Hey, I have an idea for a new execution method: We tie someone up under the booster rockets of the space shuttle. They should kill quickly — but you’ll never know when they actually get used because launches get scrubbed last minute every time. That adds an extra element of fun. And other countries can’t call us “barbaric” or “uncivilized” for this, because could a barbaric, uncivilized country kill someone with a space shuttle? Other countries don’t even have space shuttles because they are dumb compared to us.
Still, I bet some people will try to get it made unconstitutional for being “cruel and unusual punishment” — and I guess it’s at least somewhat unusual. Still, maybe we can get it through under the Commerce Clause or something.
the commerce clause allows the government to do whatever it wants (I don’t know why or how, but that’s what real life outside of Constitutional Law I & II has taught me), so it should pass muster with the courts. Also, roasting people isn’t unusual. In fact, the practice goes back many centuries. I’m not sure about how cruel it is, as I don’t know anyone who’s been roasted who can tell me what it was like.
Only downside; ya toast a lib, an’ the EPA’s all over yer butt!
Not to mention the stench.
While this space shuttle method may have novelty on its side, if lacks the primary merits of rope, which is both plentiful and inexpensive.
The constitution also guarantees space travel “until thou throws up” as a right.
As long as we’re launching the shuttles anyways, I say go for it. Kill two
birdsdozen murders with onestonespace shuttle.Better figure on buying space on Russian rockets to implement this plan because the shuttle is going to be history in the very near future. Ed Flinn is correct rope…would be much better.
You still use rope…it keeps ’em from running away.
Insofar as cruel and unusual? Cruelty would mean it hurt. A blast of several thousand degrees wouldn’t hurt a bit. And Unusual? Not if it happens every day.
I bet The ACLU will be all over you like fly on sheet. (Are we allowed to use expletives on this site?).
FlyDie Me to the Moon!Sadly, we will soon have neither a shuttle nor even a modern launch vehicle. The shame of it is that we’re going to rely on the Russkies for technology we don’t have.
On the other hand, Obama announced today that there is no one “who is more committed to manned space exploration than I [Obama] am.” Also, he wants to land astronauts on an asteroid because in his own words, the moon is “been there, done that.” I guess the Russians will deliver our astronauts to said asteroid.
http://hotair.com/archives/2010/04/15/obama-hey-lets-land-astronauts-on-an-asteroid/
NASA gets a whopping $19 bn per year. Obama plans to use more and more of that to
studyprove global warming.I s’pose there’s a joke somewhere here in terms of capital execution, asteroids, Russians and Obama, but I just can’t lay my hands on it right now.
Burmashave, reading that gave me another moment of staring vacantly, saying, “I can’t believe this guy is actually President.”
LOL, commerce clause
Other energy saving uses for the space shuttle: cooking dinners for the poor (sorry, we only have well-done), water heater (one shower every few months), launching hot air balloons, or giant clothes dryer.
Good work, Frank. You may have saved the shuttle program.
Now that’s what I call instant coffee…
Unfortunately, this plan is not feasible. An essential element of a civilized execution is where the attending physician checks for vital signs and declares the subject legally deceased. In the event of a successful launch (and the Delta program is still running so no worries there) the subject would be utterly vaporized and so vital signs could not be determined. The subject of the execution would have to be legally maintained on the voter rolls and his or her votes presumed to accrue to whichever party makes the best case for allowing convicted felons to vote. Sorry to rain on your parade but please keep suggesting ways to apply kick-ass technology to persistent social issues.
That one said, “nobody is more committed to manned space exploration than me.”
NASA is sooooo screwed! (sigh)
Hey! Here’s the way to sell this plan.
Let’s put ALL the death row inmates under the shuttle,
and ending the CO2 exhalation of these folks during their 30 years of appeals
could be sold as making the shuttle launch “carbon neutral”.
If death rows don’t have enough convicted killers to make the launch achieve full
“neutrality” we could next take the rapists, the child molesters, convicted politicians, and so on.
We might get all the way down to hippies, depending on how much they exhale
or if we are going to even up the CO2 belched by Islandic volcanos…
What is lacks in practicality, it makes up in creativity
Sorry, can\t resist the cheesy comments.
Obama said he wants to go to Mars. Barney Frank already is an expert on assteroids.
This would make Barney Frank a flaming faggot. (Sorry)
Michelle made Barack “restore” the space program. She wants to go home, and the Klingon home world is a long way off.
I like it. Execution by Space Shuttle is one of those “Only in America” things I like so much.
I’m with you, Marko. I’ve had “I can’t believe this guy is actually President” staring vacantly moments every single day since November 2008. I can’t wait until they are replaced by “I can’t believe this guy WAS actually President” staring vacantly moments.
They tried this in Moonraker. Didn’t work. James Bond got away.
Vital signs? Temperature is a vital sign. 1000 degrees is a fine temperature for the deceased. So is 72 degrees.