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (17)
This Is Serious, People
Posted by Frank J. at 12:58 PM | Email This

I know everyone is laughing about the X over Cheney's face on CNN, but I hope you understand how these things work. First, they put X's over our faces, next they're rounding us up into concentration camps. These are scary times, people. If you see a liberal, make sure you have a shotgun on you to scare him off (shotguns ward off liberals same as garlic does vampires).

Rating: 3.1/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (13)
The tagline is one-thirds untrue in my case
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:45 AM | Email This

I am not unmedicated. I take Vytorin for my cholesterol.

Of course, when I "go off of my meds" I'm prone to heart attacks, stroke, and other cardiovascular problems and not, say, walking into a Stuckey's and slashing everyone with a machette.

(Sorry, spacemonkey, but that was just burning a hole in my gut and had to get out before it reached my spine.)

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
Bombing Leaflets
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:36 AM | Email This

What the Zionist Media aren't telling you about the leaflet-bombing runs over Beirut today is that on the back of the leaflets they had a coupon for 25% off of Harry's House Of Matzoh...

Israel Air Force warplanes dropped thousands of leaflets denouncing Hezbollah guerrillas over the Lebanese capital of Beirut and its suburbs early Wednesday, two days after some of the worst border clashes in southern Lebanon in several years.

Lebanese security officials said the roar of jets was heard over the city before dawn after which thousands of leaflets were dropped.

"To the Lebanese citizens, who protects Lebanon?" read the small paper leaflet written in Arabic. "Who is lying to you? Who is sending your children to a battle they are not ready for? Who wishes the return of the destruction? Who is the tool in the hand of his Syrian and Iranian masters?"

Then in bold letters, it said: "Hezbollah is causing enormous harm to Lebanon," adding that Israel was determined to protect its citizens.

The note was signed "The State of Israel."

If I were to do a propaganda bombing run, I'd drop strips of paper with a peel-off adhesive strip on one end. Then, I'd print "GIVE THIS STIP A HALF-TWIST, TAPE THE ENDS TOGETHER, AND ASK YOURSELF HOW MANY SIDES IT HAS."

Rating: 3.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (3)
November 22, 2005
The X on Cheney Explained!
Posted by spacemonkey at 06:17 PM | Email This

There's probably few out there who have missed the photo of the big black X CNN put on Cheney's face the other day.

I'm sure there is a logical reason for it, computer bug?, nah. There seems to be even less to it than that. CNN production executives were just playing around. Goofing off.

I'll show you.

tictactoe0.JPG

See? An 'X' and 'O'! These two monitors demonstrate the CNN people were probably simply playing a harmless game of Tic Tac Toe on a big monitor board. They forgot they were using the "live" monitor. See the "live monitor" sign?

I'll back way up so's I can show the rest of the board.

Read More...


Rating: 2.3/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (9)
A Story That Deserves More Coverage
Posted by RightWingDuck at 02:14 PM | Email This

Blonde Sagacity has posted a story that I feel is worthy of attention.

What would you do if you came back from serving in Iraq and found out your daughter had been abused - and died?

What did protective services know?

Plus another story of a dad who tried to do the right thing.

Rating: 2.8/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Usenet
Posted by Laurence Simon at 12:48 PM | Email This

Q; Did you know that Pajamasmedia is also planning on branching out to Usenet?

Read More...


Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Thinking about X...
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:14 PM | Email This

During a recent speech by Vice President Dick Cheney, and broadcast by CNN, we witnessed a brief graphic of an X displayed across the Vice President's face. We now have the official CNN excuse:

It was a computer bug.


Is that the best they could do? My gosh - I guess every department at CNN has just quit trying. As always, IMAO is here to help with a list of excuses just ready to use at a moment's notice.

Presenting:

Top Ten Excuses CNN Could Have Offered For Putting an "X" graphic over VP Dick Cheney's Face During a Speech:

#10. Man’s loaded right? X marks the spot.

#9. We have a new Rating system – and we were anticipating a wardrobe malfunction.

#8. X is the letter of the day!

#7 We would have used “t” but thought people might mistake it for a crucifix.

#6. In fairness – Democrat strategy is drawn out with the letter “O”.

#5. Well, it wasn’t an “X” – it was a kiss.

#4. We would have put up three "x"s but thought people might think him a secret agent.

#3. After investigating, we discovered the people in the control room were playing a drinking game.

#2. Sorry, the producer used to work on Family Feud.

And the #1 excuse for putting an X over Dick Cheney's Face During a Speech is...


#1. We would have used a graphic of a pig - but felt it would offend Muslims.

**

See? Making cheap excuses can be educational!

SomeXtimes therexs just no reasxn to tx stxck a bxnch xf X's everywhere.

Grwx Xp people!!

Rating: 2.6/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (17)
You choose the name
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:48 AM | Email This

First, it was called Pajamasmedia.

Then, it was called OSM.

Now it's back to Pajamasmedia.

So, what will it be called next week?

Put your suggestions in the comments.

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (30)
Around We Go
Posted by Frank J. at 08:18 AM | Email This

I am no longer a member of OSM.

I am now a member of Pajamas Media again.

I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do - if anything - but I will be demanding that check when the time comes round.

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (8)
November 21, 2005
Boys and Mannequins
Posted by RightWingDuck at 06:06 PM | Email This

At the risk of sounding like a prudish conservative, I’d like to go on record as being against Mannequin-human relationships.

I say this because Sky News (Motto: Look at the pretty clouds) has posted a story where a young man, somewhere in the world was arrested for being caught with a naked mannequin with his pants down.

Yes, the mannequin was naked, thereby eliminating the excuse: “But we were just talking.”

See, these sickos ruin a neighborhood not to mention a perfectly good mannequin. And who knows if it will stop at mannequins. Before you know it, all the little garden gnomes in your neighborhood aren’t acting quite right.

So does this young man have any excuses? I mean, really - if having sex with a dummy is a crime - then we'd have to arrest all the Congressmens' wives.

But what about this young man? Is there any hope for him in court? If he’s prosecuted, he may have to register as a sex offender. In the interest of public services I would like to help this young man.

RWD’s Top Ten Things To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin…

10. Whoa. Half an hour earlier and you would have found me with the rocking horses.

9. Sure, YOU call it sex with a dummy. I call it ART!!

8. She’s ALIVE I’m telling you. She’s ALIVE! We love each other.

7. (Saying nothing. Sitting perfectly still like another mannequin)

6. What about our civil rights!! Why CAN’T we get married?

5. Officer – she’s legal. She was manufactured in 1987.

4. You mannequin-phobes!!

3. You don’t understand – she was taking advantage of me!!!

2. I wasn’t undressing myself- I was dressing her!

And the number One Thing To Say When The Cops Bust You Naked With A Store Mannequin…


1. Hey, buddy. Can you think of ANOTHER benefit to working at Wal-Mart?

**

I hope that my years of getting caught naked – I mean, my years of experience are of help to this man.

In the interest of public service, we encourage all IMAO readers to post any other potential excuses this young man might use.

I have to go. I think that garden gnome is coming on to me.

Rating: 2.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (22)
Just do it
Posted by Laurence Simon at 03:50 PM | Email This

Q: Have you heard of the new Nike line of shoes?

Read More...


Rating: 2.5/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Carnival Of Comedy Opportunity!
Posted by spacemonkey at 01:27 PM | Email This

I have some Carnival of Carnival hosting opportunities* for some lucky bloggers out there!

I know what you are thinking. "I can't host a carnival! I don't know any freaks other than the ones at the office and I can't let those losers know I blog from my cubicle!" Well fear not, you fearful fearface. There's no freak recruitment involved in producing the Carnival of Comedy. The entrants however... well nevermind.

So with that obstacle aside, I'm opening up the schedule to people who fit the following profile

  • Do you have a blog?
  • Do you want to host the Carnival of Comedy?

If you answered yes to both of these questions. email me flyingspacemonkeymail.png. Subject: Carnival of Comedy Host for Date: (enter date you want to host)

Open Dates:
Nov 24 - Immature With No Conscience This Thursday!
Dec 1 - The (not so) Daily Me Next Thursday!
Dec 8 - Blonde Sagacity You get the picture.
Dec 15 - Right Wing Testimonial You still have the picture.
Dec 22 - Cadet Happy Makes funny pictures (photoshops too)
Dec 29 - The END OF YEAR - Wooooooo

Host the Carnival of Comedy or the terrorists win!

----
Update: 5 bloggers have seized 4 of the opportunities. Carpe Comedy

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (2) | Why Me Laugh?
And All This Time You Thought Frank J. Made Up That Puppy-Blending Thing
Posted by Harvey at 12:06 PM | Email This

Glenn Reynolds comes right out in the open and says which blender he likes best.

Sure, he doesn't mention the puppy part, but I think we can connect the dots.

[Hat tip to Sarah of That's Not Very Nice! for the heads up]

Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (5) | Filthy Lies
Fun OSM Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 11:09 AM | Email This

What's the most common question about OSM?

Read More...


Rating: 2.0/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Fun Trivia
Al-Zarqawi
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:34 AM | Email This

Has Al-Zarqawi bought the farm?

Or is he merely leasing the farm, maybe with some sort of an option to purchase?

Perhaps he has only borrowed the farm so he can test drive the sheep, chickens etc.

But, I hope he's permanently become Farmer Al. So he can take himself a long nap in the dirt.

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
Fun OSM Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 08:41 AM | Email This

Is it true that the main purpose of OSM is to blackmail politicians and journalists to pay "protection" money in exchange for not having blog-coordinated slander campaigns against them?

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (1) | Fun Trivia
Fun Facts About Louisiana: The Director's Cut
Posted by Harvey at 01:06 AM | Email This

The version on the IMAO podcast (#18 - October 31) was cut here & there for time & quality reasons.

My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision appears in the extended entry...

Read More...


Rating: 1.9/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (6) | Fun Trivia
November 20, 2005
you make the call
Posted by Cadet Happy at 09:45 PM | Email This

what is behind the door that would make President Bush react so negatively?

bushdoor.jpg

looks like frank might be looking at the same thing

toLt.jpg

Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (20)
Four-Letter Words
Posted by Laurence Simon at 05:23 PM | Email This

Something from Michelle Malkin's latest post disturbs me:

If you have a problem with my work and what I stand for, go ahead and take me on. Keep calling me whatever four-letter-word makes you feel better when you can't win your arguments. But leave my family alone.

You know, not all four-letter words are bad words.

Folks, what are some nice four-letter words to call Michelle Malki-

Hey, how about nice?

(Pretty is a five-letter word, so that's reserved for SarahK. Because she's pretty. And if I didn't say so, she'd probably put Mister Shiny to the back of my head and paint the walls with my face.)

You know, Nardo has a four-letter word to describe Michelle...

Read More...


Rating: 1.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (22)
Nuking the Moon on a Budget
Posted by Frank J. at 12:20 PM | Email This

I would be remiss to not to mention that the Nuke the Moon t-shirts are currently on sale for $9.95 for a limited time. Remember, by not owning a NTM t-shirt, you show your support for Communism!

Rating: 2.2/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Yay!
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:22 AM | Email This

An IMAO.US post! On the weekend. On Sunday, no less. What bravado! What daring-do!

What up?

Open thread for everything! (Except spam)

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (10)
November 18, 2005
Light Blogging At Instapundit Explained
Posted by Harvey at 09:18 PM | Email This

(A Filthy Lie)

Glenn Reynolds recently apologized for a spate of light blogging at Instapundit, claiming to be "busy" with his new book. However, recent leaks from Scooter Libby show that he was actually working on a viable "exit strategy" to bring the troops home from Iraq, which the House is voting on tonight. The full text of the strategy follows in the extended entry...

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6) | Filthy Lies
Thou Art The Leaker!
Posted by Frank J. at 02:54 PM | Email This

With apparently everyone already having known about Joe Wilson's wife secret agent status except for Patrick Fitzgerald, there are obviously some leak problems. When I hear secret information has been disclosed, I always think of the same suspect: Jesus! Jesus has access to all classified information, and, since he's always popping up in things like tortillas, he has plenty of ways to secretly leak that information.

If you see Jesus, make sure to contact Patrick Fitzgerald. Also, hide your drug stash because seeing Jesus might mean the rapture has started.

Rating: 2.1/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
Potter Mania!
Posted by Frank J. at 11:45 AM | Email This

Hooray! The new Harry Potter movie premieres today! And, if you're like me, you've got Potter Fever! The symptoms of which are:

* Irritable mood swings.
* Blood in your stool.
* Loss of sense of purpose.
* Projectile vomiting.
* Respiratory trouble.
* Violent hallucinations.

If you have all that, no reason to call Dr. House; you're infected with Potter Fever and the only cure is to go see the movie! I already pre-ordered tickets for the DLP showing (no cigarette burns for me) at the local cinema. I hear this one is quite different from the book, though. For one thing, the pictures will move. Also, while the book was almost all text, there will be very little reading in the movie. Furthermore, I can't take it to the can or whap my cat with it. Despite the differences of the movie from the book, I'm sure I'll enjoy it (currently, Rotten Tomatoes has it at 89%!).

One thing, though, this one is rated PG-13. Here is a list of what's in the movie that might not be appropriate for children. Another thing I'd add to the list is that I might be there, and I'll hurt your children if they make noise.

Potter Mania! Yay!

Rating: 2.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (10)
I'm Afraid to Ask
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM | Email This

But what's a "peek-a-boo babydoll"?

Anyway, click the link for more information on OSM from Iowahawk. I promise that, when I get my yacht, I'll let you all look at it.

Rating: 3.0/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (5)
Letter from a Soldier
Posted by Frank J. at 10:54 AM | Email This

This is a must read.

(Thanks to Michelle Malkin)

Rating: 2.6/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (2)
Friday Catblogging
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:29 AM | Email This

Since it's Friday, I thought I'd spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka "I-MEOW").

Today, it's Nardo the Mutant telling Santa what he wants for Christmas... well... um... sorta...

If you're not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that "political humor" thing, it doesn't. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Nardo is... um...

Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.

(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats on Sundays.)

Rating: 2.4/5 (13 votes cast)

Comments (13) | Friday Cat-Blogging
Now We're Up to Eight
Posted by Frank J. at 09:07 AM | Email This

NAACP chief makes switch to GOP

Go ahead and have some headline fun in the comments.

Rating: 2.6/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8)
Note on Martha
Posted by Frank J. at 08:56 AM | Email This

Everybody seems so interested that the supposedly hawkish Democrat Representative Martha has suddenly called for an immediate withdrawal of troops (actually, not suddenly). Well, I remember when my roommate in college (who was in Navy ROTC) wrote an editorial in the local paper about how Martha has not been a good military supporter - and that was back in the 90's if I recall correctly.

Of course, my roommate was working on Martha's opponent's campaign, but that's neither here nor there.

Rating: 1.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Shut Up and Be Funny
Posted by Frank J. at 08:46 AM | Email This

Morning, sportsfans. One of the editors over at Baen was doing a "Why I would reject your manuscript" topic in Baen's Bar for those who didn't mind getting his or her feelings hurt. When she got to my reedited Superego, to my delight she said she wouldn't reject it outright, and then passed the story on to another editor. The verdict came back that there was too much redundancy of the main character basically saying over and over, "I'm a sociopath." Sounds like it might be salvagable after a decent amount of rewriting, but I'm going to leave it be for now. I am inspired instead to try writing some short stories (certainly shorter than Superego) before working on full novel. Those will probably be posted over at Baen's Bar while I'll just put up links here when I have one, and thus IMAO will remain devoted to humor for those who are worrying.

BTW, the first In My World™ compilation will be cool and done soon since I want your money. Also, I just love reading my old IMWs since they're just so darn funny; I really am a humor god.

Rating: 1.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (6)
November 17, 2005
Laurence Simon Made It
Posted by Frank J. at 02:53 PM | Email This

So don't blame me for this.

Rating: 2.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (7)
IMAO and Open Source Media
Posted by Frank J. at 11:58 AM | Email This

I totally missed out on the kick-off party for Open Source Media (formerly Pajamas Media). I was told by e-mail that I would be receiving a physical invite, but I never got it. Maybe they have my address wrong (I better make sure that's corrected before they start mailing checks). Then, I found out about the name change to Open Source Media secondhand from an e-mail from one of my co-bloggers.

BTW, I get the idea of the name: open source software lets you see the code so you can determine its worth for yourself and thus Open Source Media lets you see where stories are coming from and the biases of the author so you can make your own judgment. The only problem is that open source software is free, and free stuff makes me think of Communism.

Anyway, though I feel a little in the dark, IMAO is part of OSM and we will do all we can to get some of that sweet blogging money. Now, you may be wondering how will IMAO's involvement with OSM change this blog. I assure you, the changes will be superficial, but, here they are:

STEPS TAKEN TO MAKE IMAO COMPLIANT WITH OSM REGULATIONS

Read More...


Rating: 1.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (14)
Try Try Again
Posted by Frank J. at 10:12 AM | Email This

I've decided that trying to get Superego submitted to Baen's new magazine (now called Baen's Universe) is a worthwhile endeavor, so I went over the whole story again and reedited it. It's posted in Baen's Bar in the Baen's Universe Slush section and the place for comments is in the Baen's Universe Slush Comments. The beginning (especially the opening paragraph) has been reworked the most, and, if you've never checked out the story before, I'd really appreciate just critiquing the beginning (I'm afraid the story doesn't really grab the reader until the attack at the cafe).

As for the epilogue, I never did finish it as it ended up being very wordy and complicated. I'll get back to it sometime, as I just recently watched Profit which was a show told from the viewpoint of a sociopath and as inspired me to think of a sequel (which the epilogue is essential for). If I write one, that will be next year. Currently, I'm working on full novel while getting together the first In My World™ compilation (Ooh! I should show you the cover art).

And, if everyone is good, I'll still write you some funny. But, I've got novelist fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell writing a novel.

BTW, what's posted in Baen's Bar is what I consider the official version of Superego (and it has many less grammatical errors).

Rating: 1.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (8)
The Other Air America Fundraising Letter
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:01 AM | Email This

Hello Readers,

As you may have read in the newspapers, we suffered a "tremendous defeat" in the recent elections. Now, we're in big trouble!!

Air America is trying to raise more money. Usually,this means that they're having dinner with George Soros or hanging out at the Gloria Wise Boys and Girls Club - but no - they are too smart for that. Now they are trying to raise money from their listeners.

Brian Maloney at Radio Equalizer has the original email posted.

However, we here at IMAO managed to secure the first draft which was written by Al Franken. Of course, later it was decided that one of the Kennedys (Slogan: It’s been ages since our last rape trial) should use the family name and reputation to help in the fundraising process.

Why is a first draft so important? It tells us what they were really thinking. Take a look at this one folks.

**

From the Waste Basket of Al Franken

**

Dear Friend of Air America:

After the recent elections where we proclaimed victory, it seems that I get the same three questions from conservatives over and over again:

1. “Are you on crack?”

2. “How would you define victory?”

3. “No, really. Are you on crack?”

These people are crazy and really should pay more attention to the news which is sometimes fake but always accurate.

Yes, we can rightfully claim that we did NOT lose to Bush-Cheney- and not just because they weren’t running for office this year.

Here is the list of our wonderful victories…

*In New Jersy (State Motto: Even the dead vote Democrat) the Dems took the top spot for Governor. Replacing one Democrat with yet another Democrat. Net gain: Zero. Victory!

* In Virginia, voters sent a strong message, once again replacing a Democrat Governor with another Democrat governor. Net Gain: Zero. Victory!

·*In St. Paul, Minnesota the incumbent Democratic mayor, was defeated, by another Democrat! Yes, even beating ourselves counts as victory.

·* In Maine, an effort to repeal a law that protects gays and lesbians from discrimination was defeated. This would have put a damper on the new Sexual Awareness Holiday: Dress as a Transvestite Day. This year the Governor will be dressing up as Madonna.

* In Texas, fully 24% of all voters rejected a ban on gay marriage. We assume the other 76% of voters were steers.

*In California (State Motto: Would you like that abortion To Go?) we gained an amazing victory in a land dominated by Republicans in every way except voter registration and population.

But now is not the time to sit back and rest on our victories. Our fight to restore progressive values in America still has a long way to go. Our values are winning.

For example, in Jimmy Carter's new book which is available worldwide (except in Iran where it will be held for 444 days), he cites the evil corrupt Republicans for making terrorists angry at us. Jimmy Carter knows appeasement.

Values matter.

But have we made an impact? Air America has made tremendous progress in the last two years.

Sure, we don’t conform to the regular radio paradigm. We don’t believe in things like “sponsors”, “advertisers”, or even “listeners.”

Our business model includes the redistribution of resources. For example- the Gloria Wise Boy’s and Girls Club believed in us so much – that they lent us a substantial amount of money. These were funds that otherwise would have been wasted on after school programs and food.

Here's what we're asking you to do.

Read More...


Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Carnival Of Comedy #29 Grim Milestones
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:38 AM | Email This

Go check out Radioactive Liberty: Carnival of Comedy #29 and get your funny on today,

Good job Fitch!

Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2)
November 16, 2005
i don't wanna bag on them...
Posted by sarahk at 09:53 PM | Email This

since we are a part of them... but wow. Pajamas Media changed its name to Open Source Media.

the only more retarded name they could have come up with would be Less Traveled Stream Media.

what else could they have come up with that would have been more retarded? (btw, i mean retarded stupid, not retarded handicapped. because it's not funny to make fun of handicapped people. only jerkfaces do that.)

UPDATE: AN OUT!! apparently, the name Open Source Media is already taken (thanks John Hawkins Who Never Votes for Me for the link)! here's your chance to change the name to something not stupid and boring! it's a legal issue! kinda like that Presidential documents thingy got the President out of the Miers debacle. oops, we changed the name to one that was already taken! guess we'll have to make it something else. personally, i liked PJs Media and didn't think they needed to change the name to something generic and indescript.

Rating: 1.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (16)
I Question Their Patriotism!
Posted by Harvey at 09:22 PM | Email This

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

Some people question the patriotism of the Mainstream Media because of their incessant coverage of American casualties in the War on Terror and the way they'll flock to any random group of smelly hippies if there's a "No Blood For Oil!" sign in their midst.

Or print up a sign for them, if there isn't one handy.

But I don't think that "unpatriotism" is a fair verdict to hand down. They don't make the news, they just report it. It's not like they're actually out shooting our troops in the streets of Baghdad.

Sure, that's only because journalists are pansys who can't muster the umph to cover the 4 pounds of pressure needed to pull a trigger - plus Baghdad doesn't have a Starbucks - but really, they're merely harmless buffoons, and not seditious, unpatriotic traitors.

On the other hand, there IS a serious threat to the patrioticality of America out there, and it's HUMOR BLOGS!

For example:

Iowahawk - Documented to be on Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi's payroll. I mean, why else would he turn down that ham sandwich I offered him?

Day By Day - Keeps American soldiers hostage in his basement as a bargaining chip towards eventual syndication. Fortunately, his foul scheme is hopeless since - as I mentioned above - American newspapers are patriotic.

Cox & Forkum - Draws terrorists as muscley studs while portraying Condi with a beer gut. Yeah... wonder whose side THEY'RE on.

It's A Pundit - Makes snide remarks about rottweilers, which everyone knows to be the patrioticest dog of all.

Lileks - From Minnesota. Which is next to Canada. Which is where cooties come from. And possibly terrorists. But definitely socialized medicine. And cooties.

ScrappleFace - This once-patriotic American loyalist betrayed his country early on in the War by causing the word "weasel" to become associated with the pro-terrorist backstabbery of the French. Once proudly associated with such American traditions as chicken-thieving and the practice of law, weasels are now merely another shameful creature in a beret.

"Gee," I hear you say, "humor blogs DO seem to be a direct threat to the safety and security of all American citizens, but what about IMAO? Isn't that a humor blog, too?"

Yes, but IMAO is the only patriotic humor blog. Look at the IMAO crew, and you see the face of America:

* Frank J: Native-American (well, he WAS born in Florida, so he's technically not an immigrant)
* Harvey: Blasphemous-Unbeliever-American
* RightWingDuck: I'll-Cut-You!-American
* Kevin: Weasel-American
* Spacemonkey: Hayseed-American
* Laurence Simon: Zionist-Conspirator-American
* SarahK: Armed-and-Beauteous-American
* Aquaman: Seafood-American

We're even thinking of breaking Spacemonkey's legs to better represent Crippled Disabled Differently-Abled-Americans.

Hush-hush on that. Monkey doesn't know about it yet.

Meanwhile, I'm pre-emptively denying that this post is just part of a vicious smear-campaign against blogs that will be competing against IMAO in the "Best Humor Blog" category of The 2005 Weblog Awards (voting to begin on December 1st), and I question the patriotism of anyone who says otherwise.

Rating: 2.2/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (6) | Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Headlines
Posted by Laurence Simon at 07:50 PM | Email This

The headline reads "Rising Sea Levels Threaten New Jersey"

Tomorrow's headline: "Sea Levels Found Shot To Death In Trunk Of Car"

Rating: 2.2/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (11)
Question
Posted by Frank J. at 12:49 PM | Email This

With the Democrats asserting Bush lied, I've really gotten confused. See, back when I took my SATs, I got one question wrong in the math section. So, does that mean I was incorrect on one question on the SATs or that I lied on my SATs and should repent my sins?

Rating: 2.4/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (20)
In My World: Foreign Interference
Posted by Frank J. at 11:55 AM | Email This

"I can't believe when I told the Chinese to respect human rights and be more democratic like Taiwan, they called that 'foreign interference,'" Bush griped, "And then, when they took us to a soccer game and I ran out on the field, grabbed the ball, and ran away giggling, they called that 'foreign interference' too."

"Have you thought of giving back the ball?" Laura asked.

Bush clutched the soccer ball tightly. "No, it's mine! Anyway, I'm so mad, I think I'm going to stab the Chinese with a steak knife. When's dinner?"

"No stabbing!"

"We're probably going to be eating with chopsticks anyway," Bush sulked, "Those aren't as good for stabbing."

They were lead into the dining room with the evil Communist Chinese leader. Bush then got a phone call. "What?!"

"It's Harry Reid. We want you to admit that you lied to us about the reasons for going to war."

"But you all said the same things before the war!" Bush shouted, "We even have a commercial out of that."

"Well... then we lied to ourselves, but you lying as the President is much worse."

"Fine, when I get back I'll kick you in the nuts and smash your head into some drywall. How's that?"

"I wouldn't like that at all!"

"Then shut up!" Bush hung up the phone and turned to the evil Communist Chinese leader. "Explain to me your one party system again."

"I'll explain to you more than that, American president," said the evil Communist Chinese leader sinisterly. Sitting next to him was an American in a suit. "I have with me a representative from Cisco Systems. With his help, I can now further oppress my people with out Commie evil! Yes, with capitalism and Communism working together, I have even more power to spread evil!" The evil Communist Chinese leader then laughed evilly and the Cisco Systems rep joined in.

"Now you're corrupting our capitalism with your Commie evil!" Bush yelled angrily, "I won't let this stand!"

"There is nothing you can do!" the evil Communist Chinese leader shot back, "As we speak, Microsoft is writing software to better organize the execution of dissidents!"

"I've had enough of your Commie evil!" Bush declared, "I'm going to support Taiwan breaking off from you jokers!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would! My poll ratings are in the toilet, and I don't care! I do what I wan'!"

The evil Communist Chinese leader's smile disappeared. "Perhaps you will care that you've walked into my... NINJA TRAP!" He then rang a bell and ropes dropped from the ceiling. Then descended a dozen ninjas surrounding President Bush and Laura.

"Not a ninja trap!" Bush exclaimed, "That's the worst kind of trap!"

"Not again," Laura sighed as the evil Communist Chinese leader ran off laughing.

"Only one thing to do," Bush said. He then ripped off his shirt and sank into a martial arts pose. "Go commandeer a helicopter to get us out of here," Bush called out to Laura as he kung fu fought the ninjas, "I have a score to settle with the evil Communist Chinese leader."

Laura pulled a gun out of her purse. "I'm starting to hate these foreign visits."

* * * *

Bruised and battered, Bush stumbled through the storm up to the top of the mountain. "Last I remembered, it was sunny out. I then made a right at the bathroom, and I'm not sure how I got here."

"I think this stormy mountaintop will make the perfect place for our final battle," said the evil Communist Chinese leader.

"If you say so, but it's kinda hard to hear you with the wind and rain and thunder and what-not."

The evil Communist Chinese leader took up a martial arts pose. "I think we both knew your visit would end this way."

"Actually, I was hoping it would end with one of those parades with the dragons, but, whatever."

"RED DRAGON PUNCH!" the evil Communist Chinese leader shouted as he punched Bush in a flash of red flame. Bush flew backwards and landed hard on the ground.

"Ow!" he moaned.

"Ha!" said the evil Communist Chinese leader, "You are no match for my Commie kung fu! It will spread pain equally throughout your body!"

"Actually, my head hurts more than anything else."

"Well, some things are more equal than others. RED DRAGON AX KICK!" The evil Communist leader tried to crush Bush with a dropping heel kick, but he rolled out of the way.

"Maybe we should go back to that diplomacy thing," Bush suggested sheepishly.

"It is too late for that!" the evil Communist Chinese leader declared, "Now your American hegemony will end!"

"My what money?"

"I will defeat you, and then I will launch my nuclear arsenal at America! I'm pretty sure some of them have will actually be able to reach California now."

"You will not harm Cal-ee-forn-ya!" came a shout from behind the evil Communist Chinese leader. He was then lifted into the air. "I am Arnold! I will crush you! Dah!" The Governator then tossed the evil Communist Chinese leader off the mountain who screamed until he disappeared into the darkness below.

Bush looked down over the side of the mountain. "Since we can't see his body, we can only assume he is dead." He turned to Arnold. "What are you doing here?"

"Ever since all my proposition were defeated in the election, I have been wandering stormy mountain tops in my depression," Arnold sobbed.

"Don't worry," Bush told him, "You'll have time to make a comeback and crush your enemies as always. Until then, just beat up Democrats in the hallways like I do."

A helicopter flew near them, Laura holding a gun to the pilot's head. "Can we get out of here?" Laura called out, "We really need to have better foreign trips."

"Maybe next we can try and have diplomatic relations with Hawaii for a change," Bush said as he walked to the helicopter with Arnold.

The captive pilot rolled his eyes. "Idiot."

Rating: 2.5/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (9) | In My World
Carnival of Comedy Reminder
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:57 AM | Email This

uncleimao.jpg


Tomorrow's host for the ever popular Comedy Carnival? Why, its Radioactive Liberty, of course!

Is your drink spewing, knee slapping, side splitting entry entered yet? No? Then submit, submit!

Rating: 2.5/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (1) | Why Me Laugh?
Mama Moonbat is back in the headlines
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:42 AM | Email This

It's a week before Thanksgiving, and President Bush already has a 140-pound turkey waiting for him back in Crawford.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (16)
Don't Fall for It!
Posted by Frank J. at 08:46 AM | Email This

Who knows what evil the Sunnis could do with their very own automated torture probe!

Rating: 1.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (2)
Santa Answers - Part I
Posted by RightWingDuck at 01:53 AM | Email This

Posted by RightWingDuck as a favor to Santa Claus.

Santa has been kind enough to answer questions for the fans of IMAO. You folks have no idea how special you are!

Here are just some of the questions that you asked Santa along with his special one of a kind answers....

Ask Santa - A special IMAO session

Question: Santa - Since Christmas has not been cancelled due to a strike or labor costs, I assume that your elves are non-union. Am I correct?

Posted by The Man

Ho, ho, ho. You are so The Man. yes, you're right. I don't use union labor. This explains why products from the North Pole seldom break down.

You know the secret - hiring the right people You should interview one of my foremen Elves - like Juan Garcia. Or the other Juan Garcia. Unfortunately, this year I did lose some elves when they decided to go get some work rebuilding New Orleans.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Question: Santa - I would really like to have Chucky Schumer's head on a pike for Christmas.
Is that doable?

Posted by jimmyb

Ho ho ho. Oh, Jimmy B. You ask for that every Christmas. I'd like to say yes to you, but only if that is also the wish of Chucky Schumer himself. Otherwise, I'll have to bring you your second choice - Barbra Streisand Sings Her Favorite War Protest Love Songs.

Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas, little Jimmy.

Question: Oh Santa...I have a weakness for furry, overweight men, with bags full of neat toys - Does Mrs. Clause ever let you out, other than Christmas time?

Posted by Wonder Woman

Ho.

If you like getting frisky, may I suggest you use something besides the invisible jet? Really, lady, you're not hiding anything. You're on the naughty list this year and I didn't even have to do any spying. Mrs. Claus and I enjoy each other's company very much. Thanks for asking.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Read More...


Rating: 1.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (10)
November 15, 2005
Where's My Thumb-Screws?
Posted by Frank J. at 01:37 PM | Email This

The smart people in Congress have been arguing whether to outlaw torture. Personally, I have never had a problem with torture. Before I would torture someone, though, I would need to be clear about a few things:

* Do I like this person?

* Do I know this person?

If I don't like someone, then I want that person hurt. Also, I don't care about people I don't know, so torturing them is fine.

Now, most of these arguments about torture involve terrorists. I don't like terrorists and I don't know them, so they fit my strict guidelines for torture. They should be beaten, electrocuted, have bamboo shoots stuck under their fingernails, and anything else you can think of. They might even give up someone useful information during the torture, but no one should be tortured for information; that ruins the purity of torture. The point of torture is hurting bad people, and we should keep that focus lest we become as bad as those we shock in the gonads.

Rating: 2.4/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (23)
Nominate IMAO
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:02 AM | Email This

Yay!

It's that time of the year. That special holiday time when we gather round - hog tie Bill Frist and stick an apple... no wait..

It's time for the Weblog Awards!!!

Go now and nominate IMAO.

We are funny. We are talented.

And if you don't nominate us - we'll hunt you down and kill you.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
One Hour Left
Posted by Frank J. at 10:01 AM | Email This

One hour left to vote for SarahK for Queen of Hearts. Who would mistake SarahK for SondraK? If that's happening, I'm suprised we don't see Buchanan doing better on the poll.

Rating: 3.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Year One of Making Me Mad
Posted by Frank J. at 09:53 AM | Email This

Cadet Happy's website made for parodying SarahK's site is about a year old. Here's his favorite photoshops from that year. Yeah, so much of it are in jokes that only make sense if you follow SarahK's site, but it's frick'n hilarious anyway.

Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (2)
November 14, 2005
oh crap, Frank's never going to let me pretend to be him for the outro of the podcast again!
Posted by sarahk at 04:51 PM | Email This

i forgot to say those three little words at the end...

so here, i say it now.

BE ORNERY ROMANS!

Rating: 2.4/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (19)
New Jersey Slogan
Posted by Laurence Simon at 03:59 PM | Email This

AP reports that New Jersey is looking for a new slogan.

Oh, and the deadline is today.

Hurry up! Suggest something!

(My suggestion: "Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.")

Rating: 1.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (54)
You Vote or I Cut You!
Posted by Frank J. at 03:18 PM | Email This

Since SarahK got together a great podcast for you (actually, I haven't heard it, yet), you go vote for her to be Queen of Hearts on the blogger deck or cards. She's in fourth place, but I know my readers can make the difference.

GO NOW!

Rating: 3.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (5)
IMAO for the Non-Deaf #19
47,000 Channels and Nothing On
Posted by sarahk at 02:35 PM | Email This

The latest IMAO Podcast is up! This week, the IMAO gang take you through TV land (and Maine)! In this episode...


Harvey's Fun Facts about Maine!
Previews of all the mid-season replacement shows!
and lots of ads, including one for a product offered by a former president!

and more...

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (4)
AS-Time
Posted by spacemonkey at 12:34 PM | Email This

According to Glenn Reynolds, Andrew Sullivan is moving to TIME.COM.

I wonder if he'll continue the endless "I'm a poor gay progressively moderate conservative/moderately conservative progressive blogger(*DOWWTUWIB)" pledge drive now that the Daily Dish is on Time.com.

Since. Time = Money. and all.

Which brings up the question- "Are Time magazine and Money magazine the same magazine?"

* Depending On Which Way The, Uh, Wind Is Blowing

Rating: 3.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (3)
Ask Santa!!
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:29 AM | Email This

Hello Gang,

RightWingDuck here with a special exclusive. As you know, we here at IMAO have friends in powerful places. Just the other day, I was given the best meal in the joint just because of my powerful connections - AND I was able to supersize it.

Well, it turns out that Santa Claus and I are now back on speaking terms. Sure, he was a bit sore at me from that incident in 1988 where my dad pulled a shotgun on him, but what would YOU do if someone came down YOUR chimney.

Maybe we went a bit far when we took all his toys, but - in our defense - we were poor and greedy.

So, Santa and I have made up and guess what?

Guess? Stop being so lazy and take a guess -!!

That's right! Santa Claus will be here at IMAO all week to answer your questions. Then he has to get out of here to go work on the Christmas stuff.

Is there something you always wanted to ask Santa? Now is your chance! Post in comments.

Go Ahead! ASK SANTA!!!

P.S. Oh, yeah. I still owe IMAO readers that last Ask Ducky. Oh, well. Maybe Santa and I will take turns answering questions.

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (32)
DOINK DOINK!
Posted by sarahk at 11:11 AM | Email This

anyone have a .wav file of the Law & Order DOINK DOINK sound effect?

UPDATE: thanks!

Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (5)
...And All Your Dreams Will Come True
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:41 AM | Email This

This Last halloween, Vote for pedro.

Rating: 2.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (3)
Where's My 'Cast?
Posted by Frank J. at 09:13 AM | Email This

The new IMAudiO should be availble later today (SarahK was up 'till four in the morning editing). It looked really funny on paper, but I've yet to hear any soundclips other than what I recorded myself, so it will be a surprise to us all.

Be honorable, ronin.

Rating: 2.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (4)
Coffee
Posted by spacemonkey at 09:02 AM | Email This

Sorry, no funny yet. We're all still having coffee.

Funny later.

COFFEE, NOW!!!

Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
November 13, 2005
Ten things I won't cook for Thanksgiving
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:32 PM | Email This

Here are ten things I will not cook for Thanksgiving

10. Pumpkin Paella
9. Sour Potatoes
8. Mung Bean Casserole
7. Cranapple Sauce
6. Popcornbread
5. Wavy Gravy
4. Owens Corning Thermal Insulation Stuffing
3. Dog's Milk Butter
2. Pillsbury Islamic Crescent Rolls
1. Platyturpig (A pig stuffed in a turkey, which is stuffed into a platypus)

However, I will make recipes available at some point in the coming week.

Rating: 2.2/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (12)
November 12, 2005
Still, It's Better than All That Anime That's Now Saturday Morning Cartoons
Posted by Frank J. at 10:01 AM | Email This

Caught a bit of Michelle Malkin co-hosting on FOX & Friends this morning. While she's good subbing for Hannity or O'Reilly (that time she subbed for Colmes was a disaster), I think she needs to work on her mindless exuberance needed for a morning show.

I still need to buy her new book. Anyone here read it yet?

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
November 11, 2005
Yeah
Posted by Frank J. at 08:58 PM | Email This

What Cadet Happy said.

UPDATE: Rarr!

Rating: 2.3/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (2)
don't know jack (?)
Posted by Cadet Happy at 08:30 PM | Email This

go over to aaron's blog and vote for sarahk in the deck of bloggers thing

you only get to vote once, so don't do something stupid like click a different name

voting ends Monday at midnight

jackhearts.jpg

UPDATE: and don't forget to vote for . . .

Read More...


Rating: 2.5/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Notice of Class Action Lawsuit
Posted by Harvey at 08:26 PM | Email This

(A Filthy Lie)

Just got a letter in the mail today:



From the office of Glenn Reynolds, Esq., J.D., PPBLNDR:

Since the earliest days of the American Republic, people have looked up into the night sky with awe and wonder, seeking hope and inspiration for their lives as they contemplated the heavenly lights, the most brilliant and uplifting of which is... The Moon.

Yet there are those who - in their desperate quest for filthy profits - would desecrate this sacred symbol of ancient wisdom.

Like Frank J., of IMAO who proudly - PROUDLY! - displays a picture on his site of our precious moon being atomically violated:

square-large-moon.jpg

This atrocious sight has been clinically proven to induce Post-Traumatic Nuclear Moon Syndrome in those viewing this image. Symptoms of PTNMS include:

* Fear of looking up at the night sky
* Attacking Iraq to steal its oil
* Uncontrollable urges to blow stuff up in order to keep other countries in line.
* Telling filthy lies about greedy lawyers

If you or someone you love exhibits any of these PTNMS symptoms brought on by Frank J's reckless moon abuse, you may be entitled to compensation. Just send an e-mail to EvilGlenn@emptythedeeppockets.com explaining how your life has been decimated by irresponsible luno-nuclear photoshoppery and let me help you along the road to healing.

And MONEY!

[signed]
Glenn Reynolds



Disgusting!

Glenn Reynolds is nothing but a vile, avaricious, gold-digger! Show your support for IMAO by buying a Nuke The Moon T-shirt today. $1 from every sale will go directly to the IMAO Moon-Nukers Legal Defense Fund and/or toward buying SarahK shiny, pretty things.

Rating: 3.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (8) | Filthy Lies
talent like this needs to be showcased!
Posted by Guest Blogger Damian G. at 02:14 PM | Email This

moraleenhancement04.jpg

maggie katzen has done laurence one better and combined apolitical Friday cat blogging AND verteran's day

Rating: 3.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (4)
The Things You Learn
Posted by Frank J. at 01:40 PM | Email This

Until SarahK posted a new picture of her ring, I never noticed that bracelet on her.

Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (5)
A Hero's Story for Veteran's Day
Posted by Frank J. at 11:16 AM | Email This

Happy Veteran's Day (which also is the birthday of my brother, returning veteran Sgt. Joe foo' the Marine). Before I told you about Joe Lowe, one of my brother's friends from the Marines who was paralyzed by an attack on his tank which wounded other Idaho Marines. Today, you can read the story of Sgt. Luke Miller, also a Boise Marine and friend of my brother, who helped rescue those injured in the attack. The full story is here and a video clip of an interview with him is here.

He risked his life to help his fellow Marines, and yesterday he was honored in D.C. with the Military Vanguard Award, bestowed annually upon one member of each branch of the military.

Today is a day to remember the America's heroes, both those living and those who have sacrificed for this country and for the freedom of others.

Rating: 1.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (4)
Veterans, Thanks!
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:02 AM | Email This


emblems.JPG


Thanks to all you Veterans out there. The price of freedom was and continues to be paid for by you, personally, your family and all your brave veteran brothers and sisters and their families.

I can't say enough how much we (the IMAO family and our wonderful readers and listeners) appreciate you and your service to our great nation.

THANK YOU and may the good Lord bless you and yours!

-----

(IMAO Readers and IMAudiO listeners, put your own message of thanks to our awesome vets in the comments)

Hey Vet's, there's probably more messages of thanks in the comments, check them out! See how much we appreciate you!

Rating: 2.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (38)
Friday Catblogging
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:08 AM | Email This

Since it's Friday, I thought I'd spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka "I-MEOW").

Today, it's Nardo the Flippykitty trying out the new comforter:

If you're not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that "political humor" thing, it doesn't. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Nardo is... um...

Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.

(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats on Sundays.)

Rating: 1.7/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (11)
November 10, 2005
Mohammed the Cartoon?
Posted by Laurence Simon at 04:21 PM | Email This

Apparently, there's some kind of taboo or law in Islam that forbids depicting Mohammed the Prophet. So, the cultural editor of Denmark's largest newspaper decided to put it to the test as a greater test of tolerance within the barely-assimilated Islamic immigrant community of his home country...

"This issue goes back to Salman Rushdie. It's about freedom of speech and Islam," says an unrepentant [Flemming] Rose, who feels a culture of fear and self-censorship has taken hold across Europe since Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh was murdered for criticizing traditional Islam's treatment of women.

As accusations of racism and discrimination fly amid the ongoing unrest in France, European countries are being pushed to pinpoint the causes of - and solution to - the social exclusion of their significant Muslim populations. A key ingredient to the dialogue, Rose says, is making room for a frank discussion of the compatibility of democratic principles such as free speech, and traditional Islam.

"Some Muslims are asking for an apology pointing to a lack of respect," he says. "They're not asking for respect; they're asking for subordination - for us as non-Muslims to follow Muslim taboos in the public domain."

Although Rose expected some complaints, he was unprepared for the deluge of criticism.

Among those who attacked the newspaper's lack of sensitivity was prominent Copenhagen imam Raed Hlayhel, saying "I will not tolerate this. If this is democracy, we disagree with democracy."

An imam disagreeing with freedom of speech and a free press and Western European democratic values? Well, isn't that a shocker. Color me Pantone 186 Surprised.

But getting back to Flemming Rose... what kind of idiot depicts Mohammed in cartoons just to rile them up? I mean, if you want to test them, why not print the paper with pig's blood or print an edition on thinly-sliced ham?

The nerve of some people.

Rating: 2.7/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (12)
In My World: The French Are Revolting
Posted by Frank J. at 02:08 PM | Email This

"Sacre Bleu!" screamed a Frenchman, "The... uh... 'youths' are rioting."

"Death to the infidels!" shouted a "youth."

"Where are our leaders?" asked another Frenchman.

"Jacques Chirac is under his le desk peeing his le pants!" answered the first.

* * * *

"Being President is fun," Bush mused to himself, "but I wonder if I can get a better office."

The phone then rang.

"Hello, this is the most powerful man in the world," Bush answered, "Me; Dubya!"

"It's I, Jacques Chirac!" cried a panicked Chirac.

"What do you want, Jacques-strap?" Bush asked with annoyance.

"The streets are on fire because of rioting... uh... 'youths.'"

"Yep, those kids and their rap music can be trouble."

"Uh, no, not that kind of youths, I mean, the uh... 'youths' who are very invested in their religion."

Bush furrowed his brow in confusion. "You mean a Bible camp has gotten out of control?"

"Uh... different religion. More with... uh... veils... and calling people infidels."

"Oh, you got wacky Muslims running about."

"Youths!" Chirac quickly corrected Bush.

"Whatever. So what do you want me to do about it? I'm not popular with Muslims... still, the never riot here."

"I need your help to stop them before they destroy all that is French! It is your duty!"

"Hey, if we Americans always bail out you French, you'll never learn to take care of yourselves. Why doesn't your people shoot the rioters, Jacques-strap?"

"We don't have guns!"

"Well, that's short sighted of ya."

"Please! Help us! They're burning my car as we speak!"

Bush thought for a moment. "Fine. But you have to hold a press conference and admit you're a girl."

"Again?"

"Yes."

* * * *

"French President Jacques Chirac is about to make a public address about the rioting Mus... 'youths,'" said the anchorman. Before a podium stood Chirac.

"It is important that I tell you all to remain calm and that..." Chirac stepped out from behind the podium revealing he was wearing a dress. He then pranced about saying, "I'm a dainty little girl!"

* * * *

"I didn't say anything about a dress or dancing," Bush told Chirac over the phone.

"I wanted to commit to the part," Chirac responded, "So, will you help us?"

"Sure. Here's what you do. First, play to your strengths. Surrender to the 'youths' and let them run the government. Then form an insurgency to fight the ruling 'youths.' Then the media will hound the 'youths' about how they’re in a quagmire and must pull out."

"I wanted you to send troops!"

"Well, that's all you’re getting 'cause I don't like you." Bush then hung up the phone and looked around the room. "Maybe the reason I don't like this office is because it's kinda roundish."

Rating: 2.7/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (13) | In My World
Maybe I Should Send This to HR
Posted by Frank J. at 01:02 PM | Email This

Snopes has a great list of tips when dealing with women in the workplace. Can you think of any more modern additions?

Rating: 1.8/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (24)
It's an IFOC Christmas!
Posted by Laurence Simon at 11:40 AM | Email This

Well, folks, some of y'all have seen the Christmas decorations go up in the malls and various public spaces that the ACLU hasn't quite got to yet, so this can only mean one thing: Holiday Stress.

I find that the best way to deal with Holiday Stress, other than ranting a limo and taking up seven primo parking spaces in the mall parking lots, is to take a step back and mock the absurdity of it all at Christmas is Full Of Crap, the wretched descendant of Michele C.'s original Ho Ho Holy (stronger word than Crap that makes Sarah K do that "icky" face).

The resident Santa, flaws and all, will be glad to answer your wishes and questions, while the rest of the gang engages in their usual demented merriment.

Be careful, though. He's drunk.


"Where's my bourbon?"

Oh, and if you'd like to join in the confused, rancorous, bewildered authorship of the site, feel free to write me with the role you'd like to don for the season.

So don't let this Holiday Season leave you with nothing but broken toys, shredded wrapping paper, and a credit rating damaged beyond all repair - make some holiday memories as well.

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (2)
Proposition H - A fun look at gun control
Posted by RightWingDuck at 11:09 AM | Email This

San Francisco recently passed Proposition H, which bans the ownership of guns in homes and businesses.

I for one am comforted by the fact that San Francisco has taken this safety measure. Now when some big dude meets you along a dark street, you’ll know that it’s not a gun in his pocket. The downside of course is that he’s really happy to see you.

This has gotten me to thinking about Proposition H. Sure, it’s currently being challenged by the National Rifle Association (Motto: Don’t make us shoot you), but it doesn’t mean that some GOOD things can’t come from all of this.

I’d like to offer some...

Observations on Proposition H.

Health Insurance costs may not go down, but at least working conditions will be much better – for criminals.

It is finally easier to identify the criminals. They’re the ones with the guns. The victims are the ones lying in the pool of blood.

More good news. Most shootings will now be intentional.

Proposition H pitted two big players. The “No” side was supported heavily by the NRA. The “Yes” side was heavily supported by the Trauma Centers.

Guns are banned to all private citizens, except police officers. Citizens are still allowed to carry Super Soakers.

Note: All Super Soakers must sport a bright orange tip.

Read More...


Rating: 2.9/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (18)
Carnival of Comedy (Striving For Average) is Up!
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:13 AM | Email This

You've won!

A Carnival worth of free comedy is all yours just for the clicking, but wait... that's not all!

Tell them what else they've won, Tommy.

Striving For Average: Carnival of Comedy

Rating: 3.3/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (1)
I Want to Be the Card "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"
Posted by Frank J. at 09:35 AM | Email This

Aaron Kowalski (actually, I don't know his last name, so I made one up) is making a blogger deck of cards. I think IMAO should be one of the Jokers. Also, I nominate the lovely and talented SarahK to be Queen of Diamonds since she's so pretty and has diamonds I gave her which are shiny. If anyone else wants nominations, you can suck up to me now.

Clubs can be voted on now at Aaron's site.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (8)
230 Years of Kill'n For'ners
Posted by Frank J. at 08:47 AM | Email This

Happy birthday, Marines!

As usual, Malkin has more.

Actually, why do you even bother coming to this site?

Fine; I'll get working on an In My World™.

UPDATE: Speaking of Marines, I just saw Tuesdays House last night. Just when I thought that show couldn't get any better, they cast R. Lee Ermey as House's father. Ooh-rah!

Rating: 2.0/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
November 09, 2005
what happened on LOST??
Posted by sarahk at 10:24 PM | Email This

i'll put most of this below the fold for those who haven't yet seen the episode.

Read More...


Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (11)
The Green Puppy
Posted by RightWingDuck at 08:11 PM | Email This

Here's a report of a dog giving birth to a puppy - and it was green!

Riddle: What did Glenn aka Instapundit aka The Puppy Blender say when he heard about a green puppy?

Post answer in comments section.

Have fun!!

Rating: 3.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (24)
Ask A Texan
Posted by Laurence Simon at 07:34 PM | Email This

"Well, as long as they're not gay pandas, I reckon it's fine by me."

Rating: 2.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Woohoo!
Posted by RightWingDuck at 05:50 PM | Email This

Great News!!

My website is up and running again. Hurray for RightWingDuck!!

Oh, and the riots are still going on and other bad stuff is happening. But I can't stop to think about that right now.

Rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (6)
A Forecast For France
Posted by spacemonkey at 05:34 PM | Email This

Looking across the pond, I found some funny. Its funny in a France-sure-is-easy-to-not-feel-sorry-for kind of way.

Here it is.

Rating: 1.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (2)
Short shameful confession
Posted by Laurence Simon at 03:15 PM | Email This

Yeah, the first thing I did was to check availability and prices for the Amman Grand Hyatt, Days Inn, and Radisson.

Looks like the Grand Hyatt just got yanked from the list. But the Radisson is still there and described as follows:

A 5 star full service property located just 2km from the city centre featuring a variety of spacious well equipped rooms and suites. The hotel also boasts 18 multi purpose conference rooms, Wings Club Bar & Oasis Lounge, in addition to 3 first class restaurants serving a wide variety of local and international food.

That's very nice, Mr. Shatner, but how thick are the walls and... um... far is the room from the lobby?

Rating: 1.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Lessons Learned from Election Day, 2005
Posted by Frank J. at 02:36 PM | Email This

* Even on odd numbered years, there are elections.

* Some people actually care about the fate of New Jersey.

* If I step on my cat's tail, she makes a sound that a cross between a monkey screech and chipmunk chatter.

* Arnold's ads of, "Vote for my propositions or I will crush you! I am Arnold!" were not particularly effective.

* Some election days don't have very many lessons.

Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (13)
Waking up in Texas
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:21 AM | Email This

You know, I woke up this morning, yawned, stretched, but didn't feel like my marriage was defended any more than when I went to bed.

However, I did find a bloodstain the size of a dollar coin on my pillow as a result of Michael Moore's continued-but-diminished random spewing of venom and vile substances. I guess I need to put more gauze on my wounded face if I'm going to sleep on my right side.

Perhaps Texas can vote on an amendment to defend my face from Michael Moore?

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Carnival of Comedy Reminder
Posted by spacemonkey at 09:57 AM | Email This

Tommy at Almost Average will be hosting this week's (tomorrow's) Carnival of Comedy. In fact, I just NOW sent him the password and guidelines! Exciting isn't it?

Since the carnival is tomorrow and the deadline is tonight, it's not too late to bombard him with lots of last minute entries!

Go to the Conservative Cat's Carnival Submission Page and bombard away!

Rating: 2.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (1)
Woe Be We!
Posted by Frank J. at 08:30 AM | Email This

In case you missed it (I did) there were election last night, and Republicans lost at everything! If these trends continue, there won't be a single Republican holding an elected office by 2010 (except for Bloomberg, if that's any consolation - and it isn't). Glenn Reynolds blames everything on Terri Schiavo which is a little convenient since she's dead... and, even before that, she was incapable of defending herself (which is why she's now dead).

How can Republicans turn things around in time for next year? I'm thinking protests with large puppets. What do you think?

UPDATE: Yeah, I'm making things sound worse than they are. Come on; did we really want New Jersey?

Rating: 3.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (27)
November 08, 2005
Paris 2012
Posted by Laurence Simon at 03:32 PM | Email This

I guess the IOC is regretting selecting London instead of Paris for the 2012 Summer Games.

Read More...


Rating: 3.8/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (12)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 03:28 PM | Email This

How do you know that the IMAO Podcast is the bestest podcast ever?

Read More...


Rating: 3.1/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Fun Trivia
Fun Trivia
Posted by spacemonkey at 02:41 PM | Email This

How many cars are in France?

Read More...


Rating: 2.6/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (9)
This week's politically-conservative audio
Posted by Scott McCollum at 02:07 PM | Email This

From what I'm hearing from those involved with IMAudiO (a.k.a. the IMAO Podcast) production, it's doubtful you the fans will hear anything new from the IMAO Podcast by the Wednesday release date.

While you're patiently waiting, here are some politically-conservative audio offerings on the Internet from friends of IMAO that you can listen to right now:

  • Shelley The Republican analyzes the root causes of the French riots in her latest audio and asks "if Tom DeLay is found guilty, should conservatives riot because things didn't go our way?"
  • Our own Laurence Simon rips into an anti-Semite in the latest audio from Shire News Network, the audio wing of Silent Running, the premier Anglosphere blog from Down Under.
  • Speaking of Down Under and Laurence Simon, you can hear Aussie Dave from IsraellyCool give shout outs to Lair, Yours Truly, and IMAO.
  • Finally, there's the relentlessly foul-mouthed Jim K. at Starkcast. Jim's NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR CHILDREN show this week features audio from Satan's recruitment video starring Hitler, Stalin, and Hillary (probably not the first time those three have been mentioned in the same sentence) at 24mins and 40secs into his show. I mention the "recruitment video" because I provide two of the voices, but the rest of the Starkcast is all Jim and you should send him your hate mail if you get offended.
What are your suggestions for other political conservative audio on the Internet? Please leave them in the Comments

UPDATE: Shelley the Republican (now going by the cool moniker of "STR") acknowledged the hat tip from me on her blog just before she posted some interesting stats on violence in the ten most populous Muslim nations. Good read, STR!

Rating: 1.8/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (3)
Bush Is Not Doing His Job
Posted by Frank J. at 01:00 PM | Email This

Kos has been all over all of Bush's lies and coverups, and now he's revealing how the US has been using chemical weapons on civilians in Iraq. When will Bush kill Kos before he reveals more of the truth? This government sponsored murder seems long overdue.

Rating: 2.2/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (15)
Helping the French - Solutions
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:31 PM | Email This


If you’re like me, then you have more than likely been following the French riots and wondering, “How long before France figures out how to surrender the same piece of land twice?”

For those of you who aren’t in the loop on this, young Muslim men (or as the press calls them -"youths") in Paris are rioting and causing mayhem. They have done so for 12 straight days. See, the end of Ramadan is traditionally celebrated by young Muslims with the traditional Lighting of French Police Cars. This has been met by some resistance from a certain segment of the French population – mainly police.

Many observations have been offered, and they basically come in a few flavors.

Flavor One: France was asking for this by allowing so much immigration and then not allowing them to assimilate into society. These “youths” are being portrayed as disenfranchised and outcast. I don’t blame them for being angry. Being told by French Society that you just don’t fit in? Isn’t that like having Michael Moore call you Mr. Fatty Fat Fat?

Flavor Two: The French are too secular for Muslims and are creating tension because of this. Critics note the banning of the Muslim headscarf, and crosses, and anything that resembles like it might be spiritual. Personally, I feel they went to far when they banned Frisbees because people might mistake them for UFO’s.

Flavor Three: HAHAHAHAHAHHA. It must be weird watching those “youths” burn all those white flags, huh? Oh, and HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

In France’s defense, they ARE taking a few steps to stop all the rioting. In fact, they have imposed a curfew. So not only are these rioters causing destruction – but they’re also up past their bedtime! French police hope to achieve victory as soon as these young men get sleepy.

In the interest of international relations – and having a laugh at someone else’s expense – but mostly in the interest of international relations – I’d like to offer some solutions for the French. Granted – none of these solutions are perfect, but I hope that these suggestions can work as a starting point.

RWD’s Solutions for dealing with young, rioting, disaffected “youths”.

Solutions. Midnight Sports Leagues

Basketball:

Advantages: Basketball is growing in popularity in Europe. More kids are playing it now more than ever before!
Disadvantages: We don’t need yet another European team that can beat the Men’s U.S. Olympic team.

Soccer:

Advantage: Everyone (who is not American) loves soccer. Good cardiovascular exercise.
Disadvantages: They prefer a Jewish head instead of a soccer ball. Other down side – Soccer Riots. Which technically would put them back at square one.


Solution: Put the rioters in prison.
Advantages: A safer society with the criminals out of the way. They can work on crafts and learn a trade.
Disadvantages: Criminals might discover Islam.

A bit of Good news. Paris is still a hot vacation spot.

Bad news, it’s for terrorists who are stressed out fighting in Iraq.

Tariqu: I’m stressed out. We’re doing horribly.

Abdul. Don’t worry. We’ll send the DNC some press releases on how awful the US is doing. That wil lincrease morale and bring fresh recruits.

Tariq: I’m just tired. I think I need a vacation. How about Paris?

Abdul: Great idea! We’ll walk the Rue De Surrender and maybe even burn a few cars. It’ll be good for us.


So that means that it could be time to start thinking about …


Requesting International Help.

There are a few candidates:

Help from America.

Disadvantage: That Save Your Butt Twice Get The Third Butt Saving Free coupon expired – when did it expire – oh yeah, when they stabbed us in the back on Iraq.

Another Factor: Does France have any oil?

Help from Holland:

Advantage: Is gearing up a battle with it’s own Muslim (oops – I mean youth) population.
Disadvantage: Want to have more brothels for tired troops.
Another Disadvantage: Their wooden shoes are flammable.

Help From Spain:

Advantage: Good ally. Lives nearby.
Disadvantage: The Spanish army is rusty. It’s been a while since they ran from a good fight.

There are no perfect solutions in all of this. Please, if you have any suggestions, we welcome them in the comments section.

Remember, France is a friend to America. Let’s do all we can.


Rating: 2.8/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (28)
Know Thy Enemy: Riots
Posted by Frank J. at 11:59 AM | Email This

The riots in France have gone on for 12 nights. It's gotten so bad, that Jacques Chirac decided to actually mention it. Also, they now have a curfew (no mindless destruction after hours). Riots can always be a problem, so I had my crack research team find all they can about riotousness.

FUN FACTS ABOUT RIOTS

Read More...


Rating: 2.4/5 (17 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Know Thy Enemy
Me and Michael Moore
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:04 AM | Email This

Okay, so some of you know I've had a abscess-boil thing on my jawline for a week or so. It's not particularly painful, but it is a discomfort when it comes to walking around, yawning, and other jolting motions.

Based upon it's gigantic size, reddish exterior, infected interior, revolting alteration of the landscape of the right side of my face like his gross distortion of the conservative side of politics, and unwanted presence, I named it Michael Moore. I thought about calling it Ted Rall, but the bloody impressions upon the bandages I've changed out and the milky-red oozings in the sink actually look better than his cartoons.

I've been taking some very powerful antibiotics for Michael, and they've been working great. So good, that I've managed to mess up the bathroom mirror twice with long sprays of gore and bloody grime in cleaning the revolting abomination. (Which, once again, looked better than Rall cartoons.)

Anyway, the official drainage ceremony of Michael Moore was yesterday, performed by my favorite medical professional the health plan provideth.

During this drainage ceremony, the cleaning of the revolting object was described as "wonderful" and "great" and at one point "beautiful."

I can understand than when you compare just having to squeeze and lightly swab an infection which antibiotics are working well upon to one that would need a needle or knifework to access would be "easy" or "optimal" or possibly "good." But to describe an eruption of pus and blood that fills three gauze pads as "beautiful" sounds like a molestation of the language to me.

"Are you faint?" I was asked. "Do you need to lie back for a moment?"

"No, I'm just stunned at your choice of words, that's all," I said. "I'm not sure the word beautiful can be applied to such a process."

So now I've got a smaller aberration on my jawline, a slimmed-down version of Michael Moore like the slimmed-down post-fatfarm Moore that's sure to whale up the moment his limo passes those Golden Arches. To finish him off, I've gotten a heat/cold pack that works in the microwave.

I dream of being able to chew gum again. Yup. Can't chew gum. That irritates Michael Moore, because it's sugar-free gum and not, say, a dozen Big Macs.

Thanks a lot, Michael Moore.

Rating: 3.1/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (13)
I Bet He Wants Attention
Posted by Frank J. at 09:00 AM | Email This

Apparently some guy put in our comments back in September to put our money where our mouth is about global warming. Problem is, I don't remember getting any comments in the past couple months. Also, whether there is global warming or not, I really don't care. Can I bet a bag of ice if I'm wrong?

BTW, I did buy the novel State of Fear. I hope Chrichton's alarmism about global warming alarmism will be more accurate than in his alarmism about Japanese businesses taking over in Rising Sun.

Rating: 2.4/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (24)
When asked: "Am I Evil?" Scott replies: "Not as much as you'd think"
Posted by Scott McCollum at 01:21 AM | Email This

I ran the URL of a website other than IMAO that I'm affiliated with through the Gematriculator and received a result that I'm certain will be a shock to many:
This site is certified 99% GOOD by the Gematriculator

According to the Gematriculator website "Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct."

Sadly, the Gematriculator says that IMAO on average has significantly more evil:

This site is certified 67% GOOD by the Gematriculator

Don't get me wrong, IMAO still gets an acceptable grade in goodness but since the Gematriculator gave the other website that I'm a principal player on a 99% rating, I have to wonder who in IMAO is dragging down that goodness average?

I suppose you will all rush to cast the first stone in the Comments

Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (27)
November 07, 2005
Wikipedia Knows Too Much - Must Be Killed
Posted by Harvey at 11:05 PM | Email This

Alabama Improper asks the age-old question:

And just what the hell does IMAO stand for anyway? Anyone?

Being sworn to secrecy on pain of death as part of my allegience to Frank J. (praise be his name), I nevertheless take this opportunity to point out that - just as Joe Wilson's connection to Valerie Plame required no illegal leaks beyond picking up a copy of "Who's Who" - anyone with access to Wikipedia can discover the meaning of this highly secretive acronym.

I'll just quote it in the extended entry...

Read More...


Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (16)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 04:09 PM | Email This

What is the current status of the riots in France?

Read More...


Rating: 2.3/5 (14 votes cast)

Comments (13) | Fun Trivia
French Are Rotting
Posted by spacemonkey at 04:07 PM | Email This

Youths in France have been rotting for almost two weeks. Rotting day and night. The rotting has gotten so bad that cars have been burned.

I think they've been secretly rotting in France for a lot longer than 2 weeks though. What else would explain the stench?

They're not unwashed, they're undead!

Rating: 2.4/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (5)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 04:07 PM | Email This

What do the French find most distressing about the riots?

Read More...


Rating: 2.8/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (4) | Fun Trivia
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 04:06 PM | Email This

If the French plea for calm doesn't work to quell the riots, what will they try next?

Read More...


Rating: 2.3/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (2) | Fun Trivia
The Mysteries of a Catholic Wedding
Posted by Harvey at 04:01 PM | Email This

Over at Mountaineer Musings, SarahK says that her sister was a little... unclear... on Catholic wedding traditions:

she was very confused. she said that at first, she thought maybe it was a Catholic thing, having the groom’s name on his own goblet and his mother’s name on the bride’s goblet. she’s not known many Catholics so she thought it might be one of their traditions.

Having attended several Catholic weddings myself, I have to say that Sizzle - and probably SarahK, too - are BOTH in for a few surprises.

Since weddings are stressful enough, here's a list of little-known (although actually quite common) Catholic wedding rituals:



* Sacramental tequila shots (remember - Lick, Slam, Suck)

* Doritoes Xtreme Nacho Communion wafers

* Bride & groom both drag heavy, wooden crosses up the aisle. More Passion of the Christ means more Passion of the Couple.

* Bride slips the priest a $20 to skip the "if anyone here objects to this marriage" bit.

* Groom slips the priest a $100 to put it back in.

* Bride & groom gargle with holy water so that if they give their vows with a false heart, their tongues shall burst into flame.

* Bride & groom are encouraged to have a Best Fireman, and Extinguisher of Honor, respectively - just in case.

* Bibles in pews replaced by "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader", since these Catholic ceremonies tend to drag on a bit.

* After the words "man and wife" are pronounced, attendees charge the choir area for moshing and crowd-surfing.

* Please note that - since Catholic churches are considered "holy ground" - the beheading of fellow immortals is strictly prohibited during the ceremony.



That should pretty much cover it. Let me know if I missed anything.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (13)
How Long Until the French Are Rioting in Our Streets?
Posted by Frank J. at 02:11 PM | Email This

The French riots continue today, and, as much as we'd like to help our frenemies, we're busy. Still, it's alarming that the riots are starting to spill out of France into Belgium. At his rate, by the end of the month all of Europe will be caught in riots.

So, how do we keep the riots from reaching America?

Luckily, there is an ocean between us and Europe (if you don't believe me, try and find a map of the world using Google). Still, we should now make sure that any boat reaching our shores or plane landing on our... uh... land does not contain rioters. We should have people with like guns and badges in charge of this. Shiny badges. It is time to take this seriously before our own citizenry get infected with riotousness.

And, as always, if any government official wants to give me a badge, I promise to abuse my power to the betterment of the American people.

Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (15)
Kevin Smith loses his "movie-merch whore leader" status
Posted by Scott McCollum at 01:02 PM | Email This

Kevin Smith, AKA "Silent Bob" from the increasingly dull "View Askew" movies, has worked hard to make himself into the archetypal Hollywood hypocrite. One look at Smith's blog and you'll see what I mean. The guy is a machine-like movie merchandising whore for the 21st Century that loves it when he makes money but parrots Howard Dean's assertions about the evil Republican rich fat cats who never worked a day in their lives. Smith is the guy that actively sells used clothing and furniture from the sets of his crappy movies on his website to enrich his own life but thinks YOU are a jerk for being a money-grubbing Republican?

However, Smith has nothing on anti-liberal Hollywood filmmaker Vincent Gallo. Gallo, a true independent filmmaker and a guy that has much more in common with Republicans than Hollywood leftists, is selling his own sperm for $1 million on his website.

Kevin Smith has got to be kicking himself right now, sitting in his mansion saying: "Why didn't I think of that?" and crying in his bag of money...

UPDATE: If you have not already discovered the very funny blog of frequent commenter "Dr. E. Scientist, phD" I suggest you do so. The evil genius schtick has been done a million times before, but this guy is doing it right!

Rating: 2.5/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (14)
Even the Candidates' Mothers Don't Care
Posted by Frank J. at 11:44 AM | Email This

In case you didn't know (I didn't) tomorrow is Election Day for some extra-off-year elections. It's hard to get worked up on an odd number year; no national posts are up for a vote, not even the usually pre-determined elections for Representatives. Instead, there are a few mayor and governor elections. One of which I care a little about because is in the state I lived the longest: New Jersey. The New Jersey governor race is always on an extra-off-year because, if you've watched The Sopranos, you know the kind of people who live in Jersey like to avoid attention.

I still remember the slogans for one of those elections: "Florio Free in '93!" And we were. We had Christine Todd Whitman who was a Republican superstar for a while; she even gave the response to one of President Clinton's State of the Union speeches. I don't know what she's doing now; I think she's in drug rehab somewhere.

Ah, memories.

Rating: 2.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (7)
We're On a List!
Posted by Frank J. at 09:30 AM | Email This

What with this? (found via The Corner)

Do all conservative humor blogs look the same to him? That's racist!

Rating: 2.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (9)
Leave Me Alone!
Posted by Frank J. at 08:53 AM | Email This

I think I might be an introvert. Ever since I was a kid, it has always been a big annoyance of mine that I'd be deep in thought and someone would interrupt me asking, "Are you all right?" Apparently I must have this look of distress when I'm thinking, no matter what the subject is.

SarahK caught on to that quickly. She may be an introvert, too. I'd ask her, but she hates it when I talk to her.

Rating: 3.4/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (21)
November 06, 2005
Fun Facts About Kentucky: The Director's Cut
Posted by Harvey at 10:47 AM | Email This

The version on the IMAO podcast (#17 - October 19th) was cut here & there for time & quality reasons.

My unsullied and divinely inspired artistic vision appears in the extended entry...

Read More...


Rating: 2.7/5 (44 votes cast)

Comments (12) | Fun Trivia
Links Of the Weekend
Posted by spacemonkey at 02:44 AM | Email This

A4G has a uniquely Seussian take on the riots in Paris.

That's all I got so far.

Rating: 2.9/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (5)
November 05, 2005
Support Our Troops - Today!!
Posted by RightWingDuck at 12:16 PM | Email This

Want to support our troops?

Heres a place for you to visit. It's a great project that helps injured veterans gain access to computers.

Blackfive has the details. It looks like a friendly interservice competition to see who can raise the most money. I would have enrolled IMAO on the Army side - GO ARMY!! - but I know that Harvey worked in this cruise line called the Navy.

So, regardless of service affiliation, go and give money.

UPDATE: This is an appeal to all Army Dawgs. The Navy - yes, the NAVY - is kicking our butt in this fundraiser. What's next? The sky turning red? Cats chasing dogs? Michael Moore selling an Ab exerciser? Give!!! and then give some more.

Seriously - as long as you give it doesn't matter what branch of service you back.

Go ARMY!!

Rating: 1.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (16)
Frank J.'s Worst Nightmare
Posted by Laurence Simon at 08:10 AM | Email This

Some of you know that I write a lot of 100 word stories at a site called 100 Words Or Les Nessman. The small group of "House Writers" post up stories based on a daily theme, and they rotate theme-selection duties.

Visitors are welcome to post their own 100 word stories in the comments. Sort of like an Iron Chef kind of thing, only that people in the audience will sometimes reach into their purses for their hibachis and starter ingredients.

Anyway, today's theme is of some concern:

Everybody loves them, or is that hates them, or whatever.

Without referencing ANY of the Planet of the Apes movies, my son wonders what would happen if the world was ruled by monkeys?

Monkeys? Ruling the world?

You won't let that happen, Frank, right? No nasty, smelly monkeys are going to take over the world on your watch?

I really don't want to start sucking my thumb again. My wife threw out the old sucky-thumb-stopping oven mitt and I don't want to ruin another one because I'm scared that monkeys will take over the world.

I'd... I'd... I'd rather see the world ruled by Democrats and liberls before monkeys.

You've got a plan for stopping that too, Frank?

Frank?

Rating: 2.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
November 04, 2005
Broadway Glenn
Posted by Harvey at 05:40 PM | Email This

(A Filthy Lie)

I heard Reynolds produced a new Broadway musical, loosely based on T.S. Eliot's book of poems, "Old Hobo's Book of Puréed Puppies" or something... (see extended entry)

Read More...


Rating: 1.4/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (4) | Filthy Lies
Two Things That Should Be Supreme
Posted by spacemonkey at 05:35 PM | Email This

alitoburrito.JPG

Rating: 2.4/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (12)
Question of the Day
Posted by Frank J. at 03:08 PM | Email This

Now that Paris is burning, where are liberal actors going to threaten to move to if Condi is elected President in 2008?

I'm hoping Antarctica. What do you think?

Rating: 1.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (29)
Entertain Me!
Posted by Frank J. at 02:51 PM | Email This

I feel like there should be some more funny stuff on the blog today. I don't feel like writing anything more, and I don't know if my co-bloggers are up to anything, so you all write something funny in the comments.

DO IT NOW!

Rating: 1.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (41)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 12:38 PM | Email This

What's the biggest advantage of being a "race traitor"?

Read More...


Rating: 1.4/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (4) | Fun Trivia
Is It Time for Religious Intolerance?
Posted by Frank J. at 11:05 AM | Email This

As Americans, we instinctively respect the cultures of others because that's what we're taught, but I was reading this post by La Shawn Barber (hat tip to Malkin) and got thinking that I really should do a critical look at Islam. Is it possible that the Muslims who are for peace and tolerance are the ones who aren't following the teachings of their religion. Should we wake up and actually start condemning not just the terrorists, but the religion as well?

For something as serious as that, I'll have to actually do some research. Any book recommendations such as good translation of the Koran and some good books discussing Islam?

Rating: 1.7/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (33)
Friday Catblogging
Posted by Laurence Simon at 09:24 AM | Email This

Since it's Friday, I thought I'd spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka "I-MEOW").

Today, it's Edloe The Grumpus sniffing a mini-pumpkin:

If you're not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that "political humor" thing, it doesn't. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Edloe is... um...

Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.

(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats on Sundays.)

Rating: 1.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (14)
Frank Reviews Ebert's Reviews
Posted by Frank J. at 09:24 AM | Email This

It's Friday, which means it's time to review Ebert's movie reviews. Ebert is my favorite movie reviewer and is often quite funny when trashing a film. He sometimes, to my great annoyance, inserts silly liberal political jibes into reviews for no reason.

Now, I usually rate movies out of five stars (I really think Ebert needs a fifth star because he's given out too many four star rating), but I'm going to follow Ebert's tradition and rate his reviews out of four stars (i.e., reviews can range from zero to four stars with increments of half a star).

Ebert's Review of Chicken Little
While he did express quite well how this movie pales in comparison to other recent animated flicks, he just wasn't very entertaining while doing so. I didn't even crack a smile once. Two stars.

Eberts review of Jarhead
I found this review quite compelling, and was riveted in reading it until the end. I also feel he gave me a good idea what to expect from the movie (and, from that, I don't plan on seeing it). I give bonus points for Ebert mentioning the current war non-gratuitously and not making a political point out of it. Still, he used a swear I don't find appropriate for newspaper reviews, so I must deduct half a star. Two and a half stars.

The rest of the movies I never heard of and thus didn't care about, but one was about suicide bombers so I thought I'd read that review.

Ebert's Review of Paradise Now
While this movie is about Palestinian suicide bombers, he spent a good part of the review musing about how atheist suicide bombers might make a neat subject (Ebert is Catholic for those wondering). He spent a good part of the review talking about the background of the movie and forgot to even say whether he likes the film or not so you can only assume he liked it from his three star rating. One and a half stars.

Not a great set of reviews this week. Tune in next week for more reviews of Ebert's movie reviews.

Rating: 2.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (8)
Likelihood of Confection
Posted by spacemonkey at 01:10 AM | Email This

Ron Coleman says Free speech only comes in one flavor. I hope it's strawberry, or maybe chocolate.

Rating: 2.8/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (4)
November 03, 2005
Anniversary of Arafat's death
Posted by Laurence Simon at 08:09 PM | Email This

Tomorrow will be the first anniversary of the announcement of Yasser Arafat's death.

Looking back, the entire circus surrounding the old terrorist's corpse screaming "WHERE ARE THE NUMBERS FOR THE BANK ACCOUNTS?" at his deaf, dead ears was a laugh-riot.

So, how will you be celebrating?

Rating: 3.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (28)
Carnival Of Comedy #27 Funny, Funny Weird, and I Don't Get It.
Posted by spacemonkey at 07:46 PM | Email This

Taleena of Sun Comprehending Glass is our Hostess for the Carnival of Comedy! this week. On short notice no less.

Thanks Taleena! Good Job! (sorry about the caps)

Rating: 2.8/5 (10 votes cast)

Comments (2) | Why Me Laugh?
An Editorial by RWD - Admitting a Quagmire
Posted by RightWingDuck at 03:46 PM | Email This

I’ve been looking at the news and I have to say that the casualties are really starting to get to me. Victim after hapless victim has fallen to this administration in a conflict that makes no sense. So we have to ask the very important question:

Has the Democrats' War on President Bush turned into a quagmire?

Maybe it’s time for them to look at reality of the Senate and, if appropriate, start formulating a comprehensive plan for withdrawal.

Since 2000, how many Democratic Senators have been lost to the RNC re-election war machine? Has it been worth it? How many reporters? Mr. Rather? Ms. Mapes? I don’t have the Fake But Accurate data on hand, but I’m sure it’s a lot.

Sure, there has been a glimmer of light. A two year investigation about outing a CIA operative turned into an indictment. Because of it, Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney’s Chief of staff, was forced to resign. This set back the Vice President’s office for two hours until somebody found the Staples Office Supply Catalog. Then all was well. But shouldn’t a two year investigation yield a conviction into the actual real charges?

Sure, the Democrats can try to come up with false numbers of hope:like MOST of the Democratic voters were dead AFTER they voted, but the reality looks them in their grim, non-photoshopped faces. The elections numbers tell the story. The Dems are losing this war and it’s only getting worse. They are the Ding Dongs on the Michael Moore Plate Of Life.

Can they beat these brave RNC insurgents? Republicans are people who fight with unconventional tactics. They’ll remember Democrat’s speeches and quote them when it contradicts the current, and opposite Democrat position. They’ll ignore polls and do what they believe. And most importantly, they’ll never be convinced that either Communism or Barbra Streisand can be a force for good.

The RNC has a lot of religious zealots. People who won’t think twice about storming a clinic and carrying out the unthinkable – letting an innocent fetus suffer a cruel and torturous life – never to die again – except when they’re old and gray maybe. How do you fight that enemy? Without using bullets of course because gun control is very important. The answer is : they can’t.


Sure the Democrats have their own suicide bombers like Howard Dean – but what they really need is leadership. Hillary Clinton (Motto: I don’t have an official opinion yet – but I’m sure I’ll denounce it.) is a good candidate but she’s trying too hard to look Republican.

Harry Reid? This is a war of subtlety and ideas. He has neither. The Clintons do their dirty deeds in the dark. Not Harry. If Harry had Monica Lewinsky, he would have had her right there at the podium, with a big giant Tip Jar front and center for all his Democratic supporters. Even when he calls a private, closed session, he’s determined to tell the whole world about it.

Let's face it. The Dems battle with George Bush has turned into another Vietnam. It’s time to give them our support by helping them go home.

Rating: 1.7/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (38)
Top Ten Reasons Given for Rioting in France
Posted by Frank J. at 03:32 PM | Email This

As you know, there are riots going on in France. I decided to research the issue and find the reason for the riots, and, oddly enough, there were ten in number:

TOP TEN REASONS GIVEN FOR RIOTING IN FRANCE

10. Unable to afford wine for their children.

9. France's "free healthcare" is a kit containing a band-aid and a shot of whiskey.

8. Grueling thirty-hour work week doesn't leave enough time to brood.

7. Decided it was time to take French rudeness to the extreme.

6. Too much American cultural imperialism and not enough Monopoly game pieces at the local McDonald's.

5. Someone tawt he taw a German.

4. Current leader not arrogant enough.

3. First they make you wash hands after going to the bathroom, next they make you take showers.

2. The elite are hogging all the smelly cheese.

And the number one reason given for rioting in France...

Read More...


Rating: 3.0/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (18)
French and Riots
Posted by Frank J. at 02:08 PM | Email This

Should I be making fun of the French riots? Seems like there should be jokes there, but I wonder if it's too serious.

People should really spell these things out for me.

UPDATE: According to Scrappleface, yes, I should make fun of the riots in France.

Rating: 2.7/5 (3 votes cast)

Comments (11)
How Do These People Even Have the Intelligence to Use a Computer?
Posted by Frank J. at 12:13 PM | Email This

Someone needs to teach people at DU what a "metaphor" is.

Or maybe we should just nuke them. ::snicker::

The funniest thing is how these people keep lamenting about how much smarter they are than everyone else.

Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (37)
Blackfive Needs to E-mail His Address
Posted by Frank J. at 11:28 AM | Email This

All judges of the IMAO T-Shirt babe contest are invited to the wedding, but I haven't gotten Blackfive's address. SarahK tried e-mailing him, but she hasn't gotten a response yet (maybe it got lost in his e-mail pile as happens to so much sent to me). If you could help me out and click over to his site so maybe he notices the traffic and e-mails me (plus, he has a charity drive going), then you are an honorable ronin.

Rating: 2.1/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (5)
How Much Left-Wing Nonsense Is Too Much?
Posted by Frank J. at 09:34 AM | Email This

When a show has great characters and some great writing, how much liberal idiocy are you willing to put up with? Boston Legal really seems to be posing that question better than any political point it ineptly tries to make. It has some of the most entertaining characters of any show (especially the characters played by James Spader, William Shatner, and Candice Bergen) and is extremely enjoyable at its best, but how much irritation am I willing to put up with to have that enjoyment? It's like watching a good movie but having to put up with some idiot next to you who ever once in a while accidentally elbows you in the head.

I watched their latest episode last night (it originally aired Tuesday; yay, HD-Tivo), and I knew from the promos that this one might be a deal breaker. One of the cases (there are usually multiple ones per episode which one would call subplots) dealt with a woman suing the government over her brother being killed in Iraq. It had a few things inserted very clumsily for balance: one lawyer at the firm was angry about the whole case as he was a veteran of the first Gulf War and found it insulting, the parents were against the case though never appeared in the show, and Denny Crane, the rightwing buffoon - though a sympathetic rightwing buffoon that the audience is supposed to like despite his rightwing buffoonery - says a few incoherent rightwing things as usual. It still basically accepted the Michael Moore version of things as fact and the main conclusion was that not enough bad things about the war are being presented by the media.

Yes, that was really the main conclusion.

It then had the audacity to end pretending it had a neutral discussion of the issue which just furthers either its dishonesty or ignorance.

Now let me go on a complete tangent and compare The Simpsons and South Park. I haven't watched South Park in a while - it's often too vile for me - but it takes on many hot topics and often comes to the conservative conclusion. This can be very cathartic for those used to be inundated with the liberal viewpoint with whatever were watching, but it looks clumsy when compared to The Simpsons (or at least, older Simpsons episodes) which would take on an issue and not reach any conclusion. It’s much more skillful; it involves primarily making jokes at the expense of the stereotypes of both sides and then ending ambivalent – no alienating anyone.

With drama, being neutral is much harder. While being a political moderate take the least amount of thought, presenting an issue in a show without beating your audience over the head with your own viewpoint is quite difficult as it means you have to take both sides seriously and present each side realistically. Most TV shows wisely tend to avoid politics entirely (with perhaps a little jibe in dialog here and there), but taking on issues without alienating larges groups of thinking people is entirely possible as proven by perhaps my favorite drama right now, House. It has taken on some very controversial issues that most shows would avoid entirely (i.e., abortion) while leaving the viewer free to make his or her own conclusion. In its episode from this Tuesday, there was a character who spent his life treating TB in Africa and is frustrated by how millions are dying because they can't get meds that drug companies have sitting in warehouses. He then gets TB himself, and refuses his meds to bring publicity to the issue. For most shows, the obvious way to treat this character would be saint-like, but in House he was made to look equal parts hero and buffoon (thanks, in part, to the ultimate curmudgeon, Dr. House), and the end let you make up your own mind about him.

How is a show written like that? I assume you need writers of both viewpoints and restrain from making contrived events in the episode that support one side or the other. The problem with shows like Boston Legal is they have talented liberal writers who probably assume they know conservatives well enough to write them when, in reality, they to conservatives are like those monkeys to the black obelisk in 2001: A Space Odyssey. And it's disappointing because of the talent involved, but there's a limit to how much my intelligence can be insulted and I still enjoy a show.

Just had to get that off my chest. Our next serious discussion will be why 5 is the coolest number ever.

UPDATE: I tried to see if Boston Legal has an address I could write a letter to suggesting they hire a conservative writer to explain conservative viewpoints to the other writers and that they watch House for how to handle hot button issues. Instead, I found this bboard. I wonder if they pay any attention to that.

From the bboard, here is a soldier's opinion on the episode.

UPDATE2: I think this is the address:

American Broadcasting Co.
500 S. Buena Vista St.
Burbank, CA 91521-4622

Maybe I'll still write them and see if I get a response. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't like the show when it isn't spouting infantile politics.

Rating: 2.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (80)
November 02, 2005
The Doctor is In...
Posted by RightWingDuck at 09:04 PM | Email This

Hello, Dr. RightWingDuck here, to answer your questions about life, love, politics, or anything else that's on your mind.

Do you have a question that burns in your soul?

Try some antacid. That always helps.

However, if you have other questions - then Dr. Duck has the answers.

So go ahead and post in comments. I'll have answers up soon.

Disclaimer: RWD is not a real doctor, although he plays one on TV and on the Podcast. No answers from this post should be considered and applied - only considered and mocked. This offer is void in Puerto Rico, and other U.S. Territories such as Puerto Rico South - and California. Answers in mirror are closer than they appear. Please do not type while sitting in a bathtub full of sharks as the clicking sounds can sometimes sound like: "here's dinner." Remember to drink responsibly and often.

Rating: 2.3/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (36)
Happy Birthday United Nations!
Posted by Harvey at 04:57 PM | Email This

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

On October 24th the UN turned 60.

I wanted to celebrate this on time, but the resolution to do so was bottled up in an IMAO Security Council Subcommittee for the last week or so.

Now that THAT bureaucratic knot is unfurled, my first suggestion for a proper celebration of the UN's many accomplishments over the last 60 years consists of changing the organization's name to reflect those accomplishments.

Thus, hereafter, it shall be known as the Mostly Useless United Nations, or "MUUN" for short.

The other half of the celebration involves helping the MUUN accomplish it's stated goal of bringing about world peace.

For 60 years, the diplomats have bickered and nattered, passing one toothless resolution after another, fruitlessly attempting to implement their silly pipe-dream of "peace through superior paper work".

A dismal failure.

Because when it comes to achieving true and lasting world peace, we all know there's only one realistic plan... (see extended entry):

Read More...


Rating: 1.9/5 (8 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Precision Guided Humor Assignments
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 03:24 PM | Email This

What do Democrats expect to prove with new hearings about Iraq?

Read More...


Rating: 2.3/5 (9 votes cast)

Comments (11) | Fun Trivia
Man's Best Friend
Posted by Frank J. at 02:16 PM | Email This

Here's a neat story about a man getting trapped in his car when it plunged in a ravine and his dog going half a mile to find help, leading a neighbor to the crash. Plus, the man only got the dog from an animal shelter two weeks prior.

See, that's just what dogs do. I can imagine what would happen if I got in a crash and had to send my cat Sydney to get help. She'd make a little monkey squeak and then disappear. When I'd look around to see if she went to find help, I'd feel a claw swipe me in the back of the head.

Whoever tried to domesticate cats was wasting his time.

UPDATE: Anyone watch House last night and hear his solution for the woman with cat allergies? I love that show.

Rating: 3.3/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (14)
In My World: Lockdown
Posted by Frank J. at 11:44 AM | Email This

President Bush twisted the knob to the Senate chambers and walked right into the door.

"It's locked!" Bush exclaimed, "What gives?"

"We're sealing the Senate so we can have a discussion on the Iraq war," answered Harry Reid from inside.

"What the hell have we been having for the past couple years?" Bush demanded.

"The American people must know the truth!" Reid responded.

"How are they going to know anything with the doors locked?!"

Reid was quiet for a moment. "Leaks!"

"That's it!" Bush fumed, "You let me in so I can break your kneecaps with a pipe!"

"Never!"

"Stupid dumb Democrats," Bush grumbled as he walked away. He then noticed a man standing nearby. "Who are you?"

"I'm the C-Span cameraman," he answered, "I was voted to have the most boring job in the world."

"Well I'm George W. Bush and I was voted President." He then added angrily. "And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"

"Now my job is even more boring since I got kicked out of the Senate chambers," the cameraman sulked, "All I have to film are those closed Senate doors."

"It's not the time to film doors!" Bush declared, "It's time for action!" He took a fire ax off the wall and charged the locked doors. The ax clanged against them without any effect. "Oh yeah," Bush said, "The Senate doors have been enchanted with ancient colonial magic and are impervious to all attacks." Bush thought for a moment. "But the walls are still vulnerable!" He began hacking away at a nearby wall.

"Doesn’t that go against the principles of a Senate lockdown?" the C-Span cameraman asked.

"The doors will still be locked; it's within the rules."

"What's going on over here," demanded Alito as he walked towards Bush followed by two toughs.

"I'm trying to get in to talk to the Senate about confirming you," Bush answered, pausing from chopping away at the wall. "They locked the Senate chamber." Bush looked at the two people behind Alito. "Who are your friends?"

"They're Tony and Vito," Alito answered.

"What do you guys do?" Bush asked.

"We work in... uh... sanitation," Tony answered.

"Doing what?"

"Why's this guy giving us the third degree?" Vito demanded of Alito.

"He's cool; he just don't know any better," Alito answered. He turned to Bush. "See, my friends are here to testify on my behalf. It appears that some people are casting aspersions against me since I'm Italian and saying I have ties to the mob."

"And there is no Mafia," Tony asserted.

"So where did you meet your friends?" Bush asked.

"Uh... from a court case earlier in my career," Alito answered, "Funny story. I was supposed to convict them for being part of organized crime but was unable on account of them being all innocent and what not."

Tony and Vito laughed, and Bush joined in though he wasn't sure what the joke was. "Well, we're not going to be able to talk to the Senators unless we get through this wall. I’d ask for your help, but I only have one ax."

"We brought our own," Vito said as he and Tony each pulled out an ax.

"Knew about the lockdown, then?"

"Yeah; that's what we brought them for," Vito laughed.

They all then hacked away. "They're coming through the walls!" came a scream from inside.

Bush turned to the C-Span cameraman. "Get ready to film democracy in action."

"Quiet!" he answered back, staring intently through his camera, "I think I saw the doors move."

Rating: 2.4/5 (12 votes cast)

Comments (11) | In My World
My ignorance of Stephen Hawking...
Posted by Scott McCollum at 10:18 AM | Email This

I must apologize for my post yesterday about scientist Stephen Hawking on a tour of the west coast. I wrote that paying money to hear Stephen Hawking onstage wouldn't be worth the up to 125 bucks people would be paying for those tickets which generated some negative posts from the female readers of IMAO and I apologize.

Because I had no idea Hawking had spent four years with The B-52's! Yeah, in the late 1990s when their blond girl singer left the band to have a baby Stephen Hawking joined as a backup vocalist. He went under the stage name of "The Professor":
It wasn't a rock; it was a rock lobster!
Hey, he's checkin' out Kate Pierson... looks like The Prof has a thing for redheads. Right on, Prof!

UPDATE: Several astute IMAO readers have e-mailed with more photographic evidence of The Prof's mad stage skillz.

Rating: 2.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Secret Rules For Closed Senate Sessions
Posted by spacemonkey at 10:16 AM | Email This

When the Senate slips into a closed session some super special secret rules apply. Here are just a few of them.

* Standing Senate Rule .20 (the Teddy Kennedy Rule) - Closed session - Open Bar!

* First Rule of Closed Session: Nobody talks about closed session!

* Rule 2 - What happens in closed session STAYS in closed session.

* Rule 3.14 - Everybody gets free pie, all you can eat. Mmmm pie.

* Rule 5 - Senators must use secret handshake and refer to each other by their self-assigned top secret code names. Harry Reid's is "H.R. Uber Smooth."

* Rule 32 - Casual Dress AKA Clothing optional.

There are, as indicated by the gaps, other super secret Senate rules but they are so secret even I don't even know them. Or do I?

Unfortunately since you now know some of the secret rules, I must kill you all now. I'm sorry, really.

----
Update: It's been pointed out that Rule 32 makes rule 2 alot more interesting. My response to that is "What about all the pie and open bar? Don't they juice things up too?"

Rating: 3.1/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (10)
November 01, 2005
Top Ten Rejected Senate Democrat Stunts
Posted by Frank J. at 04:49 PM | Email This

With Fitzmas a bust and conservatives reenergized by the nomination of Alito, the Democrats needed to do something really futile and stupid to grab the attention of the American people and encourage their wacky base. Exclusive to IMAO, we have obtained a list of rejected political stunt ideas that happen to be ten in number:

TOP TEN REJECTED SENATE DEMOCRAT STUNTS

10. Hold their breath until they turn blue if not given their way on judicial nominations.

9. Have Harry Reid wear a beard of bees during an entire meeting of the Senate.

8. Do a fully costumed production of The Sound of Music on the Capitol steps.

7. Hold a fundraiser where Ted Kennedy competes against a live pig in a hotdog eating contest.

6. Daring daylight liquor store robberies.

5. Jump a shark on water-skis.

4. Set Buddhist monks on fire in protest of Iraq war.

3. All Senate Democrat episode of Fear Factor.

2. Have Chuck Schumer train and then compete to win the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

And the number one rejected Senate Democrat stunt...

Read More...


Rating: 2.6/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (29)
Stephen Hawking: In Concert
Posted by Scott McCollum at 04:32 PM | Email This

Stephen Hawking has booked several shows at theaters on the West Coast. Wow, I didn't even know the guy was on tour! Is the opening act a drum clinic held by the drummer for Def Leppard?

Tickets for the Seattle show range from $35 all the way up to $125... to watch a guy sit on stage and lecture me using his Speak N' Spell? No thanks, dude. It's too hard to understand your lyrics... even though I never understand any of Rob Zombie's lyrics, at least I get to see some laser lights and explosions.

If Hawking's show has laser lights and explosions, then I might pony up the 35 bucks.

Rating: 2.2/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (13)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 03:41 PM | Email This

Why is the lockdown of the Senate historical?

Read More...


Rating: 1.8/5 (11 votes cast)

Comments (5) | Fun Trivia
They Now Do Nothing Behind Closed Doors
Posted by Frank J. at 03:06 PM | Email This

The Democrats have called for a closed door session on Iraq, the first time such a thing has happened in 25 years. Apparently it's some sort of stunt or something and Frist is pissed as this came out of nowhere.

Well, I have to give it to those wacky Democrats, this is weird and unexpected as compared to their usual of predictable and annoying. So what do you think the plan is here and is Rove somehow behind it all?

UPDATE: The Dems are in a "full scale revolt." This is goofy.

UPDATE2: "It’s like chewing someone out, but p***ing your pants while you’re doing it."

I know there is a quote from Animal House that fits this...

UPDATE3: Duh. The timing obviously points to Michelle Malkin being behind this.

UPDATE4: That's the quote I was thinking of. I guess K-Lo and I are on the same wavelength. I think it's time to start officially calling this the "Animal House" strategy.

Rating: 1.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (13)
No Plug for You!
Posted by Frank J. at 02:35 PM | Email This

I was going to plug Michelle Malkin's new book Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild, but I decided against it. Not only did I not get an advanced copy, I didn't even get an e-mail about it (she e-mailed cadet happy to promote the book, but not me). So no plug!

I deserve special treatment because I'm famous and cool! Remember that, people!

Rating: 0.9/5 (6 votes cast)

Comments (19)
We Must Beato Alito!
Posted by Frank J. at 01:34 PM | Email This

Well, the left are already squirming in reaction to the nomination of Alito. Read this letter I got from MoveOn.org:

Samuel Alito (or Scalito as we like to call him since he's just like Scalia who eats babies) will ensure we lose all the rights we cherish. If he gets into the Supreme Court, soon YOU WILL BE FORCED TO HAVE BABIES! IF YOU ARE A WOMAN, YOU WILL HAVE TO HAVE BABIES! Not only that, but he will have protestors FORECULLY BATHED! This goes against our First Admendment since our smell helps us get attention for our protests. But Scalito will not stop there; he will TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHT TO NOT HAVE A MACHINE GUN! You will have to have a machine gun even if you don't want one, and you'll have to care for it and clean it which can take an hour. Not only will Scalito make all this happen and take away your rights, but HE IS ALSO ITALIAN... JUST LIKE HITLER!

Please help MoveOn.org oppose Scalito with a generous donation. Being shrill costs more and more these days and we can only exist with your help and the help of Hungarian billionaires.

Rating: 2.4/5 (7 votes cast)

Comments (14)
Crappy Bedtime Story
Posted by Laurence Simon at 10:15 AM | Email This

Why was there no crappy bedtime story on the podcast?

Read More...


Rating: 2.0/5 (4 votes cast)

Comments (7)
Fun Trivia
Posted by Frank J. at 09:44 AM | Email This

Why is the confirmation of Samuel Alito certain?

Read More...


Rating: 1.9/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (6)
Guess What Month It Is and What You Can't Vote for Now
Posted by Frank J. at 08:37 AM | Email This

It's now November which means everyone can go vote again for the IMAO Podcast at Podcast Alley. Hooray! Go podcast number 4,441!

Rating: 2.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (3)
It's November!
Posted by spacemonkey at 08:36 AM | Email This

I't a new month! That means a lot of things to a lot of people. But I think you'll agree, the MOST importand thing any of us will do this month is vote for IMAudiO (formerly IMAO podcast).

So, after you vote for IMAudiO (formerly IMAO podcast) leave us a message telling us how you voted for IMAudiO (formerly IMAO podcast).

Yay!
Be honorable Rodan.

Rating: 2.5/5 (5 votes cast)

Comments (9)
 

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