Traffic is down this week, and I blame you, the readers. I’m pretty sure I’m still funny, so it has to be you guys who are doing wrong. Did you all take extended vacations or something?
Anyway, IMAO needs to bring in more traffic. What do you think we can do… other than be funnier and write more, ’cause we ain’t doing that. I was thinking a new contest, but let’s see if any of you pathetic excuses for readers have ideas.
hmm. whose tv-reviewing services aren’t being used this week? i wonder if there’s any correlation.
A “Where’s FrankJ” or a “Where’s SarahK” image type contest would be interesting. And of course, scantily clad leggy super models is a big draw. And here at the office free donuts keeps me coming back for more abuse. Perhaps you could do something with pastry?
Frank, it’s summer, the sun is out (mostly) people are fishing, playing frisbee, hiking, some no longer have online connections at home. I bet you know all this and are just being techy. Knock it off and write more funny stuff, I need things to read while I’m at work.
Obviously, captioned ninja cat vs. pirate monkey contest.
I’m in between consulting assignments right now so am available to read lots of FUNNY so keep it coming! As for contests, how about one that allows the readers to take those very gay looking tights of AquaMan?
I’d like to see more HFL cartoons and other “frank the Artist” stuff.
What makes people care more about crappy TV shows? Cameos from celebrities.
What makes people care more about crappy websites? Cameos from internet celebrities. Since it’s no secret there are four of five Michelle Malkin clones running around, get one of them to guest blog.
hmm. whose tv-reviewing services aren’t being used this week?
The season finale’s of 24 and American Idol probably did put a dent into your traffic. Have you considered blogging Deadliest Catch? I am hopelessly addicted to that show. (Sig Hansen rocks! Go Northwestern!)
As for a new contest idea, perhaps steal a page from the likes of Fark and worth1000 and have a photoshop contest?
I have zero ‘shop skills, so I’ll also suggest a contest of teh funny, battle royal style! Pick a subject and desired max. word count and let the readers submit their best work.
For whatever contest you decide on, I’d suggest letting the IMAO panel of contributors act as judges since us readers, the pathetic excuses that we are, are also biased, self serving bastards and would use any means available to thwart the safeguards of an online poll.
Well for what it’s worth, I’ve gotten most of my traffic for the last year from people searching google images for Brian Peppers. I say put this picture up:
http://homepage.mac.com/carpetback/iblog/C1092550249/E1068357953/
That’d be pretty lame.
Whoops. Here’s the link.
I think your readers are overly susceptible to on-line advertising and are now too busy refinancing loans to visit the site.
It’s all my fault Frank. I’ve been killing threads right and left.
You could do those stupid quizzes from that one site that ask “How smart are you?”, or “What kind of creature of the Serengeti are you?”
I’m a wildebeest.
I don’t think you are getting your message out. If you would actually tell us where you stand on the issues then your readers would increase. (sarcasm)
“What kind of creature of the Serengeti are you?”
I’m a penguin.
Ok, I’m lost. But you already knew that.
Contests, like excuses, are cheap. I’d like to see Sarah Ks’ “off season” TV Stuff. For instance: reviews of those collectors DVD sets of The Beverly Hillbillies, or Lost in Space, or some other TV series no one remembers. I’ll just go sulk now, because I’m SHOCKED! SHOCKED I tell you! at Franks low opinion of his readers.
FrankJ:
“What do you think we can do… other than be funnier”
There is your problem right there FrankJ. Your inability or unwillingness to write anything funny.
Your latest stuff is so boring I can’t even bring myself to criticize it.
Also, you might want to quit looking so desperate for readers. It is sad and pathetic.
While you might desperately need readers to provide dollars to pay off credit card debt accrued from buying “authentic” samauri weapons, it is not the image I think you want to convey about your site if you hope to attract readers.
Until you solve these problems, your traffic will continue to keep your web site ranked 43,000+ places behind a gay guy making snarky comments about celebrities such as Lindsay Lohan at a site like http://www.perezhilton.com.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
I think you need to make fun of Kos more (Know Thy Enemy? In My World featuring Chomps attneding Yearly Kos?). Then MFL might actually have some troll friends who will show up and let all of us know how unfunny this site is.
Funny…only a MFL would know about a “gay guy” and http://www.perezhilton.com! I’m betting that 100% of your normal readers would NEVER…EVER go to such a site! EVER!!!
I think we are just too depressed about Bush et al. to even laugh at him now. It is beyond pathetic and well into tragic.
So its not about you. You are probably still funny.
Anyone know how to get my W sticker off my car?
I think folks will all be heading over to the Carnival of Comedy that’s now up at my site.
I tossed in a plug for IMAO to show that I’m a nice guy. 😉
Sorry to hear about the W stickers. You could claim they are for World Peace or something but that would be really LAME! A heat gun is your best bet…unless you drive a turd, then you could always just spray paint over them…
Ussjimmycarter:
Why would you “NEVER…EVER go to such a site! EVER!!”?
Are you afraid of gay people?
Do you think it is a sin for people to be gay, and think going to a web site written by someone who is gay will taint you?
Or are you afraid that going to such a site might awaken some latent feeling with in Ussjimmycarter?
Really, if you don’t like the site, or find it interesting, fine.
But why do you make such a big deal about visiting it, like it will infect you or something?
that’s why i never buy bumper stickers. though i’d totally put a Dallas Stars sticker on my back window.
Thanks for the bumpersticker advice.
As to MFL’s “NEVER…EVER go to such a site! EVER!!”?,
I suspect that Ussjimmycarter meant NEVER as in NEVER eat a turd, or NEVER lick a putrid toad, or NEVER give money to Hillary.
It’s not homophobia – just a healthy avoidance of something gross. If you get your kicks that way, well, that is your gross problem.
MFL, Welcome back!
We’ve missed you!
But our aim is improving!
Bring back Frank Answers! Better yet, put it on video as a counterpoint to AskANinja.com
You could start up another Filthy Lies meme, anyone have any candidates?
or
More picture of Michelle Malkin!!
sorry sarahk
Sorry, Frank. After refinancing some loans, reading the “Men’s Facts” booklet is now taking time away from visiting the blog.
Dagny:
While I appreciate the fact that you can write complete sentences, unlike USSJimmyCarter, I still think your point is week.
The web site written by a gay man, but it is about celebrity gossip. There are no pictures of men humping each other on it.
Once in awhile there are might be some photos of male models, but it is easy to scroll past those to read the next post regarding what Denise Richards has said about Charlie Sheen in their divorce proceeding.
I can see how you might think celebrity gossip is stupid, or unimportant, or emblematic of the fall of Western Civilization, but gross? Come on.
Is a photo of Brittany Spears and a description of her child-rearing really gross? (Ok, bad example).
I mean, if you don’t WANT to see a picture of Misha Barton with one of her breasts bursting from her dress (they are bigger than I expected, by the way) as she runs on the beach, fair enough.
But gross? Sorry, that is not a very good explanation.
MFL,
I would never go to the site you mentioned because: I hate celebrity gossip. Don’t give a dead rat’s ass about the guy being gay.
Why would someone never, ever go to a site. Could be that they:
1. Don’t agree with the views expressed on the site and have better things to do than frustrate themselves and others over things they can’t change.
2. As far as the sexual orientation of a celebrity is concerned I only take issue with it if the celeb makes it an issue. I don’t go up to people I meet or put on my resume ” My name is so and so and I’m a heterosexual.” What you do or don’t do in the privacy of your home (or where ever you do it) is no business of mine.
3. Maybe just maybe they are more selective about how and with whom they spend their time. Some of us don’t actually want to spend time with those who have a tendency to defecate all over our values and beliefs. Tends to make us cranky and irritable especially since these same people tend to hysteria if their “sacred cows” are barbecued.
Of course I could be wrong. I do have an “I hate the species day” every once and a while and we all know how sad and disturbed that makes me.
I’m a big fan of AI and 24 blogs, especially when I missed a show. Maybe blog that dance show, but you’d have to do it as Rummy or something. Love the strangling gloves. Or blog Will and Grace reruns as Rummy. I think the last show would have been better if Will beat Grace to death with a frozen banana, then Jack and Will would spent the rest of the show jamming Grace down the garbage disposal. I didn’t watch, so maybe that’s how it ended.
Anyway, I’ve got politics fatigue. From immigration to that Jefferson scandal, it all makes me sick, and all politicians seem like feckless losers.