WASHINGTON (AP) – Having locked up the Republican presidential nomination, McCain surprised political analysts by naming his vice presidential running mate. In a press conference today, McCain chose Mitt Romney’s hair.

Republican dream ticket – McCain/Hair ’08

“Choosing a vice president is all about balancing a ticket,” said McCain. “Mitt Romney has the kind of sleek, well-trimmed mane that makes people think of Kennedy or Reagan. I’ve got a combover that would make Donald Trump blush. Between the two of us, we make one important-looking figurehead that anyone would be proud to call ‘Commander-in-Chief’.”
Although pundits nationwide were quick to question the sanity of only choosing Romney as a running mate from the follicles up, the Republican de facto nominee claimed that it was the only logical choice. “From the forehead down, Romney bears too great a resemblance to annoying comic actor Steve Carell to win any sort of popular support from anyone who’s ever seen The Office, Evan Almighty, The 40 Year Old Virgin, or anything else Carell’s irksome, clown-like visage and trademark imbecile smirk have desecrated.”
“What I and my straggly white combover REALLY need,” concluded McCain, “is a solid dose of important-lookingness. The kind John Kerry exhibited, except without all the crazy liberalism. Since I’m almost literally dripping with crazy liberalism myself, all I need is a good ‘do, and Romney’s hair fits the bill perfectly.”
Although Romney’s hair could not be reached for comment, it did issue a press release clarifying that fact that its adherance to the Mohairmonist religion did NOT mean that it’s ascent to the presidency – should the septuagenarian McCain die in office – would lead to any sort of American hairocracy.
[Hat tip to IMAO reader Laurie for bringing the Romney/Carell resemblance to my attention]