I should take this day to mention that the Irish are a blight to mankind. They are subhuman creatures best contained to their little island. The less said about those cretinous potato-eaters, the better. That’s why I won’t vote for Barack; his name sounds too Irish: “O’Bama.” I wouldn’t be surprised to find his real middle name is “Paddy.”
I once went on a Europe vacation. I traveled all over the continent, but no matter what bar I stopped and asked to sample their liquors, the answer I always got was, “Sorry, the Irish got here before you and drank it all.” Lesson learned: You have to get up pretty early in the morning to get to a bar before the Irish.
Put your Irish jokes in the comments. Don’t worry about offending them; they’re all illiterate.
Frank,
You’re not going to get a one-star vote outta me that easily… 5 stars it IS!!
😉
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scottish as a joke, and the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet.
I think somehow, someway the Irish are to blame for Torchwood.
(BTW is it me or does the star rating system randomly throw insults at raters?)
Screw Ireland! Scotland forever!
What do Unicorns and sober Irishmen have in common?
Neither exist.
“I should take this day to mention that the Irish are a blight to mankind. They are subhuman creatures best contained to their little island.”
Are you a member of Parliament from the 1830s? “What? The Irish are starving, you say? Who cares? Where are my crumpets?”
Oh, and we have this stupid holiday for the Irish, then we need one for both the Scots-Irish (A group that was critical to our history) and the Scottish. Scotland forever!
Irishmen are also know hoard certain types of cereal and also pots of gold.
#4 – Posted by: Francesco Poli on March 17, 2008 02:09 PM
Does “Ron Paul!” count as an insult? I say yes.
I once heard Denis Leary say about his Irish ancestors: How stupid were the Irish? They’re the only people I know who can live on an island, surrounded by an ocean full of fish, and still starve to death.
As a person of Irish, Scottish, English and Welsh lineage, I would just like to say this about that table in the Irish pub that we’re all sittin’ at:
The English built the wee thing.
The Irish drink themselves under it.
The Scot stands on top of it and complains.
And the Welshman lays on it and screws his sister.
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
No really, they walked out of the bar.
An Irish 7 course meal? A potato and a six-pack of Guinness.
Where did the Irish family go on vacation? To a different bar.
Screw Ireland, Poland forever!
#10,
What did you say about my cat?
Frank why do the Irish fight ourselves?
Because there isn’t any other worthy opponents.
Fair play seeBS!
To all at IMAO.us :
Beannachtaàna Féile Pádraig oraibh!
(St. Patrick’s Day Blessing On You)
oh and:
Tiocfaidh ar La!
Sandy was drinking at a pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail, falling flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see whether that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face. So, being a practical Irishmen, he crawled all the way home.
When he got to the door, he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. This time he managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed. He was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, “So, you’ve been out drinking as usual!” “Why would you say that?” he complained innocently.
“Because the pub called and you left your wheelchair there again!”
Q: What’s the difference between and Irish funeral and and Irish wedding?
A: One less drunk.
#15 – Posted by: Michael R. on March 17, 2008 02:58 PM
Fair enough. Better than Ireland!
To hell with you, FrankJ! If I was sober enough t’ see straight, I’d punch you.
You’ll never get me Lucky Charms! NEVER!!!
#21 – Posted by: AlanABQ on March 17, 2008 03:04 PM
We don’t want them, you drunken Irishman.
#22,
I think their Lucky Charms contain decoder rings, so you can decode their sayings and understand what they are saying about your cats.
Three guys are discussing their dogs and who’s is best. An accountant, an architect and an Irish. They take them into the woods to test them. First up is the accountant. He picks up 6 sticks, throws them into the woods and says “Balance Sheet” fetch. Balance Sheet runs out, retrieves the 6 sticks, brings them back and lines them up I, II, III. The Architect says “that’s nothing, watch this”. He picks up 12 sticks, throws them into the woods and says “Slide Rule” fetch. Slide Rule runs into the woods, grabs the 12 sticks, brings them back and builds a perfect pyramid. Irish is last. He says “Watch this boys” grabs one stick, throws it into the woods and says “Blarney Stone” fetch. Blarney Stone runs into the woods, grabs the stick, brings it back, buries it, buggers the other two dogs, the Accountant and the Architect and takes the rest of the afternoon off…
Screw Ireland!! Long live Denmark, Scotland, England, Switzerland (I’m kind of a mongrel), and probably a couple others. And I don’t want to see any more of you Paddies posting here. IRISH NEED NOT APPLY.
#25 – Posted by: juggernaut on March 17, 2008 03:25 PM
Not bad. I don’t like the English, but they’re slightly better than those lousy shamrock-wearing drunkards.
Q:Why did God invent beer?
A:To keep the Irish from ruling the world.
fleming
1. English: ethnic name for someone from Flanders. In the Middle Ages there was considerable commercial intercourse between England and the Netherlands , particularly in the wool trade, and many Flemish weavers and dyers settled in England. The word reflects a Norman French form of Old French flamenc, from the stem flam- + the Germanic suffix -ing (in other words, “Phlegm”). The surname is also common in south and east Scotland and in Ireland, where it is sometimes found in the Gaelicized form Pléimeann.
Dutch traitor.
methinks frank is a bit peeved that the Irish don’t let gays march in the parade…
“I should take this day to mention that the Irish are a blight to mankind.”
At least they aren’t Canadian.
#30
Screw Canada!! The only good things to ever come out of Canada were John Candy and ACC (Aspirin Caffeine Codeine). Great for migraines, although slightly FDA approval-challenged.
Mary is at home when there is a knock at the door. She answer’s it to find a sullen Sean standing, hat in hand, on the stoop. “Sean!? Why aren’t you at work?” she inquires. “Mary, you best sit down, I have some terrible news… There has been an accident at the brewery. I’m afraid your husband Pat has died.”
“What happened?!” Mary inquires.
“Well, Pat was making the rounds as normal, when tripped and fell into a vat of stout.”
“Oh, dear!” sobs Mary, “Did he at least go quickly?”
Sean shakes his head, “I’m afraid not. Apparently, he got out three times to pee before he passed.”
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, “what’ll you have?”
The man says, “Give me three pints of Guinness please.”
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”
The man said, “Oh, me brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”
The Irish man staggers into the Catholic church and into the confessional. The priest follows and after no response clears his throat a few times. Still no response so he finally bangs on the wall several good whacks. From the other side he hears “sorry, no toilet paper on this side either”…
On this Eirann holiday, I am going against tradition & refusing to wear the color green (if you don’t count that odd… growth-thingy…) in the desperate hope that someone, somewhere, will grant me at least some human contact & pinch me.
why did God create whiskey?
to keep the Irish from conquering the world
so knock us all you want, we know we’re better than you. we’d just rather have some good craic than piss on even the likes of you.
Ireland! Blah!
England forever, and Scotland a wee bit longer.
Dude, aren’t you part Irish?
[Yeah, I’m half Irish. It’s my bottom half. -Ed.]
Frank, don’t be bitter just because we drank all your beer – we’re irish, people expect it – and the irish never like to let people down.
You wouldn’t say those things if the irish were muslim. Then they’d come put a jihad on your ass and then where would you be? Of course, if the irish were muslim, they’d have to quit drinking. And then they’d see what their women looked like and either make them put on burkas or go back to drinking.
So basically the Irish being muslim is a 50/50 shot?
Fy favorite pickup line….
Walk up to a girl and ask “Do you have any Irish in ya’?”
“No?”
“Want some?”
P.S. I meant what I said about your cat, you communist. (See # 10)
Check out this hilarious rendition of one of my favorite traditional Irish songs.
Why don’t you call an Irishman drunk? Because it’s redundant!
Thank you and good night!
#42,
You might have a problem when you try to nithe my cat, since I don’t own one. That would be my neighbor’s cat.
Poiog a mi toin the lot of ya
Pog mo thon hobblekins get it right
I only have one Irish joke I’ll tell.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture.
Q: How many potatoes does it take to kill and Irishman?
A: None.
No Irish jokes from me, but St. Patrick’s my favorite saint, and not because of all the crazy drinkin’ that goes on nowadays, either! Read your history, peeps–St. Paddy was cool. Look at how screwed up Ireland got after he died and his influence faded…sheesh…crazy Irish.
I’m told that there was an Irishman who got so drunk that he kissed his wife and hit the Pope’s foot with a shovel.
There are Italian restaurants and Irish bars — that explains everything about the difference between those two ethnic groups.
The Irish – the only people on the face of the world today it’s permissible nay encouraged to offend, spit on, tear down and blow up.
The more things change the more they stay the same.
May the luck of the Irish continue to find it’s way to you (especially the half Irish part), Frank.
As a man of mixed Irish-Cherokee ancestry, I’m deeply hurt and would scalp you for that, but right now I’m much too busy ingesting the remnants of my St. Pats booze. Now, where did I put that keg?