Bite-Sized Wisdom: Still Need More Coffee Edition

  • I keep hearing how Iran is on the path to getting nuclear weapons, but I don’t think that’s a good thing. I’ve seen some of those people from the Iranian government, and, I’m sorry to say, I just don’t trust them. I don’t think they want nukes for peaceful purposes at all. Someone may want to do something about this.
  • There was like a DNC rep from Texas on FOX and Friends to talk about illegal immigration, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t speak English. They kept asking her complex questions about the debate, and she just stared like a deer in the headlights before responding with a couple words that seemed to be her best guess as to something related to the question. The FOX people looked like they were doing all they could not to crack up.
    I’m not one of those “Speak English!” nazis, but if you’re going to be representing one of America’s two major two parties to an English speaking audience, it’s kinda a good idea to at least be a little fluent.
  • I don’t like people who don’t know English reading IMAO. Who knows what they may be thinking!
  • My dog Rowdi chased my cat Sydney yesterday. SarahK got all mad at Rowdi, but, if Sydney didn’t have something to hide, why did she run?
  • There is all this debate about executing Moussaoui, but he just seems too goofy to be executed. I mean, he’s just trying too hard to look evil, but it seems like the reason he wasn’t part of the 9/11 attacks is because all the other terrorists knew he was just a goofball. Maybe we could set him up like we were going to execute – strap him to a chair and everything – and then have a bunch of people whack him in the crotch with wiffleball bats. That’s seems more apropos.
    Or kill him. Not like I’m going to lose sleep over it.
  • My brother called me the other day and told me how he was training with live grenades and accidentally started the fuse while it was still in his hand. He still waited until the instructor said “Throw!” before tossing it, though.
    Just a little anecdote for anyone wondering why I call him Joe foo’ the Marine.
  • Hopefully, Joe will get into Officer Training School in June. He should make a good officer since he now has combat experience and is quite smart for a Marine since he is able to count to twenty even with his shoes and socks on.
  • I kid! Who doesn’t like the Marines? If you’re stuck in Iraq with insurgents blowing stuff up all around you, it’s not like the Navy is going to come save you.
  • Then again, if I’m getting attacked by a giant squid, I hope they send the Navy. I had a college roommate in Navy ROTC, and half the classes were about learning the vulnerabilities of the dreaded squid.
  • Sorry, but I’m just having trouble coming up with funny this week. I’m tired out on the illegal immigration topic, and nothing else is jumping out at me. Sometimes funny is easy, and other times it’s like pulling teeth. Maybe I should go with the tried and true making fun of liberals.
  • Have you seen liberals these days? What a bunch of morons. What kind of crack are they smoking? They should really go back to their crack dealers and say, “Hey, this crack you gave me is bad. Just look at these editorials I wrote in the NYTimes. That’s really messed up, dude.” Then the crack dealer will probably shoot the liberal since that’s what crack dealers do. You really can’t trust those guys. Never let them watch your kids.
  • Any other advice about crack dealers? Please put it in the comments. People need to know.

14 Comments

  1. 1)If they ask if you’re a cop, the appropriate answer is “No”. Even if you are one.
    2) If they hand you something and say it doesn’t involve crack, they’re lying. Because that’s what they do.

  2. //Sorry, but I’m just having trouble coming up with funny this week. //
    I hear Ritalin is good for that. My first grader’s stinky liberal teacher swears by it. Course, she’s on crack.

  3. Confirmation is in: Comedy Central did censor the mohammed broadcast. It wasn’t a sly, misleading joke on the part of Trey Parker and that other guy.
    Which makes me suspect that Spacemonkey is, in fact, NOT a ghostwriter for South Park, but is, in fact an executive at Comedy Central. Who said cowardice ain’t funny?

  4. Maybe I’m out of line here, but I’m against crack dealers. Sorry to be so judgemental, but that’s just how I feel. I know, I may be wrong, and someday may look back on this period of my life remembering this post and say, “Ya know, what was I thinking?” But, for now anyway, I think crack dealers might not be a good thing.

  5. * I kid! Who doesn’t like the Marines? If you’re stuck in Iraq with insurgents blowing stuff up all around you, it’s not like the Navy is going to come save you.
    A fellow in my anatomy class is in the Marines. He says “We’re a division of the Navy. The men’s division.” And of course, he’s always going back-and-forth with our professor(former Army man)

  6. “You really can’t trust those guys. Never let them watch your kids.”
    Are you refering to liberals or crack dealers, because I know which one I’d trust with my kids first. Now where did I put G-Dawgs cell number?

  7. Are you refering to liberals or crack dealers, because I know which one I’d trust with my kids first.
    Worst case scenario with crack dealers, your kids end up addicted to crack.
    Leave them with liberals, and you’re talking addicted to post-modern literary theory, at the least.

    • I don’t like people who don’t know English reading IMAO. Who knows what they may be thinking!
      First (to say FIRST!!!): you can use the Eeevil VRWC Thought Translator for easy prying into their minds.
      Second: I may be more fluent in English than some liberal representatives, but I do much of my thinking in my native language…

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