I know I probably shouldn’t be asking for favors after not delivering “teh funny” the past couple days (in my defense, how was I supposed to compete with things such as Iranian Missile Command?), but it looks like there might be some interest in my short story. It still needs edits, though, and that’s where I need some help. I need some people willing to give it a critical look over and help spot the areas that could be improved. The story is here and comments on the story go here. First take a look at Paula Goodlett’s comments as a starting point.
Thanks you to all those who have already commented. More funny is coming soon, BTW.
Have you thought about making the main characters gay?
I dream of a day when cowboys are mentioned and the first thing that comes to mind is no longer “I wish I knew how to quit you.”
You ain’t the only one…
“I have a Dream!”
Ya know, they have medicine to help ya get ya… oh, wait. nevermind.
Speaking of Iranian Missle Command, Wizbang! must have been reading IMAO:
OF COURSE the Pentagon has plans for attacking Iran. That’s what the brass does when they aren’t actively involved in a war — they make plans. I bet if one dug deep enough, you’d find bombing plans against Canada, invasion plans for England, and even contingency plans for nuking the Moon. These are exercises for military planners, and one never knows when they might come in handy. Who would have thought that after the Napoleonic Wars, England would need plans for a forced invasion of France? Or the United States need plans to invade the Philippines, its own territory?
http://wizbangblog.com/2006/04/09/know-when-to-fold-em.php
Good morning Frank,
If you’ll make that annoying online gambling spam go away, I’ll help you out. I’ve done a lot of proofreading and am really good at spotting spelling and grammatical errors (except for my own, of course).
Cheers 🙂
I like the story.
If you’re looking for constructive criticism, I’m just the jerk to give it.
I would suggest that you need more adjectives. Look at the books and stories you like and see how often they use lots of adjectives to describe just about everything.
Like this
they heard the sound of rain on the rooftop
would be something like, “they heard the staccato rattle of the pouring rain on the sloping, tin roof
Use more adjectives to describe the dragon, the house, the other players, etc.
I have the same problem. I’m more of an engineer type and in my job I have to be very precise in what I write. When I try to write fiction I don’t use enough adjectives.