Could our universe be stuck in the black hole of an even larger universe? Sounds wacky, but who knows. The whole universe — quantum physics, dark matter, Democrats — doesn’t make much sense, so Occam’s Razor doesn’t really lead to any simple explanation of all things.

So, what do suppose would be in the larger universe beyond the black hole we’re stuck in? We can approximate the mass of the observable universe and perhaps then get the mass of the black hole we’re in. We can then use the size of that black hole and what we know of this universe as a baseline to calculate what the other universe must be like. And if I got the math correct…

IT’S FILLED WITH GIANT SPACE GORILLAS!!!

Those are like regular gorillas. But much larger. And in space.

Frankly, we’re much safer here in our nice little black hole.

With Republicans looks for big gains this November, many are thinking they need a new “Contract with America” to organize behind. To help out, here’s my proposal for some things that contract could cover.

FRANK J.’S CONTRACT WITH AMERICA

* Anyone who whines about rich people will be set on fire and thrown off a medium-sized building.

* The right to bacon will be put into the Constitution.

* Hippies will be hunted like vermin.

* We will protect the country the only way possible: Dinosaurs with rocket launchers and space lasers.

* New taxes must first be proposed to an angry wolverine named “Ripper” to get his opinion.

* Pants on the ground will be punishable by death.

* New policy: Useless, dimwitted lawyers, instead of being put in charge as politicians, will instead be shot into space to study the effects of space on people we don’t like or need.

* It will be our promise to find out exactly how large and how violent a robot can be.

* Anyone who proposes nanny state laws like banning salt will be stripped of his citizenship and deported to whatever country we currently like the least.

* Before we were worry about obese children, we’ll first handle obese government.

* We’ll return America to its core values: Killing Communists.

Are there going to be any Democrats left in November? Just announced: Bart Stupak is retiring.

Of course, the Tea Party was really looking to get his scalp after his last minute betrayal on the health care bill, so there goes that fun. The Democrats really hate the Tea Party, and it’s pretty easy to see why. Polls of the group keep showing their demographics are the same as Democrats’ least favorite group of all: Americans. Plus, it’s looking like Democrats probably won’t do well in an election in America when Americans really really hate them. Either they’ll have to get non-Americans in here to vote or maybe move to another country and run for office there — which I think is the best solution for everyone.

Anyone, we at IMAO wish Stupak well and hope he enjoys his retirement. What’s the value of thirty pieces of silver without time to spend it?