I know what you’re thinking: “Holy crap! That’s one racist looking baby! Frankly, he has the dead behind the eyes look of sociopath! I just want to shake him and shout, ‘Judge people by the content of their character, not the color of their skin!'”
One of the biggest fears of new parents is that their baby is racist. It’s the number one reason babies are abandoned in dumpsters. And there are a number of signs:
SIGNS YOUR BABY IS RACIST
* Will only drink white milk.
* Cries when you turn up the gangster rap.
* Doesn’t like Spike Lee movies.
* Has no interest in supporting Barack Obama’s health care reform.
If you identify your baby as a racist, make sure to quiet it anytime it tries to make noise as you don’t want to be influenced by its racist babble. Find some sort of lockable cage to put the baby in and isolate it from all other babies (an attic or basement works best). If the baby cries, just respond with a sharp, “Shut up, racist!”
Remember what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent racist babies… from setting stuff on fire… or something.”
Yes, he was drunk, but the wisdom still stands.
Onceuponatime: liberals used heartwarming imagery like the “Nobody’s Born a Bigot” campaign from (I think) the National Council of (liberal) Churches. Now they reveal their true selves.
The liberal version of the Great Commandment:
“Loathe thy neighbour as thyself.”
Egad. This is gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. Stick to your guns, folks.
No, but the editors at Newsweek clearly are.
* Racist babies hate dark chocolate.
* Racist babies always refuse to show their birth certificate.
Not only were all of my babies racist, but they were skinheads to boot!
people still read newsweek?
That was a real Newsweek cover?! Oh good lord! Don’t tell me — the “research” is probably based on some psychobabble bullshit. I hate the MSM.
Why is it only liberals go searching for and therefore find racists everywhere — now even in cribs, apparently.
My questions would have to be: Why is dark meat jucier than white meat? Do black babies cook up better than white ones? Is the greasiness of the baby a measure of liberalism? Isn’t the extreme imbalance of race profiles in abortion rates a progressive action to protect the constitution?
Next time some liberal says thier latest stupid idea is all “for the children” – just reply “You mean it’s all for the RACISTS!”
SIGNS YOUR BABY IS RACIST:
* Only wears white diapers
* Refuses to pee yellow
But mostly
* Wears sheets a lot
The baby is WHITE. It is therefore a racist.
These signs of racism that you’ve listed are all secondary criteria. They only come into play if the baby is not white.
Is your cracker baby eating crackers? A sure sign your bay is a racisit!
(Dear Lord in Heaven, are liberals and Newsweek stupid or what?)
For the at least the first 8 months of their lives, my children refused to talk to people of color. Where did I go wrong?
Free chicken dinner for Chuck!
That’s why liberals want to kill so many of them.
Of course babies are racist, that’s why none of them voted for Obama.
And I have conclusive proof that every single Tea Party protester at the Mall this weekend was in fact, at one time, a baby.
Frank, it’s a minor point, but, ‘NEVER, NEVER, NEVER SHAKE A BABY!’—-Sincerely, Idaho Dept. of Children’s Services
Is that mag cover a parody or did Newsweek jump the shark?
Babies should always be stirred.
That baby can’t be a racist. It doesn’t have blue eyes.
Other signs your baby is Raaacist! :(1) Has no Rythm, can’t dance, let alone moonwalk
(2) Cries when Kanye West takes his/her Pacifier
Smokey THE Bear is mistaken, Raaacist! babies are born that way. I mean, who in their right mind DECIDES one day to be Raaacist!
Raaacist!-ologists are searching for the Raaacist! gene. The Raaacist! Community is divided on this endeavor, with some believing if it can be proven to be genetic,
then the hatred directed towards Raaacists! would certainly be Raaacist!-phobia. Other segments Of the Raaacist! Community believe if a Raaacist gene is found, then parents will abort those babies rather than give birth to a Raaacist!
OMG my babies are racists! I tried shaking them but they’re still racists! What should I try next?
Absolutly BIZARRE. What? Did we somehow come to rest on some inter-dimensional border with crazy world? Somedays I wake up and things seem pretty normal, but other days it seems like there is a plethora (my big word for the day) of just bizarre shite. I feel a certain instability in the force…… I should probably take my meds now…..
babies racist???…….. lil freaking creatures are more like monkeys at that stage….most of em dont even become really “self” aware until 4-5…….. what utter nonsense….
Almost forgot.. this is teh site for teh funny
Is my baby racist? No… I had to teach em. he was a bit reluctant at first, asking all kinds of dumb hard questions but I finally got through to him with a few whippin’s.
people still read newsweek?
I subscribe only for the center-fold, myself.
ANOTHER SIGN YOUR BABY IS RACIST:
Doesn’t like it when you try to take something from him, just like those racist tea partiers.
I went a-googlin’ just to be sure and yes, that was Newsweek’s Sept. 14 cover. Shark officially jumped. Also, they want to kill your grandmother.
My grandmother’s pretty spry, so I think she could probably take them as liberals are known for being whiners, not fighters.
Also if you check out the gift wrapped issue of Newsweek, the cover story is “Obama on Obama”. I never think it’s a good idea to interview someone about their own exploits. If they interviewed me, I’d greatly exaggerate the number of hippies I’ve punched.
Read the article (free online). Like their methodology. Did a simular experiment with gerbals and hamsters when I was a kid. Fed all the survivors to my cat. Recogment the same for the reasearchers at UT.
Well, according to liberals, if you’re “born” gay it’s “natural” and it is the correct way to live your life and cannot be ridiculed. So, if your baby is born racist, it’s okay for him to hate people of whatever skin color he wants, as it’s completely natural.
In fact, we’re told grossly inflated numbers of instances of homosexuality happening among other species as evidence of it being a normal part of society. Well, in the wild, animals eat other animals based solely on what type of animals they are.
Thus, by their logic, racism should be embraced as normal and should not be subject to ridicule.
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How many decades would have to pass before Newsweek – or any other mag – would run the same cover story with an African or Asian baby?
I’d say … infinite.
No more of that racist white turkey meat at Thanksgiving! Only the dark meat is now acceptable. Turkey breeders all over the U.S. will now have to reverse years of selective breeding and work on birds with huge legs and thighs in order to satisfy America’s need for the perfect politically correct main dish.
If only we had a Science! Czar to save us from RAAAACIST! babies…
I saw this this morning and thought it was a Harvey production. I didn’t think that could possibly be real.
That’s funny on so many levels.
This to me explains O’vomits stand on abortion. He knows babies are racist and he’s out to stamp that out permanently. As usual Newsweek is searching for any evidence that it has retained any relevancy at all. Sadly it and almost every other aspect of print media has succumbed to biased, subjective, and fuzzy thinking writers, editors and publishers.
Star Trek has more relevancy……………….and is much more entertaining, even the episodes we’ve seen a million times. How sad is that?
ANOTHER SIGN YOUR BABY IS RACIST:
Doesn’t want to help Obama pull the plug on Granny.
Doesn’t want ACORN to help it become a child prostitute.
Would eagerly wait till 2028 to cast his first vote for Palin.
Signs your baby may be a racist:
If breastfed, insists on signage on mother’s breasts stating “Whites Only”.
Only white babies can be racist of course. /sarc
Q. How many decades until they run that with an asian or african race child?
A.Not infinite. Maybe 20-30 years.
The right has already moved largely left over the last decades. Largely the rising generation of republicans even religious ones don’t object to gay marriage or abortion. They care about global warming and going “green” and compassionate government.
Once the liberal left finishes consolidating power they will no longer need those races and will instantly turn against them. Government care for them is a temporary ruse. In reality they and their problems of gang violence and high birth rates are just lower down the list. Minority culture is as much of a threat to their “Utopia” as we are. For now it serves their purposes to give out goodies to marginalize us.
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I agree with Nunya…. that cover implies that only white babies can be racist.
Or is it part of some deeper, more sinister, plot to equate White with Racists so that anytime you see a “white’ you will think racists and therefore start to simply call them Racist instead of White.
I’d like Newsweek to explain why the university only studied white children. Oh that’s right, nobody else is capable of racism. If they target someone because of their skin color they are only reacting to white hostility and oppression even if their life has been better than that of their white target. Yes, racist babies. Make villains of the only white people who were not considered urban terrorists by the radical left.
Let me cover my ass before I post; I am an entertainer, it will be taken out of context, you all are too PC, etc…. Ok, now that I have taken care of that, here goes:
Rush Limbaugh is a pedophile, self hating in the closet homo, who molested two 14 year old boys back in 2005 in the Dominican Republic. His attorney reached a plea with the prosecutor and Limbaugh with help from Ruppert Murdoch paid off the families and the police.
Since this vile racism towards Obama is all a joke to you right wing fuck tards, I thought I would have some fun too.
[You first have to develop a sense of humor, dude, and unhinged hatred towards imagined enemies doesn’t help. -Ed.]
Hey, Im just joking remember?
Proverbs 26:18-19
Like a madman who throws fire-brands, arrows and death,
is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I am only joking!”