Archive of entries posted on 2nd December 2003

Frank Answers: Green Party, Alien Drivers, and Why Now?

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Yay! Frank Answers™!
Denny from Oklahoma asks:
If a tree fell in a forest and no one was around to hear it will the Green party ever win an election?
No. To win elections, Greens have to make sure we hear about every single tree that falls in the forest and then care about it… and we won’t.
Damn dirty trees can rot in hell for all I care. We have plastics and metals which are superior building materials to wood, and nice grass fields gives us plenty of oxygen. Forests are useless and should all fall and be unheard.
Dave F. from Burlington, CT writes:
I see that California is planning to issue drivers licenses to illegal aliens. Why would someone that drove here in a spaceship need a license?
Space aliens come to kill us, and it’s too hard to hit pedestrians with a spaceship.
Earl from Paris, France asks:
How come you can only make time for “Frank Answers” when you have shirts to sell?
Because I like money. I’m a freank’n capitalist; what do you want from me? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it today – BUY MY SHIRT! They should be ready well before Christmas and are a perfect gift for anyone you know who doesn’t like terrorists.

Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.

Frank the Intellectual

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As part of my effort to become rich and famous, I’m trying to write a book that does a scientific analysis of the left and why they “think” like they do. Here is a sample of what I have so far:

Continue reading ‘Frank the Intellectual’ »

Bite-Sized Wisdom: Piss-Off Terrorists, Suicidal Terrorists, and Monster Catfish

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  • It looks like angry liberal Dean has a lock on the Democratic nomination. I was really rooting for Liberman, though. I think he could do better if he had a campaign commercial that said, “Do you hate Middle East terrorist? Then really piss them off and elect a Jooooo!”
  • So terrorists ambush us and get 54 of themselves killed. Then is it really accurate to call it an ambush? Isn’t it more of a mass suicide? I wonder if these lemming tactics will continue…
  • BTW, number one method of suicide this year is pissing off Americans.
  • Maybe next time Bush visits Iraq, he could tip off the terrorists so they could do another “ambush”. Then he could get a great photo-op of him killing one. That would be so cool!
  • Native American tribes are now thinking of fielding their own candidates. They’re trying to take this country over! The nerve of them!
  • A boy was punished in school for using the word “gay” when referencing his lesbian mother. That’s so gay!
  • They are trying to save these catfish in Cambodia that are as large as bears. Shouldn’t there be an exception to our preservation efforts for any animal that might threaten to one day conquer humans?
    There is no reason a catfish should ever be larger than a dinner plate.
  • Later today I’ll post a sample of a chapter of a book I’m working on that’s a scientifical analysis of the left. I’ll also try and do some Frank Answers™. See you then.