President Obama is changing our nuclear retaliation policy, saying we won’t even use nukes in response to chemical or biological attacks. This is all to assure the world we won’t nuke them even though we probably will one of these days.
I don’t like assuring the world we won’t nuke them. My nuclear retaliation policy would be quite different.
PRESIDENT FRANK J.’S NUCLEAR RETALIATION POLICY
We will use nuclear retaliation under the following conditions:
1. We don’t like a country.
We will not use nuclear retaliation under the following conditions:
1. We’re out of nukes.
Also, I would reserve the right for preemptive strikes against natural satellites.
I think that Fat Man and Little Boy should be on the currency, so that when we buy things from foreign countries (as we often do), they each get a reminder of who’s boss. Surely they’re more important to our history than what’s on the back side of most of our bills (mainly showcases of famous architecture).
Frank, I like your policy a lot better than Obama’s.
I’m with you, Frank. We face a missile gap like never before. Time was when the Gipper had the Soviets peeing their pants over what he might do next. Now? Heck, among the nuclear states, the US is prolly the least likely to unload a thermonuclear device. I think your plan deserves a motto:
“What’s a third time matter when you’ve already done it twice?”
O-bah-muhh has lied so often, this promise by O-bah-muhh not to nuke non-nukyooler nations should have nations urinating themselves
over the possibility of being nuked.
Frank, I fully endorse your simple, rational or pragmatic nuclear retaliation policy. The only thing that worries me is the “we’re out of nukes” part. We need to make sure we never, ever run out of them.
PRESIDENT FRANK J.’S REAL NUCLEAR RETALIATION POLICY:
We will use nuclear retaliation under the follow conditions:
Someone calls him “Flemming”.
What retaliation, why wait? Nuke’em for looking like ferners.
I agree with Obama provided we now have some terrible new secret weapon that makes nukes look like child’s play. Like kinetic rods, or a Death Star. I’m sure there is something left over in Cheney’s secret bunker.
Could this President be any more “teh ghey”? I mean really..between the bowing….destroying the future economy… throwing just like a gurl….etc. etc…..this naive amatuer homer………. sheesh……
The question really shouldn’t be “When do we start using them?”
The question should be “Why did we stop?”
I like it, can we strap hippies to the rockets we fire? Give them a first hand lesson in diplomacy.
Hey Seanmahair, I’m a hippie, dammit! And I know all about Diplomacy…Nuke ’em till they glow in the dark…turn ’em into glass topped parking lots. 😉
“President Frank J.” … I kinda like the sound of that.
This is actually one Obama statement that I hope has an expiration date.
Hopefully, Obama wasn’t including Neutron Bombs in the category of nuclear. I don’t know how well he did in chemistry, so he might not know. Hell, he might not even know what a neutron bomb is. If he did, and we had any (and I HOPE we have at least 60 or 70 of them, because they’re super awesome), he’d probably dismantle them. That’s how not super awesome he is.
Maybe a neutron bomb could be our next president. I’d vote for it. They aren’t known for their negotiating skills, but you don’t have to negotiate with one!