Since terrorists are already covered, by popular demand I sent my crack research team to find out what they can about liberals.
FUN FACTS ABOUT LIBERALS
* Liberals hate people who are not open minded. Open minded is defined as thinking just like they think (otherwise you’re evil).
* The major diet of the liberal is tofu and granola. This makes them weak and easy to pick up and throw.
* Liberals love to spend other people’s money. If you see a liberal, it’s okay to take his money because it probably wasn’t his anyway.
* Liberals have an irrational fear of firearms. If you want to scare a liberal, point a gun at him.
* The whine of the North American liberal can often be mistaken for the sound of a screech owl. The main difference is that the liberal’s whine will also have a nauseating effect.
* Liberals love socialism and want to socialize all businesses. If you see a liberal coming towards your business, throw a stick at him before he can socialize it.
* Liberals tend to congregate on college campuses as it is a safe haven for their idiotic ideas, protecting them from scrutiny. Thus, avoid college at all costs.
* Liberals are invulnerable to reason and logic. They are vulnerable to firearms, knives, and the bitch slap.
* Liberals hate America and love more oppressed people… like evil dictators.
* Much like the duck, it’s illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.
* Liberals will try to entice you with their twisted logic. If that doesn’t work, they’ll bite you.
* Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering.
* Liberals come in two main varieties: intellectual and mental patient. You can only distinguish between the two by noting whether their jacket has sleeves.
* If you see a fuel-efficient car, it’s probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your SUV.
* Liberals are always trying to save the environment because they are apparently dependent on it. If you want to kill all liberals, destroy the environment.
* Even if you satisfy liberals’ demands, they’ll come up with new thing to complain about that you could never even imagine; they’re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine.
* Liberals are always whining about tolerance, but, when I punch them for that, they get moody. Hey, be tolerant!
* You can tell if someone is a liberal by extracting some blood and seeing if it reacts violently to fire.
* Sorry, that previous item is how you find out if someone is the Thing. It’s a good thing to check for that too, though.
* Some liberals still think Communism is good. I guess we should threaten them with nuclear missiles just like we did the Soviets.
* In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife.
* Liberals like to sympathize with terrorists. Keep them away from Gitmo, or there will be nothing but sympathizing.
* I’ve heard vicious rumors that liberals also like the French, but that might just be slander against liberals.
Safety note: some liberals, notably Ed Asner and Michael Moore, are not light and may cause back injury if you try to throw them around.
I heard that they really DO like the french but only just to spite everybody else. Pesky liberals.
[q]Much like the duck, it’s illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.[/q]
addendum – If found floating facedown, its okay then…
Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering.
This works on me for sure. LOL
If a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman – who would win?
MORNING ROUND UP
First of all, a Giant Thanks to everyone who has hit the tip jar. If you haven’t done so, don’t fret. You will be forgiven – all you have to do is join the exclusive Give Don Money Club. Now,…
You forgot to tell us what to do with Liberals who threaten to start a revolution, like the loons at the DU.
Thursday Slide Through the ‘Sphere
Frank J. at IMAO has a new Know Thy Enemy post on…Liberals! Stephen Den Beste gets snarky at the U.N. in one of his shortest posts ever… Havey at Bad Money gives some sage advice to a new blogger but
wondering – it’s just not possible. They’d probably have sex or something like that instead.
Gito?
I’ve sent this via e-mail to my favorite conservatives and one liberal, just so he knows.
* In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife.
Ahhh, but then the Aquawife would kick liberal butt, right??
however please do not shoot the Australian Liberal Party, which is actually the party of Australian right-wing-death-beasts (the reason for the name is a long story, or a zionist conspiracy for any liberal readers)
If a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman – who would win?
Who would care. 🙂
hilarious. I’ve been hoping there’d be such a Know Thy Enemy post :).
Curious though, who capitulates faster: the liberal or the frenchie?
Okay…. since we can’t get a definitive answer to the first query…how about…
If a Liberal, a Frenchman, and a monkey got in a fight – who would win?
easy, the monkey starts flinging his feces and they both instantly raise the white flags.
Easy, the monkey will get Ebola, and the monkey and everyone around him will die horrible horrible deaths.
presumably not before the liberal protests the action and calls for increased federal funding, no?
What! Hey Mr.BritneySpears’sBoyfriendWhoWasFormerlyKnownAsTheEvilMidnightPosterWhatPostsAtMidnight!
You can’t change your name! That’s like, depressing and stuff. Besides, I liked it too much.
hmmm… Can I have it?
“easy, the monkey starts flinging his feces and they both instantly raise the white flags.”
it would take far less than feces to get frenchie to raise his white flag.
Also-if the monkey is flinging feces, how do you tell him apart from the liberal?
Also-if the monkey is flinging feces, how do you tell him apart from the liberal?
damn, i never thought of it that way, but usually, if logic prevails, the monkey is often cleaner than the liberal…
If a Liberal got in fight with a Frenchman – who would win?
You know that scene in “The Two Towers” where Smeagol and Gollum have it out?
The libs are Smeagol: whiny, crying, but able to get other people to bend to their will…… by threatening to whine and cry even more.
The French are Gollum: all talk and anger, but run away in retreat at the first sign of opposition. Of course, they return later talking louder and angrier, with an “I told you so” attitude – even though they’re still wrong.
Well maybe those definitions fit for both libs and the French, but you get the idea.
Who’d win? Easy – the Aquawife.
feces are irrelevant to this process as liberals and French persons do not bathe, producing a smell stronger than feces. Further, they augment the stench with patchouli oil, which is like liquid feces in a highly concentrated form. As such, the feces-flinging monkey will be probably seen as making a friendly gesture.
The liberals and French persons will then sympathize with the monkey, and try to declare him endangered. They will also lobby to get him a prescription drug benefit, and a driver’s license in California.
Hmmmm, can’t we just send these oxygen thieves to the slave pens of Mauritania?
The next “Know Thy Enemy” should be the ACLU.
“feces are irrelevant to this process as liberals and French persons do not bathe, producing a smell stronger than feces!”
Hey, now! I just took a shower last night! Or was that last December? Hmmm…. anyway, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing patchouli
Dont run the enviromentaly safe car off the road, your SUV is run on for’ners oil and driving it gives them money, also a note, fuel cell cars run on hydrogen, ie: ROLLING H-BOMB, get yours today!
I take exception to the point that liberals drive environmentally save cars. You should specify that the “rank and file” liberals drive such cars. Their elite leaders, however, can usually be found in chauffer-driven limos or SUV’s. When was the last time you saw a Dodge Neon pull up at the Academy Awards?
If you see a fuel-efficient car, it’s probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your SUV.
Hey not all us Republicans can afford the SUVs or Hummers 🙁 Well the PT Cruisers get good gas mileage, they are classy, Rice Burners, on the other hand, are almost always owned by liberals. How can you tell? The car makes an annoying noise, the only people that can stand to drive one has to be more annoying than the car, and the only thing more annoying than that is a liberal complaining. So by all means run them over.
Wow
I put this list over my TV, so when I’m yelling at CNN it relieves stress and cures cancer
By the way I’m only in high school but I love this stuff
Who couldn’t Aquaman beat?
All he has to do is say there’s an endangered species (or dictator) in the Chunnel and get every liberal in there to try to save it. Then he tells his whale friends to push an old Soviet nuclear submarine (there’s hundreds of them lying on the ocean floor) into the Chunnel and blow it up.
I’m minded of the great quail (Quale)hunt of the late 80’s – ‘course the usual suspects didn’t realize that it’s not sporting to shoot a quail (Quale) on the ground or a duck on the water. Why didn’t their daddies teach them better? Here in Texas we have words for them… but this is a family website.
I LOVE IT.
The one on the photo of Reagan over the door is great. During the last election, my truck had such wonderful stickers as “Remember when American had a real President” and “Visual a World without Liberals.” Watched the PIRG and other activists look at my truck and kept walking to the next house.
This site is awesome! It’s hilarious! Liberal’s are the crap of the world! No! They’re lower! Have you heard what they’re whining about, lately? They think they’re on top of the world, just because they want to give our money to the people who sit on their butts all day! How Corny! I agree! The thing about Reagan’s picture is GREAT!
P.S. I’m in high school, too. And I’m joining the Army this November, after I turn 17.
God Bless AMERICA! see what liberals say to that!
At first, when I read this, I was offended, because I can be a bit of a liberal.
Then I realized just how f***ing hilarious it is, and quickly was reduced to tears of laughter.
I wouldn’t consider myself a diehard liberal, which is why I enjoy partaking in this “Point and laugh at the liberals” page.
Kudos!
gotta love this stuff keep up the good work :]
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Very interesting point of view fdgfdg.